17. Nick
17
NICK
“ H i...” I reached over, helping Julia out of her red coat as she walked through my office door.
The color reminded me of the last time we were together when she slipped out of my bed before I even woke up, with a friendly text thanking me for the wonderful night.
I cleared my throat and moved to hang her coat up as she said, “Thank you,” for helping her.
I sat down at my desk, and the image of fucking her on top of it popped into my mind. I smiled around the daydream and tried to act like a normal human being. “How’s it been?”
“It’s okay. I have a few new clients, so that’s keeping me busy. Along with the stuff for Gray’s, of course.” She wouldn't look me in the eye. Instead, she moved around and started fiddling with her briefcase. “The interior designer sent over these preliminary drawings for you to look at.”
She turned her gaze to me and brushed hair from her face. “I assumed you didn’t look at the emails, correct?” She pulled out her laptop and stood, bringing it with her.
“Is that a dig at my age?” I said, happy she was teasing me. Maybe I hadn't blown it.
“You’re the one who’s fixated on your age.” She walked around my desk and set her laptop down. She flipped it open, and the screen popped right to her email. I didn’t want to look while she was searching for the right file, but seeing the name Jared brought up a red flag. I thought that was the guy who’d trashed her name.
But the subject line “ I’m sorry ,” hit me deep in the gut. I looked down at Julia, wondering if she had forgiven him. As much as I’d hate to not be with her, I also didn’t want to have another guy involved, either. I wasn’t built for that kind of stress—it would turn into jealousy faster than I wanted it to. It had already sparked when she brought him up the first time, even though she wasn’t with him.
I’d never been a jealous person. I’d had enough confidence in myself where I knew I’d be okay, no matter what. But the stuff with Kendra was fresher than I wanted to admit.
I tried to shake off the fear that crept into my stomach, but I didn't get all of it loose. She clicked on an email and her phone vibrated. “I have to get that,” she said. I refrained from running my hand up her thigh because she was in a skirt again, and I wondered—hoped, maybe—that she was wearing it just for me.
Julia pointed to the screen. “The screen is touch sensitive. You can tap these arrows” —she pointed to either side— “and it will take you through the carousel of images the designer sent over.”
Her phone vibrated again, and her irritation spiked to a huff and a scowl. She snatched up her phone and looked at the screen. I did my best to concentrate on the pictures, but it didn’t work well.
“I’ll be right back,” she muttered, not waiting for me to respond, and she walked out of the office without another glance in my direction.
I sat back in the chair wondering what to do and succumbed to the idea that maybe she wasn’t as into me as I wanted her to be. Despite the fact that she said she was falling too hard, too fast, if she was going to run from it, should I try to chase her?
I rubbed my forehead and leaned forward, starting to look through the images the interior designer sent over. There were a lot, and it hit me that she did just say she was getting busier with clients.
Maybe I was reading too much into it. Maybe she was still interested, and maybe I wasn't too old for her.
I heard grumbling as she came back into my office. She had a scowl on her face and her posture was rigid now. It made me wish I would've run my hand up her thigh to pull a smile from her lips before she had to deal with whatever that was. It had upset her.
“Everything alright?”
“Oh, uh, yes.” She waved her hand through the air and placed her phone down. “Sorry about that. I had to take a call.”
I wanted to ask her about the call, but I bit the question back. She was obviously in a weird headspace and didn’t want to share it with me. Or maybe she needed me to ask anyway.
I scoffed. I was totally out of my depth. I had to focus on now and then wait until I had a better understanding of what to do.
“Did you find anything you liked?” Julia asked.
She brought a chair next to me and sat down. Her thigh brushed against mine and I was instantly hard. “I’m having a little trouble focusing here,” I said.
Julia turned her gaze to mine, and a question rode over her face. She cocked her head, waiting for me to continue. I didn’t like the clueless look she had, because I knew she wasn’t clueless. My eyes flicked to the laptop screen, then back to her.
Dammit, I was out of my depth with this. I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to clear out the lusty fog. “Ah, these are just examples, right?”
“Yes.” She scooted her chair closer and leaned over. I got a whiff of her strawberry scent and practically lost it. “These are samples the designer has done, and they are examples of what the interior designer would want to do.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t concentrate with you so close.”
I pushed my chair back and stood, walking around to the other side of the desk. She looked at me with confusion. “You’re not returning my texts. You’re obviously perturbed about something, but you’re not telling me, so I’m assuming it’s me. I want to bend you over my desk again, but I also need to get the interior design shit situated. Honestly, this is driving me crazy.”
Julia leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “Crazy good or crazy bad?”
“Fuck,” I hissed. “I don’t even know the difference anymore. I know what you said. That you wanted to just have fun, but you also said you had feelings for me. I don’t know if you know what that means, but it does mess with a person’s head a little bit… No.” I took a breath as heat filled my cheeks. “No. You are being honest with me. But I just don’t know what to do now.”
Julia stood. “Do you still want me to do the PR representation?” The fear in her eyes was valid.
“Yes,” I huffed. “Yes. I don’t want to stop working together. But you look stressed, and I want to ask you if you’re okay, but I know we have work to do. I just fucking hate all the thoughts I’m having.”
I just wanted to go back to a level ground. But I didn't even know what that would look like anymore.
“Nick...” Her mahogany eyes bounced over my face. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Come to dinner with me,” I said. She opened her mouth to say something, and before she got anything out, I added, “Here. Just stay after our meeting, I’ll cook us something, and we can celebrate the New Year together.” My God, I sounded ridiculous.
“I can’t tonight. I have plans with Mia.” She fiddled with her fingers. “We have this tradition and, well, we’ve had it planned for a while. I won’t cancel on her.”
I threw my hands into the air. “You’re right. You’re right.” I took a beat and almost went to ask her if she wanted Mia to come too, but I’d already made a big enough ass out of myself tonight. “Gimme a few minutes. I’ll look at the designs and pick something.”
I pointed to her phone. Each time it vibrated, my nerves crackled a little. “You should get that.” I took the laptop and turned it to face me, needing to not be so close so I could get my head on straight.
She reached over and picked the phone up. It was a quiet groan, but I heard it, nonetheless. I bit my tongue to stop the question about who was harassing her from coming out. It continued the rest of our meeting until I saw her out with designs finalized, but watching her walk away after that interaction was unnerving.
“I don’t even think I saw you this twisted up when you were first dating Kendra,” David said later that evening when Julia had left. He laughed and took a swig of his beer, and his eyes were fixed on the TV screen above the bar in his basement. I’d ended up at his house tonight since neither of us had any plans.
“Trust me. I made an ass out of myself.” I took a drink of my water and rubbed my eyes. David yelled as his team made the goal. He’d gotten really into hockey for a reason, and I didn’t care. I enjoyed sports, but I just couldn’t get into it tonight. “I don’t know what is wrong with me.”
“Nothing,” he said, tossing a few chips into his mouth. He leaned back and crossed his ankle over his knee. He swallowed and pointed his beer bottle at me. “You haven’t been laid in a long time. Probably longer than I even know, and I’m positive she’s more adventurous than Kendr?—”
“Hey,” I snapped. “Do not go there.” I wasn’t going to talk about my sex life with anyone other than the person I was having sex with.
“Fine.” He tossed his hands up. “It’s been a long time for you, and maybe that is affecting you more than you realize.” He rolled his eyes to the ceiling, thinking. “I think there’s some kind of period for a person who’s just coming out of a relationship. It’s like a buffer period, and mostly, anyone who’s in that space doesn’t last. It’s just psychology.” He snapped his fingers at me. “Palate cleanser. That’s what she is.”
“Fuck you, you dick.” I stand. “I’m not listening to this anymore.” It definitely wasn't making me feel any better.
“Did you say she was coming down from a bad experience too?” he called after me. “Maybe you guys?—”
I walked out of his house and slammed the door. I had no interest in going down that weird and twisted road David was headed down. I had to start trusting my gut instead of listening to everyone else.
I pulled out my phone and texted Julia. I didn’t have to ruin her night with her friend, but I could stop by to say hello.