EXILE #2
Nova rested her hands on her hips and flashed me an exasperated frown. “Dan, say the words. They sit on your tongue, waiting to be heard.”
“I’ve felt strange since I met the woman.”
“Strange like sad?”
“No, something different.”
Nova’s eyes widen as she asked, “Wait, do you have a crush on this woman?”
“No.”
“Is she attractive?”
“Very.”
“I see, I see,” Nova replied and tapped her right temple while pretending to think hard. “Let me put words to your situation. You left home ready to be a hero. You see this hot woman in a bad situation. Rather than acting heroically, you got a boner. Now, you feel guilty. Problem solved.”
“I didn’t get a boner,” I grumbled at her while she snickered and shook her head. “And I was heroic. I saved her. I’m her hero.”
“Did she thank you?”
“She did.”
“Wait, maybe the problem is that you didn’t get a boner. Now, you’re worried you’re gay or impotent. You aren’t good with self-doubt, so you’ve turned mopey. Problem solved.”
While she snickered, I muttered, “Nova.”
“Yes, Dan?” she asked, having never taken a liking to my road name.
“I want this woman.”
“Hence the boner.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I. That’s why I’m lowering my voice, so the girls won’t hear about your boy grossness.”
Annoyed by how she mocked my feelings, I walked into the house. I heard Nova telling the girls to behave while she wiped my tears.
“No crying in baseball!” Skylar yelled as she always did when anyone except Lyric and she cried.
“What’s wrong?” Nova asked as I stood in the remodeled galley-style kitchen.
“I don’t know.”
Nova leaned against the counters across from me. She looked so much like our mom when she wore this concerned expression. I really didn’t want to think about Laverne right now.
“Do you have real feelings for this woman?”
“Maybe.”
Nova cocked her head, seeming startled by my honesty. “Because she’s beautiful?”
“No, I think it’s got to be about more than that.”
“Why?”
“I’ve seen beautiful women before. I’ve fucked plenty of them. This isn’t about her good looks.”
“What’s her name?”
“Tallulah. Her people call her Lula.”
“That’s sweet. Is she a poodle?”
Despite smiling at my sister, I sighed gruffly. “Don’t make fun of me.”
“You sure are sensitive for a tough guy,” she said and patted my chest. “Tell me what’s really bothering you.”
“I got her to the hospital. Her people were there. She seemed safe. I left like I should. My life is here. I have no reason to hang around and play her bodyguard.”
“But?” Nova asked when I didn’t offer anything more.
“I want to see her,” I admitted, feeling foolish for putting words to this crazy desire. “I’m worried about her. No, it’s more than that. I want to breathe the same air as she does.”
Nova’s concerned expression warmed, and a teasing smile appeared.
“My, oh, my, look at my brother with a crush on a poodle.”
“She’s an attorney.”
“So? I’m not impressed by schooling or diplomas. You know my stance on that.”
“You’ve never said anything about that before.”
“I knew you weren’t listening,” she muttered and reached over to the plate of cookies on the counter. “Want to know what I’d do if I were you?”
“I feel like you’re about to hurt my feelings.”
“Stop being so sensitive. I barely ever make you cry at all.”
Sharing her grin, I gestured for her to share.
“I’d clean up with a shower and a fresh set of clothes. Then, I’d jump on my hog and ride to that pretty lawyer lady.”
“How would that even work?”
Biting into the cookie, she asked, “What part of my flawless plan do you take issue with?”
“Can I show up at her house without looking like a wacko?”
“No, probably not, but you’re a handsome guy. Women will put up with a truckload of wacko behavior when a guy is packing muscles in the right places.”
“What if a guy you barely met showed up here to see you?”
“Is he hot like you or gross? Feel free to call me shallow, but his looks would absolutely affect my answer.”
“Hot, I guess,” I muttered, bothered by how she would be open to any guy showing up at the house to see her.
“And in this scenario, did the hot guy save me from the bad guys?”
Understanding her point, I smiled and nodded. “It’ll still seem fucked up.”
“She’s a beautiful woman, right? You’re a hot guy. Is she a snobby bitch?”
“She rides with the Crimson Guard. Her dad was a member of the Little Memphis club.”
“So, she’s hot and tough. You’re also hot and tough. What’s the real problem here?”
“I don’t want to come off as pervy.”
“No, you don’t want to come off as weak. If you go there, she’ll know you have feelings. And, when Zodiac finds out where you are, he’ll know you have feelings, too.”
“Zodiac knows I have feelings.”
Nova shrugged. “Yeah, you’re a big softie for me and the girls. But getting woozy over a lady isn’t something he’ll understand.”
“He has the hots for a member of the Crimson Guard.”
“That’s about sex,” Nova said without missing a beat. “You’re feeling something more romantic, right?”
“I hope so. I’d be exposing myself to a lot of ridicule to get my dick wet.”
Nova swooned and sighed dramatically. “Holy, romance, Batman, you sure know how to turn on the charm.”
Wagging my finger at her, I grumbled, “See, that’s the kind of mocking I don’t want from people.”
A smiling Nova shuffled closer until she could hug me.
“You’re so afraid to be wrong or embarrassed.
I hate to break it to you, but there’s no trophy for keeping your shit contained better than others.
Sometimes, you need to put your heart on the line,” she said and looked into my eyes.
“Embarrassment is temporary, but regrets will chase you to your grave.”
Hugging my sister, I stroked her back where the still tender scar was located near her shoulder blade.
Nova never blamed me for what happened. No tears or cries of “why.” Nova immediately accepted what happened and adjusted to her new reality.
If Nova fell for a guy, she’d be willing to embarrass herself plenty to claim what she wanted.
I considered Lula in Little Memphis. The last thing she needed was a stranger showing up to feed a desire within himself. What kind of asshole would I look like if I showed up like that?
Despite the many reasons to keep my ass in Baton Rouge, I took Nova’s advice and cleaned up. My nieces were inside by the time I was ready to ride. Lyric wore another one of her hats. No matter how hot the weather got, the three-year-old needed her security beanie to keep her calm.
I smiled at the little face of Stitch looking at me from the top of Lyric’s head. She and Skylar brought me a clean cowboy hat since I never went anywhere without one. Lyric and I weren’t so different.
“Mama said you’re doing something romantic,” Skylar mumbled while tightening the hat’s chin strap. “And you might be sad if things don’t go your way.”
“We love you,” Lyric added. “Even if you cry in baseball.”
I hugged the little girls against me, loving them like they were my own. Watching us, Nova wore a sweet smile. Even if Lula Reed couldn’t see my value and sent me away, I had these three beauties waiting for me at home to fix my bruised ego.