LULA
While Sabrina and Exile spoke in the bathroom, Moe assured me that my sister was a fan of the biker. Even though I believed her, I still got agitated enough to break up their conversation.
Exile was fine, of course. He’d faced more horrifying sights than my meddling sister. However, I needed him close as I faced the aftermath of the attack.
With Exile at my side, I spoke with the doctor who put a positive spin on everything. Feeling paranoid, I texted Jarred to ask him to give the sisters’ medical records a look. I was afraid the Little Memphis doctors were too scared of the club to be honest.
Back in the hospital room, I sat with Stevie and watched Cher.
“She’s going to be flipping pissed when she wakes up with no hair,” Stevie whispered. “They shaved it off to fix her brain. I’ll tell her that, so she’ll understand, but I still think she’ll miss her hair.”
“It’ll grow back,” I said, hugging her gently.
Stevie glanced at Exile at the door, getting harassed by Sabrina, Moe, and Xandy. Next to Cher’s bed, Vanessa sat and sniffled.
“It’s only been a few days,” Stevie told me. “Barely any time at all has passed. Of course, things seem fucking dire right now. But everything will turn out okay.”
“I know,” I said despite my tears. “It’s just things aren’t okay yet.”
Though Stevie tried to put on a brave face, she was tired and needed to rest. I suspected she also missed her parents.
Walking to Sabrina, I asked, “Are you planning to stay here?”
“Yeah, until Hazard and Anise get back. Vanessa should probably leave, though. Her crying is bringing everyone down.”
“She’s sad,” I muttered at my sister.
“We’re all sad, Lula. But Stevie wants to believe Cher is just sleeping. How can we build up that illusion if Vanessa keeps crying?”
I glanced at my blonde sister holding Cher’s hand. “If I bring her home with me, can you get her ride where it needs to go?”
Once Sabrina nodded, I walked over and whispered to Vanessa. My sister didn’t want to leave. I suspected she worried Cher would die, making every minute together precious.
“Let’s go home and see Mom,” I told Vanessa when she didn’t budge from her spot.
Exhausted and depressed, Vanessa buckled under the promise of Bebe’s arms soon wrapped around her. We grew up with the knowledge that Pax would burn the world to the ground to protect us, and Bebe’s hugs could make the pain more bearable.
Exile kept close while I walked arm in arm with Vanessa out of the hospital. I considered having him drive us home to allow me to sit with Vanessa in the back seat.
Before I suggested the idea, a sharp panic stabbed my heart. I looked around the SUV and imagined more attackers. If they swarmed us while we were on the road, Exile wouldn’t know Little Memphis well enough to make a quick getaway.
Also, if he were driving, who would shoot at the attackers? Vanessa was exhausted and teary-eyed, meaning she wouldn’t be a great shot. As for me, I would never be able to hit a moving target.
Giving in to my fear, I took the wheel and had Exile keep an eye out for trouble. In the back seat, Vanessa stared at her hands.
“What if Cher’s different when she wakes up?” Vanessa asked. “Or she doesn’t remember us? Joker acted differently after his accident.”
“I can’t promise Cher will be the same when she wakes up. But she’ll still be our friend and a member of the Crimson Guard. We’ll love her and take care of her no matter what.”
Vanessa’s tired blue eyes watched me from the back seat as we sat at a light.
“How long is your boyfriend staying in town?”
I glanced at Exile, who didn’t react to her question. His gaze focused hard on the traffic around us. He was likely considering the possible dangers lurking.
“Exile needs to go home to check on his sister and nieces. Plus, I’m sure his club misses him.”
“How could they not?” Vanessa asked in a mocking tone. “Do men get all mushy like that?”
“Rowdy would get that way if he didn’t see Rock for too long,” I said and then smiled at Exile. “No one else likes to wrestle our brother.”
Feeling my gaze on him, Exile turned to me and offered a tight grin. I wasn’t sure if he was reacting to the traffic or something Sabrina said back at the hospital.
I studied him for a minute before the traffic began to move. Exile’s hard expression wasn’t easy to decipher. He looked angry, making me wonder if he was upset over how we weren’t alone.
Rather than let the issue drop, I analyzed everything I knew about Exile to decipher what might have set him off. Without a doubt, he was feeling guilty over Nova. My sister’s tears made him feel guilty over his own sister’s unhappiness.
When I stroked his bare forearm, Exile became super focused on where I touched him. Something had him overly riled up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked when he frowned at the road as we neared the Sleepy Eye Community.
Exile only shook his head, struggling with a problem he wouldn’t share. I pulled my SUV up to my parents’ house so Vanessa could get out.
“We’ll be over after I let Xena out.”
My sister nodded and held my gaze. “Am I too soft to be a biker?”
“No,” Exile said immediately. “Unless you think I’m too soft to be one.”
Vanessa’s fair blue eyes studied him. “Your poor sister.”
“The Void will be destroyed one day,” Exile promised. “Until then, we can only watch out for each other.”
I heard a deep pain in Exile’s tone. Vanessa nodded at his words and shuffled into our parents’ house. I pulled my SUV down to my place and inside the garage. Turning toward Exile, I exhaled deeply and prepared myself for his potential answer to my next question.
“Do you need to leave for Baton Rouge today?”
“No,” Exile insisted, staring at the wall ahead of us. “Zodiac is watching out for Nova and the girls.”
“Why are you upset?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Yes, but these are my people.”
“Don’t you feel even a little bit guilty?”
Exile’s words slammed into me. Tears immediately burned my eyes.
“Should I?”
His hand covered mine. “Not guilty for what happened to Cher and Stevie. That wasn’t your fault.”
“Then what?”
“This thing between us feels selfish. Your people are going through all this stress, and my sister is left alone with the girls.”
“Do you want to back off for now? If you need to ride back to Baton Rouge, I can visit you this weekend. Or you can bring Nova and the girls here.”
“I don’t want to leave,” Exile said, tightening his grip on my hand. “That’s why I feel selfish. I can’t leave you yet. Part of my hesitation is worry over your safety. Another part of me just doesn’t feel like I can be happy if you’re not close by. But I also feel guilty for being happy.”
Cradling his hand, I nodded. “I do feel guilty. Not only for being happy, but that I’m bruised and scraped, while Cher might never be normal again. I feel like it’s unfair, especially since I was the target.”
“But you being the target was why you only got bruised and scraped. They needed you alive for something worse.”
Sighing, I fought my tears. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Do what you’re already doing.”
“But you’re angry.”
“No, I feel guilty. I’m also worried about you whenever we’re away from your house. I just couldn’t hide it as well today.”
“Do you want to skip my parents’ house and stay here instead?”
“Yes, but I think we should make sure your sister is okay since I feel guilty over ditching my sister.”
“Are Zodiac and Nova close?”
“Zodiac isn’t close to anyone. He grew up in foster care and didn’t bond with anyone.”
“That’s sad. My dad and uncle were in foster care as kids. They had each other. They also bonded with a woman I view as my grandma.”
“Well, Zodiac didn’t get lucky like that, so he doesn’t act normal. And it’s not that he doesn’t know how to act normal. He just won’t do it.”
“Is Nova safe with him?” I asked, always unclear about Zodiac as a person.
Exile frowned. “Safe is a tricky word. He won’t hurt her. But he will stress her out. I’ve been texting her a lot to make sure he doesn’t have her hiding in the bathroom.”
“He sounds awful.”
“He is sometimes. But he also saw something in me worth adding to his club. I was out of the military and unsure what to do with myself. The old president didn’t want an outsider when he had the sons of his club brothers.
Zodiac took me under his wing and pushed me to be me.
But, yeah, he can be an asshole, too. Nothing in his life has encouraged him to be any other way. ”
Sighing, I decided I shouldn’t make any assumptions about Zodiac right now. My feelings were fried, and my heart hurt.
“I love you,” I told Exile.
His mild scowl instantly flipped to a cocky smirk before settling into a lovestruck smile. “I love you, too. That’s the only reason I can keep my ass from jumping on my ride and heading home to check on Nova.”
“Well, let’s head inside and free Xena into the yard. While I watch her sniff everything, you can check on Nova. Then, the three of us will walk to my parents’ place for lunch. I’ll check on my little sister. Later, we’ll head back here for naked fun before Dillon gets home.”
“I can’t find a single fault with that plan.”
With Exile in a better mood, I found myself less anxious. The scene at the hospital left me uneasy. I wanted Cher to wake up and say something snarky. Or silly. Or serious. Anything would be better than the silence.
Soon, Exile and I walked with the dog next door to where Vanessa grilled chicken for lunch. Pax was out back, playing his music loudly to annoy Shay. Bebe alternated between hugging my sister and me.
Exile stood nearby, watching my family cope with our unprocessed feelings. Tomorrow, he would leave Little Memphis, and I would need to trust our love could withstand the distance.