LULA
Arriving home, Dillon wasn’t sure what to make of the house filled with people. She fled to her room, making me worry she couldn’t tolerate the noise. Before I was able to check on her, she emerged, wearing shorts and her “Visit Earth” T-shirt from last Christmas.
“How was the test?” I asked, kissing her head.
“I aced it. I also won my debate by flustering the other kid. You know, the older one from middle school? I got him to start mumbling and checking his notes.”
“Baby Blair Witch,” I cooed, winning a proud grin from my daughter. “Are you okay with Exile’s family staying here?”
“Sure. I figured they’d visit eventually. He’ll stay now, right?”
Dillon looked toward Exile nearby, seeking his promise more than mine. His gaze found hers, and he smiled reassuringly.
Part of the reason I never dated—besides finding most men uninteresting—was my concern for Dillon. I’d gotten lucky with her stepmom being someone cool. I never had to worry if Alani would treat Dillon right.
With Exile, I noticed the way he often subtly checked on Nova, Skylar, and Lyric. Once Dillon arrived home, his gaze naturally flashed to her to ensure she was also safe and comfortable.
As pizzas were delivered and people moved around the house, I found myself standing with Clint. Nearby, Ivy and Nova talked about dogs. My cousin could barely peel his gaze away from the woman he met so randomly only months ago. They’d been nearly inseparable since that day.
“I want to apologize,” I told Clint.
“I forgive you.”
“Do you know why I’m apologizing?”
“Yeah, you realize you should have trusted my certainty about Ivy. You viewed love in an overly rational way, but you now understand how it feels when things click. Am I right?”
“Exactly so,” I said and poked him. “You could have let me pour out my heart and admit my shortsighted thinking.”
“If our roles were reversed, I’d think you were being overly impulsive with Exile. But I know you’re a sensible woman, so I would have settled into the new reality quicker than you did. I suspect marriage to Jarred made you overly cynical.”
“Probably. What I feel for Exile isn’t like anything I felt with Jarred. I’m addicted to the love he gives me.”
Clint grinned at my mushy declaration. “That’s why I’m glad his sister came up. I worried about Exile leaving tonight and staying away for too long. I figured you wouldn’t do well without him around. I know I can’t be away from Ivy for too long.”
We looked at his sweet-natured girlfriend, who had blossomed since arriving in Little Memphis. The foxes were teaching her many bad habits, and Clint’s family had folded her into their tribe.
Ivy was a tiny woman at under five feet tall. She was born prematurely and with a faulty heart. After growing up isolated from people, Ivy was ill-equipped for the world at large. Yet, a few months around the Crimson Guard had made all the difference. Nova was bound to flourish here, too.
“I was serious about the party with both clubs,” Clint told me. “It would be a good chance for everyone to meet. Those Black Rainbow guys don’t really take the foxes seriously. And our people view the Black Rainbow with suspicion.”
“Maybe Nova can meet a man,” I said, feeling like playing Cupid. “Who should I push her toward?”
“No one. It doesn’t work that way, and you know it. If I had pushed you toward York or Zodiac, would that have worked?”
“No, no, I get it, but Nova’s so pretty, and she deserves a man to be sweet to her.”
Clint scanned the people outside in the backyard. “How did Rowdy act around her?”
“Like he was conversing with Exile’s sister. Zero horny from him at all.”
“Rock wouldn’t work,” Clint insisted. “He’s scary and doesn’t like dating.”
“He might be less scary with Nova.”
“Well, bring her to the clubhouse party and see if she gravitates toward any of the guys.”
Smiling, I felt like playing matchmaker. If I could spread the romance bug, I wouldn’t feel so guilty for finding love while other people were struggling.
Leaving Clint to talk to Zodiac, I joined Vanessa at the child-sized picnic table, where she sat with Skylar and Lyric. They were drawing pictures with crayons.
“Who’s that?” Skylar asked Vanessa.
“My friend. She’s sick in the hospital. She used to have green hair.”
“Did she eat something bad?”
“No, that’s not why she’s in the hospital.”
“Is that why her hair was green?”
Vanessa snickered. “No, she just liked being weird.”
“I’m weird,” Skylar said and nodded at Lyric.
“I’m not. I’m wild,” Lyric replied and showed off her picture of a blue blob waving at a red blob. “This is you,” she told me, pointing at the red blob. “This is my uncle,” she explained and pointed at the blue blob. “You’re boyfriend and girlfriend.”
Grinning at Lyric’s handiwork, I also admired Skylar’s picture of a pizza with butterflies and trucks as the toppings.
As I enjoyed time with the kids and my sad sister, I glanced at Exile.
He was talking with Zodiac, Clint, and Rowdy.
Their body language made me think they were discussing the Void.
I glanced around, feeling vulnerable out in the open. The sun was nearly ready to set, and I imagined someone watching us through a rifle scope.
Paranoid now, I stood up and created space between everyone and myself. I moved toward the corner of the yard and wrapped my arms around my body. The cooling air made me shiver. My paranoia left me searching for threats around the lake.
“Do you still have that little peanut shell ring I gave you?” Pax asked as he walked over to me.
Back when I was three years old, Pax proposed to Bebe at Texas Roadhouse. He used a shell from the peanut bucket to act as her engagement ring. Knowing I was a package deal with Bebe, Pax found a smaller shell to fit on my finger.
“I still have it,” I said as he wrapped his arms around me. “It’s safe in my jewelry box.”
“You were such a special little girl. I doubt most kids would have warmed up so fast to a guy like me. But you knew I’d love you right.”
Clinging to him, I whimpered, “I’m scared.”
“It’s okay to be scared. Someone hurt you two days ago.”
“I’m also in love with Exile.”
“It’s okay to be in love with a guy who loves you back. He does love you, doesn’t he?”
Nodding, I looked up at Pax, who wiped my wet cheeks. “Did you feel guilty for falling in love with Bebe while Little Memphis was going through chaotic changes?”
“I’ve never felt guilty for anything,” Pax insisted, making me snicker. “In fact, I took advantage of your mom and you being in danger, so I could get what I wanted.”
“You made our lives better.”
“Yeah, but I was mostly interested in making my life better. If I got to be selfish and make my life better back then, why shouldn’t you make your life better in a totally unselfish way?”
“But I am selfish.”
“In what way?”
“I’m focused on my feelings for Exile.”
“As compared to what? Like, what would you be doing instead if some other biker saved you two days ago?”
“I’d be hiding at home, I guess.”
“So, what’s really different?”
“I’m happy.”
“Baby, if you were selfishly happy, you wouldn’t be crying over here with me. I think you’re dealing with all the feelings that you’d have been dealing with even if you hadn’t met Exile.”
Pax frowned and paused. Shaking his head, he mumbled, “No, that’s not right. I see how you feel responsible for his sister and those girls. You’re putting in more work than you would have if you hadn’t met him. What’s to feel guilty about?”
Sighing, I couldn’t argue with his logic. However, I was here, enjoying an impromptu family party while Stevie and Cher were at the hospital. I couldn’t help feeling like I owed the sisters my misery.
Not that I thought Cher and Stevie would want me to suffer. Plus, if the roles were reversed, I certainly wouldn’t want them to feel guilty.
Yet, logic couldn’t act as armor against my guilt or the fear of being out in the open. Pax realized I was still edgy over the growing darkness and corralled people into the house.
After everyone ate, Zodiac followed Clint, Ivy, and Rowdy to the Five Points Lofts. My brother would play host to the Black Rainbow’s president.
Not long afterward, Ford, Shay, Elle, and Sutter walked to their home. Sabrina, Vanessa, Xandy, and Moe took off for the Sorority House.
Eventually, my parents and the foster kids went home. After watching them from the window, I locked everything up for the night.
Dillon waited for me to join her for our nightly chat as she got ready for bed. I heard Nova getting her sleepy girls cleaned up and settled in their room.
Finally, once everything fell silent, I joined Exile in my bedroom. Neither of us spoke. The day had been emotional and exhausting.
Rather than speak, our lips collided as if we’d gone too long without kissing. I held him tight, first as we swayed in the moonlight and then as we washed off the sweat and stress from a long day.
By the time our bodies were pressed together in bed, I broke free from my earlier fears and embraced my good fortune at meeting this incredible man.