16. Gemini Black #3
“I love you too, baby. I promise I do,” I replied, and when I said it to her, she broke.
She cried soft tears, that I kissed away from her. I knew why Amina was crying without her even having to tell me. Her ex broke her down. Calling off a wedding just a week before it’s set to happen, would fuck anyone up. It could fuck with your mental, and your self- esteem.
“I feel like you always come up with the fun stuff for us. Can I suggest something for us tonight?” Amina asked me, as I was lowering her down to the ground.
“It’s your world. What you want to do?” I asked, looking down at her.
“I feel like things are getting a little serious between me, and you. We just confessed our love to each other. I want what we’re doing to work.
Before we walk into this next phase, I want to leave things here.
Basically, like whatever kind of baggage that we could possibly bring into this relationship, I want to use the firepit that’s over there and burn it.
I have a journal in the car. I can give you a few sheets, and I’ll take a few sheets for myself.
Whatever we choose to write down, we burn it,” she started.
I stood here, taking in the things that she was saying.
I liked the idea. I fucked with it. It told me how intentional she was being about us.
“I just don’t want to feel like I’m loving you, but I’m still holding onto heartbreak from Jacob.
I don’t want to bring insecurities into what we’re doing, feeling like you’re going to hurt me just like he did.
I know that you have things that you carry with you as well.
I want you to leave them here. I want us to write down our fears.
Any bad habits that we think could hinder the relationship.
Wounds that we’re still trying to heal from.
Anger, guilt, embarrassment. Leave it all here.
We write it down, and then we burn it. I want to surrender it,” she finished.
“I like that. Go get the journal,” I said. With a smile on her face, she rushed off to the truck, so that she could get her journal.
Amina made it back to me in about two minutes. She came with her throw blanket, a few pieces of paper for me, and some for herself. She handed me a pen and kept one for herself too.
We walked over to the firepit. There were pieces of firewood already inside the firepit.
I arranged them inside, putting them how I wanted it, and because there was already a lighter in my back pocket, all I had to do was pull it out, and I bent down a little bit.
I flicked the lighter, and all it took was a few seconds before the flames began raising across the wood.
Now that we had the fire burning, Amina and I were able to sit down.
She sat on the side of me, putting the throw blanket in her lap, and with her pen, and paper in hand, she started writing.
It’s almost as if she knew exactly what she wanted to write down.
I knew that I had flaws, anger, some trauma, and things like that, that I lived with, but I wanted to ponder on them before I started writing them down.
I wanted to think about where I should start.
As if a lightbulb went off in my head, I put the paper in my lap and started.
The music was still playing in the background, as Amina and I shared this moment together.
We were sharing a moment that felt just as intimate as sex.
Amina put me in a position tonight to touch the parts of me that I don’t often like to talk about.
My biological father was a touchy subject for me.
Yeah, I was a grown ass man, who had the luxury of being raised by a phenomenal man, but beneath all this toughness, there was still that little boy in me that would have died to have that relationship with my biological father.
I’ll admit that his absence played a huge part in why I was the man that I am today.
The sole reason why I’m 35 years old, and I still don’t have children of my own.
I never wanted to be a slack ass daddy like he was.
I wanted to give my children all of me, or nothing at all.
I’ve never felt like I was ready to expand my company, and hire drivers, while I stayed home in Miami to have a family.
Being on this truck with Amina, she changed my mindset.
She had me feeling like there were things that I could do.
Habits that I could break. Mindsets that I could get out of.
I wrote down all the fears, and some of the anger that I lived with.
Before I knew it, I’d filled up just about all the pieces of paper that Amina handed to me. She filled hers up as well.
“I’m finished. You?” I asked her, as I stood up.
“Yeah. I’m done,” she said. I reached my hand down, so that I could help her stand up.
The fire was burning, and Amina and I took steps towards it. Since this was her plan, I turned to look at her, wanting to know what we were going to do next. She smiled and then cleared her throat.