Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
Kinsley
“Jesus, baby, do you have any idea how good you taste?”
I pry an eye open to glance down at Shane, who’s currently lying between my legs, licking my center like he’s desperate for my taste.
“I think you’ve made me taste myself a time or two,” I say, lifting onto my elbows. “Now, can you please make me come before Taylor wakes up and you’re late for work?”
“Don’t rush me,” he says with a pout. “It’s bad enough I’m going to be without this pussy for the next twenty-four hours.”
He goes back to licking me, and I drop back down onto the pillow. It’s been a little over a week since Shane asked me to move in, and while I haven’t agreed yet, I have been sleeping at his house every night—even on the nights he has a shift.
I have an appointment with the realtor today to look at a few more places, and my mom has agreed to go with me, so I can talk to her about everything that’s going through my head.
I already know where I stand and what I want, but I feel like this is a life-altering decision, and I just want to make sure I’m doing it because I love Shane and want to live with him and not because I’m using him as a crutch.
A part of me wants to insist I live on my own so I can prove that I can do it, but the other part of me doesn’t want to waste time just to prove a point that nobody cares I can make.
“I must not be doing my job well,” Shane says, snapping me out of my thoughts.
When I open my eyes, he’s hovering above me, and it hits me that I was so lost in my head that I forgot he was going down on me and didn’t realize he’d stopped.
“What’s going on?” he asks, caging me in with his arms.
“I’m meeting with the realtor this morning,” I admit, making his brows furrow.
“Well then, looks like I’ll need to work extra hard to convince you that living on your own won’t bring you half the pleasure you’d get by living with me.”
Before I can respond, his phone makes a weird noise. He grabs it, sighs, and throws it back onto the nightstand. “My damn phone won’t stay charged. I’m going to have to have it looked at tomorrow.”
“Maybe it’s because it’s, like, five years old,” I joke.
“Hey, it still works!”
I raise a brow.
“Well, it did,” he mutters. “Now”—he leans in and traces my upper lip with his tongue—“where was I?”
Before I can answer, his mouth comes down on mine, and his tongue slips past my parted lips as his fingers slide into my pussy, making me groan when he adds another, filling me so good that I have no doubt I’ll be coming soon.
The moment my orgasm hits, Shane pulls his fingers out, but before I can complain, he’s spreading my thighs wider and entering me slow and deep, his cock hitting that perfect spot that he knows will have me coming for a second time within minutes.
“Fuck, Kins,” he murmurs against my mouth. “You feel this, right?” He pulls back slightly and wraps his fingers around my throat. “The way my cock fits so perfectly in your tight pussy?” He squeezes gently as his thrusts become more chaotic. “I can’t get enough of you.”
With his eyes locked on mine, he shakes his head as if he can’t believe how much he wants and needs me, and I get it because he’s quickly come to mean so much to me, and even though I want to look at those houses today to be mature and responsible, to consider all of my options, I already know that I can’t live without Shane, nor do I want to. His home has become my home. His bed, mine. And all I want is to spend every day and night with this man.
“I feel it,” I breathe as my orgasm begins to work its way out.
Shane must feel that it’s closer because he applies the tiniest bit of pressure to my throat as he shifts his hips in a way that has me climaxing once again.
“Fuck yes,” he hisses, releasing my throat and connecting his mouth with mine to swallow down my moans of pleasure as he finds his own release.
He doesn’t waste any time pulling out and spreading my lips so he can watch his cum seep out of me—something he does often.
“You know, every time we have sex, there’s a chance I’ve gotten you pregnant,” he points out with a smirk that tells me he wouldn’t mind it at all.
“Then, it’s a good thing I have a doctor’s appointment this week to get on birth control,” I volley, making him frown. “Don’t give me that look!” I lift my foot and give his stomach—which feels more like a concrete wall than flesh and muscle—a little shove, sitting up on my elbows. “I’m trying to be a responsible adult.”
“Fuck being responsible,” he scoffs, grabbing my foot and throwing it to the side so he can situate himself between my legs.
He pushes me onto my back and cages me in his strong arms. “You said it yourself,” he murmurs, his mouth so close to mine that I can feel his cool breath. “The doctor said it might be harder to get pregnant, so if you did get pregnant, it’d be like it was meant to be.” He hits me with a lopsided grin that causes my insides to tighten.
“You mean that?” I breathe out, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with emotion.
“Yeah,” he says softly. “I get it. You’re trying to take things slow and do them the right way, but if by some crazy chance you got pregnant, I’d be more than okay with it.” He leans in and kisses me. “I know you need to get on birth control because you’re not there yet. But that’s okay because I’ll be right here, waiting for you to catch up. And you will.” He kisses me again and then looks into my eyes. “You and I are forever, Kinsley, and I’ll wait however long you need for you to see that.”
The word forever causes a lump of emotion to clog my throat.
“What’s wrong?” Shane asks, cupping the side of my face.
“Brandon was supposed to be my forever,” I choke out, “but forever only turned out to be a short time. What if it’s the same with us? What if I move in and we get married and have babies and I lose you too?”
A panic attack starts to hit me as the possibility of losing Shane flashes before my eyes. He’s a firefighter, for God’s sake. What if something horrible happens to him? Or to Taylor?
What if?—
“Hey,” he says, sliding his knuckles down my cheek. “Don’t do that, Kinsley. You’re right. Anything can happen to any of us at any time. We’re all on borrowed time. But I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to make forever as long as possible.”
I nod in understanding, blinking back my tears that are blurring my vision, and I count back from ten to calm myself down—a technique Julia taught me. Once my heart rate is somewhat normal, I take a deep breath and wrap my arms around Shane’s neck.
“I love you,” I tell him. “And I want forever with you … whatever that looks like.”
* * *
“All right, I gotta go.” Shane kisses my cheek as he grabs his travel mug containing the protein shake I made him—his go-to breakfast. “I love you. Have a good day.”
“I love you too.” I turn around and kiss him on his lips. “Be safe.”
“Always. I promised you forever, remember?”
He shoots me a wink, and I shake my head, loving how playful he is. It doesn’t matter how emotional or deep I get. He always handles it with such patience.
“Taylor!” he calls out. “I’m leaving. Get down here so I can say goodbye.”
“Coming!” she yells, her feet stomping down the stairs.
Becky jumps up at the commotion and trots over to them, wagging her tail excitedly.
“If you need anything while you’re with your mom, text or call me,” Shane says. “I don’t care what time it is, if I’m at work …”
“I know,” she says, bending to scratch behind Becky’s ear. “It’ll be fine. It’s only four days, and then you and Kinsley will be there.”
“What time is your mom getting here?” he asks.
“She said around ten.” She stands, and Becky comes over to me since she’s done getting attention and I’m making eggs.
I glance at the time on the stove—7:50. I normally hang out here when Taylor’s home if I’m off, but since she’s leaving and I’m not really up for meeting the ex, I make a note to leave once I’m done having coffee and breakfast with Taylor.
“Okay,” he tells her. “Text me once she’s picked you up and again when you get to the city.”
“Will do.”
“Have fun. I love you.”
“Love you too, Dad.” She kisses his cheek, and then he takes off.
“Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes,” I tell her.
I finish making our eggs and toast, just as Taylor comes back down with her luggage in tow.
“So, what do you and your mom have planned?” I ask, making small talk while we eat.
“I’m not sure. She loves museums and stuff, so I’m sure we’ll go to a few. She’s big on history and current events, hence her being a journalist. She mentioned seeing a Broadway show, and I’m hoping we can do some shopping as well, but I figured if we don’t, we can go once you and Dad get there. I also found some bookstores for us to check out near campus. They might be the ones you used to frequent.”
She pulls her phone out and starts to name the ones she found, and we spend the rest of breakfast talking about which stores I’ve been to and which ones are new. Since we’re doing the guided tour on Friday, we make a game plan to check out the bookstores on Saturday.
When we’ve finished eating, I offer to do the dishes when Taylor remembers that she forgot to pack her favorite pair of shoes.
I’m standing at the sink, washing the dishes with Becky lounging by my feet, when the front door opens. Becky jumps up in excitement while I turn the sink off, assuming Shane came back for something.
I’m drying my hands when a feminine voice says, “Who are you?” in an accusing tone that has me spinning around.
I know immediately that it’s Jamie, Taylor’s mom. She has the same red hair, green eyes, pale skin, and freckles as Taylor. They might as well be twins. Hell, if Taylor wants to know what she’ll look like in twenty years, she only has to look at her mom.
Who, I just realized, is standing in the kitchen without having been let in.
“Hi,” I say, extending my hand. “I’m Kinsley.”
Jamie’s gaze flits from my face to my hand, making a face as if it’s personally offended her. “Is there a reason why you’re standing in the kitchen where my daughter eats breakfast, not wearing any pants?” She huffs. “Shane and I are going to have to have a conversation about him allowing his one-night stands to hang out like this in front of our daughter.”
Okay, so this is how it’s going to go.
I should’ve expected it based on how her friend behaved at the barbecue, but I was hoping I wouldn’t have to find out yet, hence me planning to leave before she got here.
“One, I have pants”—I lift Shane’s T-shirt to show her I’m wearing a pair of cotton shorts underneath—“and two, I’m?—”
“Mom!” Taylor appears, wrapping her arms around her mom while her mom continues to glare daggers my way, and I briefly thank God that Shane was the one who raised Taylor because she clearly has his personality.
“Have you met Kinsley?” Taylor asks when she pulls back.
“I have,” Jamie says, plastering on a fake smile for her daughter’s sake.
“I actually need to go,” I tell Taylor. “Have a good trip with your mom.”
I give her a quick hug and pet Becky, who’s wagging her tail and demanding attention, and then, after grabbing my phone and keys, I leave without bothering to get changed, just wanting to escape as fast as possible.
Once I’m home and dressed, I have a seat on my couch, grabbing my current read. But I’m only a few pages in when the quiet gets to me. There’s no Taylor talking my ear off and stomping up and down the stairs. No dog wagging her tail and begging for attention. Usually, when I’m reading while at Shane’s, he’s watching a sports game on the TV while touching me in some way.
But here, it’s just me and the quiet.
Missing Shane, I shoot him a text even though he just left for work not too long ago.
Miss you.
He texts back within seconds.
Miss you more, baby. I’m counting down the minutes until I get you to myself for the next four days. I expect you to be in my bed, waiting for me, tomorrow morning.
Since we’re going to be heading into the city to meet with Taylor on Friday, Shane took the rest of the week off. I still have to work the next few days, but I don’t have to be in until later, so waiting for him in his bed is definitely going to be happening.
But I still have to mess with him, so instead of agreeing, I respond with:
And what’s in it for me?
Instead of the message showing delivered, after several minutes, it turns green, and I roll my eyes because his phone probably went dead again. We will definitely be getting him a new phone this week.
Since I’m clearly not in the mood to read—or be in this quiet house by myself—I head over to my parents’ place. My mom is in her library, reading a book, but my dad is nowhere to be found.
“Where’s Dad?” I ask, making my presence known.
“With your uncles. They’re on a mission to find a new poker table since the one in Jase’s man cave needs to be replaced.”
She closes her book and stands. “You ready to go see some houses?”
I nod even though looking at houses is the last thing I want to do.
* * *
Seven houses, two condos, and one townhome later, and Mom and I are sitting at the coffee shop, drinking our iced lattes.
“The second home we saw was nice,” Mom says. “The yellow was a bit much, but that can be painted.”
“Yeah, but you can’t see the kitchen from the living room.”
Mom smirks.
“What?” I shrug. “I like when the living room can be seen from the kitchen. It feels more open. When Taylor and I are watching TV and Shane is cooking …”
Her smirk widens, and I huff in annoyance.
“What?”
“Nothing.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “I’m just wondering when you’re going to admit that the only house you want to live in is the one where Shane and Taylor live.”
“It is,” I admit, “but it’s too soon. Right? I mean, Brandon and I didn’t move in together for years and?—”
“Don’t do that,” Mom says, losing her smirk. “Don’t compare. It’s not fair. Shane isn’t Brandon, and the love you share with him isn’t the same.” She leans in and takes my hand in hers. “The accident changed your life, and you aren’t the same person you were when you were with Brandon.”
When I frown at her words, she adds, “That’s not a bad thing, Kins. It just means that you, of all people, know how short life can be. You have to go by what you feel in here.” She gently taps the area above my heart. “What is your heart telling you?”
I don’t even have to think about it when I say, “It feels like being with Shane and Taylor is where I’m meant to be. I don’t want to waste time questioning things. I just want to live, and when I’m with Shane, that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“Then, I think you already have your answer,” Mom says, squeezing my hand.
“I’m sorry for dragging you to see houses.”
“Nonsense.” She waves me off. “I already told Patty you wouldn’t be buying anything, but you needed to see for yourself that what you want is to live with Shane and Taylor.”
“Is that why she took off after giving us the codes to all the houses?” I laugh. “I thought she was flaking.”
Mom shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee. “So, when are you going to move in?”
“I was thinking I’d tell Shane in the morning, and then we could figure it out together. He surprised me with this romantic night and a key to his house when he asked me to move in, so maybe I’ll do something similar since Taylor is out of town with her mom and we have the place to ourselves.”
Speaking of which … I shoot Shane a text, letting him know I’m done looking at houses and to call me later if he’s bored. Sometimes during his shift, when it’s slow, he’ll FaceTime me, and we’ll talk while I’m in bed. It’s quiet and nice, and it feels like he’s with me even though he’s not.
The text once again turns green.
“What’s wrong?” Mom asks.
“Shane’s phone is dead. It’s, like, a hundred years old, and it won’t keep a charge. Thankfully, he said he’ll have it looked at tomorrow. But I’m hoping it’s done for and he’ll get a new one.”
After we finish our coffee, I head to the lingerie shop to pick up something sexy and then stop at the store to grab the items I need for my surprise.
When I get to Shane’s house, the dog walker is just coming out, and I make a note to let Shane know there’s no reason to pay someone to walk Becky when I’m here all the time anyway. He did it for the days and nights Taylor wasn’t around and he was on shift, but between the three of us, someone is always around.
I send him another text, but when it turns green, I wonder if maybe he’s having an issue with his messages, so I try to call him, only it goes to voice mail. I consider calling him at the station, but what if he’s busy?
I put away the lingerie I bought since I won’t need it until tomorrow morning. And then I go about placing sticky notes all over the room—Kinsley’s toothbrush goes here, Kinsley’s shampoo here, Kinsley’s clothes here, Kinsley’s pajamas here, Shane and Kinsley sleep here—so when he reads them, he’ll know that I’m planning to move in.
Once I’m done, I grab my book and settle in on the couch to read. Becky joins me, so I pet her while she cuddles into my side, snoring softly.
Eventually, I get bored of reading, so I make myself a sandwich for dinner, and then I work on some tattoo designs for clients until my eyes can barely stay open. I go to bed, falling asleep almost instantly, excited at the thought that if all goes well, I’ll officially be sleeping here, in Shane’s arms, every night.
* * *
“Kinsley, I need you to wake up.”
Shane’s gravelly voice has me waking with a sudden jolt. I must sit up too quickly because the room spins.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, shaking the dizziness away.
Even if I didn’t hear it in Shane’s tone, I see the black circles under his eyes and the stress lines in his furrowed brows. Something is wrong … very wrong.
“I need you to stay calm,” he says, his words causing me to be anything but. “Taylor and her mom were in a car accident. I tried to call you, but my damn phone went to shit, and I didn’t know your number by heart. I called the shop, but of course, nobody was in yesterday …”
He continues to speak, but the only detail I can absorb is that Taylor was in a car accident.
Like Brandon.
Like me.
Like my unborn baby.
And just like that, everything around me goes black.