Ex’s and Oh’s

Prologue

The Christmas tree lights twinkled and flashed, long past the date they should have come down. Dirty plates filled the sink, leftovers from a dinner nobody had eaten. The remnants of it spattered the wall of the tiny kitchen where the plate had smashed.

Billy stared at it—the bright orange bean sauce dripping down the magnolia-coloured wall, slowly making its way to join the rest of it on the floor with the smithereens of china.

"I didn't mean to do that," Billy exclaimed, still staring at the wall. Her face was flushed. Too much wine, too much of everything.

The baby was screaming in the other room. Her feeding was due. She was just weeks old and needing her mothers.

Rosa turned and walked out of the kitchen, but the movement pushed Billy into action once more and she followed.

"I need you," she said to Rosa's back.

Rosa turned and glared. "The baby needs me, Billy.

You're a grown woman. You should be capable of soothing yourself.

" She ran her hand through her hair. They were twenty-four years old, married for a year, when they decided to have a baby.

Now they had one, and everything was supposed to be wonderful.

"You have to do something. We can't go on like this. "

"I am doing something." Billy's voice raised again. "Don't you see that?"

"No, I don't. What I see is I'm struggling to keep things going.

I'm working all day when I should be at home with our baby, and I can't leave our baby with you because you can't be trusted to look after yourself, let alone her.

And then I get home and you're just…you're just here, but not here.

Nothing's cleaned, nothing's cooked for dinner…

you're just there, in your chair, feeling sorry for yourself. "

"That's not fair."

"No, it's not…it's not fair, Billy," Rosa shouted, at the end of her own tether.

The baby's cries got louder, and Rosa quickly moved into the bedroom they all shared in this poky flat they should have moved out of by now. That was the plan: get pregnant, move, and then raise the baby in their dream home.

"It's not my fault I lost my job," Billy said from behind as Rosa bent to lift Imogen from the crib.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, Immy. Mummy's here." She rocked her on her shoulder, bouncing from one foot to the other. "I'm not going over this again, Billy. Nobody blames you for losing your job."

"Feels like that is exactly what is happening." Billy's hands balled into fists. Her dark eyes brooded. "I just need…a break."

"A break? You've had a three-month break…you need a job, and you need to snap out of whatever this is—feeling sorry for yourself and moping all day. It's not healthy."

Rosa sat on the edge of the bed, slipped her top off, and unhooked the unattractive bra she'd been forced to wear whilst breastfeeding. Imogen latched on in a second, quieting her cries whilst suckling, eyelashes damp with tears.

"There, that's better, isn't it?" With the baby settled, Rosa looked at Billy. "I can't keep doing this. Either you're part of this family and you start to act like you want to be, or—"

"Nobody would miss me if I wasn't here," Billy snapped. Dark hair like their daughter's, longer and curlier, fell across her face.

"Stop it," Rosa said, more loudly than she intended. "Just stop doing that." The baby mewled and began to cry again. "Shh, shh, it's okay. I'm sorry." She nudged the baby's lips with her nipple again, grateful when she took it.

"Stop what?" Billy cried.

"You can't keep saying things like, ‘nobody would miss you,’ as if you're going to kill yourself. It's not fair."

"It's true, though. You'd all be better off without me."

Rosa sighed. "I'm too tired to keep fighting, Billy." She smiled down at Imogen. "She's my priority now. If you can't get your act together, then—"

"Then what?"

"You can leave," Rosa said flatly. Her eyes slowly closed, before reopening to focus on Billy. She'd give anything for a few hours more sleep. A quick nap would do. But leaving Imogen in Billy's care right now would just be neglectful.

She wanted to fix things with her wife, but the trust was gone. She loved her so much but that wasn't enough anymore, was it? Not with a baby to take care of and bills to pay.

"Fine," Billy said defiantly.

Rosa watched silently, still holding Imogen to her breast, as Billy reached for a suitcase off the top of the wardrobe and thumped it down onto the bed beside her.

"I'll go then," she said, staring at Rosa.

Now, it was the silence that screamed loudest.

Billy unzipped the case, flipped the lid open, and began pulling clothes from drawers and shoving them in, glancing at Rosa to check if she’d stop her.

When she was done and the bag was full, she heaved it off the bed.

"I'll be at—"

"I don't care…just go."

The door slammed and Rosa let her shoulders drop. She moved up the bed and leaned back against the pillows.

"We'll be alright, Immy. I promise." She kissed the small head, inhaling that innate baby smell as her lips brushed across fine dark hair. "We'll work it out."