Chapter 10
Chapter ten
Rosa peeled the jacket, hat, and scarf from her various body parts and sighed. "Well, goodnight then," she said to Billy as she moved towards the bedroom she'd chosen earlier—the one that overlooked the east corner and would provide the perfect sunrise wakening.
"Night," Billy said, leaning back against the kitchen island that separated the cooking area from the living room.
Rosa stopped at the doorway. "You not going to bed?"
"In a bit." Billy smiled. "I, uh…I do a meditation at night, so…I was thinking the living room was the best place."
"Meditation? Very Zen." Rosa's expression softened. She yawned again. "Sorry, feels like a long day. I'll leave you to…enjoy your meditation in peace."
"You could join me…if you like?"
Rosa chuckled. "I'm not sure I'm cut out for it."
"You'd be surprised…" Billy's gaze lingered and Rosa didn't look away.
"No…thank you for the offer, though." Rosa patted the door jamb as if she might reconsider, but then stepped inside and quietly closed the door, leaning back against it as she took in the room. A week. Seven days sharing a cabin with Billy.
Which might have been fine but for one five-foot-nine-inch issue standing in the lounge.
Billy Fisk.
Once the love of her life, then the bane of it. But what was she now?
Rosa shook her head, but the thoughts clung anyway. She pushed off from the door. Her case was still on the bed where she'd left it, all of her clothes hung up, her pyjamas tucked neatly under the pillow.
She moved the case and slid it under the bed, then changed her mind, placed it against the wall, and retrieved her nightwear and a towel.
Opening the door, intending to slip out and into the bathroom, she stopped in her tracks when she heard the quiet music and voice of the meditation session playing on what she assumed was Billy's phone.
"And breathe in…and out…"
For just a moment, she allowed herself to watch the scene and witness Billy in a state she hadn't seen in years. Still. At peace.
Afraid she would get caught peering into the life that was no longer hers to share, she crossed the hallway and disappeared into the bathroom.
Billy opened one eye and smiled to herself. Maybe she should have said something, but Rosa Cafferty never did like to be found out when she'd done something she wasn't ready to share.
But Rosa had watched.
Why?
Billy's chest tightened at the thought.
"And relax…let all your thoughts drift away."
"Easier said than done tonight," she mumbled to the faceless voice. "So much easier said…than done."
"Breathe in…and out…"
She let her shoulders drop and followed the instructions. In and out. Let it all go. In and out. But every blank space was filled with a flash of something, someone… Rosa.
A few minutes later, she heard the small click of the bathroom door as it opened and quietly closed again, followed by the repeating sounds of the bedroom door.
She turned the meditation off and pushed herself up. Camomile tea…that might help.
The kettle had just finished boiling when Billy turned at the sound of the door opening again.
"Are you making tea?" Rosa asked, standing in the doorway with her hair pulled into a ponytail, dressed in grown-up pyjamas; basic cream ribbed cotton trouser with matching button-up top. Unlike what Billy wore to bed, which was barely anything.
"Yes…chamomile," Billy said, pulling herself out of the inappropriate staring. "Would you like one?"
Rosa grimaced at the idea. "Is there nothing else?"
"There are proper teabags, but…caffeine." Billy smiled. "Chamomile will help you sleep. It's very good for you. It helps with inflammation and it's packed with antioxidants. Not that…you need anti-inflammatory stuff…" She wrapped her arms around herself and stopped talking.
Rosa smiled back as she edged into the kitchen area. "Oh, I don't know, maybe it would help me sleep."
Billy turned back to the kettle and reached for another mug from the tree. "Are you struggling to sleep?"
The small chuckle made her turn around.
"I haven't had a decent night's sleep in…" She searched her memory bank. "Sixteen years. I'm not sure I ever will." She continued smiling at Billy as she sat down on the island stool.
There was silence for a moment, except for the soft ‘tink’ as the spoon whirled around the cup. Finished stirring, Billy handed one of the mugs to Rosa.
"Careful, it's hot."
Rosa raised a humoured brow. "I would hope so, otherwise we'll need to report the kettle as broken."
Billy laughed softly. "Fair point." She took a timid sip and quickly decided against another just yet.
"Do you not find this in the slightest bit odd?" Rosa asked, her eyes settling on Billy's.
"In what way?"
"In the way that we were married for two years, had a baby, split up, and haven't been in the same room as each other for more than a few minutes in nearly sixteen years…and now we're sharing a house together for a week?"
"I mean…when you put it that way…" Billy smiled. "I guess I try not to dwell on the past too much."
Accepting the explanation, Rosa paused before she said, "I realised earlier there are a lot of things we've never talked about."
Billy pulled a stool out and sat down too. "That’s true. We've never quite found the right moment when we were both in a good place, I guess."
Rosa nodded and sipped the tea, wincing at the heat, then at the taste. "I'm not sure I'll ever be a fan."
"Of the tea…or me?" Billy joked.
She didn't answer but sipped the tea again. Gently, she got up and pushed the stool back under the counter. "I guess it might grow on me. Goodnight, Billy." Rosa walked away with the tea.
Rosa woke early, with the sun shining through the window, showering the room in hues of red and orange. The cup of cold tea on the bedside table sat untouched beyond the few sips taken the previous night.
Throwing the covers off, she felt the chill in the air and pulled her jumper from the chair, slipping it on over the top of her pyjamas as she stood and wandered to the window.
It had snowed overnight. She knew because she'd watched it until her eyes had eventually given in and closed.
She grabbed the mug and padded out into the lounge. A decent cup of tea—that was what she needed.
Billy wasn't anywhere to be seen.
And she wasn't sure if she was happy or sad about that, which was a strange place to be when she'd been so indifferent all these years.
No, not indifferent. Angry. She'd been angry, and resentful, for so many of those years. And there was validity to those feelings—she had no qualms or guilt about it. But maybe…maybe it was time to let that go?
Letting go wasn’t that easy, though, was it? Not when lately, every glance at Billy had her torn between wanting to throttle her and wanting to rip her clothes off. And that just pissed her off even more.
All these years, and Billy Fisk could still have that impact on her.
"Morning," came a sleepy voice from behind her. Rosa twisted on the stool and almost fell off. Billy stood there, long hair hanging loose and messy, one hand scratching the back of her head as she both yawned and stretched.
The black vest top rose up, revealing a flat stomach that clearly showed signs of working out. Rosa's gaze slipped lower before she caught herself.
Boy shorts, also black…also short, long tanned legs protruding. "Did you sleep well?" Billy asked, as though this were a normal, everyday situation.
Rosa swivelled back around again, picking up her mug of tea.
"As best as I could expect."
"Great." Billy walked past and opened the fridge. She pulled out a carton of orange juice, about to open and swig from it when she felt eyes on her and grinned. "Sorry, bad habit."
"Now I see where Imogen gets it from." Rosa sipped her tea. "Kettle has just boiled if you wanted a proper cup of tea."
"I try to avoid too much caffeine," Billy said, finding a glass and pouring some juice.
"No alcohol, no caffeine, meditation…" Rosa said as she watched Billy swallow the orange juice down in one long gulp.
"Yeah, I made a lot of changes over the years…
you know, trying to be my best self and all that.
" She smiled and put the glass in the sink.
When she turned back around, she held Rosa's gaze again.
"There's a lot about me that's different now, Rosa.
" She shrugged. "I dunno, maybe you might even like me better now. "
"I liked you perfectly fine before," Rosa said before she could stop herself.
Billy nodded. "I was a mess back then, even before I fell apart." She laughed. "Maybe that was the attraction."
"It was not," Rosa said firmly, almost standing up from her seat.
"No, it wasn't. I'm sorry, that was crass." She placed her forearms on the island and leant forward. "I'm just saying that…it might be nice if we found a way to get past the hurt we caused each other—"
"Each other?" Rosa shrieked.
"Yes. I know I played a big part in the hurt, but it wasn't all one way, Rosa."
Rosa stood up, took her cup to the sink, and ran the tap to rinse it. "I think we have very different memories of that time."
"Probably, yes," Billy decided.
Rosa paused any further rebuke, thrown by the easy agreement, allowing Billy to continue.
"Everybody has their own perspective of a situation—what happened from their point of view and how it affected them and their life at the time.
I didn't take into consideration how much my issues affected you and Imogen. For a long time after I left, it was all about me. It had to be in order for me to work through it and process what’d been going on for me back then. "
Rosa shook the water from her hands and picked up the tea towel, listening, but staying silent.
"But once I'd done that, there was space for me to look at the wider picture, to see the effects on you and Imogen…
to make reparations. And maybe I've not done enough of that over the years…
maybe there could be more, but…honestly?
" She held Rosa's gaze. "You shut me down anytime I try and that's… It's difficult."
"I don't shut you down," Rosa said, crossing her arms and pouting. They continued to stare, almost glaring at one another, until Rosa understood the effect of what she’d just said. "I just shut you down, didn't I?"
Billy smiled sadly. "Yeah. And I get it. What happened wasn't fun for you. It rocked your world, and I think you think I was off having all that fun and rocking my world…but it wasn't like that."
Rosa nodded slowly. "Maybe it is time we talked. But not now, not here…this is Imogen's moment, not ours. We've waited sixteen years. We can handle waiting another week."
"I think that makes a lot of sense. And I want you to know that…this isn't about blame. Neither of us are entirely to blame for what happened. Just acknowledging our choices and behaviours might explain a few things rather than having them as constant questions we never had answers for?"
"I certainly have a fair amount of those," Rosa admitted, her arms falling to her side as she exhaled. "When we get home, we'll talk, but today…" She took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Your mother has spa plans."
"Did you pack a swimming costume?"
"Of course I didn't. I packed for snow and cold, not a beach." Rosa grinned. "I'm sure they will sell them at the spa."
Billy's gaze lingered on Rosa's face. "It's good to see you smiling."