Chapter 33
Chapter thirty-three
The night gradually drew to a close. Meredith and Schultz took themselves off to bed not long after ten, with the girls left yawning on the sofa.
"It's been a lovely evening," Rosa said. "Not quite what you were envisaging I suppose, Immy, but…you've had a nice time?"
Imogen grinned. "The best."
From the other end of the couch, Billy said, "Sometimes it's the unplanned things that make the best memories."
"That's true." Robbie yawned. "Once, Georgie picked us all up from school just to go to the beach and play on the pier."
"We should totally do that," Imogen said. She looked at Rosa. "I'm sixteen now, right…we can go to Brighton on the train."
Rosa's brow raised and she glanced along the sofa at Billy. "I don't know—"
"Oh, Mum, come on, we go into town all the time…it's like thirty minutes further."
"Let's talk about it when we get home." Rosa smiled hoping to end the discussion and avoid a negotiation.
"I was thinking, when we get home, maybe we can all go out for dinner. Celebrate a little more…normally?"
"Somewhere like Joie?" Imogen's eyes lit up.
Billy looked at Rosa and caught the tightening of her jaw. "I was thinking more…Nicoletta's or Banjo."
Imogen shrugged. "I guess that would be cool. I like them both."
"Good, then that's something to look forward to doing." Billy clasped her hands together and rubbed her palms. "So, it's gone midnight, probably time you all got to bed, and me and your mum can set up camp in here."
"Are you going to be warm enough in here?" Janka asked, shivering on cue.
"The heating will kick in again soon, and we have the fire if we feel chilly. We've plenty of blankets," Rosa assured. "Go on, get yourselves into those sleeping bags."
The three teenagers all stood up in varying movements. Janka jumped to her feet. Robbie stood up and stretched, while Imogen flopped against Rosa for a moment before holding out her arms for her friends to yank her to her feet.
"Night. Sleep tight. See you in the morning," Rosa said, waving them off into the next room.
When the door closed, Rosa relaxed a little and sighed. "I guess we'd better clean up."
Billy looked around at the empty cans of pop and glasses, the plates with remnants of nibbles, and the leftover birthday cake that somehow her mother had managed to sled down the hill without crushing.
"Yes, probably a good idea."
They both reached out at the same time for a glass, fingers brushing. Billy pulled back and allowed Rosa to take it.
"Thank you for not letting on," Rosa whispered.
"We said we wouldn't."
"I know, but—" She smiled. "Thank you anyway."
"You're welcome."
They stacked everything neatly on the counter, placed what was left of the cake into the fridge, and then scraped everything else into the bin.
"I'll finish off," Billy said. "Go on."
Rosa checked the bedroom doors were closed and then pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed Billy quickly. "Thank you."
"That was a nice night," Billy said when she’d finished and dropped down onto the couch, shuffling along until they could both reach out and touch little fingers together.
"It was. I just wish it could have been what she wanted it to be," Rosa said, her head turning to look at Billy.
"I think she just wanted a family event, with everyone she cares about all in one room, and we gave her that."
"I suppose so. I just don't want her to feel disappointed."
Twisting in her seat, Billy looked at Rosa and smiled slowly. "She's not you," she reminded her. "This isn't a replay of your eighteenth."
Rosa shuddered. "I know that."
"Do you?" Billy leant forward until she could reach Rosa's hand and hold it. "Sometimes it feels like you carry it."
"Wouldn't you?"
"Maybe…" Billy nodded, adding, "It's not a criticism, just maybe something to think about when you have to start letting her do her own thing."
Rosa sighed.
"She's got good friends, people who care about her, and Robbie… I'm pretty sure she would beat up anyone who even looked at Imogen the wrong way." She laughed and watched as Rosa smiled at that last point.
"You're right, she probably would." And then she added, "Like you did for me."
Billy paused a beat before she said, "You're not the same person you were when you were her age."
"When I think back on that night…nobody turned up and I was left just sitting in a bar by myself…and that man wouldn't leave me alone, then there you were…striding in like a woman possessed, pulling me up out of my seat and dragging me off to a club you knew."
"What else was I going to do with my girlfriend on her birthday?"
Rosa turned to face her, reached up, and cupped her cheek. "You saved me that night. My knight in shining armour…well, waistcoat and slacks, but equally dashing. I think that I've punished myself all these years that I couldn't do the same for you when you needed me."
"Rosa, that's—"
"Shh, let me speak." Rosa looked down at their hands holding each other. "I let you walk away because it was the easier of the choices I had, but I've never forgiven myself for it. Instead…I blamed you for making me have to make the choice."
Billy's voice broke. Tears filled her eyes. "Thank you, for acknowledging that… I don't hold any resentment and there is nothing for you to forgive yourself for. We both made decisions at the time that maybe now, with hindsight and experience, we wouldn't make again."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be who you needed me to be."