Chapter 62
Chapter sixty-two
Imogen yawned and stretched. She sat up from where she was lying across the couch, head resting on Rosa’s lap.
They’d agreed to watch a film, and Billy was dozing in the armchair.
“I think I’m going to go up to bed,” Imogen said.
“Probably a good idea,” Rosa replied, pausing the film. “It’s been a busy day for you. And you’ve got school in the morning.” She put her arm around Immy and pulled her close. “Get some rest.”
“What about Billy—I mean…Mum?”
“I’ll wake her in a minute, when the film’s finished. I need to see the ending now.”
“She could just stay over.”
“I’m not sure that would be a good idea. She’s got work tomorrow, and where would she sleep?” Rosa smiled as they both turned to look at Billy.
“I could sleep in with you, and she can have my bed,” Imogen said brightly.
Rosa ran her palm up and down Imogen’s arm. “I know you want this to be more traditionally a family, and we’re much better at it now than we were.”
“I know. I just wish things were different sometimes…” Imogen’s tone turned serious. “I think you both still love each other.”
Rosa swallowed, heat flushing up her neck. “Why do you think that?”
“Am I wrong?”
Rosa hesitated, fingers tracing idle circles on Imogen’s arm as she looked from her daughter to Billy and back again. “I do love Billy. But sometimes that isn’t enough. We’ve already put you through so much with everything that happened between us. Maybe it’s best to let it be.”
Imogen shrugged, pulling her knees up and hugging them to her chest. “In a couple of years, I’ll be off to university or playing football for Barcelona, and you’ll both be here, alone, wondering what might have been.”
The intensity in Imogen’s eyes made Rosa’s heart thud, the words almost spilling out—the secret trysts, the falling back in love, the slow rebuild of trust. It would be so easy to give Imogen what she wanted, to say it out loud. And yet, something still held her back from leaping into the possible.
“You only split up because you had me, and Billy got ill, and then you had to make a choice, and you chose me.”
Rosa frowned and reached for Imogen’s hand, squeezing it gently.
“It wasn’t as simple as that, and it wasn’t because of you.
” She closed her eyes, the memories of those days—when everything felt so upside down and unfair—flickering behind her eyelids.
“I chose us. I chose to find peace. In some ways, I felt guilty for doing that. I had to make decisions I didn’t want to make. ”
She paused, struggling for a moment to find the right words. “There are things that happen in a marriage that belong only to the people in it. Things we said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do. All we can do now is make peace with it, and that’s what Billy and I are trying to do.”
Imogen leaned in for a hug, her hair tickling Rosa’s cheek, the embrace warm and tight.
“I love you, Mum, you know that, right?”
“Of course, and I love you—and so does Billy.”
“I know.” She yawned again. “I should get to bed. Say night to Ma for me.”
“Ma?”
“Yeah. If I call you both Mum, no one will know who I’m talking to. That’s going to get way too confusing.”
Rosa laughed. “Fair enough. Night, sweetheart.”
She watched as Imogen got up and left the room, then her attention shifted to the feeling she was being watched. She found dark eyes of a different kind staring at her.
Billy rubbed her eyes and stretched, blinking herself fully awake as she met Rosa’s gaze. A soft, sleepy smile curved her lips.
“That was kind of sweet,” Billy said, her voice husky from sleep.
“You were awake?” Rosa stood.
“I was asleep until you two started talking, and then it felt rude to interrupt, so…” Billy sat up and shrugged. “Ma? I can live with it.”
“You should probably get going before I agree to this nonsense of letting you stay over.” Rosa smiled, wishing she didn’t have to be sensible at that moment.
“Hm, Imogen’s bed isn’t quite what I’m used to, but I like the sentiment—and the fact that you’re thinking about it.” Billy pushed herself up and met Rosa toe to toe, fingers instantly reaching for her waist to pull her closer.
Rosa glanced over her shoulder at the door, her hand tightening on Billy’s arm.
“She’s upstairs.” Billy grinned and leant forward, lips ready to press against Rosa’s. “And I’ve been wanting to do this all night.”
Rosa’s arms threaded up and around Billy’s neck. “We shouldn’t—”
“We should.” Billy smiled against Rosa’s lips, then gently eased them open, her tongue sliding in—warm, familiar, and tasting faintly of garlic—like it belonged there and had never left.
Gasping, Rosa pulled back. “We can’t…this is dangerous.”
“I know,” Billy breathed, her forehead dropping to rest against Rosa’s. “I don’t want to go.”
Rosa looked up at her, emotion welling in her eyes. “I’m not ready for that…not yet.”
Billy nodded. “I’ll wait. However long it takes.” She kissed her again, deeper this time, more insistent. “I’m going to go before we’re doing something we shouldn’t on your sofa.”
Rosa chuckled. “Don’t tempt me.”
“Just remember, it’s what she wants. We know that now.”
“And she wants a new pair of trainers every month too.” Rosa smiled. “If we do this, it has to be because it’s what we want.”
“Last week it was only if we didn’t cause Imogen a problem. Are you saying you might not want this…us…me?”
“I’m saying that I don’t know up from down right now. I know that I love you, I know that I like being intimate with you…”
“But?” Billy said, running a hand through her hair. “Say it, Rosa.”
“I just don’t know if I want anyone in my space long term.” Rosa tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. “I’ve been by myself for so long that I’m not sure how to share this space again.”
“Maybe we’re jumping ahead too far,” Billy offered. “The thought of me staying over has triggered this.”
“Possibly,” Rosa agreed, wringing her hands together. “I love you. I know that for sure. That’s real.”
“I get it,” Billy said. “I do. I get it.” She moved closer again and placed her hand on Rosa’s shoulder. “I don’t want to move in, not right now. I just want us to be more…open with Imogen.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Okay.” Billy leant down and kissed Rosa’s forehead. “Better show me out and lock up.” She walked out of the room and into the hall.
At the front door, Billy opened it, glanced quickly up the stairs to check the coast was clear before leaning down and kissing Rosa on the cheek. “Goodnight.”
“Night.”