9. Emily
9
EMILY
What is the world's most expensive spice? Answer: Saffron.
What is the smallest mammal in the world? Answer: The Bumblebee Bat.
Who is a complete idiot and kissed her best friend last night? Answer: That’d be me. Emily Coleman.
I look away from my laptop, blinking away the strain that’s in my eyes from staring at the screen for too long. Since I last took a break, the tables around me in the cafe have filled up. There are some people working like me, but mostly there are just people relaxing and chatting with their hot drinks and baked goods.
I’ve gotten a lot of work done in the last few hours. I have a schedule figured out and a long list of questions for our first trivia night at the bar—provided, of course, that Rock doesn’t veto my plans. I’m glad I decided to use my day off to come here and get this stuff done.
But the truth is, I can only distract myself so much from thoughts of last night. Even though I’ve been productive today, it also feels like I’m hiding out and delaying the inevitable. Sooner or later I’m going to have to face Rock and deal with the consequences of what I did.
I don’t know what I was thinking when I kissed Rock. No, that’s exactly it—I wasn’t thinking. I was in a weird mental place after the way my parents acted at dinner, and Rock was being so understanding about it…and he looked so good in that damn polo shirt… argh . It was like all logic disappeared from my head—or rearranged itself to suddenly convince me that there was something happening between us—and I acted without thinking it through.
I can’t believe I kissed him. That’s so obviously a line that cannot and should not be crossed. He’s my best friend. He’s everything to me.
And I’m the idiot who made a fool of herself and made everything weird.
I may have gotten caught up in the moment, but it didn’t mean anything. I’m sure Rock gets that. But that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. Sleeping in the same bed again last night was uncomfortable to say the least. I made sure to stay as close to the edge as humanly possible. This morning, I got up before him and told him I was going out and then practically ran out the door.
At this point, I just hope things will go back to normal on their own. Ideally as soon as possible, thank you very much. The last thing I’d want is for our friendship to be changed because of one thoughtless misstep. He’s too important to me to lose.
The messed up thing is that it felt good kissing Rock. It was uncomfortable and red-alert panicky as soon as I realized what I was doing—but in the second or two before then, when I was wholly swept up in the moment, the sensation of the kiss surged through me like something magical.
I press my lips together, still vividly remembering the smoothness and heat of his lips.
No. Stop . I can’t be thinking about that.
My bladder complains, reminding me that I’ve just finished off a large coffee. I get up and use the cafe’s bathroom. On my way back, I pause at the community bulletin board installed on the wall. I’ll have to remember to ask the cafe owner if I can put up a flyer for our trivia night.
Rock better let me go through with it.
I return to my table and try to get back to work on the trivia questions. But some nearby quiet laughter keeps distracting me from my screen. When I look up, I see a young couple all cozied up next to each other. They’re sitting on the same side of a table with a pastry in front of them that they’re sharing. The guy keeps leaning in to whisper something in her ear and she keeps giggling.
I force myself to look back at my computer screen, refusing to feel jealous of random strangers. I try to focus on the trivia questions again, but the words keep staring back at me, and I find it impossible to get back into the flow.
My phone pings, a welcome interruption. My heart beats a little faster as I dig my phone out of my bag, wondering if it might be a text from Rock.
It’s not. It’s a text from Paige. I’m the teeniest bit disappointed it’s not Rock, but also relieved that it’s Paige instead.
Paige: Heyyy. It’s your day off, right? Want to meet up for lunch?
“Ooh,” says Paige, her eyes widening as she reads the specials. “The caprese panini sounds amazing. Definitely getting that.”
“That does sound pretty delicious,” I say. My stomach growls in agreement and we both laugh.
Paige starts to get out her wallet but I wave her away. “My treat.”
“I invited you to lunch!” she says.
“So?” I say, flashing her a smile before turning to the girl at the cash register. “Two caprese paninis, please. And two iced teas.”
As soon as Paige and I sit at a table, she gives me a hopeful look and asks, “Any update on your apartment?”
I shake my head. “They’re still working on it.”
“And how’re things going at Rock’s? You guys ready to kill each other yet?”
I laugh a little to cover up the weird feeling in my chest. “Uh…things are okay.”
Paige’s face drops. “Oh, no. Something happened, didn’t it?”
I hesitate. Paige is my friend and I want to be fully transparent with her and tell her about the fake dating and the kiss, but too much in me holds back. It feels like such a ridiculous thing in the first place, us pretending to be dating in front of my parents. And I’m still too mortified to admit that I kissed Rock last night. I just want it to go away, not to become a big thing. Saying it out loud and telling my friend about it feels like it will give it fuel to grow.
“What did he do?” Paige asks accusatorially.
“Nothing,” I insist.
“Em. Tell me.”
“Rock didn’t do anything. Honest.” It was all me. All my foolishness.
I can tell Paige doesn’t believe me, but she doesn’t press. “Well, whatever it is, don’t let it bother you. I know you and he are BFFs and everything, and you want to see the best in him, but the guy can be a bit of an asshole. I’ve seen it firsthand. When we were dating, it felt like I was the only one putting effort into the relationship. And don’t even get me started on the way he broke up with me.”
Paige and I have never talked about this in detail. I’ve always felt it was better to stay out of it. But something in me feels the urge to know now. “What happened?”
“Well, first off, he broke up with me a few days before my birthday. Super lame timing, right? And when he broke up with me, he did it in public. He totally did that because he didn’t want to get into an argument or whatever. And the way he broke up with me—I don’t know, Em. It’s hard to explain. He just could have been a lot more tactful, you know? But there was no kindness about it. Just bluntness. Just ‘this isn’t working out.’ It was like I was a complete waste of time to him.”
My pulse is thumping in my ears. “I’m so sorry, Paige. You deserve better than that.”
“Everyone deserves better than that.” She smiles gently at me. “Look, I’m only telling you about it because I want you to know that if he’s being a jerk to you, it’s on him, not you. Okay?”
I force a smile and nod. “Yep. Got it. Thank you.”
I’m glad when our conversation moves on to other topics. But I can’t stop thinking about everything Paige just told me. I don’t know how to feel about it. I don’t think Paige made up what she just said, but I also wonder if she’s still bitter about being broken up with and that’s colored the way she saw the relationship and break-up. Rock has always treated me well—grumpiness aside—and it’s hard for me to imagine him acting the way she claims he did.
But maybe that’s just a side of him I’ve never seen.