14. Emily
14
EMILY
Paige (9:01am): Okay. I can’t wait any longer. Spill the tea, Em.
Jenn (9:01am): Yes. SPILL.
Emily (9:09am): Ok ok. I’m awake. God.
Paige (9:09am): Well????
Emily: (9:10am): It started because we were pretending to be in a fake relationship to stop my mom from trying to set me up all the time. Then there was an unexpected kiss…and then things just kind of…happened. That’s basically it.
Paige (9:10am): !!!!
Jenn (9:10am): WTF
Emily (9:11am): You guys, please don’t make a big deal out of this! It’s not serious.
Jenn (9:11am): WHAT. Sleeping with your best friend & biz partner is VERY serious
Paige (9:11am): Agreed. So are you guys together now, or…?
Emily (9:12am): No. I think it’s just sex
Jenn (9:12am): Do you want it to be more?
Emily (9:13am): I don’t know
Emily (9:13am): kind of
Paige (9:13am): That’s a yes.
Emily: (9:14am): I don’t want to ruin things, though. I don’t think he wants a relationship.
Jenn (9:14am): Yeah, as we’ve seen, he’s not great with commitment…
Paige (9:14am): Be careful, Em. We don’t want to see you get hurt.
Rock stirs beside me, then wraps an arm around me. I set my phone back on the nightstand and lean against him, wide awake now and thoughts worrying through my head. I don’t understand how being physical with Rock can feel so right and at the same time feel like we might be making a huge mistake. Because Jenn’s right—not only are we risking a friendship, we’re also risking our livelihood. The bar is hugely important to both of us. I don’t know what I would do without it, and I know Rock would say the same.
“Shower?” Rock mumbles against my shoulder.
I smile at his sleepiness. “Sure, he-man.”
With a growl, Rock pulls me into the bathroom with him, gets the shower on, and tugs off his clothes. I join him, the hot steamy water making me close my eyes and just enjoy it. When he pulls me against him and kisses my neck, then hitches my leg up around his waist, I easily fall into the bliss of his body. He sinks into me slowly and deeply, his hands holding me steady against him.
“Jesus, you feel so good,” he groans.
He feels so good inside me, too. But the pleasure is different than before. I feel…guarded. I can’t fully surrender to it. I just keep wondering: am I a fool for hoping there’s more happening between us than just sex? It’s clear that he wants me, but does he want to be with me? Wouldn’t he have said so if that’s how he feels?
I know I should just ask him, but…damn it. Why is it so hard to talk about this stuff?
No, I know why. It’s hard because I’m afraid I already know what his answer will be.
When Rock comes, letting out a deep groan as he tilts his forehead against mine, it doesn’t trigger the same in me.
“You didn’t come,” he says afterward, frowning at me.
I smile at him and kiss his shoulder. “It still felt good.”
He shakes his head and reaches between us, sliding his thumb over my clit. “Nope. I’m not letting you get out of this shower until you do.”
He’s still deep inside me as he touches me. I close my eyes and lean my forehead against his chest, a teary feeling gathering in my own. It feels so good, him touching me like this, so focused on my pleasure. But I’m realizing now that I can’t do this on a purely physical level. If we’re going to be intimate like this, I need more—because I’m feeling more.
“You’re so pretty, Em,” he murmurs against my ear. “You know that?”
His words hug around me.
“So pretty. I’ve always thought that, you know.”
More, Rock. Keep talking to me like that.
“That’s it. Relax into it.”
I grind against his hand, biting down on my lip.
“Come for me, Em. Let go.”
I love you, Rock.
An orgasm swells up quickly inside of me, fast and short but intense. After I come down from it, he pulls out of me and leans away to grab a bottle of shampoo.
The glow from my orgasm is gone by the time we step out of the shower and towel off. As I’m drying my hair, a question lodges in my throat and refuses to go away.
“Hey, what ever happened between you and Paige?” I ask, trying to sound as casual as I can.
Rock pauses for a second as he fixes his hair in the mirror. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve heard her version, but you and I have never talked about it.”
“There’s not much to tell.” He shrugs. “We dated for a few months. It didn’t work out. We broke up.”
“You broke up with her, right?”
“Yeah.”
I fiddle with a tangle in my hair. “Well…Paige said you were kind of a jerk about it, Rock.”
He’s silent for a minute. Then: “Yeah. I was. I didn’t mean to be an ass to her, I’m just…terrible at that kind of stuff. I’m not proud of it.”
My heart sinks. I think this is the reason I’ve never talked to Rock about his relationship with Paige before—I was worried that it was true.
“I’m just…I dunno. Bad at relationships.” Rock stares at himself in the mirror, then shakes his head and looks down at the sink. As he puts his things in order, it’s clear that he’s done with this conversation.
And I’ve heard what I need to hear. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone—and that includes me.
I try to shake off the disappointment in my chest as I walk out of the bathroom. In the bedroom, I check my phone to see if I have any more messages from the girls. I don’t, but I do have a text from my mom, checking about food allergies for dinner on Sunday.
“Hey, you’re fine with shellfish, right?” I call out to Rock.
“Yeah, why?” he replies.
“My mom’s planning the menu for Sunday dinner.”
Rock walks out of the bathroom and clears his throat. “Uh…shit. Is it okay if I don’t go this time? Wes invited me over to watch the game.”
“Oh.”
“Sorry. I didn’t realize you were going to want me to keep going to dinner.”
I’m disappointed, but I don’t let it get to me. He’s right. “No, it’s okay. It’s not like we talked about it. It’s fine, I’ll just tell my parents you already had plans.”
“You sure, Em?”
“Yep, it’s fine.”
“If you really want me to go—”
“No. It’s fine,” I say, forcing a smile. “Really. You should hang out with Wes.”
Because the last thing I would want to do is try to force something that isn’t there.