Chapter Nine
My alarm goes off at the usual five AM. I blink my eyes open, taking inventory of what muscles are sore this morning. My shoulders are the worst from the work I did yesterday.
A shift behind me has me fully alert. It doesn't take long for me to remember that Bennett is in the bed with me. We watched a movie together, fell asleep together. This is so crossing the line, but I didn't care about that last night.
Shit.
I remember him falling asleep with his arm wrapped around my waist but as some point last night, he moved to his back, so at least I don't have to try and move his arm.
I sit up slowly and turn the alarm clock off.
I start with stretching my arms above my head, then crossing each over my chest to loosen my muscles.
There's an audible pop when I straighten my back.
"I'd think you were auditioning to be a Keebler elf with all the snap, crackle, and popping you're doing.
" Bennett's voice is sleepy, barely audible in the early morning.
I turn around to see him with his eyes half open.
The blanket is only covering his waist and the shirt, my shirt, he slept in has risen up to show off the bottom half of his stomach. I can't help but look.
"This is because of you," I say. I'm about to elaborate that it's because of all the work I had to do while he stood there yesterday, but he sits up and slings one arm around my shoulder. His fingers scratch lightly over my clothes, sending chills down my spine.
"You'd be feeling a lot different if it was because of me," he whispers in my ear. His hand moves to slide over my shoulder and trails slowly down my back. I feel his breath against the back of my neck.
"You need to get some more sleep," I retort.
Not just because I have animals waiting to be fed and stalls to be mucked, but because last night was a fluke.
We shouldn't be crossing the line like this.
Bennett is great to talk to, he's funny, kind, and knowledgeable, but he's also my professor.
It would be the one guy that I actually could like in a long time would be someone that I can't have.
"I'll be back in about an hour or so to get you for breakfast, then I can take you home. "
Bennett's hand falls away and I move to the dresser to find my clothes for the day.
I catch his glance in the mirror. I can see the confusion and hurt obvious in his expression.
I sigh, knowing that it would be stupid to leave him sitting here questioning if I'm mad or whatever.
I would be if someone I spent the night with, even as innocent as we were, said that and just left. I turn around and look at him.
"I'm sorry. I just… This is new to me." Bennett tilts his head to the side, but I keep talking.
"I mean, being intimate and sharing a bed isn't new, but I haven't been in a relationship in years and you're my professor, even if you are younger.
I just don't think it's smart for us to keep going down this path. "
Bennett pushes the blanket away and moves to stand in front of me.
My arms are crossed over my chest and he rests one of his hands where my arms cross.
"I have the same hesitation with the whole student thing," he starts.
"But I do enjoy spending time with you. Plus, I'm only your teacher for five more weeks.
" The room goes silent for a moment before he speaks again. "We can be friends, right?"
I want to point out that friends don't almost kiss or share a bed, but I'm smart enough to know what he means.
If neither of us are comfortable with crossing that line, but we only have five more weeks of the class left…
We can decide if we want to do anything further then.
I nod instead of saying anything. His expression falters just slightly and I see the beginning twitches of a smirk.
That settles something in my stomach and I push him away from me. I'm smiling as I do it.
"Go back to bed. I'll be back to make breakfast."
"Don't have to tell me twice," Bennett says. I watch him flop back onto the bed, rolling onto my side and smiling at me. I roll my eyes, doing my best to pretend to be annoyed and not fighting whatever is making my stomach flip.
I don't see Charlie or Joyce out on the porch as I drive my truck to the barn.
The animals are all awake when I open the doors, some giving me the silent treatment for being late on feeding them.
I lead the horses out to the pasture for the day and get to work cleaning out their stalls.
We're scheduled to do a deep clean on these stalls in the next week, something I'm not really looking forward to.
My thoughts constantly travel back to last night, replaying every moment, overthinking all that was said.
I made it through almost all of the movie before falling asleep, enjoying the way Bennett fit so perfectly against my body.
It has been a while since I've been with someone for more than a couple of hours. My last relationship was serious, but it didn't end well. I was given an ultimatum of the farm or him. If I knew then what I do now, that the farm would be sold, I'm not sure I would have made the same decision.
I let out a deep sigh when I finish with the last of the chores and head back to my truck.
The sun is rising quickly in the July morning.
I can already tell it's going to be a hot one today.
The house is quiet when I creep back in.
It's barely seven-thirty so I'm sure Bennett is still asleep.
I wouldn't mind sleeping for another hour or so either, but I need a shower.
"Mmm, good morning in deed." Bennett's voice travels from somewhere under the blanket on my side of the bed as I walk into my bedroom.
I'm wearing a pair of jeans with the towel slung over my neck.
I need to dry my hair before I put a shirt on and I realized too late that my hair dryer is in the hallway bathroom where Bennett used it last night.
My only response to him is to throw the towel as I pass around the bed. His laughter follows me out into the hallway. A few seconds later, a sleepy-eyed Bennett is leaning against the doorway while I dry my hair. It's not long, but enough that drying it properly takes a few minutes.
"You do this routine every morning?" Bennett asks when the noise dies down. I can practically hear the yawn he's hiding.
"Except Saturdays," I say easily. "Sometimes I have help, but today it was just me. I've always been an early riser."
"Can't say I'm the same," Bennett says. This time, he does yawn. I fail at hiding my smile.
"And yet, you're teaching an eight A.M. class. How does that work out?"
"Lots of caffeine," he answers with no hesitation and a seriousness I haven't seen yet this morning. "The consumption of which has never been studied in the human body."
"You're full of it, you know that?" I laugh at his ridiculousness. He steps forward and plasters himself against my bare chest. His arms snake around my sides and hug me tightly. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to absorb some of your energy."
"How about I make you some food and you can make coffee?" I feel him nod his head, but neither of us move for another moment. "Come on, you're burnin' daylight, sleepyhead. Let's go eat and I'll get you home."
His arms fall from around me and he tilts his head back to look at me, scowl perfectly in place. "You're very bossy for someone who spent the night being the little spoon, you know that right?"
He looks so adorable the way he's grumbling his words that I don't even say anything back. I have to fight the urge to lean forward and kiss the frown off his lips. Instead, I take a step back, officially breaking the contact between us. "Come on, let me get a shirt and I'll make us some omelets."
I can smell the coffee already brewing when I walk back out of the bedroom with a fresh shirt on.
I look up from my phone, where Charlie texted me asking if I can find the time to talk today.
I know I've been avoiding him these last few weeks, but some of it isn't on purpose.
I do my work in the mornings, sometimes he joins me, but then I'm either getting ready to head into the city or I skip out on family dinner to study.
Other days, I just come back home for a bit or take Zula out for a ride.
My phone clatters on the kitchen table, making myself and Bennett jump. I didn't mean for it to make such a loud noise. "Everything okay?"
I tilt my head side-to-side and shrug. "My brother wants to sit down and talk today. I've been avoiding him."
"Is it about the farm?" Bennett turns around and rests his lower back against the countertop. He holds out a fresh cup of coffee toward me. "I haven't added any cream or sugar yet. Didn't know how you liked it."
"Just a dash of cream is good for me," I say. I move to the fridge and grab the Vanilla creamer I keep stocked. "Sugar is in the second cabinet over there if you want any. Just please close the lid tight or ants will get into it."
I smile at his expression before taking the cup from his hand. He immediately picks up his own. "So, is that what your brother wants to talk about?"
"Probably," I say. "I'm not sure what else there is to talk about at this point."
"Have you found a place you'd like to move to?" I know he's just making conversation, but I'd like to avoid thinking about having to move out of my childhood home. I've never lived anywhere else and I never planned to.
"I've mostly been in the avoidant stage." I turn the eye on on the stove and set my pan down while talking. I'm keeping it fairly simple with just diced peppers and onions and cheese. "I hate the thought of living in an apartment, but there isn't much else available out this way."
"Hey, don't knock the apartment life." I know Bennett is trying to keep the conversation light and I appreciate it, but I can feel my mood souring with each passing second.
I'm even whisking the eggs a bit too harshly.
"We had a house for a couple of years when I was young, but then my parents moved us into a condo and I've been an apartment person my whole adulthood. "
The kitchen fills with a sizzling sound when I pour the eggs into the hot pan.
I focus on not burning the food for a couple minutes, adding the other bits when needed to make the fluffiest omelets.
Clark is always saying how my eggs are so much better than his mamas and I know it doesn't actually get on her nerves, but she has asked me to show her how I do it before.
"Would you ever live in a house?" I ask, glancing over my shoulder to look at him after I flip the omelet in the pan. The smells are making my stomach rumble in anticipation. "If you could live anywhere, where would be the dream?"
"Easy." Bennett's voice gets closer to me and within a few seconds, he's standing next to me, back against the counter again.
"Two-story house, at least an acre of yard each front and back, husband, two kids, maybe three.
Definitely a dog. I want big, bay windows upstairs because having them downstairs isn't worth the view.
I like the idea of a turn around style driveway, but that's getting a bit fancy. "
"You haven't thought about this at all, have you?" The joke falls flat as he continues to speak.
"I want the laundry room to be directly off the bathroom because that makes the most sense to me.
Just strip and toss them right into the washer.
" That bit gives me a chuckle. Currently, my laundry room is across the hall from the bathroom.
"And I'd like to have at least one guest bedroom and an office. "
I stare at him in mild disbelief at the specifics of his dream home.
It sounds amazing and shockingly family-oriented for someone that has said he left his family and the business.
I want to pry, to ask if he sees himself settling down sooner or later, about adoption, and a hundred other questions that swarm through my mind on a make believe future of us sharing this house.
I hold back, though.
We are nowhere near that type of future. I'm not even sure we'll have a future a couple of weeks from now.
I finish making our breakfast and plate them before we sit down at the table together.
This is why we can't keep going down this path.
I know myself well enough that if we keep spending nights together and making breakfast, having conversations like this, my imagination and heart will take off, leaving my brain scampering behind.
We don't carry the conversation while we eat.
I finish first and move to the sink to wash my dish.
By the time we're both done and ready to head back to the city, the mood has definitely shifted.
There isn't talk of futures, dream homes, not even of what happened last night.
The truck bounces lightly along the dirt road as I drive us toward the main road.
I can see Charlie outside, as well as Clark.
I slow and roll my window down when I get close to them.
"Hey, Uncle N. Where are you going this early?
" Clark jogs toward the truck. I panic just a bit.
I was just going to wave and keep going.
I glance over at Bennett and see his face is turned away completely and he's even turned part of his body too.
I really didn't mean to actually stop. I'm still at a slow crawl, but I shift myself forward a bit to try and hide Bennett, too.
"I'm just heading into the city for a few things," I say. "I have an open house later this morning, so I'll be back around lunch."
I see the surprise in his eyes when he spots the person sitting in the passenger seat. He gives me that expression that says I will be answering questions about this later and runs back off.