48
Dusk dipped over the canyon walls, darkening my surroundings as I wound through the camp, alone. All around me, soldiers milled about, eating, drinking, laughing. Yet my heart churned like an angry sea, a mess of dark anger and violent frustration. I barely contained my desire to snarl at them to shut the fuck up.
Never had I cared for someone so extensively as I had Assyria. I’d never washed a female’s hair before. Never attended their every need for weeks. Helped them dress and undress. Mount and dismount. Eaten every meal with them. I ticked off a massive list of things I’d done for my mate since she injured her shoulder as I stalked away from the army.
I needed space, time to think.
Especially since she ran away from me after I told her she was beautiful. And not in the way that I liked.
Why the fuck does that bother me so much?
An awkward silence had stretched between us in the days since. She’d gone inside her head again, though that didn’t mean I wasn’t aware of exactly what she was thinking. Rather than vocalizing them, the whirlwind of her thoughts assaulted our bond. I had to keep a firm barrier up even now to block them out.
Fuck, she was almost as bad as me with her mind working in overdrive.
At least she could sleep. I hadn’t, not really, the past few nights. Instead, I’d rested beside her, replaying our time in the oasis waterfall over and over. Wondering what I’d done to have her pull away and disappear after I made her come around my cock.
Before her, a female’s feelings were never something I considered after coupling.
I sucked in a deep breath once I broke through the last of the tents. At this end, closest to Ustlyak and the horde of Angels, a host of sentries waited. They all offered me precise salutes as I passed them.
I almost hoped that one of those fucking white winged insects would appear just so I could unleash some of the rage building inside me. Anger was a protective emotion, which was why, for centuries, it had been all I allowed myself to feel.
I’d rather feel nothing at all.
The sound of trickling water caught my attention, and I strode to a small stream hugging the curves of the canyon’s walls. Dropping to my knees, I dunked my hands into the cool water and brought it to my lips. Crisp and fresh, it didn’t assuage the burning inside me in the slightest.
Would anything, though?
Killing would; it always did, at least for a little while. Especially after extending my power to its maximum. I’d never developed a trauma response from the battlefield, unlike so many others. Maybe it was because I’d done so much worse before ever setting foot on one.
I stared at myself in the rippling mirror, trying not to judge what I saw.
The screams didn’t bother me. The blood, the gore, the smell of decaying bodies, none of it had a detrimental effect on me.
If anything, it only ignited my lust for more. Bronze blades whetted in ruby, shadows swirling like an inferno around me, calling upon the dead to do my bidding was my home. It was where I belonged.
It was where I was in control.
With Assyria, I was completely out of it. I was caught up in her desires and how they collided with mine. The tempest of emotion that stormed between us. The bite of her words and the fire in her devious burgundy eyes.
I wanted her to obey; I wanted her fight. The two impulses were antithetical to one another, and that was what made this situation so tumultuous for me.
Stars winked into existence overhead, reflecting off the clear water. The moon peeked over my shoulder. Together they cast a false halo around my fluid form.
I was a villain; I was only trying to protect us from the real monsters.
A soft sound caught my attention, and I ripped myself away from my reflection, hand flying to my sword. Through the darkness, a set of burgundy eyes burned into me. Two dark shapes framed her as she approached.
A sinister growl rumbled in my chest. “What the fuck are you doing? Get back to camp. You aren’t safe out here.”
Assyria stopped in front of me and popped out a hip. Those bow-shaped lips flattened into a thin line. “I came to see if you were okay, but clearly that was the wrong thing to do since you’re acting like a major asshole again.”
Her tone was threaded with snark.
What was she thinking, coming out here? Putting herself at risk? For what, because I let some emotions slip down our bond?
“You’re right, and I don’t need you checking on me.”
My voice was sharp, cutting through the night like a blade. Then, I ripped my attention to my hounds.
“Escort,”
I commanded them, pointing back the way they’d come. Their ears flicked, and Grem whipped around, nudging Assyria’s thighs, trying to get her to take a step back.
“Stay,”
she snapped, her voice sharp as any blade. Grem froze, staring up at her while Zeec glanced between us.
The muscles in my jaw vibrated with the force of my anger. “Do not give them orders in direct contrast to mine.”
Assyria’s lips curved into a challenging, saccharine smile. “What’s the matter, Halálhívó? Afraid you’re losing control over your precious beasts?”
I flared my nostrils and counted to ten, working to walk back the rage rising to the surface. “They answer to me above you.”
She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “They like me better since they spend more time with me now.”
“For good reason, since you’re out wandering where you shouldn’t be,”
I growled, taking a menacing step forward. Grem scooted out of my way so I could tower over my mate.
“Well you shouldn’t be out here alone either,”
she quipped, crossing her arms.
“I know how to fight and use my magic to my advantage, little imposter. I’ve killed thousands of Angels. In fact, it would make me feel infinitely better to swing my blade through the neck of one.”
I jerked on the hilt of my sword, pulling the bronze blade partly out of its sheath to prove my point. Then, I snarled at the dogs again. “Escort.”
This time, both Grem and Zeec popped into action and herded Assyria a few steps back.
She tried to hold her ground while she stared at me, her expression like daggers being thrown in my direction. “Stay,”
she gritted out, fingers curling into fists. Then she pushed past their attempts to take her back to camp and stomped toward me.
Fire ignited in her eyes. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
She shoved at my chest, harder than I anticipated, but she didn’t smother the wince that came with it quick enough. “You can’t stand the idea of someone else doing for you what you’ve been doing for me, can you?”
She didn’t know how right and wrong she was.
I snatched her good arm, not wanting to injure the still-healing one. She hadn’t worn a brace during the day since our last visit to the lead healer, yet it still ached, especially at the end of the day. Like now.
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I can do it myself,”
I snapped. A voice in the back of my mind told a different truth. I smashed it into a million pieces.
Hurt traveled down our bond, and a tear fell on Assyria’s cheek. Yet she couldn’t wipe it away with her injured arm, so it rolled all the way down. I reached up and caught the bead as it prepared to drop from her chin. Guilt knotted my stomach at the way she looked up at me.
Here she was, offering me an olive branch, and I was throwing it on the pyre.
I blew out a long breath and pressed her into my chest. The scent of her—roses and red wine—filled my nostrils. I inhaled it like it was the most decadent luxury. Because, for me, it was. These stolen moments touching her were not something I should be affording myself.
“Should a group of them drop from above or approach from the front, I would easily slaughter them. Especially with what I have to protect now.”
My arms tightened around her, and I was glad her face was buried in my chest. I didn’t want to read the expression that would flit across it. Not when she’d run from me before.
I clenched my teeth again and cursed myself for admitting something so vulnerable.
This was why I had wanted to be alone, so I had some time to sort through my thoughts and feelings without her influencing presence. Before we reached Ustlyak and the fighting began again. I couldn’t walk onto a battlefield with Assyria’s fire licking the back of my mind.
I looked up at the sky and counted the stars until I felt like I had a semblance of control over myself again. Then, I released Assyria.
She twisted her mother’s ring around and around her finger as she stepped back. “Come back with me?”
she asked tentatively.
A long sigh escaped me as I rubbed my jaw. “Fine.”
I rolled out my neck and shoulders, then whistled at the dogs to follow us. Both seemed relieved when Assyria and I fell into step and didn’t offer them contrasting orders again.
We walked in silence, tension coiling between us like a snake readying to strike. The bond thrummed with a tumult of emotion from both directions. At least Assyria was as confused about what to feel as I was. She was angry, yes, but an undercurrent of concern melded with it. Wrapping around both was a tendril of pure fear—something I’d never felt from her before.
That only made this ache in my head worse. I had no idea what she was afraid of or why it had suddenly appeared among the rest of her depthless emotions.
The sentries appeared ahead of us, and my fingers itched for my sword. They’d allowed Assyria to walk into danger. They should have had more fucking sense, even if I hadn’t specifically told them not to allow her past. The desire to punish them, to slake the storm of emotion surging in my veins, became too great to ignore.
I unlatched my sheath and stomped toward them. Two had the good sense to widen their eyes and take a step back. The ones who didn’t still trembled as I prepared to unleash my wrath.
“Which one of you didn’t turn her around and send her back?”
I growled. Assyria swept up and yanked on my arm like she was going to drag me away from them.
I shrugged her off.
“Don’t turn your anger at me onto them. We both know you’re doing this because you feel like you need to control something,”
she snarled into my mind.
I ignored her. “Who?”
I spat the word out, leveling my deadly serious gaze on each of the sentries.
“M–m–me,”
one cherry-eyed male stammered. “I made the decision. She said she was meeting you, Halálhívó, and I thought–”
“You thought wrong,”
I seethed, snatching him by the collar and dragging him forward. I threw him on the ground at my feet. “Remove your armor and prepare for your punishment.”
“Halálhívó!”
Assyria hissed. At least she didn’t use my name to admonish me. Someone could obey the rules after all.
“Y–y–yes, sir,”
he stammered, unbuckling the shoulder straps. The metal crashed against the ground before one of the other sentries snatched it for him.
“You two,”
I pointed at the others, “hold his arms.”
I didn’t have a flog or a nine-tailed whip with me, so the flat of my sheath would have to do. With grim expressions, they positioned the offending male for me. This was just as much of a punishment for them as it was for the one receiving the blows.
Next time, they’d think twice about Assyria’s protection.
I glanced at her and the dogs over my shoulder. “Guard,”
I told them. They took close positions on either side of my mate, whose teeth were bared in my direction.
“Rokath, stop. You proved your point to them.”
“When will you learn, little imposter, that I will do whatever it takes to ensure your safety?”
I sucked in a breath and spun my sword in my hand. The long, flat side of the sheath lined up with the male’s back. He wouldn’t bleed but he would certainly have black bruises before the moon rose to its height.
I swung.
The thud that resounded when the blade connected with his back speared satisfaction through me; a jolt of fear traveled down our bond from Assyria.
“One,”
the male gritted out. The two holding him readjusted their grips. They were all seasoned soldiers and knew exactly how this would go down.
“Two,”
he coughed out as I struck him again.
Assyria’s breath hitched. I glanced over my shoulder at her, noting the slight way her hands trembled. The fourth soldier who had retrieved the armor drew my attention by shifting from foot to foot. I shot him a glare and he snapped into perfect posture again.
Tearing my attention away from my mate and him, I focused on delivering much-needed discipline to this male. The impact of the third strike vibrated all the way up my arms, and a crack filled the air around us. He cried out the number, chest heaving. The other two tightened their hold on him as he slumped.
My punishments were always harsher than the rest. It took far less strikes for me to get my point across.
“Rokath,”
Assyria whispered in my mind, but the plea lacked all animosity. More than anything, it sounded wanton.
I twisted to deliver the fourth blow. Air whooshed from the male’s lungs as the flat collided with his back. With a jerk of my chin, I gave the two holding him permission to release him.
He collapsed onto the ground in front of him, sweat dripping onto the dirt beside his hands. The other three dropped to one knee and rested their foreheads on their forearms.
“Finish out your shift and then ensure he is seen by the healer,”
I growled, buckling my sheath to my armor once again.
“Yes, Halálhívó,”
they said in unison. None of them rose as I faced Assyria again. I had expected rage to reign on her features, but what I saw there instead surprised me in the best way.
A rosy color swept across her cheeks, and her lips were slightly parted as she stared at me. Those devious burgundy eyes had darkened, and they raked over me as I closed the distance between us. If I hadn’t been so furious, I might have allowed a malicious smirk to curve my lips.
She liked watching that. I tested the bond for her thoughts. Pleasure curled through me. It was my demonstration of what I would do for her that had desire coursing through her veins. The dark, primal parts of me loved that and wanted to do it again.
“Let’s go,”
I ordered her. She blinked up at me, those dark lashes brushing against her cheekbones before she shook herself out of the rapturous state she’d been in.
I didn’t bother looking back at the soldiers, certain that I’d proved my point and the moment we were out of sight they’d arrange themselves accordingly. Assyria remained close to my side all through the camp, and when we reached our tent, she ducked inside and settled herself on the bed.
I tied the flaps behind us, ensuring we wouldn’t be disturbed, then peeled off my armor piece by piece. Grem and Zeec took their places on their floor, heads propped on paws as they watched me.
When I turned to the bed, Assyria was on her knees, much like she’d been the first night we’d spent together. Her long, dark hair tumbled freely around her shoulders, kissing the curve of her waist. She held her chin defiantly high and stared me down. I expected her to bite at me with those sharp teeth she liked to show.
Instead, she uttered five words that rocked me to my core.
“I…thank you.”
She paused as if she were grappling with the words she wanted to say and wrangling them into leaving her mouth. “Thank you for protecting me.”
Her words were soft too, and they twisted my heart into an even more tangled mess than it already was. I clenched my fists to keep myself from reaching for her again, to prevent her from seeing just how deeply she’d affected me with her gratitude.
All along, that was what I had been trying to do. She’d never seen it, recognized it, before now.
Much like the first time I’d seen a drawing of her eyes, I felt like she saw me to the darkness of my soul. Yet she didn’t balk, didn’t blink. She thanked me.
And that was a gift I didn’t realize I needed.