Chapter 8
eight
Olivia
I diot. What the hell was I thinking? Just because he kissed me once didn’t mean he wanted more. Not from me, from this body. I run across the apartment and into the luscious bedroom. I’d opened the drapes earlier, so I plopped down in a chair facing the view of the city. This might not be a tall building but the view is still spectacular, showing a variety of buildings and green spaces highlighted by the setting sun.
Far different from the view of a brick wall I had in my last apartment.
Dry eyed, I stare out the window. Now I don’t know what to do or how to thank Gabe. I’ve got nothing else to offer, to barter with. Obviously my body isn’t worth that to him, despite the kiss that curled my toes. I’m probably reading too much of my own desire into that brief moment. I ache for him, for his touch. Even just the warmth of his hand holding mine.
I am so screwed. How long will it be before he suggests I leave? Or orders security to escort me from the property. I’d almost convinced myself his offer of a modeling job was real. That I might finally experience my childhood dream. At least for a little while—until my lack of experience and talent expose me as a pretender.
Lack of experience has really messed me up now, too. Sure, I’ve had sex. There’s always some drunk or buddy-challenged guy who wants to make it with a fat girl. Not all that enjoyable for me usually, but when I’d taken one of those infrequent opportunities, at least I could pretend someone wanted me. Someone cared enough to hold me. For a little while anyway.
Those moments also helped me grow a thick skin. I know better than to expect a repeat. Or to even be acknowledged by the guy later. I can take care of my own needs. I don’t need anyone.
Except for the holding. I wrap my arms around myself but I’m a poor substitute for my dreams. I’m a fool to imagine Gabe could be the one who chases away my loneliness. Be someone who wants to touch me—without being bolstered by a pitcher of beer.
Gabe’s rejection doesn’t do anything to dampen the need coursing through me. The astonishment in his expression didn’t stop how my lady bits tingle just thinking about him. Shit, I’d even offered him a blow job and gotten no response. I shake my head at my faint reflection in the window. That’s probably a good thing. I’ve never been complimented on any skill in that department.
I need to leave. Sneak away. He doesn’t have to see me. Doesn’t need to show me the door. I’ll pack up my stuff and… A single tear rolls down my cheek. I am not going to cry. Why should this time be different than any other rejection?
Except it is. There’s a tiny bit of hope, a deep longing that refuses to die. Swiping the tear away I surge to my feet. Feeling sorry for myself has never gotten me anywhere. I’ll gather my things, take my suitcases to the elevator. I’ll have to talk to Gabe though. Damn it. I’m not sure I can use the elevator without his permission or him at least pushing the buttons. There’s sure to be stairs somewhere, I just don’t have the time, or energy, to go searching.
I turn and freeze. Gabe stands in the open doorway, arms loose at his sides, his head tilted sideways as he studies me. Before I voice my plans, he takes a step into the room and asks softly, “What the hell was all that about? Talk to me, Livi.”
I don’t dare look at him and stare instead at the thick rug. “I… I can’t…”
“How about I tell you what I saw? You tell me if I’m right or wrong.”
He moves closer but doesn’t touch me. Oh god, I want him to touch me.
“I saw a beautiful woman who believes she needs to repay my kindness in the only way she thinks I’ll accept. She offered me sex. How am I doing so far?”
Without lifting my head, I nod.
“I saw a woman who didn’t understand when I refused. One who wanted to stand up for herself but wasn’t sure how. Who doesn’t truly believe she’s worth anything more to a man than as a vessel for his cock. One who believes today will turn out the same as some event in her past.”
He’s good. Damn it. And right. Not knowing whether his expression holds derision or the compassion his tone hints at, I still can’t look at him.
“A woman who can see how she affects me then immediately discounts my hard cock as not wanting her. Who doesn’t understand it’s her bountiful curves, her soft luscious body I desire. Not just for sex. I want her. The whole woman.”
He wants me? That can’t be true. I shake my head.
He releases a long slow breath. “And I see a woman who doesn’t believe what I’m saying. What I feel. I see a woman who needs to be shown and not told.”
His bare feet appear against the rug background and almost touch mine. Using gentle fingers he lifts my face. Fearing what I might see in his expression, I squeeze my eyes shut. Or maybe, I’m afraid my own eyes will show what I feel for him. What I need.
“Olivia, I’m going to show you. Now. Here. Unless you tell me no. If you speak that single syllable then I’ll walk away and never touch you unless you ask. Know that I will always want you. This is your choice. Your decision. Open your eyes, baby, and look at me. Tell me what you want.”
What I want? Everything. Anything he might offer. But I can’t open myself to future pain when he realizes he’s made a mistake. Indecisive, I gnaw on my bottom lip.
“God, Livi,” he groans and my eyes pop open. His eyelids lower to cover his huge, dark pupils, his lashes brushing his high cheekbones. Then he stares deep into my eyes, maybe even my soul. “Tell me what you want.”
“I…want… hold me.”
He opens his arms and I ease into his embrace. Resting my cheek against his chest, I listen to the rapid beating of his heart. His breath catches then returns to normal as he smooths strands of my hair back behind my ear and traces small circles between my shoulder blades.
“Like this, Livi?”
“Yes.” After a few breaths, Gabe starts to sway and adjusts me along the length of his body. My fingers curl into the material of his shirt but somehow I resist snuggling closer. We stand like this for a long time.
Finally he leans back and I meet his gaze. There’s a tightness around his eyes even though he smiles. “I’m not done, Livi. I don’t want to let you go.”
He’s speaking the very words my heart is screaming. The admission is difficult so my words are a bare whisper. “I don’t want you to.”
Some of the tension leaves his face. “If we sit somewhere, I can hold you for a long time.”
With his comfort surrounding me I can put off thoughts of leaving for now. “Where?”
“Trust me?”
I nod and he slips his hand down my arm to capture my hand then leads me from the bedroom. When we start under the decorative arch to his bedroom I hesitate.
“Don’t be nervous. We just have to go down this hall to a stairway. Okay?”
“Okay.” If nothing else, now I’ll know where an escape is.
But the flight of stairs only goes up. Gabe pushes a keycode and the heavy metal door silently swings open. Soft lights glow to chase the evening darkness from an oasis of tall green plants in huge pots. Gabe stands back, allowing me to explore his rooftop garden. There’s even a gently bubbling pond with fish gliding through the shallow water.
I turn to look at him. “You have giant goldfish?”
“Koi. Watching them calms me after a rough day. Want to feed them? They’ll take food right from your fingers.”
“As long as they don’t eat my fingers.”
Something blazes in his eyes then is gone. “They’ll only nibble. It… tickles.”
He opens a cabinet then pours a few pellets into my palm from a glass jug. “Sit here and hold one pellet just above the water.”
I follow his instructions and almost immediately a bright white and orange-gold fish investigates and takes the food from me. My delighted surprise makes Gabe laugh.
“These guys are easy. They’ll do anything for food. Just toss the rest across the surface and come with me.”
The four sleek fish attack the floating pellets like they’re starving. The flash of colors as they circle the pool then jostle for their shares is hypnotic. “I see why watching them is calming, even if they aren’t.”
I take Gabe’s hand. “Music?” he asks.
He’s definitely doing a good job seducing my senses. “That would be nice. You choose.”
Under a canopy of leaves from the tallest plants, he sits on a wide, thickly cushioned daybed and tugs me down next to him. The use of a tiny remote surrounds us with subtle instrumental music. “I do a lot of my thinking up here,” he says as he angles a bolster behind us. He tucks me against his side. “The quiet appeals to me.”
“Must be an impressive place to bring a date.” I mentally shake my head. What a stupid thing to say.
His arm tightens around me. “Are you impressed?”
“Well, yes. Of course. But I’m not your date.”
He opens his mouth then presses his lips together and shrugs. “I’ve never brought a woman up here before.”
That can’t be true. Easing from his side, I angle to stare at him.
“I’m telling you the truth. I’ve never wanted anyone else here… in my private space. Until you.”
My heart leaps then my reality returns. “Don’t make fun of me.”
A deep wrinkle forms in his forehead when he narrows his eyes. “Never.”
I want to believe him but don’t know if I can. Or if I dare to allow hope to blossom.
“Come here, Livi.”
Before I react, I’m sitting on his lap. “There. This is what I want,” he whispers. The soft puffs of air over my ear make me shiver.
“I’m too heavy.” Half-heartedly, I try to escape.
“You’re just right. Let me hold you like this.”
“Let me move a little. Please? For my own peace of mind.”
His hands lift from me and hover in the air. I can’t stop my nervous giggle. He looks like the victim of a hold up. Sliding from his thigh, I end up with my butt on the cushion and my legs draped across his lap. My short robe hikes up to expose too much of my thick thighs. When I attempt to pull down the hem, Gabe stops me by resting his palm just above my knee. Before I move further, he gathers me close and encourages me to rest my head against his shoulder.
A slight breeze rustles through the plants, the sound mixing with the bubbling pool and faint music. Warm in his embrace, I angle just a bit to watch his face. Gabe strokes the exposed skin of my outer thigh. Instead of relaxing, my body is hyperaware of every inch pressed against him. God help me, I want more.
My restless shifting makes him smile before his expression turns serious. “Olivia, I want to do more than simply hold you.”
“More?” The tingles at the juncture of my thighs turn to throbs of need. He refused me earlier. What’s different now to make him change his mind?
He nuzzles my neck. “Yes, more. I want to give you pleasure.”
“Give me?” Shit, I can’t say more than two words. I sound like an idiot.
“Livi, baby, let me touch you.” He moves his hand between my thighs to cup me. “Here. That’s all I ask.” He goes still then says, “No. That’s not all. I want—no, I need to kiss you. To explore what we started this morning.”
My thighs clench, capturing his hand and his wicked grin returns. “Your mind might be questioning me, but your body knows. But if you don’t want this, if you tell me to stop, I?—”
Covering his mouth with my fingers muffles his words and I shake my head. “Don’t stop, Gabe.”
His free hand captures the back of my neck, pulling me closer. I’m held captive by how the soft lighting sparkles in the silver in his hair and beard. Until his lips brush mine.
He teases my mouth slowly, exploring and hinting at what my body increasingly hopes will happen. Trying to increase the pace and the delightful way he makes me feel, my tongue duels with his. He pulls back. “This is my time to take care of you. Will you let me?”
Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe if we go slow, I’ll have more time to memorize the moments to sustain my fantasies later. “Yes.”
“Good girl.” He returns to his slow, deep kisses. The man has a talented mouth. For the briefest moment I wonder how his kiss might feel against my throbbing lady bits. Determined to enjoy what I have, I shove the wistful thought away.
With his mouth moving against mine, he lays me down and stretches beside me on the wide cushion. Finally the hand he’s kept still between my thighs moves, stroking and teasing until his fingers part me to draw my slick arousal over the aching bundle of nerves.
“You’re wet. Is this for me, Livi?”
Stupid question. “You’re the only one here.”
His rough chuckle vibrates through me. “I’m glad you aren’t wearing panties.”
The memory of how I’d offered myself earlier tightens my muscles and I clench my thighs around his hand, stilling his fingers.
“Olivia, please look at me.”
He doesn’t move as he waits until I lift my gaze to his. “What happened earlier…” His eyes close and he takes a deep breath. “We’ll talk about it some other time. Now, baby girl, I don’t want… I don’t need you to do anything but receive the orgasm I’m going to give you. This is not about me other than how much I want your pleasure. I need to feel you come apart. I need to hear my name on your lips. This is for your pleasure, Livi, not mine. Yours. Do you understand?”
I understand the words but don’t believe his intentions are so unselfish. No guy ever put me first. Most didn’t even put me second. All I can give him is a half-truth. “Yes.”
“Yes what?”
“I understand.”
His smile is wicked. “No, I don’t think you do. So I will have to show you. Now, we’re done with talking. Relax your legs, Livi.”
Anything I might say disappears from my brain when his fingers move against me. He circles, strokes, pinches until low moans sound deep in my throat.
Taking my lips again, he slides his tongue into my mouth as he enters me with his finger. He captures my gasps as he strokes in and out a few times before adding a second finger. With unerring strokes, he teases my g-spot and presses his thumb rhythmically against my clit.
To contain my rising cries, I twist my head away and cover my mouth with my hand.
He stills. “What are you doing?”
I speak from behind my hand. “I’m gonna come.”
“Yes, you are. I want to hear you.”
“No, Gabe. We’re outside. Someone might hear.”
“So what if they do? Does the sound of your release embarrass you?”
“No.” At his disappointed expression, I amend my answer to the truth. “Yes.”
The slow thrust of his fingers returns. In. Out. “Someone told you the sounds you make are bad. Wrong.”
“Ugly,” I blurt. “Too loud.”
“Oh, baby girl, whoever said that…they were wrong.” His eyes close and pain flashes through his features almost faster than I recognize the emotion. Then he opens his eyes and smiles. “We’re going to prove how wrong they were. Come for me, Livi. I need to hear you. Please, don’t disappoint me.”
Arching one eyebrow, he sets a firm pace with his fingers and thumb. My robe falls open and he leans close to rub the softness of his beard over my distended nipple. He sucks it hard into his mouth.
“Gabriel,” I shout, followed by a long, high keen as my orgasm breaks then rises again with a second under his demanding touch. When my muscles relax and I fall back against the cushions, his name is a breathy sigh.
Fingers still moving gently inside me, he rains tiny kisses over my cheeks before closing the front of my robe. “Would you like another, baby girl?”
“Another?” I sigh. I’m usually lucky if have one honest, reasonably satisfying orgasm with a guy. Or just with myself. Gabe has already given me two.
“Yes, Livi. I think another is a good plan.” He slips his fingers from me and holds them up so I can see the glistening shine of my juices. My face heats. Then burns when he takes a long, slow lick and groans. “Please, baby. May I have another?”
No woman in her right mind would turn down his pouting lower lip and sweet request. And I am so not in my right mind when it comes to Gabriel Winter.