43. Graciella
FORTY-THREE
GRACIELLA
I HATE IT HERE.
Me:
I need you
Ari:
Thatcher’s about to get his award. Are you coming back?
Me:
Not coming back in. Can’t
Me:
Can you meet me at your car when he’s done?
Ari:
***
Ari:
I’ll whistle and dip right after. I’ve already heard his speech a million times
Me:
No, stay. I’ll be fine.
Ari:
I can tell when you’re lying
Ari:
I’ll make it up to him with a blow job. It’s fine.
I stood in the parking garage, heels dangling from two fingers because I couldn’t stand to be in them for one more second.
Couldn’t stand to be in there for one more second.
Ari pulled up and I slid in. My dress bunched up high enough that the leather chilled the backs of my thighs.
She took one look at my face and drove. The car was quiet. Nothing but the clicking of her turn signal and the low hum of the air conditioning.
The window glass cooled my temple as I watched people spill out of bars. Everyone out there was having a perfectly normal Saturday night. Meanwhile, my life was falling apart for a third time.
I dug my thumbnail into the edge of my gold polish and peeled a flake of it away.
All ten nails were practically bare by the time we walked into my apartment.
It felt strange. Too quiet. Too still.
Like it was holding its breath right along with me.
I dropped onto the couch, satin fabric pooling around me on the cushions.
The armchair creaked as Ari settled into it across from me, feet tucked up underneath her, watching me.
“Okay,” she said. “Spill.”
I gnawed on the inside of my lip. Where to fucking start?
“Tyra was there.”
Ari went still. “At the awards?”
I nodded, pulling the throw pillow into my lap and holding it like a life raft. “She cornered me in the hallway while I was getting some air.” I paused. “She’s running a piece on Monroe…”
The only sound in the apartment was a group of college kids passing outside the window, their voices rising and falling. Someone shrieked with laughter.
I hated that they were happy.
No, that wasn’t quite right.
I hated that my happiness was gone.
“What kind of piece?” Ari asked after the noise passed.
I told her.
About the photographs. About Lauren.
About how her future father-in-law was tangled up in all of it.
She looked away, and the muscle in her jaw ticked.
“That fucking asshole. What if you don’t give her the exclusive?” she asked, eyes finding me again.
“She still runs it.” My voice snagged. “And we both get dragged through the mud.”
Ari leaned forward, elbows on her knees. “What kind of damage are we actually talking about? Realistically. Like…maybe this blows over. Maybe it won’t be that bad and you just do nothing.”
I shook my head before she even finished.
“A story about him sleeping with his publicist. The publicist who was actively running a fake relationship campaign for him.” I pressed my thumbnail into the seam of the pillow.
“Even if nobody cares about us, or about Itzel. His job was already on thin ice before any of this. A scandal this bad—”
I swallowed, needing a moment. “They’re not going to stand by him.” The words were barely above a whisper.
“Shit.” Ari’s eyelids fell closed, the gravity of the situation hitting her.
“And Itzel,” I continued. “I have to think about her, too. She didn’t sign up for any of this. If I take the offer, I can at least try to minimize the damage to her.”
The apartment was silent again.
“What does Monroe know?”
I looked down at the pillow in my lap.
“Nothing.”
“Graciella.” Ari’s voice was careful. “He needs to know about this.”
“I know.” The words were sharp. “I know he needs to know. I just—” I pressed my lips together. “I need to figure out what I’m going to say to him first. What I’m going to do…”
Ari studied me for a long moment. “Is this really a decision you should make on your own?” She tilted her head. “I mean, this affects him, too. Don’t you think he deserves a say?”
I didn’t answer, picking at that same pillow seam.
“Gracie.”
“My job,” I said finally, “was to protect his career. That was the whole point of why he hired me.” A humorless laugh fell out.
“Fuck. I fucked that up for him, too, because he never even wanted to hire me. I shoved my way into his life and then didn’t protect shit.
That damn story should be about how I’m the villain in his life. ”
“That’s not—”
“It’s true.” I looked up at her. “I’m the reason this is happening. I’m the reason his job is on the line, again, that Gol—” I choked on the words. “That his daughter will be affected, and one of my best friends is getting dragged into something she never asked for, and—”
My throat tightened, and I looked back at my hands. I couldn’t handle seeing judgment in Ari’s eyes for what I was about to say. “I don’t know how to sit across from him and tell him that…if I want to tell him that.”
“Well, what do you want?”
Ari’s words landed, heavy and uncomfortable.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared at the glass of the window. The faint reflection of my face was distorted in the aged pane, but clear enough to read the pain etched on my features.
I didn’t know.