Chapter 37 Adrian
ADRIAN
It’s a long flight. As soon as Sonya falls asleep, I head to the same bathroom she’d locked herself in earlier.
I can’t stop thinking about her on my lap and how it seemed like she could want me, the way she was pushing against my cock.
Then she ran away, and it terrified me. I was afraid that we’d crossed a line that we couldn’t come back from. That she’d never want to see me again.
But Sonya opened the bathroom door…and we had dinner. We talked and…
She moaned while eating my cookies, the prettiest sounds I can’t stop hearing in my head.
I turn on the tap, twisting all the way for cold water. Then I dunk my hand under the freezing stream.
Going straight to the source, I unbuckle my pants and release my aching cock. It springs forward, slapping up against my stomach. I grip myself, hissing at the coldness.
Nothing softens. If anything, I get harder. Fine, but don’t you dare fucking stroke yourself.
I do.
Up and down. Only once.
My whole body shudders.
Okay, whatever you do, don’t think about her and how she’s somewhere on the other side of this door.
There are so many fantasies to choose from.
But I need to pick one—any—so I don’t make the desperate need for Sonya churning inside me any worse than it already is.
I should picture a random woman. As long as she doesn’t have dark hair, dark eyes, and the darkest of clothes, or a scowl that twists her rosy mouth in so many different angles that I’ve started trying to figure out what each one means.
Like if her soft, scowling mouth is clamped shut and she’s rolling her eyes, it’s as if she’s got a lot to say but holds herself back.
Or if her soft, scowling mouth is clamped shut and she’s rolling her eyes and she huffs, she’s choking back exasperation, but also—I hope some amusement.
And if her soft, gorgeous mouth is curled down and she’s pacing, it means she wants to get up in your face and strangle you, but is trying really hard to pretend that whatever is happening doesn’t matter.
Then there’s her beautiful, flat-lined bored mouth.
It taunts without a word and makes me want to pull that bored mouth up close and rub my thumb across the seam, back and forth, dipping into wet heat, telling her that I’ll happily swallow all her grumpiness—as long as she touches my—
My eyes snap open, and I catch myself in the mirror. Two pools of desperate blue rounds with obvious panic. How the fuck am I fucking my fist to her frowns?
I can’t stop. The tendons in my hands stand out as I tug on myself, all the way up, then all the way down, tip to root. A deeper flush marks the bridge of my nose.
Why do I look like this?
In the past, I’ve fucked myself in front of a mirror before, multiple times. But I’ve never looked like this.
The man staring back at me is—is—
I pick up speed, trying to ignore the starvation carved into my expression.
Stop making it worse. Finish already.
But it can’t be about her frowns and wanting to memorize each one as if it’s deeply critical knowledge. I need to fuck my fist to something much, much dirtier. Think about her mouth again, but have her stick her tongue out and you tap that with your cock, and—
I’m holding her again.
She’s in my arms, and we’re talking to each other. It’s safe to whisper secrets, to peel back and expose what’s lived in the cramped dark inside us for so long. Our dreams, memories, fears, hopes, joy.
She knows Jesse’s name. How did that happen? I don’t ever talk about him.
Somehow, I told her.
I bite back another groan
…and then dinner…
I’m used to showboating with stories to impress and make people laugh. But her? I told her about crappy jobs and growing up poor and shitty dads. Unfiltered clumsy pieces of myself…that she listened to…
My balls tighten.
I’m about to lose it.
But it shouldn’t be to this.
Every muscle in my body tenses as my mind scrambles. I should fantasize about having her on my lap again, and I do, but her hands are lightly touching my shoulder, and I’ve got my arms wrapped around her, nuzzling her neck from behind, and we’re—we’re—
My release spurts all over my hand. It’s a mess that won’t stop coming out.
My hard length jerks again. More? How much more is there?
It’s sloppy and abundant, dripping everywhere. I need to clean up, but before I do, I look in the mirror again. My chest heaves up and down and that same panicked expression hasn’t left me.
My head is spinning and I don’t know where to go, but it’s clear I need some sort of emergency intervention because I got off on us…
Talking. Not only that, but cuddling and talking.
The cleanup takes a few minutes, and afterwards I pull out my phone.
My head bows and I chew on my lip as I open the group chat.
Can I do this? Should I do this? I don’t want to, but panic bubbles so close to the surface of my body that I almost taste it, and I need advice.
Desperately. And I’ll never tell them names, that it’s about Sonya.
I send a message, praying my two best friends aren’t busy. My hands aren’t steady as I type.
ME
So hypothetical situation
QUINN
Your hypothetical situations are never hypothetical
ME
This one is
I’m hard and it’s not that I don’t want to be
QUINN
Dude, no
Dmitri Lokhov left the chat.
Adrian Hughes adds Dmitri Lokhov back into the chat.
ME
THIS IS IMPORTANT
I NEED SUPPORT
QUINN
We love you
But we aren’t talking about your dick
ME
What if it’s a legitimate issue?????
DMITRI
You have a doctor
Multiple doctors
ME
Please!
I don’t know what to do
QUINN
I can’t believe I’m saying this
But fine, no pictures
And use a metaphor or something
ME
Okay so my sausage is jumping off the pan
Dmitri Lokhov left the chat.
Adrian Hughes adds Dmitri Lokhov back into the chat.
ME
Wait let me phrase it this way
Have you two ever gotten off to something you shouldn’t be getting off to because it’s not dirty?
DMITRI
I’ll pay you a lot of money to stop right now
QUINN
I’m 1000000% going to regret this but what was it?
ME
CUDDLING
QUINN
***
DMITRI
I don’t get it
ME
You’re completely in love with Kavi so you won’t get it
Pretend you’re me for a second
DMITRI
Nope
QUINN
Clothes on or off cuddling?
ME
On
DMITRI
Kavi is beside me
She’s forcing me to write that we’re apparently happy for you
She wants you to call her with the details later
QUINN
Who’s the girl?
My stomach bottoms instantly. Shit. Of course, I can’t tell him that it’s his sister. What am I thinking?!
This whole conversation was a mistake.
I go back to the group chat.
ME
Never mind, I made that all up! HAHAHAHAHA I can’t believe you guys bought into that!!
My phone buzzes again. It’s not the group chat but a message from our rookie, Macklin. He’s following a lead on where Jung might be staying in Oslo. He should have an answer for me in a few hours.
And like that, I’m reminded.
There’s so much at stake.
Even if going to Oslo is the last thing I want to do, I have to find Jung. His contract is on the line.
Not only that, but this next season for the Wings? It’s the most important one we’ve ever played, it’s crucial we start winning again. It’s how our team stays whole.
Don’t forget what being a captain means, I tell myself. I can’t afford to be distracted. Especially when I know that, even if Sonya might be attracted to me, she doesn’t feel anything deeper. She doesn’t want to.
She’s here to hold up her side of an agreement. It’s about not owing me anything for Team Nutcracker.
As soon as her ballet recovers, she’ll retreat back into her own world. None of the moments we’re having change that, and yet the idea that we’ll become more like acquaintances again— fucking skewers me.