Chapter 15 #2
“No, of course not.” I could never do something like that.
“What if you were desperate for money? At risk of being homeless and alone?”
“Absolutely not.”
“When you were at your lowest after the accident, did it enter your mind to hurt someone else?”
“No.”
Sarah gives me an amiable smile. “I understand why you feel bad for Ben. No one should be alone in this life, but that isn’t an excuse for his behavior, Summer. He chose to hurt you. It was a choice. Lots of people have terrible lives and don’t choose to harm others.”
“That helps. Thanks. I don’t know what to do with myself now. Why aren’t I happy?”
“Emotions don’t magically disappear just because someone says it’s over. You know trauma has its own timeline. You are entitled to feel however you do.”
“Everyone else is so happy and ready to move on. I don’t want to bring their happiness down.”
“All the people in your life love you. They are responsible for their own happiness, not you. I am 100% certain they will support you and give you the time you need to deal with this.”
“She’s right, Sunshine,” comes from my doorway. I look up to see Seb leaning against the doorjamb. “Sorry, I was coming to check on you. Didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” he says. “Can I come in?”
I look down at Sarah, who nods with a smile. “Sure,” I reply, sliding over to give him room to sit down.
“Hi Sarah, I’m Seb,” he says, waving at the screen.
“Nice to meet you, Seb,” Sarah responds.
“Sunshine, other than the nightmares, I don’t think you’ve been processing what happened yet. I’m not an expert, obviously, but I think part of you was waiting for the trial to be over. What do you think, Sarah?”
“I think I’m looking at a future therapist,” she smiles. “But yes, I agree. Any idea what you would like to do for the rest of the evening, Summer?”
“No, but I don’t feel like celebrating,” I say, as tears start falling onto my cheeks.
Seb wraps an arm around me as I cry like a broken faucet. “Let it out, Sunshine,” he says, squeezing me tight.
As a waterfall cascades down my cheeks, I scream and yell for the terror and pain I’ve endured. For being violated again when I’m still a virgin. I beat my pillows on the bed, needing to release the pressure bomb of emotions.
“Shortie,” I hear. Looking up, I see Nick entering my room. He moves the laptop and pulls me up off the bed. He grabs two of the decorative pillows off my bed and unzips them, putting his hands inside the covers. “Punch the pillows.”
I look over at Seb, who nods. He has the laptop turned around, and Sarah is still there on video.
Returning my attention to Nick, I start punching the crap out of the cushions.
Tears are still running down my cheeks as I yell out my frustration into the universe. I even throw a few kicks into the mix.
It doesn’t take long before my energy wanes and I flop back onto the bed, a gentler stream of tears falling. Nick drops the pillows and sits on the bed, pulling me into his lap as Seb sets the laptop on my thighs.
“Summer,” Sarah calls, so I look up at the screen. “I know you’re exhausted now, but that was a huge step forward you just took. You’ve been holding all the emotion inside. That was a very healing cry. Would you like to talk more or call me later?”
“Later, please.”
“Okay. Why don’t you take a nice hot bath now and relax? Feel free to call me after or another time,” she smiles.
Realization hits me like a ton of bricks. “Oh crap. Did everyone in the house hear me break down?” I ask Seb and Nick.
“No, Sunshine. I texted E to get everyone out of the house when I first came in here.”
“They’re at the fire pit,” Nick tells me.
“Summer,” Sarah calls, “even if they were inside, there is no need to worry or feel embarrassed. You have trauma, and you’re healing. Your family and friends know this. Let them support you.”
“Thanks,” I nod. “I’ll call you later.” Blowing out a huge breath, I close the laptop. I have as much energy as a tree stump right now.
“I’ll run you a bath, Sunshine,” Seb offers. “Be back in a minute.”
“Better?” Nick asks as Seb walks out.
“Yeah. Good idea with the pillows. Thanks.” Nick nods and adjusts me on his lap as I lean my head against his chest and take some deep breaths. I think I do feel better now. I never realized how much I was holding inside. Hopefully, this is the start of true healing for me.
“Bath is ready, Sunshine, if you want to hop in.” Seb tells me, coming back into my room.
“Thanks, Hurry.” Nick helps me up, and I grab some clean clothes, then lock myself in the bathroom.
Looks like he put my bath salts in the bath.
He’s such a sweetheart. I relax back in the tub and message Holly and Jaxon about the trial results, then pull up Netflix.
Turning on Gilmore Girls, I close my eyes and listen to the show.
I know I’ve been safe since I returned home, and school has been surprisingly peaceful.
There is just something about the finality of the trials that hit me hard.
I can’t run into Cara or Ben now if I’m out in town.
I won’t see them at a party or at the mall, and it’s reassuring somehow.
It’s really over and it seems surreal. The support of my family and friends really helped me weather this storm.
Tonight I want to finish my homework from Sarah and talk through the shower from the cabin and let this all go.
After I leave the bathroom, I find Nick still sitting on my bed. “Hey.”
“Shortie,” he nods. “Seb told Z and the guys you had a long talk with Sarah and had a breakthrough. Nothing more.”
“Okay. Did anyone hear me scream?”
“Don’t think so.” He shakes his head.
I take a deep breath in and slowly let it out. “Let’s get this over with,” I say, walking towards the living room. Instead of feeling like I’m facing the gauntlet, I’m stepping towards my safe harbour.
“Hello darling. Are you doing alright?” Zander quickly asks when he sees me.
“Yup. I feel better. So, what is everyone doing?”
“We are just hanging out,” E smiles. “Do you want to do anything?”
“Not really. I’m kinda tired. How about a movie?”
“Come sit, darling,” Zander offers, sliding down the couch to make room for me.
I take a seat between him and Bay as Zander turns on a comedy movie.
Seb and E take seats on the floor against the couch.
The comedy is funny, and it’s nice to have everyone surrounding me just relaxing. I end up holding hands with Bay.
After the movie, I thank each of the guys again for their support and give them hugs goodbye. I go to the kitchen to make tea, and Zander joins me. “So, how are you really doing, Summer?”
“I’m going to be okay. I’ve got a bit of homework to finish for Sarah, but I’m doing better, Zander.” Setting my mug down, I step forward and give him a hug. “Thank you for all your support. It means the world to me.”
“I’ll always be here for you, darling. I’m glad it’s over and that it went well. Mr. MacLeod is an excellent lawyer, but hopefully we won’t see him again soon.”
“Agreed.” I give him a tired smile. “With any luck, we’ll have some peace for a while. I’m going to get started on my homework, if that’s okay?”
“Of course. I’m going to catch up on some sports scores. Call if you need me.”
I nod and head back to my room with my tea. I text Seb to call me when he gets home, and I settle on the bed. I’ve got a chemistry quiz tomorrow, so I review for that while I wait for Seb.
My grades have been steadily improving since I moved here, and school is getting easier for me again. It’s a tremendous feeling. I’m working on questions from the back of the textbook when Seb calls. “Sunshine, what’s up?”
“I’m ready to finish talking about the cabin tonight.”
“Excellent. Where do you want to start?”
“Let’s start where we left off,” I tell him.
We talk through all the details of what transpired in the shower and on the bed after.
A few silent tears fall as I speak, but this time, talking about it feels like spreading my wings and taking flight.
This moment in my life is over, and I’m turning the page to the next chapter. When I’m done, I loosen a deep breath.
“I’m so proud of you, Sunshine. That’s the last of it, right?”
“Yes, that’s everything that happened,” I say, wiping my eyes.
“You are free now. Have you finished studying for the chemistry quiz tomorrow?”
“Not yet. I was working on it when you called.”
“Get working on that while I finish my AP History homework. I’ll stay on the line.” We chat back and forth as we complete our homework until E calls Seb. I let him go and take my sleeping pill, getting ready for bed and turning on the tv until I fall asleep.