Chapter Eighteen
Maya
Another day living life on repeat. I feel like I’m living in that film from my childhood, Ground hog Day.
I started back at work two months ago, easing myself in with really short shifts.
It’s funny how amnesia works. I don’t remember any of my ‘friends’ or even any of my clients, yet I can remember how to do my job.
It’s got something to do with muscle memory and how it’s stored in a different part of the brain.
Either way, it still baffles me.
Every day I go into the salon, Fallon prewarns everyone that I won’t know who they are, and each person still acts as if I should know them. It’s exhausting. I only stick to five to six hours a day, which apparently is extremely short for me.
But I can’t do it.
The thought of keeping up appearances day in and day out is like torture.
It’s hard enough with the girls, they are lovely and I can tell they’re really trying, but I just can’t be the person they want me to be right now.
Fallon is the main one who wont leave my side and I can see why she is the one I’m apparently closest to.
I feel like she is my comfort blanket, the only one I can really take too at the moment.
She’s just so sad whenever she isn’t trying to help me with my memory and I know she is putting on an act.
The other girls, Gracie and Blair, told me that she lost someone she loved in the accident. Harry.
He saved me.
I sound like the worst person in the world right now, but I can’t bring myself to be grateful to him. I’m continuously stuck in the routine that is my life, and it seems like such a waste. Why did I deserve to be here more than he did?
Nothing makes sense now.
When I was in the hospital, Dr Smyth explained to me that I have PTA (post traumatic amnesia) which can last for hours, or months, or even years. Don’t get me wrong, things have started to feel familiar to me, like I recognise places or random little things, but still nothing substantial.
It's so frustrating.
I say my goodbyes to the girls and head home for the day, knowing Fallon will be following me home in a couple of hours.
She tends to do that, check in each morning and evening to make sure I’m okay.
The day I woke up in hospital, all hell broke loose when I kicked everyone out of the room.
All these people I didn’t know, who expected so much from me.
Apparently, I had a boyfriend that I loved, but I couldn’t face him, so I told Fallon to keep him away from me.
How would it be fair to put a man through that kind of torment, knowing that the woman he loves can’t love him back.
It’s so strange, as even though I don’t remember him I do feel like something is missing. A piece of me not quite whole.
I’m walking through the city, strolling lazily towards my car.
It’s not like I’m in any rush to get home.
My mum had stopped coming to visit me, soon getting bored with putting on the pretence of caring.
She had reappeared a few times, but only to ask me for money, as if I had any to spare right now, four months of no income and now working limited hours isn’t exactly the best. I am mortgage free though at twenty-five by some miracle, I must have really worked my arse off to buy the cabin outright.
The cabin is truly my escape and I understood the draw it must have had on me when I bought it.
There is little I recall, but I do remember needing to escape my childhood home, and a boy who used to save me, if only I could picture his face.
My very own knight in shining armour. Just the thought makes me sad.
The one person that I would love to remember would be him.
The entire drive home I think about the faceless boy and how I would love to meet him again.
Waking up in this cabin is bliss. I make myself a cup of tea and then climb back in bed, wrapped up all cosy with the double doors at the foot of the bed open.
The steady sound of the river running past the door adding to the tranquillity, the currents creating a peaceful symphony.
The view of the greenery and flowers just starting to bloom is so beautiful, no wonder I planted flowers in every available space outside.
Maybe I’ll try some gardening today, the doctors did say that doing things I used to enjoy might help with my memories.
Before I can plan anything else with my day, there’s a knock at the door.
I make my way over to the front door, to be greeted by two police officers, the same two that have been overseeing my case.
Everyone had assumed that the accident was just that, an accident.
It seemed though, that it had actually been a targeted attack, which made Harry’s death a murder.
They have CCTV footage from local bars of the car parked further down the road and aiming directly at me.
What the footage doesn’t show is who was driving.
The search for the car had so far come up with nothing, it had been reported stolen, meaning that tracing the driver was next to impossible but he was still out there, and apparently out to get me.
“Hi Maya, nice to see you again. Are you free for a chat? We have a little update on your case,” Berny, the older of the two asks. He is a lovely man, nearing retirement and likes to mention that fact every time I see him.
“Can we come in love?” Phil asks, he’s the younger of the two, fresh out of training but just as nice all the same.
“Of course, you will have to excuse me not being dressed. I wasn’t expecting visitors today,” I blush, realising I’m still in my fluffy pony pyjama’s.
“Don’t worry at all, we should have called first but wanted to speak to you in person,” Bernie says, his voice more serious.
I make the officers a brew and we all take a seat in my living room.
“So, Maya. We have a possible lead on the case. I’m sure you won’t remember, but you used to be dating someone called Jake Millington…
does that ring any bells?” Bernie eyes me nervously.
I think he doesn’t know how to handle me most of the time, questioning a woman who has no recollection of her past.
“I only know what my friends have told me. I was with him for a year, and he was a bit of a dick to me,” I roll my eyes. “I can’t tell you how true that is though, obviously.”
“We have reason to believe he was the one driving the car. We’ve been looking into it for a few weeks now but didn’t want to come to you with this information until we were more confident that it is a genuine lead.
The main reason we’re here now is that he’s missing.
We’ve tried paying him a visit, his family, his work, he’s nowhere to be found. ”
Shivers crawl up my back and down my arms, making me instinctively reach for my bad arm. It always aches after I’ve been working, and I stayed longer than usual yesterday.
“So he’s out there somewhere?” I worry my bottom lip as I ask. What could I have done to him to make him want to hurt me?
“At the minute, yes. All we want from you is to be more vigilant. If there is anything out of the ordinary, we need you to let us know as soon as you can,” Phil says with his kind tone.
“Okay, I will do. Do you think I’m safe?” Because I don’t bloody feel it.
“Honestly, we have no way to know. It might be a good idea to stay with friends for a while. Or go back to your parents?”
I bark out a laugh. Unable to control myself. Friends I barely know and a mum who should have been done for child abuse. My options are great, really.
“Leave it with me,” Is all I say in reply as they both eye me sceptically.
We chat for a bit longer before they are on their way. After they’re gone, I drop back down onto the couch, sink into it with my eyes closed and take three big deep breathes.
What the fuck am I going to do.
The universe really is out to get me at the minute. I debate texting the girls group chat for over ten minutes before finally giving in.
Maya – Hi girls, I know I don’t message much… is there any chance you could come round?
Fallon – Everything okay? I will leave now.
Gracie – Of course babes, me and Blair are on our way.
Wow, that was easier than I expected, I don’t know why I thought they’d react any differently, they’ve been amazing this whole time. They have been there for me in times I didn’t know I needed it.
I quickly shower and dress before they get here. The first person to walk straight in is of course, Fallon, carrying a tray of coffee cups. What an actual angel she is.
“Gimme gimme gimme!” I reach out like a toddler, clenching and unclenching my fists.
“How can you forget basically everything in life, except for your love of coffee?” She laughs. The laugh doesn’t fully reach her eyes though, the sadness still there in the background.
“It would be criminal to live without coffee, it’s what I depend on to make it through the day.”
“That’s what we call an addiction, Maymay.”
Hearing the nickname the girls call me always makes me happy. To know we must have been closer than we are now. We are definitely getting back to that point. Slowly but surely.
“Mmmmm, is that caffeine I can smell in here?” Blair shouts as she walks in, Gracie trailing along behind her. “How did you manage to go for coffee and still beat us here?”
“Because you two would be late to your own bloody funeral,” Fallon rolls her eyes, making me giggle.
We all get on the couch, Gracie walking round to the other side of the room pulling out four blankets, they all certainly know this house well enough. She hands us all one each before getting herself comfortable.
“Oh girls, I have missed this. Mornings at Maya’s with coffee is my all-time favourite past time,” Gracie says wistfully.
“Is this something we used to do often?” I ask, picking at the lid of my coffee. They’re used to me asking things like this, I just can’t stand to see the sympathy in their eyes when I do.
“Yep, all the time. Always here because you have a comfy as fuck couch,” Blair says straight to the point, making us all laugh.
“Thanks for coming round, I’ve had a visit off the police again today and its freaked me out a bit,” I admit.
“Why? What did they say?” Fallon demands, worry coating her tone.
“That they have a suspect. They think it’s Jake. They have tried to bring him in for questioning, but he’s missing. I’ve been warned that he’s out there and to be wary.” The answering looks they’re all giving me is hard to take.
Blair is raging, I’m surprised steam isn’t coming out of her ears.
Gracie looks petrified, and Fallon… Fallon looks like she’s seen a ghost. Her skin turning a sickly shade of grey, eyes wide open but vacant.
I go to reach for her hand, but she shoots out of the room so fast into the bathroom.
I stare after her confused at what she’s doing, until we hear her retching.
“I’ll go to her. This must be hard for her,” Gracie announces racing out of the room in the same direction.
I turn to Blair, worried I’ve put my foot in it.
“She needed to know, we all did. Don’t you dare worry over that,” She tells me sternly. I know she’s right but it still doesn’t stop me from feeling like shit.
“I’m so fed up with all of this shite. Why can’t I just be back to normal. I don’t even know why he would want to do this to me. Was it really that bad of a relationship?” I never ask too much about the past as it sends me spiralling down a rabbit hole of needing to know more.
“Honestly Maya, you never told us much until it ended. From what we guessed he was a narcissist, manipulating you into being someone you’re not. Other than work, we would never see you because you were always too scared of how he would react.”
“Shit. How did I even manage to get into a relationship like that?” I wonder out loud, not expecting her to answer.
“I have a suspicion as to why, but that’s a story for a day when you’re ready to hear more about the past.” She squeezes my hand in comfort. Any form of reassurance from Blair is rare from what I can gather. I must have had some really fucked up shit going on.
Fallon and Gracie walk back into the room then, shocked to see Blair touching me.
“What? Don’t get fucking used to it bitches. It’s a hard day for us all, okay?” The Blair we know is back.
“I’m sorry Fallon, I should of softened the blow when I mentioned what they said,” I say in earnest. The last thing I want is to upset her anymore than she already is.
“No, I needed to know. Even though it’s a shock, it isn’t at the same time. He was a dick, Maymay. He nearly stole you both away from us.” Fallon replies, her eyes still shining with tears. “Also, you need a new toothbrush, I had to use yours.”
“Great,” I drag out sarcastically, trying to help lighten to the mood.
“You can’t stay here alone Maya and I’m not taking no for answer. Either we move in, or you move out. What’s it going to be?” Wow, that was stern coming from Gracie.
“I vote here. It always feels like we’re on holiday in this cabin,” Blair pipes up.
“That’s fine with me,” Fallon agrees.
“Me too,” Gracie beams. “I know this should be a bad thing, but I’m so excited. It’s like a permanent sleepover with my besties.” She claps her hands together, bouncing in her seat.
“Okay, it’s fine with me. I don’t really want to be alone. Thank you so much for this,” I tell them, my throat closing with emotion. After everything, they still love me enough to uproot their lives for me. I really am so lucky.
Fallon turns to me, taking my hand in hers.
“Then it’s sorted. Let’s head into town, grab our stuff and supplies for a girl’s night.”