Chapter Twenty-Four
Maya
What a long fucking day that was, I never thought they’d go to sleep. First waking up at Tommy’s place, then getting dragged all around Bewdley to pick up more clothes and shit for the girls, ending by me having to entertain them all night. I don’t think I’ve been so happy to get in bed.
The cabin is quiet now that they’re all asleep. Fallon’s silent breathing the only thing reminding me I’m not alone. I love them for it though, how lucky am I that they are willing to uproot their own lives for a while to help me stay safe, and sane.
Being alone isn’t an option for me at the minute, but I would love some alone time.
I can’t stop thinking about Tommy and his offer to stay at his.
Should I do it? How can I feel such a connection to a man I have literally only known for a day?
But, what he said to me keeps playing on repeat in my head.
I can always tell you, but only when you’re ready.
I think I’m at that point. I need to know more now, I need to know what this gaping hole inside of me is from and what it is that I’m missing.
I don’t understand how I can miss someone so much, yet have no idea who they could be.
That boy from my dreams, who would look after me and help me escape always comes to mind. Why can’t I see his face?
These are the things that keep me up at night. No matter how tired I am, my mind won’t succumb to sleep.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will find out about my past, otherwise I won’t be able to move on with my future.
“Maya, I’m really happy with your progress. How are you feeling in yourself?” Dr Smyth asks. I’m at my monthly check up in his clinic. He is such a likeable man, you can tell this isn’t just a job for him. He truly cares about his patients.
“Well, I was hoping you would give me your opinion on something. I know its not exactly what you specialise in, but I think I’m ready to find out more about my life before the accident.”
“Honestly Maya, I think that would be great. You’ve come such a long way since then, maybe finding out more about your past will help you remember some of it,” He says with such a kind tone.
“Why don’t you start off small. Visit places that your friends recommend that meant a lot to you?
Is there anything that seem familiar already? ”
“I remember things about my cabin, like the time when the boiler packed in or how I used to plant the flowers in my garden in a certain way. I think it’s more people that I struggle with,” I thread my fingers together, and watch as I do it.
Trying to not get upset over it. “It’s getting to me a bit now, like I’m missing something but can’t explain what it is. ”
Dr Smyth leans forward, arms resting on the desk between us.
“I can’t begin to imagine the turmoil this must cause you. My only recommendation would be to go slow, take your time and don’t overwhelm yourself all at once.”
We chat back and forth for a few more minutes, planning my next appointment to see him.
“So Maya, I will see you in three months time. but please come back and see me if you need me.” He says as he shakes my hand.
“Thanks, you have been great through all of this,” I raise my hands signalling from my head to my toes, smile at my dramatics.
“Anytime.”
I leave the hospital feeling more hopeful than I did this morning, when I see a familiar face in the car park. Jack is heading in my direction, with a smile taking over his face.
“Hi gorgeous, fancy seeing you here. Everything okay?” he asks, giving me a once over, checking for injuries.
“Yes, I’m absolutely fine.” I smile. “I’ve just had my monthly check up with the doctor who’s been looking after me. How come you’re here? Are you okay?” I ask.
“Yeah all good, I’m just visiting a friend,” He says dismissively.
“Hey, I was wondering when you’d like to go out again.
Maybe an actual date this time?” God, his smile takes over his face making him even more attractive.
I know I should say yes, but there’s something at the back of my mind still not sitting right with me about him.
He must sense the indecision in me as his smile drops slightly. Something in his eyes betraying the facade he’s trying to keep up. Is he angry with me?
“I had a lovely time with you, but I don’t think I’m fully ready to start dating.
I need to sort out the mess in my head before I get involved with anyone.
I hope you understand,” I try to soften the blow, but to be honest, he’s freaking me out a bit now.
Why would he be so persistent when I’m clearly saying no, multiple times.
“Are you seeing someone else? Is that what this is? I’m not good enough for you?” He snarls at me, sending shivers up my arms.
Woah, what the fuck is that about. Fear grips me, churning my stomach and making my muscles tense. What a fucking weirdo. I wish I could just say, yes actually, I am. The problem though, is that I don’t know if tonight with Tommy is classed as a date or not.
“Listen, I’m gonna go. I have told you how I feel, and you chose to make up your own scenario,” I say before turning my back and heading in the opposite direction. I don’t even head in the direction of my car, just anywhere to escape this situation.
I only make it two steps before he grabs my arm tightly, swinging me back towards him. His fingers digging into my bicep, hard enough to leave a bruise.
“Get. Your hands. Off me,” I say slowly and clearly, trying hard not to show the fear I’m feeling. I try to shake him off, but his grip tightens even more.
“Who do you think you are? Acting like your better than me. You, Maya, are no one,” He stares at me intently, hatred behind his eyes.
He blinks a few times, then looks around the car park before releasing me and glaring at me like I was dirt stuck to his shoe.
He even has the audacity to laugh as he walks away.
I’m frozen to the spot in fear. I need to get to my car, but I don’t want him to watch me leave. I stay rooted to the spot until I can no longer see his retreating form.
Then I run.
Jumping into the driver’s seat, I peel out of the car park like a race car driver. I manage to drive for only a few minutes before my breathing is so erratic, I struggle to control the wheel. I pull up on a deserted country road, turn off the ignition and break down.
Hot streams of tears run down my face. My chest rises and falls in quick bursts as I try to catch my breathe.
What the hell just happened. My brain can’t seem to take it in the fact that I was just assaulted by a man, all because I didn’t want to date him.
What the fuck gave him the right to lay a finger on me. How fucking dare he.
Anger takes over now, the overwhelming rage I feel making my whole body shake. As if I didn’t have enough going on, now I have another man giving me shit.
I might not recall the person I was before this nightmare, but I know who I am now. The new me will not take shit from a man. Checking the time, I see it’s 1.54pm. I give myself six minutes to rage, then I’m not letting that man affect me. He doesn’t deserve my time.
After the six minutes pass by, I manage to get my breathing back under control and my hands to stop trembling enough to drive home.
I listen to My Chemical Romance – I’m not okay, belting out the words with my windows down, the lyrics hitting a nerve, explaining how I feel perfectly.
What is it about listening to songs like this.
I can feel it lift my mood by the third time I replay it.
Luckily, I still love the playlists I had saved from before the accident.
As my cabin comes into view, I realise for the first time in a long time, there are no other cars on the drive. Thank god. Finally, some time on my own. I mentally list off all the things I’m going to do before I see Tommy tonight.
Make a cup of tea.
Have a bath.
Shave every inch of my body from the neck down, so I am like a slippery seal.
Finishing my freedom by reading a book, in complete silence.