10. Gimme What I Want Already
10. GIMME WHAT I WANT ALREADY
Any concerns I’d had about Rush speaking with me while I was in the bath vanished as I sank into the water with a loud, prolonged moan. The bath was constructed of some sort of wood I’d never seen before, and it was deep and wide enough for me to entirely stretch out in the hot water. After the previous four days of frigid torment, the soak felt as good as an orgasm.
Every one of my worries about the wicked queen and her threats released, leaving my body limp as a wilting sunflower. I’d freed my hair of its many plaits, and now it floated along the surface of the water—my face the center, the dark strands thick petals.
The faucet continued to gush into the tub. With my ears beneath the surface, the crashing water was as loud as the waterfalls back in Nightguard. There, I’d never enjoyed a luxury as decadent as this. No one had, not even Grand Dragon Master Flint, or Malessa when she stood in his place during his absences.
Had Saturn recognized his good fortune? Or had he grown too accustomed to the fineries to recall that only the royal family of Embermere enjoyed these kinds of privileges? In my chambers at the palace, my bathtub had been plenty nice and sufficient for cleaning, but that was it.
A sharp pang of longing for my half-brother surprised me. If the queen was fond of him, chances were I wouldn’t have been all that much so. And yet … he’d been family.
Stretching my arms and legs out as wide as they would go, I only just touched the sides. I could live here, I decided, smiling to myself.
A rap on the tub vibrated along the wooden walls. I bolted to sitting, setting the water to rocking like ocean waves and sloshing a bit of it over the edges. Dragging my hair away from my face, I stared up at Rush, feeling my eyes widen with my alarm.
“I’m naked,” I sputtered at the man who stood above me with a tray of food in hand.
“Yes, I couldn’t help but notice.” He bit his bottom lip, apparently to keep from smiling.
“What’s so damn funny?” I snapped. “You shouldn’t have barged in here. I’m a fucking lady , or don’t you remember that anymore?”
A hint of a dimple creased his cheek as his grin burgeoned despite his efforts to hold it back. “Again, couldn’t help but notice.”
He wasn’t exactly ogling me, but neither was he looking away. I pulled my knees to my chest and draped my hair around them and my breasts.
I scowled at him, blatantly taking in the obvious bulge beneath layers of tunic and pants. If he was going to check out my goods so openly and without apology, I’d damn well do the same.
Staring at his package, which appeared to be expanding, I said, “You should remember how you had your chance with me and you didn’t want it.”
He propped the tray against his hip and stared at my face. I refused to meet his eyes, making damn sure he realized I was studying his crotch.
“That’s not what happened,” he said.
“Oh yes, it definitely is. Remember? I’m too fucking innocent for you?”
He was quiet for so long that I relented and looked up to find his expression when he spoke. “You’re misinterpreting what I said. That’s not how I meant it.”
I scoffed. “Oh, I’m not misinterpreting a thing. You were really clear.”
“Then hear me now?—”
“Nope. You were on top of me, and I was doing my damnedest to drive you into me. You pulled away. Can’t get much clearer than that.”
“El, it’s not?—”
“Why are you here?”
“You wanted to talk. And I brought you food.” He held up the platter.
“And you didn’t think to give me a little warning to protect my modesty?” Pru had been so concerned about it…
“I knocked. You didn’t answer.”
“Ah, of course. So come right on in.”
He pursed his lips. “Are you being obtuse on purpose or just to get a rise out of me?”
I pinned a meaningful glare on his groin. “Not sure there’s any point to getting a rise out of you anymore. You missed your chance.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Isn’t it though?” Of course I knew that wasn’t what he’d meant, but I couldn’t seem to help the irrationality simmering in my chest. Him seeing me naked could have been something nice, intimate … important. But nooooo. Apparently I wasn’t allowed to have a single nice experience while in this stupid, awful place.
“For someone who claims to be all done with my dick, you sure give it a lot of attention.”
I whipped my glower up at him.
“You’re staring,” he said.
“Yeah, only because you were staring first.”
“Well, what do you expect? You’re fucking beautiful,” he growled. He was angry.
My own ire slipped from my mouth. “What? Why are you mad at me ’cause you think I’m beautiful?”
“Because you’re the last person I should want, and I do mean the very last fucking person in this entire mirror world. I’d be better off throwing in my lot with Natania even though the thought of spending a single day with her, let alone the rest of my life, makes me want to murder someone, and the thought of having sex with her, which I’d be forced to do, makes me want to kill several someones, I’d choose her over this madness. You’re off limits for a thousand different reasons, and only one of them has to do with your innocence. And before you go misunderstanding me another fucking time, the idea of being your first makes me hard enough to burst. But I shouldn’t be. I can’t be. Because I won’t be your last, and having you and then not being able to keep having you will only drive me insane, and I have a responsibility to all faekind. To my family especially. I can’t make what I feel any worse by tasting what I can’t have. I won’t be able to think of anything else but what it’s like to be inside you, I already know it. And I won’t do that to myself.” His chest heaved. “I won’t do that to you. Now do you fucking understand?”
Too many thoughts raced through my mind at once. “But why does that make you mad at me?”
“Nothing about this life’s been about what I want. Now I realize that’s never going to change. I’m as much a prisoner as you are. I do what I must because I have to. So I don’t get to choose you. I never get to choose you.”
The passion in his irises dimmed like a fire going out, making his eyes appear darker than usual, a thunderstorm gray. “I’m destined only to betray you.”
Whatever else I might have been about to say lodged in my throat. “How exactly will you betray me?” The pouring water nearly drowned out my whispered question; I leaned forward to shut it off.
His body was stiff all over. Whatever arousal he’d allowed himself before faded. “You already know. You’ve said it many times. I’m beholden to the queen. I have to do what she says. She questions me about you.”
“But you took me to the human dungeon instead of the fae one.”
“And I paid the price for it.”
I swallowed. “How? What’d she do to you?”
“What she does to me doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Well, it should.”
He shrugged, and for the first time I noticed how he might think he was broken. This strong, fierce, brilliant warrior drake had been forced to bend to the queen’s will to the point of breaking.
I wanted to kill her all over again.
I said, “You promised the king you’d protect me. I guess you told the queen you would too.”
“And I’ll never be involved in anything that harms you, not directly anyhow. I’d refuse that, I know I would.” He adjusted the tray on his hip and looked at a blank spot of wall. “But there are many ways to cause hurt, and the queen’s a master of most of them. It doesn’t matter what the king says in the end, she’ll find a way if she wants to.” He met my waiting stare. “And I fear with you, she very much does. She hates you.”
I chortled. “Despite my best efforts not to, I hate her back.”
He nodded, his eyes morose.
I lapped some water over my arms. “Why are you helping me now, then? It sounds like you shouldn’t…”
“You’re right, I shouldn’t be helping you. But I promised you that you’d be safe in the dungeon. You weren’t. The queen left you to die.”
“I noticed.”
When he didn’t add anything, I asked, “Are you going to help me escape?”
“Yes.” His eyes seared their intensity into mine. “You need to get as far from here as you possibly can and never look back. Don’t return here for any reason, not for anything at all.” He nodded, as if assuring himself of something. “Or anyone.”
I splashed my fingertips gently through the water, mostly so I wouldn’t have to bear witness to the many emotions I could feel rolling off him but couldn’t accurately interpret. “I thought the magic of the Fae Heir Trials wouldn’t let me leave.”
“So did we. But obviously the magic isn’t as any of us have been led to believe, or the queen couldn’t have nearly killed you so many times already. Either the spells that govern the trials never held to the rules we were told in the first place, or the queen’s found some way to interfere with them.”
“I see. But won’t she punish you if she finds out I’m gone?”
“Probably. But there’s at least a chance she’ll think you left on your own. You’re quite capable.”
I smiled automatically, my cheeks already rosy from the heat of the bath, and nodded .
“I can’t believe you were Zinnia all along,” he said. “What a knob I was. I never noticed.”
“I take it glamors like that aren’t common around here?”
“No, not at all. They’re not allowed at the court without her permission.”
“Figures. She loves making all these rules that she never follows.”
“Your hair’s lovely,” he blurted.
I laughed, grabbing some of the wet strands until I realized that some nipple peeked through. I slapped my hair back into place.
Rush’s eyes smoldered.
“Oh, so all it takes is a bit of nip to get you all into me again?” I teased.
My barely concealed nudity and his proximity apparently made me recklessly daring. My secret way of thinking bubbled to the surface; I’d never gotten to say things like this to anyone before.
He exhaled loudly. “Just because I know better doesn’t mean my body’s on board with restraint.”
“Oh?”
Entirely grave, he stared at me. Then his face broke into laughter, and he tossed his head back with it. When he looked at me again, both cheeks creased with sexy dimples. “I think I’d better get you out of Embermere before your boldness becomes infectious. I’m half tempted to toss this food aside, strip, and climb into that tub with you. ”
My core pulsed and tightened with a need I hadn’t felt a moment before. “Do it.”
He dragged his teeth across his bottom lip, then his gaze across my exposed flesh. “Tempting. Very, very, very tempting.”
“If every day brings possible death in this horrible place, why not live a little? The queen might kill me before the day’s out, and that pretty much goes for every day here. I don’t want to die without knowing what it feels like to have you inside me.”
I scarcely recognized the audacious woman I was becoming, but I was glad for it. The constant, looming threat of death was doing wonders for my personality. I’d always wanted to go after the experiences I desired, but hadn’t dared.
“True,” he grumbled, the one word gruff with what I guessed was his own building need.
“Whatever leverage the queen has over you,” I said, “this won’t change that. She won’t even find out. I won’t tell anyone. It can be our little secret.”
His head tipped in consideration. “I ordinarily hate secrets, but I think I’ll like this one.”
Anticipation tingled up and down my spine. “Then what are you waiting for?”
I heard the words outside of myself, as if someone else were the woman brazen enough to speak them.
He walked to the counter, a thick slab of burgundy stone that extended from one side of the wall to the other, save for the sink nestled in its center. But when he set down the platter, he shook his head. “By dragons, what am I thinking? You’ve been locked up for days without food or water. I need to be taking care of you, not looking to thrust inside you.”
Another tingle raced across my body. “Then toss me some of those grapes you’ve got there and stop wasting time.”
He turned, stared, and eventually extended a bundle of plump, juicy grapes toward me. I popped one into my mouth and groaned, following it quickly with another.
“Look, Rush. As good as these are, and as hungry as I am, I promise you, I’m hungrier for you. You said the guys could show up any minute, right?”
He nodded slowly.
“And I’m gonna get out of here today, right?”
Another nod.
I laughed. “Then I’ll eat later, man! Now gimme what I want already.”
He considered me for so long that my previous timidity began to rear its head, already censuring me. What in raining dragonfire are you thinking? He already told you he doesn’t want you! Have some dignity for fuck’s sake and stop throwing yourself at the man!
But I could have my dignity later, when he wasn’t around any longer. I’d have the rest of my life to recover from putting myself out there with abandon, and the memories of my time with him to soften my mortification.
“Don’t overthink this,” I urged him as much as myself. “Your dick’s about to bust through your pants to get at me. I want you. You could be inside me in the next minute if you drop all your weapons and clothes right now and get in here.”
I studied the many daggers, swords, and knives, and the bow and quiver filled with arrows strapped to him, and amended, “Okay, maybe five minutes, but in five minutes you could be slipping that hot hunk o’ meat into my?—”
“Shut up. Shut up already. You’re making it hard to think.” But he unbuckled his weapons belt and baldric in record time and set them on the counter next to the tray. His armor and tunic came off next, dropping to the floor near a puddle of water. I salivated at all the hard planes of muscle. His tattoos were shining bright as a full moon, suggesting they responded to the intensity of his emotions. Next, he unfastened the straps on his boots and yanked them off. When he stepped out of his pants, his erection was level with my gaze. It was gloriously thick and hard, and all my earlier boldness fled like a stumbling, startled bird, leaving my mouth dry.
I couldn’t help but stare at the magnificent “sword” inches from my face.
“I hope you like what you see,” he said, his tone several octaves lower than normal. “’Cause you look a little shocked.”
That snapped me out of my trance. I tsked . “Don’t flatter yourself. I was just making sure you’re equipped to satisfy me.”
He stepped a foot into the water, and my core pulsed tightly.
Eyes boring into mine, he said, “I might not be able to promise you much, but I can promise you this: I’ll satisfy you so thoroughly you won’t even remember your own name while I’m inside you.”
For once, I could be entirely certain he was telling me the truth.