5. Not a Fan, Not an Enemy
5. NOT A FAN, NOT AN ENEMY
~ ELOWYN ~
Our crew had walked or ridden for the better part of three days, and yet Finnian estimated we were still at least another full day of travel away from reaching the coast, which would be our final destination for the time being. According again to Finnian and also Roan, setting up camp along the coastline was our best bet at safety—or relative safety anyhow. There, they said, the monsters of the Sorumbra would only be able to sneak up on us on one exposed side. There were, of course, vicious beasts in the seas below—down beneath what they described as steep, ragged, sharp-as-knives, all-but-unclimbable cliffs—and they thought even those creatures would struggle to scale them to get to us.
Their descriptions required far too many qualifiers for my liking. And the tautness that tensed both their muscles and faces hadn’t relaxed so much as an inch since I’d regained consciousness. If anything, the fae among us only grew jumpier and more nervous the longer we spent within the borders of the Wilds.
Twilight was at least an hour away when Finnian called our group to stop and make camp for the night. Despite my desperation to arrive at the coast so I didn’t have to keep riding so many hours a day, I didn’t complain, didn’t suggest we keep pushing just a little bit farther. During the brightest hours of the day, my skin crawled with the many hidden creatures that kept pace with us, prowling alongside us, just out of sight in the deep shadows cast by the thick foliage surrounding us on all sides.
Something was always watching, always waiting for us to make a wrong move and reveal a weakness it could pounce on.
But in the deep of night? That’s when the bad got worse, so much worse. Had I not been so exhausted from all the energy required for my recovery, I doubted I would have been able to sleep at all. But whenever my head hit the ground, I struggled to keep my eyes open, the deep restoration of sleep sweeping me away from the constant terror that was apparently the way of life in the Sorumbra.
I put all my trust in my companions. They’d risked everything to embark on this hopeless journey with me. I especially trusted Xeno to keep me safe. He was the only one I’d known all my life, who’d always had my back—who’d literally taken an arrow to the heart for that loyalty.
His hand landed on my thigh now, the other soothing along Bolt’s neck. The horses were more skittish than we were, jittery and alert even when they rested. Bolt hadn’t been thrilled that, to boot, a dragonling rode him. Once I’d invited Saffron to sit with me, he’d scarcely left my side. He’d become a constant fixture, a clawed, scaled bundle wrapped in my arms.
“You want help down?” Xeno asked as his blue-green eyes darted across me then around us, ever roving, anticipating attacks.
“No,” I answered right away out of habit, then groaned. “Yes.”
His gaze snapped to me as he chuckled, seeming to interpret my inner conflict perfectly. All my life I’d prepared so as never to be this vulnerable, to need this much help, and yet here I was relying on all of them to keep me safe, all while their choice to be here with me placed them in the gravest of danger.
“I think even my hair hurts,” I admitted before immediately regretting it.
Complaining undermines your strength , Zako had told me many times. You may not be able to control what happens to you, but you can always control your reactions .
I was frowning at the memory of the traitorous bossy-pants when Xeno said, “That’s ’cause you got stabbed in the motherfucking heart, Wyn. You don’t just get up and walk away from that.”
“You got an arrow through the heart.”
“Yeah, and not gonna pretend that didn’t suck. But I’m a shifter, babe, and Malessa had our best people on it, stat. From what they told me, she about strangled the weasel who did it.”
Out of habit, I scanned the woods. “I’m surprised she didn’t kill him.”
“She would’ve, I’m sure. But you know her, the dragons always come first, no matter what. She probably didn’t want to draw any more attention to Nightguard than necessary.”
“Or what we protect there,” I added with a nod. “Makes sense.”
“What we protect right here too.” He moved his hand from Bolt to Saffron, rubbing the dragonling along his back, between his wings. His hand also squeezed my thigh. “Come on. Let’s get you guys down before Finnian gets his britches in a bunch.”
Xeno finally removed his hand from me to extend both arms to Saffron. Where he’d touched me, my skin remained hot.
“Get down, boy,” Xeno said to the little dragon. “Come with me.”
Saffron craned his neck around, seemingly only to glare at Xeno, then nestled even more snuggly into my chest, his snout between my breasts.
I chortled though Xeno groaned and said, “Saffron, come. Now.”
Saffron rubbed his nose against my skin, pushing my shirt down and skirting the wound that had barely closed, and wrapped his wings around my arms.
“Seriously?” Xeno protested. “I’m a dragon protector , or did you forget that fact, little guy? I’m tasked with defending you to my dying breath.”
Saffron didn’t so much as twitch in response.
Xeno grunted. “How the dragonfire is Wyn supposed to get down now with your stubborn ass latched on to her like glue?”
“No worries, Xeno,” I said. “I’ve got it.”
Did I really though? I wasn’t all that sure, but I tightened one arm around Saffron, the other around the saddle horn, and swung a leg over Bolt’s flank. The scar on my chest stretched, and I had to bite my cheeks to keep from crying out in pain.
I stumbled and slid ... straight into Xeno’s waiting arms. Gingerly, he held me against his broad, strong chest until I steadied.
Twisting in his arms, I looked up at him and smiled, hitching Saffron higher in my grip. “Thanks for catching me.”
His eyes warmed and lost their blue hue, transforming into a molten green as bright as the dense forest around us. The sunlight, which had already dipped beneath the tree line, still somehow caught across his eyes, glinting.
“I’ll always be here to catch you, Wyn,” Xeno said, his voice deeper than usual, a rumble that swept up and down my skin, cooler now that night was nearing.
My stomach clenched—and my thoughts sped toward Rush.
I frowned. Why would I think of the man who’d betrayed me when this wonderful man— who’d only ever defended me —was here helping me, making sweet promises?
I tsked .
Xeno’s brow furrowed as he took Bolt’s reins. “What? What is it?” His stare swept around the edges of the clearing.
“It’s nothing. Really. Thanks for helping me.” Then, because I owed Rush nothing, nothing fucking at all , I slid Saffron to one hip, rose to my tiptoes, and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks for being here for me.”
His gaze once more on me, so intent it warmed me from the inside out, he rumbled, “Always, truly. I’ll always be here for you. Forever.”
I chuckled nervously, awkwardly. “Yeah, well, forever’s a sunshine of a long time. Let’s focus on just getting through the night for now.”
“Yes, let’s,” Roan snarled, appearing abruptly behind us. During the weeks of travel, I’d learned that Roan didn’t speak; mostly he growled and grunted. “Remember your priorities, lassie,” he reprimanded sternly, then stalked toward the center of the clearing, where Pru and Reed were already gathering kindling for a fire.
Even though I shouldn’t have, and I sure as shit didn’t owe the drake a damn thing, I couldn’t help but assume he was referring to Rush—that Rush was supposed to be my priority.
Scowling, I marched toward the log Reed was dragging forward for me to sit on. I hated being the damsel in distress, but every step hurt, tugged on the constant reminder of how very much Rush shouldn’t be my priority.
With the kind of ferocity I wished I could direct at Rush instead, I lowered myself to the makeshift seat and waited for the pain to pass so I could contribute to the camp preparations.
Secure in the knowledge that Xeno, Reed, Pru, Roan, and Finnian kept watch, I allowed my eyes to close, and nuzzled Saffron closer. He purred and licked my neck with his sandpaper-rough tongue. I pressed my eyes shut harder to squeeze away the tears that swam too close to the surface.
I owe Rush nothing .
Nothing.
Roan lowered himself onto the open seat beside me on the log and handed me a tin plate filled with steaming sliced meat; plump, violet berries; and some sort of long, red-flecked stems.
“Thanks. What kind of meat is it?” I asked, moving the plate out of Saffron’s reach. Pru had already fed him. The bristly goblin was surprisingly good with the dragon.
“Not sure, lassie,” Roan grumbled while leaning his ax, ever at the ready, against the wood. “Around here, I figure it’s best not to ask.”
I harrumphed and studied the pile of mystery meat.
Reed claimed the other seat beside me and Saffron, his quiver and bow jostling along his back. “It’s snake,” he said before taking a bite out of his own stack of meat.
My brows rose. “This is ... snake?” I poked at the sliced meat as an unwanted image of the many serpents that slithered beneath the floor of the Hall of Mirrors flashed through my memory, their bright scales writhing and vivid in my mind. “How freaking big was it? It looks wider than my leg.”
“Try wider than your waist,” Reed said around a mouthful.
“Damn, Reed. That sounds intense.”
He shrugged and pushed his messy, short braids out of his face with the back of a hand. “Like everything around here, it was either us or it, and we need to eat.”
Roan nodded, took a bite, scratched at his beard, and said, “Ya done well, lad. Your huntin’ skills are coming in right handy, that they are.”
Pru ambled toward us, halting between us and the fire, which would roar all night long to keep the monsters—and the night’s chill—at bay. She twisted her fingers around themselves, and when I glanced up at her, asked, “Does Mistress want me to take the baby for a while so she can eat in peace?”
I studied the goblin. She’d been the one I’d been most surprised to find in my company when I’d first awoken. She was the one I’d believed most frightened of the queen’s wrath.
“You feel up for it?” I said, when I really wanted to ask her if she regretted coming along with us. I hadn’t dared to hear her answer.
“Of course, Mistress. You need to rest.”
“Remember, it’s Elowyn ,” I said for the umpteenth time, probably to the same lacking result. “And all I do is rest. You all walk, I ride. You all do chores, I sit. You take turns on watch, I sleep.”
“It’s still not enough.” Pru’s lips pursed as she glanced disapprovingly at Finnian, who sat alone on the other side of the fire. Somewhere up in the tree canopy, Xeno kept guard. I wasn’t currently a huge fan of Finnian either—I hadn’t forgotten his part in getting Sandor tortured—but neither was I sure what else he could do.
“That’s because my wound’s not healing the way it should,” I said too softly, revealing how much this one fact disturbed me.
Roan leaned his head toward me before picking up another slice of roast. “That’s ’cause it’s inflicted by your mate, ya know that.”
“Yeah. Sure.” I pressed my lips together and rested the untouched food on my lap. “How could I forget?”
Pru stepped closer. “Come, Saffron. Mistress needs to eat.” She glanced at Roan, then me. “And talk. She needs to understand.”
“Don’t tell me you’re a fan of Rush’s now too,” I groaned, sliding Saffron toward her.
“Not a fan,” Pru said. “Not an enemy.”
Whatever that means...
I urged Saffron toward her. He whimpered and clung to me, but then the goblin cooed at him, he looked up at her with his big, hopeful eyes, and reached for her.
As soon as he was in her arms, she sagged under his weight. He was as large as she was now. But she made it over to the other log and sank down with him, running a soothing hand along his head. Saffron nuzzled her and closed his eyes.
“She’s right, ya know,” Roan said as I picked at the snake meat. “Rush is probably hurting as much as you are right now.”
I snorted. “I highly doubt that. Stabber, stabbee.” I pointed to my heart. “There’s a big difference there.”
“Not all hurt is physical,” Roan offered. “Not all suffering is of the body.”
I frowned. He sounded too much like Zako.
“Rush wouldn’t’a done it if there’d been another way,” the dwarf added. “I’d bet my life on it.”
“Not sure I’d make that bet if I were you. You weren’t even there.”
“Nah, I wasn’t. But I know Rush. I been knowin’ the lad for longer than you been alive. If he says you’re his mate, then he woulda never done nothin’ to hurt you.”
I barked a bitter laugh. “That’s exactly what he did though!”
Roan shook his head and tore into a bite, chewed, swallowed. “It’s not like that, lassie. He told me what happened. It was either he kill ya or the queen kill ya. He’s your mate. He says there’s some mate magic that only the ancients know about, not the queen. It was the only way to save ya.”
I chuckled darkly. “Stabbing me in the fucking heart could not have been the only way to save me, Roan.”
“The queen woulda had ya killed in such a way that there wouldn’t’a been no coming back from.”
“She would’ve had you sliced up into little pieces probably,” Reed chimed in. I gulped involuntarily. “Though she would’ve probably kept your head and put it on a pike for everyone to see, next to the dragons.”
“True,” Roan agreed. “After all the public rebellin’ you been doin’, she woulda wanted to make a statement outta ya.” He licked his fingers. “Rush saved ya from all that. Kept ya alive the only way he knew how.”
“Roan…” I shifted atop the log to face him. “Rush stared me in the eyes, told me he loved me, then slid a knife through my heart.”
He nodded somberly. “Yah, lassie, we know. He knows . Ain’t a one of us taking that lightly. But it was either that or you endin’ up deader than a dragon. And at least here, bein’ Rush’s mate and all, ya had a decent chance o’ livin’. I mean, look at ya now.”
A piece of snake dangling from his fingers, he waved along the length of me. “Ya hurt, sure, and I bet it ain’t just from that wound ya got that won’t heal up for ya. But least ya don’t gotta let the queen use your body whatever way she wants for the rest of time.” He shuddered. “Can ya imagine it? Havin’ to, ugch , join with the queen ?”
“I’d be afraid my dick would fall off. She’s gotta be even nastier on the inside,” Reed commented, adding, “Sorry for the crassness, Elowyn, but it’s true.”
“I’d be worried I’d puke all over her and then she’d kill me for that with my dick still out,” Roan added with another shiver.
I felt my brow furrow, my shoulders hike up toward my ears. “What do you mean, he has to do that? What about his future wife, the new crown princess?”
But Xeno’s sudden call prevented an answer.
From the treetops he yelled, “On alert. Incoming!”
I had no idea what might be incoming, only that there was zero chance it would be good. Despite my general stiffness, I jumped to my feet, my plate toppling, and drew my throwing knives from my weapons belt—by dragonfire, finally back where it belonged.
I caught a flash of Pru guiding Saffron onto her back to free up her hands when I heard the first arrow whoosh toward its target an instant before a snarl froze my blood.