37. Here at Last, and Unbearably Bitter
37. HERE AT LAST, AND UNBEARABLY BITTER
RUSH
“Rush. Rush!”
It’s Elowyn, your mate , my mind told me. She needs you. Everyone needs you. You have to listen to her. Right now .
But all I could do for several moments was stare at the spot where two of the fae I loved more than I loved myself had vanished.
“Rush.”
My shoulders shook, and I realized it was her, her hands gone from my neck, from my hair—trying to rouse me into action.
“My love,” she cried. “Be here with me.”
How many times had I fought off death? Too many . I knew full well the midst of battle was not the time to grieve. How many times had I lost loved ones? Again, too many. Enough to know the weight of their loss would last my entire lifetime. There’d be plenty of time to mourn Ryder and Hiroshi later .
Ry and Hiro.
Hiro and Ry.
For fuck’s sake, I couldn’t imagine a life without them.
West was on his knees, his head thrown back, his throat bobbing, his hands tugging on his hair. Roan was next to him, speaking to him urgently while looking to the monsters, who were now emboldened, pushing harder against the line of our allies.
Another monster snatched a pair of goblins and threw them into the mirror.
That roused me. My focus sharpened.
“Now’s not the time to stop fighting!” Elowyn snapped at me, vicious, strong, fierce—necessary.
I stared at her. Our glow was muted, but still there.
Her eyes brimmed with glistening sorrow as she took me in. “I lo-ove you.” Her voice broke; her fortitude didn’t. “We have to end this. Right the fuck now.”
I didn’t know if I had it in me to let go of my brothers the way I needed to. I only knew that my love for this woman was boundless. And that light was stronger than darkness. It had to be. Or else everything I’d ever believed in would be for naught. The Mirror World and all the beauty and potential within it would collapse on itself like the pit that had so senselessly devoured guards in the arena. It would all be so senseless and meaningless.
If darkness prevailed, there would be nothing worth living for. Not for me, not for Elowyn, and not for the thousands of fae who loved others of their own, who deserved better than the harshness this life had granted them thus far.
“I’m here, my love,” I said in a ragged voice I didn’t recognize as mine. “I’m always with you.”
Tears rolled down El’s cheeks, cutting a swath through layers of filth. Only the morand berry that marked her as a soldier stood up to her sorrow.
She leaned her mouth against mine but didn’t kiss me.
“For Hiro and Ryder,” she whispered, the names of my brothers vibrating against my lips.
I couldn’t respond. The place in my heart where my brothers lived was shattering.
“For Saturn and my father and Dashiell and Ramana and Edsel and Finn and Rompa-Romp and every other casualty of this fucking unbearable darkness.”
I nodded, a tear busting through the dam of my eyelashes.
“For every fae and creature who deserves better. We’re gonna give it to them.”
Then she kissed me. I kissed her back, filling that kiss with all my love for her, my hope for a life shared with her, for a realm where the fae could thrive. My faith in the light, that goodness really could defeat darkness. That there was true justice in this existence.
I filled it with my losses and wounds, with the many devastations of my past. And through our kiss, I felt them melt away, transmuted by the wave after wave after pulsing glow that surged from my mate and me.
I had to close my eyes again, but this time I didn’t lose sight of what we were doing. We were saving our world. Giving it everything we had, even our own shadows. They were being absorbed by the light.
Everything was bowing to its power.
My tattoos felt as if they might leap from my very skin, so brightly they shone. I could no longer discern any differences among Elowyn’s lights. She was bright all over. She was every star in the night sky and she was also the moon. She was the sun itself. She was the very beat of my heart, constant, everywhere, willing me along.
I kissed her and she kissed me until I had no notion of how much time was passing.
I kissed her and gripped her body to mine—there was no me without her.
And I still kissed my mate, the beloved of my heart, after a hoarse cry tunneled into the ball of light she and I were, crowing, “Victory is ours! The darkness has fallen!”
My chest excruciatingly tight, our kiss softened. Slowly, ever so slowly, our light receded. And when all the evidence of it that remained was a luminescence that coated our bodies, and my tattoos differentiated themselves into vines like those that had dragged the monsters into the mirrors’ depths, I stilled my lips, then rested my forehead against hers .
Our breathing was heavy, coming in choppy pants. I clutched her all the harder as I spun in place.
The mirrors were back to reflecting our many diverse images—all uniformly stunned and haggard despite our varied differences.
Bodies of all kinds littered the floor, which was more broken than solid. Some fallen fae still clung to life. Others had long abandoned it.
The dragons turned their long necks toward Elowyn, pointing their big eyes at her. I flinched, but she only smiled at them, nodding silently. It was then I realized they were speaking with her beyond what I could hear.
“Everyone needs to back away from the…” She sighed in exhaustion. “The mirrors. Tell them.”
I did. Her head sagged to my shoulder. I dropped a soft kiss on her cheek.
My love, she’d given even more than I had. She’d been the one chosen by the land, and so she’d been the one to channel the magic of the Mirror World itself into our joint light. She’d been the real powerhouse.
She drooped against me as the dragons lined up in front of the mirrors, spread equidistantly apart. They sucked in long, deep breaths and unleashed their fiery breaths, dissolving any surviving spells, sealing any remnants of darkness into the mirrors.
Igniting any parts that might be left of my brothers to flame, then ember, then ash.
As their fires petered out then stopped, another victory cry rose up. This one was repeated and chorused until I slid to my knees where I stood, cradling Elowyn in my lap.
Our victory was here at last.
And it was unbearably bitter.