Sometimes You Need to Unplug
SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO UNPLUG
SYDNEY
As we head back to the room for dinner, I’m irrationally pissed that my dad never took us anywhere—including the ocean. The scent Elias shared made my senses sing with pleasure, and I’m angry that despite certainly having the ability to travel, I’ve never been over fifty miles from where I grew up. My father used to claim it was because we had to stay under the radar, but I’m beginning to believe that, too, was bullshit. In fact, I have no idea what percentage of the things he told me were true, and it’s been freaking me out since the guys clued me in.
But I’m remaining calm, and let my brain do the processing it needs to, just like Rory suggested.
It’s not easy, but I know he’s right about presenting a united front and keeping weaknesses under wraps. However, right now? I want to stomp my foot in frustration like a child, and that’s probably because the child inside of me is pissed about things we missed. I bite my lip as we all get into the elevator, considering what to do to help burn this emotion off. I can’t go down to the gym because I spent so long getting my assed kicked by the vampire earlier. I’m just too sore and tired to even contemplate it.
“Vicious?”
Rory’s voice pulls me out of my head and I frown over at him. “Yeah?”
“Have you been paying attention to anything we said?” The mage grins knowingly and I blink at him. “I thought not. You’re all tangled in your brain again.”
Feeling ashamed, I shrug and look away from him as I say, “Maybe I’m just plotting things. You never know.”
“Point of fact, sweet pea… We actually do. Your overthinking face is pretty obvious to anyone who spends a good deal of time with you.” Huck’s smile is sheepish, but fond as he interrupts, so I can’t be mad.
“Okay, you got me,” I sigh. “I was rehashing shit about my dad because of Elias’s scent earlier. But you don’t have to worry, I’m handling it. I mean, I’m trying to handle it without being an uber bitch. I just ran into a wall when I realized I’m too blown to go beat up a bag.”
The vampire’s brows furrow, and he shocks me when he looks concerned. “It was too much?”
I shake my head vehemently, not wanting him to go easier on me in the one area I can attempt to compete. “No, I’m just sore. Whatever stamina and strength I’m supposed to get with emerging hasn’t increased yet. So I get tired or bruised more easily than you guys; however, you shouldn’t adjust because our opponents won’t. We don’t know the timeline for my stuff to come into being, so I have to be prepared.”
“That is a very wise statement,” Sebastian says, and I see the hint of pride in his eyes this time. “I think you’ve done exceptionally well today from beginning to end. It probably deserves a reward, don’t you?”
Is he asking me? How the fuck should I know?
However, Rory nods his head, his typical smile growing to epic proportions as he responds to the vampire. “Hell, yeah, she does! I’m totally in, mosquito. Good call.”
His reaction is so enthusiastic that I shrink back a bit, worried that I have no idea what the hell they’re going to use for this ‘reward’. Thad must sense my wariness because he holds his hand out to me and I grab it like a lifeline, letting him tug me forward into the middle of the circle again. “Guys, I don’t know…”
“Syd, no one is going to do anything to upset you when I’m around.” The bear squeezes my palm gently. “I have no idea what the fuck those two are so eager to do, but I promise, it won’t be something you don’t agree to.”
“Seconded.” Elias meets my gaze resolutely. “No boundaries will be crossed, little rebel. However, I will help treat you to any agreed upon reward.”
It takes a lot of my remaining energy to screw up the courage to look at the surrounding men before I say, “Okay. I trust you.”
Hopefully, I’m not wrong about this—we’ll never come back from it if I am.
“First, it’s time for relaxing and getting clean.” I arch a brow at Rory as he hands me a clean towel and the basket from my bedroom. “You didn’t really shower for long because you’re still aflutter about that locker room. I’ve swiped some of the stuff from your bedroom that you hadn’t opened yet to make the bathroom nice and relaxing. Everything is ready, and while you soak, we’ll order food.”
My eyes narrow at the mage as I open the bathroom door. They made me wait in the living area while he did this part, and I’m less than thrilled that he was rooting around in my room. “Where did you find this stuff?”
His grin widens as he sighs. “Vicious, you have boxes of shit that Gemma had sent to our room that you haven’t even opened yet. I just rifled through them until I found some stuff that would work for this. I didn’t look through your undies drawer or anything. Dante said no boundary breaking, right?”
He did and I’m relieved to hear that despite his excitement, Rory is trying to stick with that.
“Alright,” I reply as I move to turn the light on, and Rory shakes his head. “What? I can’t see.”
A small ball of fire pops up in his hand, and I shrink back. “Don’t worry, Syd. I’m gonna light the candles with it, not set shit on fire. It’s all good.”
My face turns red and I’m glad he probably can’t see my embarrassment in the dim light. I watch as he moves from the sink to the toilet to the edge of the tub, lighting each one of the small candles carefully. “This feels so extravagant,” I murmur. “I mean, I’m here soaking in this big tub and smelling candles and whatever the hell else you have stacked along that back ledge… but people are…”
Rory’s expression is firm as he turns back to me. “Don’t do that, Vicious. You’re right; this is a lot compared to what you’re used to and maybe even more compared to what the dragon experienced in lockdown. But we didn’t ask to be chosen for this shit and we might die trying to save people. So… we’re going to enjoy what we can when we can, because without some joy, life just isn’t worth the pain, you know?”
I hate it, but he’s right. Without little pleasures, you have nothing to hope for.
Swallowing the weirdly strong emotion sticking in my throat, I nod at the handsome magic user. He puts out the flame in his palm with a cheeky wink, then futzes with a few more things before he claps his hands. “There we go. One very soothing, calming bath to soak away some of the pain and frustration. Then when you’re nice and relaxed, you can come out to eat and be further pampered, milady.”
“Uh, milady? I don’t think so, Rory.” I snort at him and he just bats his lovely, thick lashes at me. “I’m not that kind of girl and we all know it.”
“Sydney, you can be any kind of woman you want now that you’re free of the past shit. And whoever that is, I guarantee every asshole in that front room will be okay with it. Some things, you just need to take on faith.”
I open my mouth to protest, but the mage takes my momentary surprise to duck out of the bathroom. The door clicks behind him and I frown at the space he was occupying a moment ago. Why in the hell wouldn’t they care who I become if it’s not the ‘me’ they all met? What kind of male bullshit is this whole ‘reward’ thing they’re so into? I peel my clothes off, placing them in the basket as I walk over to the very frilly bathtub with my basket of girl crap.
This feels like a trap, but also, it feels like a moment in time that I have to pay attention to. The guys didn’t have to suggest this—especially Bas—and I definitely didn’t earn it, no matter how much they say I did. All I did today was hold my shit together and survive the classes without punching anyone or starting an argument. I have no idea why anyone would think those things merit this kind of treatment.
Do they think such tiny achievements are worthy of this kind of… kindness?
Lowering myself into the warm water carefully, I groan as I sink into the silly bubbles Rory insisted on. I lean back slowly, allowing my skin to adjust to the odd fizzing around me and the temperature he set. “Rory and Thad would think so little is deserving; they’re both very soft despite their muscled guy-ness. I can see them talking Elias and Huck into it. But Sebastian? He’s all sharp edges and disdain, yet he was the one who spoke up.”
Obviously, the empty room doesn’t answer, so I reach up and undo my braid to give my scalp a little relief. I sigh again as the tight hair-do is released and I’m fully able to relax. My eyes close as I replay the day, still puzzling out what might have triggered their offer. I’m fairly certain I’m the biggest pain in the ass of the entire group for so many reasons, and they’re constantly having to deal with my bullshit. That was fine when it was just Huck, Thad, and me, but it feels different now that there are three more people who didn’t choose my bullshit as their load.
“You can only do your best, Sydney,” I murmur to myself as I let the atmosphere and the bath calm my jangling nerves. “If you’re trying, it doesn’t matter if you stumble occasionally. The effort counts and that’s important.”
My father used to say that when he'd run me through the paces and I’d fail to come up with any magic—which was worse than because I didn’t even randomly do shit, I just fizzled out. With the discovery that most of his teachings and behavior were abnormal, it’s strange that I’m thinking about aphorisms he used to use with me. But brains are strange and emotions are unpredictable and… This damn relaxing bath thing is making me soften like butter in the microwave.
I wonder if that’s why they were so eager to let me prune up? They figured I’d be less bitchy?
It makes as much sense as anything else, but I’m uncertain I believe it. Huck and Thad have put up with my moody shit for years; they wouldn’t play into some scam the others dreamed up if it was negative. Possibilities race through my mind and I draw in a slow breath, then blow it slowly as I sink further into the water. My muscles are relaxing and the aches from earlier are ebbing as I lie back in the serene setting Rory created.
“It’s probably about the freaking period,” I muse. “Men are really squicked out by that, and even though Huck took me, they were all there when Mr. Sensitive Nose scented my problem before I knew about it. They’re probably just doing this because I’m a fragile woman with bloody shorts and they think I have to be coddled because of it. Yeah, that’s gotta be it.”
I wrinkle my nose in irritation as I decide that has to be their motivation. Knowing why makes me realize they’ve talked about the damn incident and, for a moment, my Zen fades as my temper flares. But my eyes are closed, and the room is quiet, so I inhale deeply and push that anger away like the guys have suggested. Even if they discussed the stupid failure of my previous implant, they weren’t doing it to be jackasses. They probably just wanted to make sure I’m okay.
Right?
Again, there’s no answer to my mental meanderings, and I growl softly. The mage was right when he said it helps to talk shit out to someone who can respond rather than bitching to myself with no affirmation. I’m not sure how he’s wriggled his way so far into my head and my damn personal space, but I have to admit he’s accurate with such an unerring frequency that it's spooky.
Hell, he’s even right about this stupid bath—not that I’m going to tell him when I go out there.