Prologue
Silas
Mid-December
“Should I take a seat or remain standing?”
Rocking back on my heels, I hold my breath and wait for Vesper to kick me out of her bedroom.
I shouldn’t be here, but that’s nothing I haven’t told myself repeatedly from the moment I climbed into my truck and drove the ten-minute journey from my place to her apartment.
The only reason why I’m standing in her bedroom and not still at the front door comes down to her fear of us being seen together and not just my inability to stay away.
She’s my half-brother, Kane’s, ex-girl, and I’m fucking obsessed with her.
Sitting on the bed, Vesper pulls her knees toward her chest and rests her head against the plush green headboard. She releases a long-drawn-out breath, and I brace for rejection. Or maybe ejection would be more apt.
“If any of the next few words to leave your mouth involve Kane, then you know where the door is.”
And there it is.
The invite I should definitely take to stop talking and leave.
Taking a seat on a chair in the corner of her room, I lean forward with my elbows braced on my knees as I study the frowning woman before me and then her surroundings.
The apartment she shares with my rookie forward’s girlfriend, Drew, is really nice and a far cry from the hole Vesper was living in when she was dating the brother I hate being associated with.
At least she’s safe here with security downstairs and a code required to ride the elevator to her floor.
Which begs the question, why did she let me up here in the first place? I’d like to think that it’s because she likes me as a person and wants my help to make a clean break from Kane, although I’m ninety percent sure that I’m incorrect on both counts.
“When was the last time Kane called you?”
Her eyes roll to the back of her head as another sigh passes through her full, red-stained lips.
With Vesper, it would be easy to interpret her stoic demeanor and put-together appearance as signs that she’s happy and loved.
But after years of knowing her, no amount of makeup can fool me.
Lifting a red manicured finger, Vesper points at her closed bedroom door. “Go. You knew the rules when I opened the front door.”
I hang my head, index fingers massaging my temples in rhythmic circles.
“Ves …” My voice is soft and coaxing as I speak toward the cream carpet beneath my feet.
“Leave, Silas.”
I lift my head up, hating the way she bites out my name. Only when Vesper’s stressed does she call me Silas. Whenever we’re messing around or texting back and forth, I’m always Si.
“I’ll leave when you tell me the last time he called you.”
An ambulance tearing through the Seattle streets below the apartment sounds like it’s passing through Vesper’s bedroom, the atmosphere between us so eerily quiet.
“This morning.”
My head snaps up, and my molars crunch together.
“The fuck? You told me he’d stopped.”
Somehow, Vesper’s knees draw closer to her chest. This woman isn’t just the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on, but incredibly petite too. To my knowledge, Kane has never laid a finger on her, which is the exact reason why he’s still somewhere in this city, breathing air into his lungs.
Vesper rolls her eyes again, and I want to stop her brush-off with my lips.
We’ve never kissed, not even come close. That hasn’t stopped me from thinking about how fucking good it would be. How fucking amazing my mouth would make her feel.
I’m not here for that though. I’m here because I care and I always have, ever since the day Kane showed up with her to a Thanksgiving meal at my place just over two years ago and introduced Vesper as his girlfriend.
The fact that I’ve fallen in love with her during that time is inconsequential at this point, especially because she has no idea how I feel.
To Vesper, I’m the meddling older brother of her ex-boyfriend and the captain for the Seattle Rogues hockey team. I should be more interested in hooking up with pretty girls than sitting in awkward silence while she periodically tells me to leave.
Vesper blows a breath into her cheeks, not at all shocked at my visceral reaction. “I blocked his number, so he won’t be able to contact me.”
“Until the next time you unblock him.” I sound incredulous and every bit the pain in the ass she views me as. Trouble is, I’m in too deep to temper my words. Too deep in her life, this situation. In her in general.
She frowns at me, slender legs now crossed beneath her as she sits forward.
“Ever heard of boundaries, Silas? Because you’re well over each one right now.”
I push out a sarcastic laugh, and Vesper’s face contorts.
“You realize how ridiculous that sounds? You have a guy who won’t take a hint, calling you around the clock when you’ve already made it clear that there’s no going back between you two.”
Vesper drops her eyes to the white bedding, and suddenly, I’m not so sure of my last statement or that she was being truthful with me a few seconds ago.
“You blocked his number, right?”
Nothing. Not even a frown this time.
I’m on my feet, pacing her sizable bedroom so I don’t lose my cool completely. Large blue eyes track me the whole time, until I eventually stop in the center of the room.
“Why, Ves? Are you still in love with him?”
She rolls her lips together, and I push a stressed hand through my light-brown hair.
“Why do you care so much?” Vesper asks a genuine question, although the exasperation in her tone is unmistakable.
I slap a palm against my thigh, acutely aware that the truth will do nothing to set me free in this scenario.
The last thing she needs is to hear how I feel, even if the words pick me dance on the edge of my tongue, like the devil taunting me to crash and burn.
When I move toward her, Vesper doesn’t recoil, like I’ve seen her do so many times with Kane. Watching her shrink back into the corner of the couch whenever he sat next to her made my heart hurt in ways it didn’t have any right to.
For me, women have come and gone my whole life. But at thirty-one, I’ve never had one leave a lasting mark like Vesper.
When our mom passed away less than eighteen months ago, she made me promise to look after Kane.
He’s always been a fucking loser, destined to wind up unemployed—or worse, behind bars.
Keeping to my word was hard, but no way was I going to betray her.
Kane has taken full advantage of my loyalty, spending “loans” I lent him on booze, drugs, and probably prostitutes.
I’m no fucking angel, but there isn’t a single cell in Kane’s body deserving of an ounce of Vesper’s attention.
And deep down, she knows that. Trouble is, when people are treated badly enough for long enough, they oftentimes start to believe that assholes like my brother are the norm and that they are the problem.
I can’t stand by and watch Vesper go back to this guy. Not anymore.
Tentatively, I lower myself on the edge of her bed. We’re only a few feet away, and I can smell her perfume.
“You know why I care.”
“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t. I can look after myself.”
When I twist my neck, we make the kind of eye contact that would floor me if I didn’t have a king-size bed frame beneath my ass.
“Tell me that you aren’t considering going back to him.”
When Vesper breaks eye contact with me, I have the answer I was dreading.
“He won’t treat you any better this time around. It’s all just bullshit to get you where he wants you. Give it a couple of weeks, and he’ll be back to his former ways—expecting you to clean up after him around the house and snapping at you every chance he gets.”
“I’m not going back to him.”
I pin her with a look, determined to see through the lies.
She shakes her head, throwing up her arms. Today, she’s wearing a pair of casual blue sweatpants and a long-sleeved white top. Hair pulled into a high-top ponytail, pieces falling around her delicate features.
Christ, he really doesn’t deserve her.
“You can do so much better, Ves.”
I’ve overstepped another boundary, except I can’t find it in me to care as I keep my eyes trained on hers.
Vesper opens her mouth and then closes it, finally deciding on a response as she declares once more, “I’m not going back to him.”
There isn’t much more to say, and I don’t have any words to give her other than, I can show you what a real man looks like.
Rising from the bed, I walk toward her bedroom door.
I don’t want to leave and definitely not like this. I showed up here tonight, hoping to find Vesper done with Kane and busy living her best life, not with the sadness I see in her eyes right now.
“Si.”
With my hand on the door handle, I slowly turn to face her.
She climbed off the bed and is now standing a few feet away from me.
A pair of sneakers I bought her when she first started her job at Riley’s sit beside her bed, and I remember how fucking happy she was at the surprise gift.
Vesper has never had a lot in life, but she never complained either, just soldiered on in a way that makes my heart hurt—and relate—equally.
There’s so much strength in this woman, even if she doesn’t believe it herself.
I tower over her, wishing that it were appropriate for me to wrap her in my arms. This woman is the strongest person I’ve ever known, with a feisty attitude to match. Does she know the impact that she has on me every time we’re in the same room?
My heart thumps in my chest like it can hear my racing thoughts.
“Yeah, Ves?” I ask, voice noticeably flat.
Vesper starts chewing on the corner of her thumb, and I reach up and pull her hand away before she does some serious damage to those pretty nails.
“Why do you care?” she asks again, only softer this time. “You are literally a famous hockey player with a huge following of fans. I’m nobody to you.”
I close the space between us, opening my mouth to tell her exactly why I give a damn. I’ve spent too long holding in my feelings. There’s only so many times I can swallow them down.
“Wait.” Vesper’s attention darts to her bedroom door. “That’s Drew.” She snatches her cell from the nightstand, panic rising in her eyes. “Shit! Have you seen the time?”
I pull my own phone from my bag. “Fuck! I was supposed to be at the rink ten minutes ago.”
“And I was supposed to be ready to leave with Drew. Now she’s going to catch you leaving my bedroom and draw all kinds of conclusions.”
Vesper grabs her bag from the floor next to her sneakers, and I wrap my hand around her upper arm, asking her to slow down.
“When can I see you again? We need to talk.”
I watch the way Vesper closes herself off, like a curtain coming down at the end of a show.
“There isn’t anything more to say, Silas. I’ve asked you to stay out of my business, and you still showed up here, wanting to get involved in a life and relationship that isn’t yours.”
Vesper’s eyes flick to her bedroom door when Drew’s voice grows louder. She’s probably on the phone with her boyfriend and my teammate, Will Jones. He’s likely wondering where I am after I bailed on a lift to the arena.
I’m here, trying not to spill my guts on how fucking gone I am for Vesper Stone.
“I don’t want to lose you from my life.”
Vesper peers up at me, a myriad of emotions flowing through her. “Then turn around and go and leave this conversation exactly where it belongs—in the past.”