35. ~ Char ~
CHAPTER 35
~ Char ~
F inding replacements for Samantha and Tamara was going to be tricky, but it got even worse than simply trying to find someone to fill their awesome roommate shoes. Josie had come home, and said she had been thinking about moving to the mountains for her business. Which made no sense at all. Then Gabby started talking about how Lamonte had an extra room in his suite, and that maybe she’d just crash with him.
That left Felipe and me as the only ones with nowhere to go.
In other words, the GAL PAL squad, or whatever Tamara called us, was breaking up.
But to make it official, we had to tell Randy, and quickly, since we were already past giving him the required thirty-day notice. I’d joked to the girls that moving out at least would mean no more evading Randy. The joke had hit an unwelcome note of déjà vu.
Josie lost a mega round of paper, rock, scissors, and she zipped downstairs to let Randy know we were leaving.
After pizza and cake, I sat outside and waited for James to pick me up for baseball, looking up apartments online. I figured I could sneak Felipe in wherever, but finding a place for myself was harder than I’d anticipated. And expensive. I’d gotten used to having a big space and splitting costs with four friends.
Thank goodness I had baseball to distract me. I hoped James didn’t give me any of those long questioning looks I sometimes caught him sending my way. I wasn’t sure I could handle it tonight. It was bad enough that I was head over heels for the man, but was constantly haunted by a mean whisper in my ear telling me it wasn’t real. That none of it counted. That it would soon end.
It didn’t help that his gaze would often linger on my lips, making me want to launch myself at him and kiss him senseless.
By the time James pulled up out front, I was antsy from being alone with my thoughts. I hopped in practically before he came to a complete stop. He chatted idly as he drove, and I did my best to keep up with my end of the conversation. I told him I was looking for a place, and he said he’d keep an ear out. He told me about his classes, and I asked a few questions. But by the time he parked at the diamond, I was no longer able to ignore his long looks of inquiry. If I didn’t get my head sorted and my focus dialled in, I’d get slammed by a ball tonight.
“I made a wish that you’d like me,” I blurted out as James cast me another one of those long looks after turning off his Range Rover. “And now it seems you do. But it’s not real. So, I think you should give me some space so you don’t get my hopes up and break my heart when the wish wears off.”
I grabbed my equipment from the floor by my feet and went to open the car door. James hit the lock button.
I whirled on him. “Seriously?”
He was quiet. Calm.
I flicked my door handle a few times. “James?”
“When?” he asked, his demeanour calm.
“When what?”
“When did you make the wish?”
“I don’t know.” I fumbled the stupid lock button, releasing my door. Ha! He didn’t have the child lock on. Triumph!
“Well, whenever it was, I’m pretty sure I’ve liked you longer.”
Door open, I turned to him with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Close the door.”
“No.”
“Close the door and I’ll tell you.”
I sighed and threw myself deep into the seat like a sulky teenager, shutting the door. “What?”
He leaned over the console between us and cupped my chin, turning my face toward his. Shivers shimmied down my spine and my breath caught. I loved the way he looked at me with such tenderness and acceptance, even when I was acting loony. His eyes were an electric blue tonight, the intensity disturbing my thoughts and shutting me down, sending me to a place of peace and calm.
He was going to kiss me and prove he loved me—even when I talked crazy. It was one of the things I loved most about him.
“Because I’ve had a crush on you since your inventory days,” he said.
“What?” My mouth dropped open in surprise, and he landed a light kiss.
My world was spinning. He’d liked me for that long? I needed to check my invoice. There were a lot of crush-related wishes on that list, but I thought James was a more recent addition.
He had to be on there somewhere. Because I clearly wished for every little whim my heart desired, so why wouldn’t I wish for an amazing man like him?
I really needed to look up that date, though.
A wish that was several years old would have worn off by now, but what about more recent ones? Estelle had said something about time, but also space and fate, and one’s ability to regain the destiny of their lives. The problem was, I still didn’t understand any of it.
I tipped my head down, breaking contact with James.
He’d only made a move on me recently, so why would he wait that long? Was it because I’d caused his affection to spark—not through simply being my whimsical, loony self, but by being a randomly blind wishing machine?
“You lost your crush on me?” he asked.
I couldn’t look at him, but gave my head a small shake.
“Then?”
“How would we even work?” I looked up, pleading with my eyes for him to explain that what I felt was real, that it wasn’t because of a wish and that we could make all of this work. Forever and ever like his parents. That he’d give me a no-broken-hearts guarantee.
He took my hand, interlacing his warm fingers between mine. “We’d kiss and spend time together and see where it all goes.”
I pushed back in my seat. Not a guarantee. Not even close.
That was something a man under a spell would say, wasn’t it?
Or a man who wasn’t looking for long-term, which James was.
“We’re very different,” I stated.
“Are we though?”
“Yes!”
“Char, what if this works?”
I inhaled nosily through my nose.
“Does that scare you?”
I nodded.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to become my mom, sitting around waiting. Waiting for love, and you, and life, and adventure, and something to snap me out of my funk. And then running off with someone else because I never once spoke up for what I truly wanted or tried to make it happen.”
I jolted at the revelation. From what I’d seen, my mom had never asserted herself or spoken up for what she wanted. Had she been denied so many times she’d given up? Or again, were she and my dad not meant to stay together?
James was frowning, a deep furrow on either side of his perfect mouth. “Are you in a funk?”
“No, not now,” I said distractedly, vaguely aware he was referencing my little rant. “But if I got married and was sitting at home while you work away and…”
Saying it out loud it sounded dumb. Putting the cart before the horse, and I wasn’t even sure if the cart or horse were mine. I was pretty sure I was more of a Ferrari girl, to be honest. Same with James.
I turned to face him. He was not my father. I was not my mother. We were both someone completely and utterly different.
“You’re the last person I could ever see sitting at home, Char.”
“I sit at home.” My voice was wobbling. “And I like it.”
He chuckled. “Okay, let me ask you…” He thought for a moment. “How many different jobs did your mom have?”
“In her life? I don’t know. Two? Three?”
“How many have you had this year?”
I snorted. Fair point. I wasn’t in a rut with my work. Although, more recently, I found myself wishing for something more fulfilling, something more stable…something that I could really dig myself into and get passionate about.
Was I maturing? Growing out of this excitement phase like I’d finally managed to prove something to myself and could move on?
“What’s your mom passionate about?”
“Brynnie’s perfectness. Traipsing the world with Damon.” I sighed at my bitterness.
A couple of our teammates walked past, knocking on the window and making weird gestures that were probably supposed to encourage us to get onto the field. Whatever they meant, I decided, should it come to it, I’d never choose them to be on my charades team.
“Has she ever cheered on runners that were dressed as cats and dogs?” James continued after giving his buddies a head nod. “Lived with a bunch of yahoos and tried to build a park for people to enjoy?”
“They’re all moving on! And out! And giving up on the park.” How was I going to do all of this on my own? Especially with the lots still tied up by the police investigation.
“Did she walk stray dogs who need homes?” James continued. “Adopt a gopher? Know everyone at the museum by name, and correct the director from time to time? Or point out fakes that nobody else had caught, because she’d found a passion and was learning and absorbing all she could about it?”
He made me sound amazing, and I wondered if I truly was the woman he saw. Because that woman was actually kind of cool.
“You are not your mom.”
“I know,” I whispered, believing it fully for the first time, and realizing that her path was not my own, and why should it be?
“And we’re not your parents. We’re ourselves and only ourselves,” he continued. “It’s all we can ever truly be.”
“Promise?”
His thumb stroked the line of my jaw. “Your life will never be at risk of being like anyone else’s. Because there will only ever be one Char McDonnell. You’re one of a kind.”
I swiped at my damp eyes. “You’re making me cry.”
“Good. Now kiss me.”
I did. And it was heavenly, even though in the back of my mind I still worried that Estelle was behind all of these wonderful feelings, and that the rug would be pulled out from under me when I least expected it.
* * *
I had to be out of the apartment in a week, and I had nowhere to go. With no other ideas, I finally went over to the Backstrohms while James was at a night class, and confessed to Sally. She had to know of a place through her Salvation Army connections, right?
I’d been soaring, my life never better until Estelle had come along.
Now it had crashed and burned.
Although…had I been soaring because of my wishes and my meddling fairy godmothers? Was none of my past life truly mine? Was it only crappy now because I’d given up on wishing for better things?
I wasn’t sure I liked that thought.
Sally was in the kitchen, looking at recipes, her reading glasses on the end of her nose as she inspected me after I’d blurted out my problems. I came here because Sally treated me like I was one of her own. I felt cared for, and as though I belonged. Even though I was probably just another stray she was taking in out of the goodness of her heart.
But being in her kitchen tonight made me feel a sense of loss. I should be sitting in a kitchen with my own mother, confessing my problems to her, not a woman I’d only met a month ago. Although my mom had never doted on me, with Brynnie now in the picture, I could see that she had it in her. And I felt robbed.
Sitting in Sally’s kitchen, feeling helpless, it was like being a teenager all over again, my world crumbling around me and being powerless to change it. I’d swore I’d never be in this position again.
And yet, here I was.
“It sounds like you’re about to turn a corner in your life,” Sally said sagely, her calm delivery startling me.
“What?”
“The universe is purging what you no longer need in order to make room for something new.” She scrunched her nose adorably, eyes sparkling. “Something good.”
It didn’t solve my issues, but I kind of liked the idea that the universe was setting me up for something new. As long as it wasn’t being eaten by Igor. That wasn’t the kind of new experience I was seeking at the moment.
“Just a way of thought,” Sally said absently, closing her cookbook. “You don’t have to believe in it.”
“No, it’s interesting. Comforting and a bit exciting.”
Her smile was warm. She removed her reading glasses, studying me. “Do you like it here?”
“At your house? Yeah, it’s lovely.” Had she not noticed how difficult it was to get rid of me?
“Good. How do you feel about house-sitting?”
“Here?” I looked around for clues. “Are you going somewhere?” I needed a place that would last longer than an Alaskan cruise.
“Otto is retiring soon.” She watched me over the top of her glasses. “We’ve been taking our motorhome on dry-run weekend trips.”
I nodded. James had mentioned their RV, and how they were taking jaunts to let the dog get accustomed to its moving digs. I hadn’t thought that much about it, to be honest.
“We’re leaving in two weeks for a longer trip. We’ll be back about mid-August. We’d love it if you’d stay here. James was going to check in on the place, water the plants, mow the lawn and all that, but the insurance company prefers someone live here during an extended vacation. Would you be interested?”
“I need a place before your trip, though.”
“You can move in whenever you like.”
“I have a gopher.”
“Bring him and his cage.”
“He kind of has free run of our apartment.”
“The dog wouldn’t like that.”
We were silent for a moment, mentally mulling over solutions.
“Well, if you can think of a solution for your gopher, the place is yours. Rent-free.”
Rent-free?
Maybe Tamara could take Felipe back to Eagle Ridge with her.
Or he could be like the pair of jeans in The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares and we could share him. He could come into each of our lives like a talisman of luck whenever we needed him. That was an idea I could get behind. It seemed as though, even when things were swirling down the drain, I still loved the idea of there being a bit of magic.