Celibacy
Even though I liked what happened with Tyler, it feels wrong. And so much is at stake. As progressive as we’ve become as a society, I don’t want to risk being seen as the woman who slept her way to the top. Even if it’s not what I’m doing, someone will see it that way.
I like Tyler, but do I really want to risk my career and my reputation? And change up the whole working dynamic that finally fits?
I stand outside my apartment, staring at the door. Sure, the office-romance books I read are sexy and fun, but it’s a lot different when the stakes are real.
If things didn’t work out, would it sabotage my career? Would I feel pressured to stay with him for as long as we’re both at the company even if we’re not compatible long term?
I actually like my job. Most people can’t say that, but I do. This could ruin it for me.
Stepping inside, I nearly jump out of my skin when I find Decker in the living room. He drops the phone in his hand, and the way he looks at me can only be described as smoldering. Which I always thought was something authors made up… but Decker proves it’s very, very real.
“You’re home,” I say, unable to help myself.
Obviously, he’s home. He’s standing in front of me.
My phone vibrates in my purse—Will. As much as I want to talk to my brother, I haven’t seen Decker in a long time, and I decline the call. This feels important.
“I am,” Decker says, his feet rooted to the spot.
“Did you have a good night with… whoever you stayed with?”
Smiling, he just shakes his head and shoves his hands in his front pockets. A stance he’s always taken when he’s being endearing, and it makes me swoon. Instead of falling victim to it, I feel his eyes tracking me as I walk into the kitchen for a drink of water to distract myself.
“I was alone last night.”
I frown. “Where’d you go?”
“My room.”
Running through my memory, I try to figure out how I missed him. I wouldn’t have, would I?
“I didn’t know you were here.”
“I did that on purpose. I’ve needed some time to think, so I’ve been lying low for over a week.”
My stomach flutters, and I choke on my water. “You’ve been home every night? Alone?”
He just nods his head, and I begin to panic. Did Will find out about me sleeping with Decker? Is that why he called? Did I just ruin a lifetime friendship between my brother and his best friend? Oh my God, what if Decker has to move out?
“Is everything okay?” I ask, forcing the panic down.
On the bright side, the potential romance with my boss no longer seems so heavy. Because if Decker is home alone thinking, it can’t be good. Decker’s not exactly a thinker. He’s more of a doer. Usually of women.
“I’m fine. Are you worried about me, Holly Jordan?”
“You scare me when you talk about thinking. And being alone. I tend to jump to conclusions—like you’re terminally ill. Or you caught something that can’t be cured with medication.”
He laughs. “If I were terminally ill, everyone would expect me to spend my last days with women. Now, an incurable STD? That would make sense to be alone.”
“Okay, fair, but you’re not really big on the whole ‘thinking’ thing. No offense. You’re more action than introspection.”
“That’s gotta change.”
The way he never takes his eyes from me makes me uneasy. “Oh God, did you knock someone up? Are you going to be a father?”
The thought of Decker having a baby with some faceless woman makes me irrationally angry. Not annoyed but punch-the-woman angry. Which I couldn’t do if she was pregnant, and then I’d spiral.
Kind of like I’m doing now.
“No,” he says, flashing that cocky grin I hate to admit still makes me weak in the knees. “But I’m going to tell you something, Holly, and I need you not to freak out.”
“Okay… But for future reference, telling me not to freak out will usually have the opposite effect.”
“You just imagined punching a pregnant woman you thought I knocked up, didn’t you?”
How the hell… “No…”
“Liar.”
“Okay, maybe. But you said you’re not going to be a— It doesn’t matter. What am I not supposed to freak out about?”
“For the record, I protect myself every time. The chances of a baby are very low.”
I frown. “You didn’t with me.”
And just like that, the impromptu shower sex memory pops into my head. God, that was good.
“You’re the only one.”
Does that make me special? “What’s going on, Decker? You said not to freak out, but you’re dragging this out. And I’m starting to freak out. And you continuously staring at me like that is really not helping.”
“You’re the only woman I haven’t been diligent about wrapping my shit with. Which made me think. And I realized I haven’t been able to get you off my mind since that shower. Actually, since you moved into your brother’s room, but it’s different now.”
“At least I’m not alone in thinking about it every day,” I say. “But are you thinking about it because it was good or… bad?”
“Oh, it was fantastic. The best, actually.”
Well, damn if I don’t have a proud smirk involuntarily forming on my face. He may be a man-whore, but being ranked number one among many, many women is like winning the gold at the Olympics. “Thank you.”
“You asked me about settling down before all that happened, and I told you I hadn’t met the right woman yet. I lied.”
“You… lied to me?”
One of the things I love about Decker is that he never pulls punches. His confidence is infuriating and enviable all at once. He’s direct and honest, even if a lie would be easier or hurt less.
“I have found the right woman. So much so that I just got off the phone with your brother to tell him I’m falling for his little sister.”
That’s why Will called? Wait… “Say what now?”
He steps closer, and I’m frozen in the kitchen, clutching the water bottle I’d forgotten I grabbed from the fridge. He cups my cheek with his strong, perfectly masculine hand with grease under his short fingernails.
“I’m falling for you, Holly Jordan. I told your brother because I’ve never kept a secret from him, and I’m not going to start now.”
My eyes widen. “You didn’t tell him about the amazing shower sex, did you?”
“I didn’t say it outright. But he knows me. He probably assumes.” His smirk returns. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
That’s… longer than I’ve ever known him to go. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re not toying with me, are you?”
His lips hover near mine. “The only toying I’ll do will be the kind that makes you whimper and moan and cry out in pleasure.”
Damn him. My panties are already wet. “Is that right?”
“Eventually.”
My face falls. And we’re back to this. “Eventually?”
“Are you still dating other people?”
Well, fuck. “Kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“Here’s the thing. The app sucks. But there are apparently three guys interested in me who showed up while I was dating other guys from Fairy Tale.”
“Am I one of the three?”
Giggling, I nod. “You are. Which is crazy, because no one was interested before the app. Are you sure you like me for me? Like, this isn’t some weird off-limits fetish?”
“What are you talking about?”
I bite my lip. “Do you only want me because others do? Because you never gave me a second glance before.”
“That’s not true. I’ve always noticed you, but you weren’t attainable because of Will. Living with you while he’s been gone showed me what having you in my life would be like. Really in my life. It’s a life I didn’t realize I wanted until now.”
“So, if I said I’d never see the other two guys again, you’d still want me?”
That smirk is back. “I want you all the time. But yes.”
“Then why eventually?”
“Because I need this to be a mutual decision between us. You have three men interested in you, for good reason, and I want you to choose me when you know I’m the only guy you want.”
“I have a date tonight. A real one, not an app one.”
His hand drops, and he sniffles. “That’s okay.”
“It is?”
“You watched me with countless women, so I can’t say much. I just have one request.”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t take too long to decide. The longer you take, the more it’ll hurt if you don’t choose me.”
I stare in amazement, and he kisses my cheek before walking to his room.
What the hell just happened?