Chapter 14
Roman wasn’t at all sure what had come over him.
He wasn’t sorry for having said the things he’d said.
Nor was he sorry for implying that he wanted more than friendship.
Still, he knew how very forward he’d been and could see by the look on Judith’s face that she was uncertain of what had just happened.
“I must apologize,” he said, looking around rather than at her.
“Would you like to sit?”
“Yes, let’s sit for a moment. I’d like to collect my thoughts.”
She smiled and led the way. “I find this to be a rather nice spot.”
The place she chose was under the trees. There was a gathering of cushioned metal chairs and a small table. It seemed quite restful, but Roman didn’t believe he could rest. Not given the way he’d just made a fool of himself.
“I’m sorry I got a little carried away. There’s something about you, that . . . well, never mind. I’m sorry that I didn’t even stop to ask you how your grandfather was doing. You must think me terribly rude.”
“Not at all. He’s not doing well. His heart is failing.
The doctor had once believed he might live until the end of the summer but now says it will be perhaps a couple of weeks at most. Apparently, it can come in one big attack or his heart will simply cease to function.
” She held up her hand to his surprise. “You don’t need to tell me you’re sorry.
I know that a great many people will be happy when he breathes his last. I don’t even know him well enough to truly understand what I feel about the situation.
I am praying that he will make his peace with God.
I know Reverend Knickerbacker has visited him twice, although I have no idea what they have discussed. ”
“The reverend is a good man. He cares deeply about people, and I doubt your grandfather has had cause to alienate him.”
“If he has, the reverend is good at hiding his feelings. Still, I’d feel better if I knew my grandfather understood the simplicity of salvation in Christ. I suppose I won’t rest until I share that with him myself.
Then I’ll know for sure he’s heard the good news.
I know it would please my father and mother to know I’d done such a thing. ”
“You must miss them.” Roman wasn’t sure what else he might say. He glanced at Judith’s profile and found himself once again lost for the moment. He was completely smitten. It was as if he were a schoolboy. He silently chided himself to remember he was nearly forty years old.
“They were good people. You would have liked them, especially my mother. She was the one who taught me about the importance of giving and helping those less fortunate, although my father felt the same way. I’ve managed to make it a focal duty.
I plan to be a part of charity work for the rest of my life. ”
“As do I.”
She turned to him. “Mary said you were in the war when your father died.”
“Yes. I immediately enlisted as a doctor with the Union Army.”
“I’m sure it must have been terrible for you, especially being separated from your family.”
“It was harder than anything I’d ever been up against.”
Judith surprised him by touching his arm. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’ve always associated it all with that man.” He glanced back at the house. “I’ve kept a lot of hate inside, and until now, I wasn’t sure I could ever let it go.”
“What’s changed?”
He looked back at her. “You came into my life, for one thing. I wasn’t expecting anything good from James Ashton.
” He gave her a sheepish grin. “Sorry if that was rather forward. My mother has been a big influence on me. She is faithful to pray and encourage me. She’s been after me to forgive, always pressed me saying that hating James Ashton wasn’t going to change the past, but that it could certainly alter the future. She was right.”
His expression turned serious. “I’ve been so angry and frustrated by the past that I’m miserable in the present. I could never see that a decent future was even possible. Now I do. I don’t know how easy it will be to forgive your grandfather, but I intend to do just that.”
Judith offered an encouraging smile. “I know it will benefit you greatly. After all, how can you be friends with the granddaughter of the man you hate?”
Or get her to fall in love with you. The thought made Roman smile. He shrugged. “Exactly.”
“Sometimes we just need proper motivation,” Judith said. “Whether it’s needing to right wrongs, to help those in desperate need, or to forgive. We need to remember that the love and grace of God has blessed us, and we need to extend that to others.”
In that moment, Roman had what he could only describe as a vision of the future. He could see himself and Judith sitting just like this, years down the road, talking about something else that was important to them. They would make this spot a special place. Their place.
After Roman left for home, Judith didn’t have words for her feelings.
Roman Turner had taken her by surprise with his appearance and honest explanation of his emotions, but she was very glad it had happened.
For reasons beyond her understanding, she knew that something life-changing had just taken place in her grandfather’s garden.
She made her way upstairs to see how her grandfather was doing. It was nearly six, and soon dinner would be served. Perhaps she should ask for her tray to be brought to his room so that they could share the time together.
Knocking at his door, Judith waited until Winchell appeared. “Good evening. Is he awake?”
“Yes, miss. He told me you were welcome to see him if you came.”
“How is he feeling?”
“The rest seemed to help a great deal. He’s sitting up, and I believe he’ll be able to eat a little dinner.”
She nodded and made her way inside. The older man was propped up in the bed with his newspaper.
“Good evening, sir,” she said, sweeping into the room as if they were meeting in the office rather than his sickroom.
“France wants our wheat, which means England will start bellowing for it as well,” her grandfather said as he folded the paper. “Should be good for our prices, and we’ll make plenty over the deal.” He put the paper on the bed beside him. “We have a strong investment in wheat.”
Judith smiled. “I’m sure that pleases you.”
“Making money always pleases me. It should please you as well since you’re the one who will ultimately benefit from this.” Judith let his words sink in but said nothing.
“So what did you do with the rest of the day?” he asked, looking at her as if he knew she’d spent part of it with Roman Turner.
“I received an invitation to a charity fundraiser at the Wagners’. It’s to be held July eighth. Mrs. Deeters told me it would be quite formal. I’m not sure I will attend—”
“But you must. The Wagners are quite rich. You should attend the party to be seen, if nothing else. You need to consider taking a husband and doing it soon. It would probably be better if folks didn’t know that you’re my heir.
There are those who would take advantage of that, but on the other hand, it will present you with optimal bargaining power.
You should be able to marry my wealth to another even greater fortune if you play this right. ”
“That’s hardly why I would marry again.” She frowned and took a seat in the chair by his bed. “Honestly, there are better reasons to choose a mate.”
“I suppose you’re one of those who believes in love and romance. All the flowery notions that addlepated females are known for.”
“After losing my husband at Gettysburg, I’ve really had no desire to seek another romance.”
His expression altered to one more stoic. “He served honorably.”
“Yes. He was a wonderful man. You would have never approved of him, but my mother and father adored him. He taught at the local university, and he was brilliant and quite eloquent. He was always being asked by powerful men to run for political office because of his way with words, but Alden had no interest in such things. He loved teaching.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have approved.”
To her surprise, this amused rather than angered her. She smiled. “I’m getting very good at figuring you out.”
“Hardly. That’s a matter of being sensible. No great guesswork needed.” He stretched a bit, grimacing. As he settled back into the same spot, Judith felt the overwhelming urgency of the situation.
“Do you fear death?”
He stilled at that and looked her in the eye.
“Every man fears death to some degree. If they say otherwise, they’re liars.
Death is the end of all they’ve worked for.
You want to be able to look back and see that you actually accomplished something, but even when you can, there are questions.
A man always wonders if he did enough. Did he leave his mark on the world? Will people remember him?”
“And that’s important to you? That people remember you?”
“Of course. That’s our purpose here. To do whatever we can to make ourselves known, so that people will remember you when you’re gone.”
“To what end?”
“It’s the only way to achieve immortality.”
“But that’s not true. You must believe that there is a God. I know you haven’t desired to answer to any man, but you must agree that you will answer for what you’ve done when you stand before the Almighty.”
“I believe there is a God, of course. I just don’t believe He cares about me as an individual.”
Judith leaned forward. “But of course He cares for us as individuals. He’s our Creator. He cares very much what happens to us. Why should you create things and care for them, and believe God incapable of the same? He has provided for us and watched over us. The Bible says He knew us in the womb.”
“Hardly the kind of talk I’d expect from my granddaughter.”
“Well, I believe it’s talk that must be had. You stand on the brink of death. I must tell you that the only way to have eternal life is to put your trust in Jesus as your Savior.”
“Why are you so convinced I need saving?” For once there was no contempt in his tone.
Judith prayed for guidance and continued.
“Because we’re all sinners. Romans three tells us we’ve all sinned and come short of God’s glory.
Because of that, we have a price to pay—death.
Romans chapter six, verse twenty-three tells us, ‘For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.’ Jesus is the only way to reach the Father because Jesus cleanses us of our sins.
When He died on the cross, He took our sins on Himself. ”
“Then it’s already been taken care of. Why must I do anything? You see, I believe that God gives us life and then waits for us to live it out. He will reward us for what we accomplish as we go along our way. Then we grow old and die.”
“And you believe there is nothing beyond the grave?”
“Why should there be? All things must come to an end.” He put a hand to his chest. “My heart will stop, and that will be the end of me.”
“No! No, Grandfather that isn’t the end.”
He looked at her for a long moment. “You called me Grandfather. Have I truly earned the right?”
She sighed. “Yes. I believe you have, and I’m sorry that I ever said what I did. It was rude, and I wasn’t at all considerate. I need your forgiveness for how I acted.”
“Nonsense. I prefer that people speak honestly.”
Winchell arrived at that moment with her grandfather’s tray. “Dinner, sir.” He brought the tray in and placed it on the table beside the bed.
“Just set it here with me.” He patted the area beside him. “I have no energy for a lot of fuss. I’m really not hungry, but with it close at hand, I can sample it if I feel up to it.”
“I could help you,” Judith offered.
The old man shook his head. “Just go now. It’s getting late, and I don’t wish to discuss business. I’ll speak with you tomorrow.”
“Very well.” Judith got to her feet, wishing she could know if her words about Jesus had made any difference. Had he understood? Had she said the right thing? It wasn’t like she was a preacher who knew all the proper words to speak.
Oh, heavenly Father, please help him to understand the truth.
James Ashton sampled a piece of dinner roll.
It was tasteless. Food held less and less appeal.
The things that he had once loved to dine on were now ashes in his mouth.
And on the occasion that something did taste acceptable, it generally soured in his stomach.
He supposed it was all just a part of his dying.
He thought of Judith. She was so compelled to preach to him.
She believed so completely that the Bible spoke the truth, that there was more to God than the simple fact that He had created the world and all that was in it.
She saw Him as having an active part in her life.
She believed He was present in the details of her day-to-day living.
He could even say that she was passionate about her beliefs.
He’d heard the way her voice had taken on notes of urgency.
Could she know what she was talking about?
Winchell returned with a glass of port. James generally had a single glass each night before bed. It helped him to sleep. The valet placed the port on the bedside table and straightened.
“Will there be anything else, sir?”
“Winchell, do you believe in God?”
“But of course, sir.”
“Do you consider yourself a Christian?”
The man stared at him for a moment. James looked at him as if seeing him for the first time in a long while.
Winchell had aged considerably in the last few years.
The man was what? Sixty? No, sixty-five.
Ten years his junior. His graying hair and wrinkled face bore witness to the years.
He had spent his entire life in service.
“I do, sir,” Winchell finally answered.
“So you are of the opinion that there is something beyond the grave? Some form of life that carries on into an endless span of years? Eternity?”
“Yes . . . sir.”
He could see the questioning in Winchell’s eyes, but of course the man would never actually ask what was on his mind. He had learned early on to speak when spoken to and offer opinion only when requested to do so.
“And what do you believe is required to become a Christian?”
The valet straightened. “Accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.”
“And how does one do that, exactly?”
“Ask, sir. God is willing that none should be lost, the Bible tells us.”
“Do you read the Bible, Winchell?”
“I do indeed, sir.”
“And you believe that if I die without Jesus Christ as my Savior, I will perish to eternal damnation without God?”
“The Bible does say that Jesus is the only way to the Father.”
James thought about his servant’s answers for a moment, then nodded. “That will be all, Winchell. Take the tray. I’ve no appetite.”