11. Torey
Chapter 11
Torey
N othing felt better than the first stretch of the morning—a hill I was willing to die on. My legs shot straight out and my arms raised over my head until my body was in a straight line diagonally across my bed and a low, satisfied growl echoed in my empty bedroom. A small smile touched my lips; I just knew it would be a good day.
I spent most of yesterday cleaning my house, listening to rock music loud enough to drown out Ryan's knocking and attempts to talk—when there was nothing to talk about. I had two casseroles in the fridge, which should feed me for the next three or four days, possibly more if I continued to sulk about the mistake.
“Shake it off, sister!” That’s what I told myself as I sat up and noted it was earlier than I usually woke up. I didn’t have to be at the bakery for another few hours, so I wrapped my hair in a topknot, threw on a pair of thermal leggings and an old sweatshirt, and caught up on the marketing work I’d scheduled for this evening. Now I would be ahead of schedule, which gave me plenty of time to do…something else.
I loved the marketing side gig just as much as I loved working with my best friend at the bakery, making pastries and breads that the people in town couldn’t seem to get enough of. Both jobs satisfied me on a deep level and combined they allowed me to live on my own and pay all my bills while I tucked away a few bucks for a rainy day. Or maybe a vacation.
One day.
Some day.
Where I would go, I had no clue. I hadn’t spent much time outside of Holiday Grove beyond a few semesters of college and culinary school before I carved out a path for myself.
A loud pounding on the front door scared the hell out of me. I placed my hand over my racing heart just as the pounding started again. “What the hell is the rush?” I flicked on the coffee pot and marched angrily to the front door. I yanked it open without taking a breath and grunted at the sight before me.
“Good morning, sunshine.” Ryan wore a bright and gorgeous grin as he greeted me.
And that grin, for some reason, made me even angrier. “What the hell are you doing here at this hour?”
He lifted a brow. “You want me to come back later?”
“No! I want you to go away and to stop, whatever this is,” I motioned to him with a bag of wonderful smells in one hand.
“I understand.” He nodded slowly and took a step forward and then another until he’d crossed the threshold and entered my house. Without an invitation. “But we need to talk.”
“No we don’t,” I insisted and left the door open before I rushed around him to put a stop to this madness. “We have nothing to talk about Ryan. We just have to make it through this week, which we can, and everything will be fine.”
“I made a mistake.” The words rushed past his beautiful lips, cold and sharp just like a knife.
“Yeah Ryan, I know. You already said that. It was a mistake and you don’t have to worry because I have no plans on making that mistake again. Are we done now?” I pushed at his chest, but the jerk refused to move.
He turned around and kicked my front door shut before he turned back to me and gripped my upper arm. “Just shut up and let me talk, Torey.” He growled and guided me to the kitchen where he set me in a chair and dropped the bag in front of me. “I brought you breakfast.”
My brows knitted suspiciously. “Why? We’re not really together, so you don’t need to butter me up to soften the blow of a real breakup.”
His nostrils flared as if he was annoyed with me. Ryan inhaled deeply, then exhaled before leaning over the table to get right in my face. “Shut up and eat, woman.”
I swallowed hard and squeezed my knees together to stop the ache that started in my core. “Fine, talk.” I waved a dismissive hand in his general direction to focus on something else—hell, anything else—other than how turned on I was for some reason.
“Saying that we were a mistake was the fucking mistake, Torey. Worse than that, it was a lie. It was a cowardly lie at that. I knew that saying it was wrong and that it would hurt you and I said it anyway. That was the fucking mistake.”
Oh. I watched his big body as it paced the kitchen like a wild cat, big and lean and so graceful it was a sight to behold. “It’s okay,” I whispered.
“No, it’s not. Don’t let me off the hook, Torey. It was a shitty thing to do, and I wanted to take it back immediately, but that look in your eyes.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and growled. “Fuck, I’m not sure if I’ll ever get that look out of my head.”
“I forgive you, Ryan.” The words rushed out of my mouth before I could think about them but after a few seconds, yeah I meant them. He was truly sorry, any idiot could see that. And the fact that he was so torn up about it? Well that meant something to me. “Okay?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I mean thank you for that,” he aimed a strained grin my way. “But it’s not just that. I don’t live, Torey, not really.”
“Yeah, I kinda noticed.” My tone became more sarcastic because I didn’t understand his intensity.
He stopped just long enough to glare at me before he started pacing again. “I mean this town is technically my home, but it’s not where I spend most of my days. And, I like you. Sleeping with you, while amazing and incredible and will live in my head for the rest of my days, it’ll only make it harder on me when I have to go back.”
I swallowed down the excitement that bubbled up within me like a giddy schoolgirl over the fact that he liked me. I tried to stay casual. “It’s fine Ryan. You’ll be off again in a week, so we should just keep our distance unless we have to. It’ll be fine.” And that was exactly what I planned to tell myself every time my mind began to wander to fantasy land.
He shook his head again and stopped. “What I'm about to tell you... stays with you. Got it?”
“Um, yeah. Sure. Okay.”
“I’m serious, Torey. Fake relationship confidentiality clause.”
I couldn’t stop the smile that started so I didn’t bother trying very hard. “Okay. I promise.”
“I’m on medical leave. I got shot on our last mission—twice.”
I was up out of my seat in a flash and right in front of him. “Where? Are you that injured they sent you home? Show me,” I demanded and began to lift up his t-shirt.
“Torey, stop.” He gripped my wrists and held them between us. “I’m doing physical therapy over in Silver Bells but that’s not the point. The point is that I won’t be leaving in a week, at least according to my most recent session with the PT.”
My brows knitted. “Which was when?”
“Right before I came here.” At my shocked expression, he grinned. “I’m used to my days starting early.”
“Okay.” This was a lot more news than I was expecting this morning. I nodded absently and pulled from his grasp. “I need coffee first.” Ryan, my best friend’s super hot older brother, actually liked me was news enough. The fact that he’d been hurt and hadn’t told anyone was too much to bear, especially un-caffeinated.
“I’m sorry, Torey.”
Right. He was still sorry because it was great but it was a mistake because he wasn’t staying. His hands landed on my shoulders, the gesture both firm and gentle. I took a few steps back and stared up into those stunning green eyes, so filled with hope and sorrow. He wanted me but he didn’t want to because his future was outside of Holiday Grove.
“Are you going to say something?”
Was I? I turned and went back to retrieve my coffee mug and filled it with coffee. This morning required no sugar or milk. “What is it that you want me to say, Ryan?” I held up a hand to let him know he didn’t need to respond. “We had sex and it was really good. Really, really good if I’m being honest. But,” I emphasized the word just to make sure I had his full attention. “I never asked you for anything but this fake relationship. The sex happened. It was spontaneous and consensual, but that’s all it was.” I blew out a heavy breath and shook my head before I gathered my composure. “Thanks for clarifying though. I appreciate it.”
He watched me as if there was some trick to my words. His stare felt so heavy that it was almost like a caress, but I refused to be moved by the emotion written all over his face. “So, we’re good?”
“I forgive you.” That was my answer and I was sticking to it. I wasn’t sure yet if I was ready to do anything more than offer forgiveness in the face of his presumptuous explanation.
“Torey, please.” He pinched the bridge of his nose again and exhaled. “Are we good?”
“I don’t know, Ryan. What I do know is that we’re going to finish out this week, because it benefits both of us. But just to ease your mind, we can have a big breakup the night of the dance, and you can do whatever you want for the rest of your leave.”
He looked disappointed by my answer, and at first I thought he might argue with me. That he might try to convince me that we needed to talk it out. Kiss it out. Fuck it out. But he did none of that. Instead, Ryan nodded slowly and turned away, leaving a trail of sadness in his wake.
And I refused to even think about why I felt so disappointed that he didn’t do any of that.
Yeah, I was conflicted as hell but more than that, I was determined to stuff my emotions down deep and never let them see the light of day. It was clear that I’d made a big mistake recruiting Ryan to be my fake weeklong boyfriend. The tiny crush I’d harbored for about twelve months back in high school still had some legs on it, and there was only one thing to do.
Cut those feelings off at the legs.