Chapter 25
TWENTY FIVE
Gryff
I can feel the memories pressing at the backs of my eyes so that when I blink I see Collins’s twisted face pleading with me not to leave him.
I know it’s not real. I know I should just be able to snap out of it, but the green grass and neatly trimmed hedges of the houses in front of me fade until they blend with the sandy desert landscape.
Two soft feminine hands stroke my cheeks and I blink. The lush green of the well-watered lawns comes clearly into focus, along with Honey’s worried expression. “Gryff, I’m fine. I tripped is all.”
Shame drags across my skin like rough bark, and I wince at the memory of knocking her off her feet. She’s downplaying it to make me feel better, but I let my damaged side hurt her, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself.
This is exactly what I’ve been worried about, exactly why I can never claim her as my mate. I’m nothing but a liability.
I sigh, standing and setting her on her feet, hanging my head. “Let’s get you home.”
I know she wants to ask questions. I can smell the curiosity coming off her in bright citrus waves, but I ignore it. Nothing good can come of talking about this.
We’re a few blocks from home when she grabs my arm. “Wait, that’s it? We’re not going to talk about what just happened?”
I try to disengage gently, but her grip is surprisingly strong, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her again. “No. We’re not.”
To my surprise, she lets me go and plants her hands on her hips, glaring at me. “I think you owe me a better explanation for what went on back there. Colton wasn’t doing anything other than being friendly.”
My anger rises in my throat just at the mention of the bull shifter’s name, but I cram it down, aware of what it cost me. I can see the way she’s looking at me now, and it’s only at this point I realize I want her to keep looking at me like I hung the moon instead.
I sigh. “You’re right. You probably do. I just—” I break off, scrubbing a hand over my face. “I don’t know what to say.”
At this she softens, stepping closer, making all my nerves light up with awareness—as if there’s ever a moment when I’m not aware of her, her movements, her feelings, everything.
“Gryff, I thought I felt it in the garden and when you rescued me from the roof, but now I’m sure. You acted as if you were jealous back there. Because another guy spoke to me.”
I open my mouth to deny it. To tell her it’s just my alpha instincts and the last traces of her heat, but the truth is that wouldn’t affect me unless my wolf had recognized her as mine.
After what I did, don’t I owe her at least part of the truth?
“Look, Honey, you’re right. You felt what you felt. I’m sorry I denied it.”
Her eyes widen, and her mouth drops open in astonishment. “Then you do want me. But how—?”
“How have I avoided being drained by your powers? I honestly don’t know.
All I can tell you is whenever I’ve felt your succubus drawing on my energy, I sort of clamp down on it.
I go to this place where I don’t let myself want you because I know you need that.
You told me right from the start that you felt safe with me, and I wanted that.
” I turn away, unable to face the disappointment in her eyes. “I needed that.”
I’ve ruined any chance of that now.
“Wait, that’s it?”
“Yeah. What else is there? I acted like a beast back there, and I’m sorry. I’ll never forgive myself, so I don’t expect you to forgive me.”
“Of course I forgive you.”
I’m about to argue with her, but at that moment we cross my front lawn and the door opens and Sonia charges out to meet us.
“It’s all sorted. I called in a favor with a friend of mine, and her husband is going to come out tomorrow and get the house all sorted for us.
Don’t you worry, Gryff. We’ll be out of your hair in no time. ”
I give her a nod of my head and a half-smile. “Great.”
Honey looks like she would like to keep asking awkward questions, but I dodge her, stepping past Sonia and carrying the groceries into the house. “I’ll get the tent set up, and then I’ll start dinner. You must be hungry.”
It’s three in the afternoon, but I need something to distract me from the guilt gnawing at my gut.
The wind picks up, flapping the roof of the tent and howling through the tree outside. Not that it matters. I already know I won’t be able to sleep tonight.
I roll to the other side with a sigh and try to get comfortable, but it’s no use. I can’t stop the unwanted memories from running like a reel on repeat.
A soft sound from outside the tent makes me lift my head.
It could have been nothing more than the wind in the overgrown garden, but then it comes again—footsteps.
A moment later the breeze carries Honey’s butter-rich scent to me, and despite my better intentions, my heart leaps.
So the heat hasn’t ended after all and she needs to cum another few times around my knot.
It would take a stronger wolf than I am to pretend to be disappointed about that.
“Gryff? Are you awake?”
I reach over and unzip the front of my old tent, wishing I had somewhere nicer to take her. “Of course. Are your parents asleep?” Sneaking around behind Bill and Sonia’s backs feels so much like being a teenager again.
Dismissing that uncomfortable thought before it can take hold, I shift aside and pat my bedroll. “Come on. Come here. I’ll make you feel better.”
I should tell her it would be a relief to me to be able to touch her one more time.
That’s what she deserves to hear. A man pleading to touch and taste her.
Telling her how special she is. But if I start I’ll never stop, and I have to be able to let her go again afterward. Today made that abundantly clear.
I don’t deserve this chance. I’ll take it, though, because I’m a selfish prick.
At least I can console myself knowing she won’t suffer like I will when this is all over. I’m just a washed-up, broken old wolf. She won’t think twice about me once she’s back living her life in the city. Whereas I will think about Honey for the rest of my miserable life without her.
I reach for her when she slides into the tent, aroused to find she’s wearing only a tank top and a tiny pair of shorts.
Her body arches into my touch, and in half a moment I slide her forward until she’s flush against me, molded against me perfectly.
Her breath hitches, and I sense her pulse racing.
Her scent has changed. It doesn’t bear the same rich urgency as it did last night, but that doesn’t mean she’s not still feeling it. Clearly she is or she wouldn’t be out here. She still smells overwhelmingly like need, like sex.
“Shhh. I’ll have you feeling better in no time, won’t I?”
I press my hand against her lower back, sliding it down to cup her ass and grind her against the hard bulge already pressing between us.
She gasps. “Gryff, I want—”
“I know it, babygirl. I know what you want. It’s OK. Didn’t I promise to give it to you when you needed it?”
I slip a hand into her shorts and push my finger into her soaked slit, and I groan out loud. “You’re so damn wet and ready. Always so perfectly ready for me.”
I delve a little further until her hips start to move, bucking against my finger for more. “A-and you want it too?”
My chest swells along with my cock at how unsteady her voice sounds already. And then I realize what she’s asking.
I can’t lie to her. Not after what happened earlier and what I confessed.
I can scent how much she needs my answer.
I rock my hips, rubbing myself against her while I consider my next words.
“You feel how much I want you, Honey? I know you do. I know you probably can’t trust me after what I did today, but I’m glad you came to me with this.
You know I can take care of this for you, don’t you? ”
“I do trust you, Gryff.”
For a moment I’m blinking back tears. Thankfully it’s dark and she can’t see how much that affects me.
The tip of my middle finger grazes her clit, and her scent grows so powerful I nearly drown in it. Can you drown in too much oxygen? That’s what this feels like. My head swims and my mouth waters and my cock throbs against her belly.
I pull my finger from her slit, desperate for her flavor on my tongue. I suck it dry, and then it hits me. The taste is different. No less sweet, but it isn’t the ripe, urgent taste of an omega in heat. It’s almost as if the heat has ended and her body is only reacting to me.
But that can’t be right.
At this angle she has to lift her leg and wrap it over my hips to give me access to her pussy, and when I’m not touching her exactly where she wants it, she lets out a little whimper of frustration.
“Shhh. Roll over onto your belly and spread your legs for me, babygirl.”
“But—” I can’t afford any more questions. She’ll see right through me if she presses any harder.
I won’t outright control her. So I don’t growl, but I let a soft, soothing purr rumble from my chest. “Come on, Honey, you’ll feel better once you’re stuffed full of my knot.”
She goes pliant in my grip, and I roll her, helping her lift her hips so I can tug down the tiny shorts that tease at my sanity. That’s almost worse because then her plump, fleshy ass is exposed to me.
I didn’t bother with pajamas, preferring to sleep naked, so it is a simple thing to notch myself at her entrance and rub the tip of my cock through her copious amount of slick.
Honey moans, lifting her ass higher, begging for my cock.
There’s something I have to tell her before I let myself get lost in her again, though. “I never meant to hurt you today. Never, never.”
She looks back at me, a little bemused. “I know.”
“No. I don’t think you do. Honey, you’re the most—” I break off because the words get tangled up in my throat and the ache prevents me from being good at explaining this like she deserves.
But I have to try. “You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met.
And I don’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.
You’re light and warmth and sunshine, and I’m…
I’m broken. Which is why I could never—well we could never—” I’m fucking this up.
I’ve said too much and not enough at the same time.
I shake my head.
There’s only one thing I should be using my mouth for right now, and it’s not getting tangled up in excuses.