9. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
I’ve done it again.
I’ve once again lost my self-control around Matthew to the point of letting him fuck me on my desk. In the office. During work hours.
I’m a sucker for abiding by the rules. At work, I try my possible best to always have a clean slate.
But somehow, the man next door manages to ruin everything for me. I’m a different person around him, wild and unhinged, like a bird flying freely after so many years of being caged.
He makes me feel like a rebel. He taps into a part of me I didn’t know existed.
The Hailey Donovan I know would never stand up a nice guy who asked her out to a date. Hailey Donovan would never kiss a man within the four walls of the company or talk more about what happened yesterday.
I don’t like this Hailey. I have no control over her, over what’s going on with her and Matthew, and it scares me.
I keep telling myself, time after time, that Matthew embodies the opposite qualities of what I usually look for in a man. I remind myself that the last thing I’m looking for at the moment is a man.
I have more things to focus on – like getting full custody of my son and becoming Brand Director.
I mean come on, Matthew is my competition at work. I shouldn’t be having sex with my rival, but here I am, lingering by my door and contemplating going over to his and asking him what he thinks about a no-strings attached sexual arrangement.
In a way, it sounds a little pathetic. Especially when a guy like Matthew – whom I’ve sworn to heaven and earth that I hate – is the man involved.
The plan was to keep my distance from him after the drama that unfolded with Ethan four nights ago. I wasn’t pissed at him for hitting Ethan because I care for Ethan or anything like that.
A little part of me was even happy that Matthew broke his nose, but it was more than that. Ethan is a conniving freak who intentionally provoked Matthew to get a rise out of him.
I was pissed that Matthew fell into his trap. I was pissed that Ethan got what he wanted. But worst of all, I was annoyed because I know just how much of a snake Ethan is.
I know he’s looking for anything possible to hold against me in court. It’s highly likely he assumes Matthew and I are a thing. And if Matthew and I are a couple, then Leo is bound to be in his presence whenever he’s with me.
Matthew, quickly losing his self-control around Ethan, insinuates a lie that I don’t want to think about. A lie that Ethan will twist to his advantage.
I don’t want Matthew to get involved with Ethan. I don’t want him getting entangled with my personal life at all.
Physically however, a woman like me is bound to have needs. She meets an attractive man who satisfies her in bed, and she wants to keep him to herself – or at least in her bed, with no strings attached.
I don’t usually do one-night stands or friends/enemies with benefits arrangements. I don’t have the heart or patience for it.
And Matthew Pierce doesn’t date. Not that I’d want to date him anyway.
To be honest, sleeping with him doesn’t sound so bad. Dating a man isn’t in my cards for this year, and besides, Jasmine will have my head if she ever finds out I may have a thing for her older brother.
She can’t know that we’ve had sex twice now. Just the thought of her finding out makes me cringe.
“You’re an adult,” I say to myself as I pace in front of my door. “He’s an adult. All I have to do is go over there, state my offer, and see what happens. This shouldn’t be hard at all.”
I wave my hands in front of me as if I can pull more oxygen into my lungs, taking a deep, desperate breath.
Every shame flies out the window as I open my eyes with a newfound determination. I shouldn’t feel bad about having sex with a man – regardless of who it is.
So, I open my door and walk out.
Coincidentally, the door to Matthew’s apartment flings open as well, but I freeze once I see Jasmine walking out with her brother trailing behind her.
The siblings stare at me – one with a happy grin on her face and the other with dark, hooded eyes that travel down my body as they take in my appearance.
“Hey, bestie,” Jasmine beams as she abandons Matthew to crush me in a bear hug. I internally cringe as I look over her shoulder to find Matthew leaning against his doorframe with an amused glint in his eyes.
“You’re here,” I laugh awkwardly as Jasmine leans back to look at me. I was about to ask your brother if he’d be down for a no strings attached sex.
“Of course, I am,” she grins. “I wanted to surprise you, but I had to drop some supplies for this manbaby over here. I hope he’s not giving you any trouble at work? I know you two don’t get along well.”
Matthew opens his mouth to speak, but I interrupt him quickly.
“Nope. I barely remember he exists at work.” I pull her by the arm and lead her inside my apartment. “Don’t you think it’s a little cold out here? Let’s go in.”
Jasmine laughs as she follows me in. “That sounds about right.”
As soon as I slam the door behind us, I release a breath I didn’t even know I was holding.
Damn him for making me this nervous.
“So, you know what you were telling me about Leo being curious about his grandparents and you trying and failing to reconnect with your shitty family – sorry, not sorry?” Jasmine asks as she pulls her laptop out of her bag and takes a seat on my couch.
I frown, not sure of what she’s getting at. “Yeah?”
“Now, you may or may not like this idea, but I finally decided to put my Creative Writing degree to use. I secretly wrote a letter to your family through their company’s email, pretending it was from you.”
She raises her hand before I can speak. “I love you but just come take a seat and let me finish.”
Albeit reluctantly, I do as she says.
She continues. “In the letter, I just wrote a bunch of jargon about how regretful you are for the strained relationship and your deep longing to reconnect. Also, I made them believe you’re scared and unsure of how to fix things.
And to add the icing to the cake, I recounted a few memories based on the stories you’ve told me before, exaggerating them a little bit and highlighting your love for them. I did this three days ago.”
Jasmine clicks a few keys on her laptop and slides it over to me. “Your mother replied this morning.”
I stare at her. “Shut up.”
“I’m not even joking. See for yourself.”
I dab my sweaty palms over my shorts and read the seven words on the screen twice. Hope sparks in my chest, but a gnawing sense of doubt quickly overshadows it.
I’m reading the message repeatedly, but I can barely believe it’s real.
“We’d love to see you again,” I murmur, reading the email from [email protected].
“How do you feel?”
You’re nothing but a disgrace to the family, Hailey. Today is one of those days when I regret having you.
I look up at Jasmine. “I don’t know,” I admit. “But it doesn’t matter how I feel. I’m doing this for Leo and I know he’ll be excited to meet them.”
Jasmine sighs. “You know you really don’t have to do this to yourself. Your family treated you like shit and threw you out just because you were human enough to put yourself first for once in your life.”
I get to my feet and force a smile. “Right now, Leo matters more to me than any grudges I have against them. It’s been five years already. We should move on from it.”
She’s not satisfied with my response, but she drops it. “Just don’t forget you can always come to me for help.”
“Sure, Ja-Ja.” I smile, referring to the name one of her annoying exes used to call her. “In the mood for some noodles? I’m starving.”
She tosses a throw pillow my way but I duck easily, laughing at her mortification as I escape to the kitchen.
***
Asides from the obsidian color of the tall, wrought-iron gates at the entrance and the pool in the middle of the garden, not much has changed about my parents’ house.
The house is surrounded by manicured lawns dotted with perfectly trimmed hedges and vibrant hibiscuses my mom loves to plant. A gravel pathway winds through the garden, leading to the patio.
When they were much younger, Ella and John chased each other around the patio until they were out of breath. Then, they would burst into my room and shatter my peace by jumping on my bed and requesting a bath.
Memories flash behind my eyes as I stare at the house. To any outsider, there’s nothing about this place that screams middle-class and that’s because my parents have always loved to live beyond their means.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Jasmine asks beside me. Her manicured fingers grasp the steering wheel as she peers out the windows. “I’m not sure why but your house has always given me the creeps.”
I reread the text my mom sent to me yesterday. The first text she’d sent me in five years.
There were no greetings whatsoever. ‘It’s your father and I’s dinner tomorrow. You should be there.’
I swallow my nerves and nod. “Thanks for dropping me off.”
“It’s nothing,” she says. “Don’t let them get to you. If it becomes unbearable, call me and I’ll be at the gate.”
“Ok.” I blow her an air kiss as I get out of the car and wave her goodbye.
A cold, biting wind sends goosebumps prickling across my skin. My stomach churns with every heavy step I take towards the front door. I should take that as a bad sign, but I ignore it and press the doorbell.
Seconds feel like hours. My posture stiffens when I hear heels clicking behind the door. It opens to reveal Elizabeth Donovan – also known as my mom.
She looks just as the same as the recent picture I saw of her. The red hair I inherited from her is permed stylishly and her fair cheeks aren’t as chubby as I remember .
She’s skinnier but surprisingly fits into the clothes she’s wearing. Her lips are a shade darker than the red I have on and the blueness of her eyes are the same as mine.
For a brief second, all she does is stare at me like I’m a figment of her imagination. I, on the other hand, don’t know what to feel.