Chapter Nineteen Grace
Chapter Nineteen
Grace
I can’t keep doing this.
The words echo in my head, over and over, as I stand there facing Logan. The beautiful setup he arranged for tonight—the candles, the wine, the beach—feels like it’s mocking me now. I should feel flattered, even excited, by the lengths he’s gone to, but all I feel is suffocated. Trapped in a lie that’s spiraling out of control.
“I can’t keep pretending, Logan,” I finally say, my voice low but steady. “I can’t keep lying to my family. It’s all going to blow up in our faces. When it does, what then? What are we left with?”
He stares at me, his face tight with confusion and frustration. “Grace, we’ll deal with it. We don’t have to lie forever.”
I shake my head, unable to believe he still doesn’t see it. “That’s not the point. This whole thing—our fake engagement, the lies, all of it—it’s not sustainable. My family is invested in this. They think I’ve finally found someone to settle down with. Do you really understand what that means?”
I can see the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes, but he doesn’t respond immediately, so I push forward, the words tumbling out faster than I can control.
“They want us to get married, Logan. They expect us to start a life together, have kids. How do we even begin to explain the truth? That we made this all up to avoid awkward questions? That we lied to them? If we keep this up, it’s either we get married for real, or we tell them we’ve been deceiving them from the start. What then?”
Logan opens his mouth to respond, but I’m not done.
“Even if you do have feelings for me, do you really want to marry me?” My voice rises, and I hear the desperation in it. “Is that where this is headed? Because it has to be one or the other, Logan. Either we keep pretending forever, or we come clean and face the fallout.”
His eyes narrow slightly, and I can see the frustration building. “Grace, you were a willing participant in this too,” he says, his tone sharper than before. “You didn’t exactly protest when we came up with this idea. You were all in.”
I wince at his words because, deep down, he’s not wrong. I was a willing participant. I jumped at the chance to avoid my parents’ constant questions about why I wasn’t settling down. I agreed to this ridiculous plan because it was easier than facing their disappointment. What I didn’t expect was for it to spiral out of control like this.
“I know I was a part of it,” I admit, my voice softer now. “I didn’t think it through. I didn’t realize how deep it would go until now. My parents… my family is going to be heartbroken when they find out. They think I’m finally settling down, that I’ve found someone who’s serious about me. How am I supposed to explain to them that it was all a sham?”
Logan runs a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated, but there’s something else in his expression—something vulnerable. “Grace, we don’t have to figure this out right now. Let’s just get through the wedding. We’ll deal with everything afterward.”
I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. “I can’t wait until after Joseph and Emily’s wedding. I can’t walk around pretending everything is fine, pretending that this is real, when it’s not. I want to call the whole thing off.”
His eyes widen, alarm flashing across his face. “Grace, wait—”
“No, Logan, I’m serious. I can’t keep doing this. It’s all too much.”
He steps closer, his hand reaching out as if to steady me, to calm me down. “Look, I get it. You’re feeling overwhelmed, but calling it off right now would make things worse. It would be a disaster.”
I pull away, the tension inside me snapping. “A disaster? It’s already a disaster! You know what makes it worse? I know why Samantha is doing all of this.”
Logan freezes, his face going pale. “What are you talking about?”
I take a deep breath, the words ready to spill out, the anger I’ve been holding in boiling over. “She told my parents. She told them everything. About your relationship, about how you cheated on her. That’s why she’s going after us. She wants revenge.”
Logan’s face tightens, his jaw clenching as he stares at me. “Grace, that’s not—”
“She told them you had a wandering eye,” I interrupt, my voice trembling with a mixture of anger and sadness. “That she caught you with other women. Now I understand why she’s so determined to ruin this for us. She wants you to feel what she felt.”
His eyes darken, and I can see the struggle in his expression—whether to deny it or admit it. I’m not sure which would hurt more.
“Is it true?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. “Did you cheat on her?”
He looks away, the silence between us heavy and suffocating. That tells me everything I need to know.
“I didn’t love her, Grace,” he finally says, his voice strained. “What I had with Samantha was… it was wrong from the start. We both did things we shouldn’t have.”
I feel the weight of his words sinking in, but they don’t bring me any comfort. If anything, they make everything worse. How can I trust him now, knowing that he’s capable of something like this? Knowing that the man I’ve been falling for is the same man who cheated on his ex?
“Grace, you don’t understand,” Logan says, his voice taut with frustration. “Samantha cheated on me first. She slept with one of my friends, and I—” He stops, exhaling sharply as if the memory still stings. “I found out, and I was wrecked. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I was angry, hurt… confused.”
I blink, absorbing his words, but they don’t soften the blow. If anything, they make it worse. “So, what, that makes it okay?” I snap, the anger bubbling up again. “Because she did it first, you get a free pass, is that how it works?”
“No!” he says quickly, shaking his head, his eyes pleading. “That’s not what I’m saying, and you know it.”
I cross my arms, trying to hold myself together, but the hurt is too raw, too fresh. “Two bad deeds don’t cancel each other out, Logan. You know that.”
He sighs, running a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “I know. Believe me, I know. I’m not excusing what I did. All I did was kiss a woman while I was drunk, but it was still wrong. It was a mistake, one I regret every day. You have to understand—I had just found out that Samantha had been cheating on me for months. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
I stare at him, my heart pounding. His words make sense in some distant, logical part of my mind, but I can’t get past the betrayal. He’s standing here, admitting that he’s capable of hurting someone like that, of crossing a line that should never be crossed. How am I supposed to trust that he won’t do the same to me?
“I get it,” I say quietly, my voice trembling. “You were hurt. You were drunk. You made a mistake. That doesn’t change the fact that you did it. You kissed someone else.”
He opens his mouth to argue, but I cut him off. “What about me; what am I supposed to think about all this? That this won’t happen again, that you won’t do the same to me when things get hard?”
His face falls, the guilt settling deeper into his features. “Grace, I would never—”
“How can I believe that?” I interrupt, my voice rising. “How can I trust anything we’ve built when it’s all been based on lies? I don’t even know if this is real anymore. You’ve been playing this game with me for weeks—pretending we’re engaged, pretending we’re in love—and now… what? I’m supposed to believe you when you say you care about me?”
Logan steps forward, his eyes intense, his hands out as if he wants to pull me closer, but I take a step back. “It’s not pretending anymore,” he says, his voice low, filled with something raw. “Grace, I’ve had feelings for you for a long time, way before this fake engagement. I just… I didn’t realize it until all of this.”
I stare at him, my heart pounding in my chest, a mixture of confusion, anger, and something else I can’t quite name swirling inside me. “What are you talking about?”
He exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair again. “I thought this was just a way to get through the wedding, to keep things simple. It’s not simple anymore. It hasn’t been for a while. Somewhere along the way, I started seeing you differently. I realized how much I care about you, how much I want to be with you.”
I don’t know what to say. His words are heavy, full of meaning, but they’re not enough to erase the doubts that are tearing at me. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve just been a convenience to him—someone who fit into his life at the right time, someone who helped him get out of a difficult situation.
“Am I just convenient to you, Logan?” I ask, my voice soft but full of pain. “Someone to make things easier for you? You wanted something, and I was there. Easy.”
“No,” he says quickly, his voice filled with conviction. “You’re not just convenient. You’re so much more than that, Grace. I didn’t realize it before, but I’ve had feelings for you long before we started pretending. I just didn’t know what to do with them. I didn’t know how to handle it.”
His words hang in the air between us, and for a moment, I don’t know how to respond. I want to believe him. I want to believe that everything we’ve shared, everything we’ve been through, has led to something real. But the doubts won’t go away. The fear of being hurt, of being betrayed again, lingers like a shadow.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I say softly, my voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know if I can keep pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.”
Logan looks at me, his face a mix of desperation and regret. “Grace, please. Don’t walk away. I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes, but I want to make this work. I want us to work.”
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and I shake my head, trying to keep the emotions at bay. “I don’t know if it’s enough, Logan.”
He steps closer, his voice quiet but full of resolve. “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that this is real. I’m not going to let you walk away, not without a fight.”
I stare at him, torn between the desire to believe in us and the fear of being hurt again. The weight of everything we’ve been through presses down on me, and I know that no matter what happens, things will never be the same.
“I need time,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “I need to think.”
Logan nods, his eyes filled with a mixture of hope and fear. “Take all the time you need. Just know… I’m not giving up on you. Not on us.”
I turn away, feeling the tears slide down my cheeks as I walk away, unsure of what to believe anymore.