19. Claire
CLAIRE
“ H ey Mom, it’s just me,” Claire said, holding her cellphone up to see her mom on the screen.
Technology wasn’t her mom’s strongest point, and, for a few moments, Claire found herself looking at the dogs scrabbling at the bowls of food that had just been put down for them on the kitchen floor back home in Detroit.
“Can you see me?” her mom replied.
“No. Reverse the camera, Mom.”
There was a pause, and then her mom’s smiling face came into view. She’d changed her hair. It looked nice — curled and lifted. She was obviously practicing for the wedding…
“That’s better. How are you? Is that the palace? I thought it would be all gold and red velvet.”
“I’m just in my apartment, Mom. Those rooms are downstairs,” Claire replied.
“Well, we’re looking forward to seeing it.
You dad’s just bought a guidebook for Flandenne.
Apparently, the cathedral’s nice, and there’s a botanic garden.
Mike’s just bought himself a new suit. He had a journalist come to the garage yesterday — they wanted to do a piece on you and him growing up.
They were going to pay him five thousand dollars for it. He said no, of course, but…”
Claire let her mom go on in this fashion for a while.
It was nice to hear a familiar voice, and imagine the everyday goings-on in Detroit.
She’d never felt homesick before, but the sight of the dogs, and the stories of what was going on at home, was giving her a longing for something other than the life she’d found herself living in Flandenne.
“I don’t want you spending lots of money on things. Mike’s got a suit, hasn’t he?” Claire replied.
Her mom gave her a look. “It isn’t every day your daughter marries the crown prince of a European state. We don’t want to show you up. We want to make the right impression. It’s diplomacy, isn’t it? That’s what your dad keeps saying. We’re representing America.”
Claire nodded. She wasn’t quite sure why she’d called her mom that afternoon — she couldn’t tell her about the baby.
As much as she wanted to. But, in truth, Claire was having doubts.
There was no question of her getting rid of it, but as for remaining in Flandenne, she was beginning to have her doubts.
“You’re right, Mom. That’s true. Look, I was thinking… I might come over in the next few weeks.”
Her mom looked at her curiously. “What? Here, you mean? But why? You haven’t been back here for years. Aren’t you busy with the arrangements? We’ll be coming over soon enough. I don’t see the point in you flying out here just to… well, I don’t know? Is everything all right?”
The last words were said with a tone of mom-like intuition. She’d guessed something was wrong, even as Claire immediately denied it.
“Oh, yes, it’s all fine. I just… thought I’d like some time to myself. It’s all so intense here,” she replied.
A plan was gradually forming in her mind — a decision, at least, but not one she was yet entirely set on.
The discovery of her pregnancy had changed everything.
On board the Aurora everything had seemed so simple, but Claire now felt na?ve at having allowed herself to be so easily led into a situation that had now become serious.
“But what about the prince? Don’t you need to be there with him?” her mom asked.
Claire shook her head. “No… we… well, he’s busy.”
For the past few days, Claire had barely seen Adrien — not on intimate terms, at least. He hadn’t come to the apartment at night, and the times they’d been together for photo calls and official business had felt strained, even as they’d both smiled for the cameras.
It pained Claire to think they were drifting apart, and yet it was she who’d pushed him away.
The discovery of her pregnancy had felt like the dashing of a dream.
Claire knew it was selfish to feel like that, but, try as she might, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of resentment towards Adrien — he had everything he wanted, and the one thing Claire had always dreamed of was now beyond her grasp.
The dream of the restaurant was slipping through her fingers, and, despite her feelings for him, she was beginning to resent it.
“Are you telling me everything, Claire?” her mom said, looking pointedly at the camera.
“The signal’s going, Mom. I’d better go. I’m all right,” Claire said, wobbling the phone a little to make her mom think they were getting cut off.
With a sigh, she disconnected, tossing the phone aside and lying back on her bed wondering what to do.
No one knew she was pregnant, and if she slipped away from the palace and went back to Detroit, it might be best for everyone.
She could have the baby quietly. There might be some speculation in the media, but she’d be away from the spotlight.
It could be managed. Her parents would understand.
She could even tell them it was someone else’s — someone she’d met in a bar in Monaco just before meeting the prince.
Things like that happened. It was normal.
Unlike this.
But acting on her plan wouldn’t be easy.
The wedding was planned. The arrangements were made.
The following day, Claire was to be fitted for her wedding dress.
So much was at stake. She thought about Adrien’s words.
He’d told her he cared about her, and that this was more than just a game to him.
But a baby meant so much more. Could they raise a kid together on a vague sense of friendship or mutual admiration?
Claire had to be certain of his feelings, and of her own feelings, too.
There was physical attraction, of course.
Adrien was a handsome man, and Claire had found him to be an attentive lover — gentle and tender.
The nights they’d spent together had been passionate.
Hence the baby. But as for Adrien’s past, Claire couldn’t yet be sure he was ready for the commitment she needed.
Her own feelings towards him were confused.
She liked him. She liked him a great deal, but as for falling in love with him…
You’ve got to tell him you’re going to leave.
Her mind was made up. She couldn’t go on like this, and, with a sense of resolve, she went in search of him, finding him in his apartment watching TV.
“I’m glad you came,” he said, ushering her in.
“I need to talk to you,” Claire replied.
She wanted to get it over with — to tell him before she changed her mind. It was better this way. Better for them both. He looked at her curiously.
“Is everything all right? You’re not ill, are you? You can call Doctor Lambert night or day. I know we said we wouldn’t tell anyone yet, but he’s a doctor. He’s got to keep these things confidential.”
But Claire shook her head. She didn’t need a doctor. She needed to say what she was going to say.
“I’m not ill. Look, Adrien… I’ve been thinking about things, and I really think it’s for the best if…
we call the wedding off, and I go back to Detroit.
We were going to do it anyway, and given the restaurant can’t happen yet, there’s no point in me staying in Flandenne.
I can have the baby quietly. No one needs to know it’s got anything to do with you,” she said.
Her words came out so quickly, it seemed Adrien didn’t entirely take them in. He looked at her in surprise.
“You… What do you mean?” he said, his expression turning to disbelief.
Claire felt awful. He looked hurt — genuinely hurt, and disbelieving, too.
“I mean, I don’t think we should get married. We were never meant to, and now the baby just complicates things, don’t you think? It’s too much, Adrien. This was all supposed to be easy, but it isn’t. I just feel… trapped.”
He shook his head, an imploring look coming over his face.
“No, Claire… we can’t just call it off. Think of everything that’s riding on it. It’ll be a disaster if we do,” he said.
“And it’ll be a disaster if we don’t,” she replied. “Look, I’m not going to demand money, and I’m not going to sell my story to a newspaper. Not now, or in eighteen years’ time when the kid grows up. You don’t need to worry about all that. It’ll be as if none of this ever happened.”
But it was one thing to think the words, and quite another to say them.
In breaking what had become, Claire found herself doubting her resolve.
To look at Adrien’s expression was to realize his sincerity.
If he was acting a part, he was doing a very good job.
He looked broken, as though this really was a breakup — a parting of hearts.
“Please, Claire… what is it you want me to do? Is it because of the restaurant? We can find a way with that, I’m sure. The baby doesn’t have to mean an end to your dreams.”
But Claire shook her head, even as her resolve was wavering.
“It’s not just that. It’s everything. I should’ve been honest from the start, but I was caught up in the dream of my restaurant. I wanted something new, but I didn’t realize it was going to be so… intense.”
It sounded glib when put like that, and Claire was finding less reason to believe what she was saying was really what she wanted. But to take it back now would mean accepting everything on Adrien’s terms. It was all so confusing…
“It doesn’t have to be. Please, Claire… won’t you reconsider? This is my baby, too. I want it as much as you do. We can work things out. I… I love you,” he said.
Claire was taken aback by these words. It was the first time he’d said as much, and to hear it said brought a lump to her throat.
But did he really mean it? Did he love her as she needed him to?
Claire had been so caught up in her dreams, she’d failed to recognize her own growing feelings towards Adrien, but as for falling in love with him…
“It feels too soon for that. I’m sorry,” she stammered.
In truth, Claire didn’t know what she was saying. It was all so confusing. She felt torn between what she wanted and what was best. Love was more than a word. It had to mean something. It had to mean everything.
Do I love him? I think I do… but I don’t think I can say it.