Chapter 27
COLT
Icouldn’t focus. The spreadsheet on my screen blurred into meaningless numbers. Projections for the Valentine’s Day release, usually the kind of thing I could lose myself in for hours, held no interest whatsoever.
All I could think about was the way Hallie had looked in my shirt this morning. The way she’d dropped it as she walked away from me. The confidence in her voice when she’d said I don’t beg.
I was completely fucked.
I got up from my desk and started pacing.
My office felt too small suddenly, too confining.
Like the walls were closing in and I couldn’t breathe.
My skin felt too tight and there was this voice in the back of my head screaming at me to run.
I didn’t care where I ran, I just felt the urge to run from New York.
From the US. I could get on my yacht and head for the south of France.
Run.
The voice kept screaming at me. I couldn’t make it stop. When that voice wasn’t hollering at me to run, there was another voice lecturing me. Scolding me.
I’d slept with Hallie. Like actually slept with her, not just sex but the falling asleep with her in my arms part. The waking up and wanting her still there part. The making her coffee and eggs part.
The wanting to do it all again tomorrow part.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to be a solution to a problem.
A way to clean up my image. A business arrangement that would end cleanly in July with a handshake and a final payment.
It was supposed to be the easiest relationship I ever had.
It was easy to pay people to do what I wanted.
I did it all day every day. That’s what I understood.
Contractual obligations. Transactions. I paid for something, and I got it.
End of story.
Instead, she was under my skin in a way I couldn’t ignore. In a way that made me ache even now, hours after I left my bed. I wanted to text her just to make sure she’d gotten home safely. And that was bullshit because I already knew she got home safely. I was just looking for an excuse.
“Shit,” I muttered, running both hands through my hair.
A knock on my door made me turn. Frankie stood there, tablet in hand, looking professional and put together in a way I definitely wasn’t feeling.
“Got a minute?” she asked.
“Yeah, come in.”
She closed the door behind her and moved to one of the chairs across from my desk. I stayed standing, too restless to sit.
“I have the survey results back,” she said, pulling up something on her tablet. “The ones we commissioned about public perception.”
I forced myself to focus. “And?”
“And it’s working, Colt. The engagement, the public appearances, everything.
” She looked up with a genuine smile. “People are buying into the narrative. They see you as reformed. Settled down. Ready to represent what Valenteen stands for. They love that you let the public perception of you being a playboy keep going while you quietly started a relationship. That was an unexpected bonus to this whole thing. They see you as some kind of hero.”
“That’s good,” I said automatically.
“More than good. The numbers show that people are significantly more likely to purchase from us now than they were this time last year. We’re trending upward in every demographic.” Her eyes got a little glassy. “Dad would be so proud of you.”
The words were exactly what I had longed to hear all my life, but it didn’t feel like the win it should have. It felt wrong. Dirty in a way. Would he be proud to know I deceived everyone to get those numbers?
The answer was no. He definitely would not have been proud. He’d be disappointed. Disgusted.
“You okay?” Frankie asked, studying me with a knowing look that meant I wasn’t hiding my thoughts as well as I’d hoped.
“Yeah. Fine. Just tired.”
She set down the tablet. “What’s going on? And don’t say nothing, because I know you.”
I stopped pacing and looked at her. “I might be catching feelings,” I admitted. “For Hallie.”
Frankie’s expression shifted from concerned to resignation. “I was afraid of that.”
“You were right. Just like always.” I sank into my desk chair. “The engagement was supposed to be simple. Clean. But now?”
“Now you’ve slept with her,” Frankie finished.
I looked up sharply. “How did you know?”
“Please. I saw that kiss at the fundraiser. I’ve seen how you look at her. And you just confirmed it.” She shook her head. “Colt, what are you thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking. That’s the problem.” I leaned back, staring at the ceiling. “She stayed over last night. And this morning I wanted her to stay for breakfast. Wanted her to stay period.”
“And?”
“And she made it very clear it wasn’t going to happen again because she’s smarter than I am. Because she knows this complicates everything.”
Frankie was quiet for a moment. “Do you love her?”
“Fuck off,” I said, shaking my head.
I thought about the way my chest tightened when I saw Hallie smile. The way I wanted to protect her, defend her, make her happy. The way sleeping next to her had been the first peaceful night I’d had in weeks.
“No,” I said, reaffirming it. “Come on, give me some credit. I don’t fall in love with a woman I’ve slept with one time.”
She laughed. “You know, there are some people that believe you fall in love with someone before you have sex with them.”
“Who, the Amish?” I rolled my eyes. “No, I’m not in love with her. It’s just different. I feel relaxed with her. Like, I don’t know, like hanging out with you.”
“Gross.”
“Not like that. I mean she’s not an airhead.”
Frankie gave me a dirty look. “Should I get you a shovel?”
“I’m trying to say I like spending time with her. She just seems chill. Normal. There’s not a bunch of pretentious bull shit.”
“It’s almost like you’ve been getting to know her,” she said quietly. “Treating her like a person instead of a conquest.”
I nodded. “Yes. It does feel like that.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I would love to tell you what to do here, but this is something you have to figure out on your own. What does your contract say about falling in love?”
“There’s nothing in there about that. I checked. I’m going to see the contract through, though. What else can I do?” I met her eyes. “But what happens in July when the contract ends? When we’re supposed to have this very public divorce? If I have feelings for her—”
I couldn’t finish the sentence. Couldn’t say out loud what I was most afraid of.
My heart would break. Again. Like it had with Lauren.
I would have to watch Hallie walk away knowing she’d only been there for the money. That everything I thought I felt had been one-sided.
“You could back out now,” Frankie said carefully. “It’s not too late. We could stage a pre-wedding breakup. Mutual decision, nobody’s fault. Your reputation might take a small hit, but whatever.”
“No.” I shook my head firmly. “The investors would lose their minds. We’ve built so much momentum. And the Valentine’s collection is banking on this narrative. If I bail now, it was all for nothing.”
“So you’re going to go through with it? You’re going to marry the girl you’re falling for? Colt, you can’t fall in love with your wife.”
Put like that, it sounded insane. “I don’t have a choice,” I said.
“You always have a choice.”
“Not this time. The company needs this. Dad’s legacy needs this. I can’t bail just because I was stupid enough to pick a woman I actually enjoy talking to.”
Frankie watched me pace, her expression troubled. “And Hallie? Does she feel the same way?”
“I don’t know. She ran this morning. Literally stripped and walked away from me.” I laughed without humor. “Although that might have been her trying to maintain control. She’s good at that.”
“Have you talked to her? Actually talked to her about where you both stand?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I told her a good fuck here and there was just a perk of the arrangement.”
“Colt!” Frankie looked appalled. “Why are you such a pig?”
“I was being defensive. She was trying to put up walls.” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “I handled it badly.”
“Ya think?” My sister glared at me in disappointment.
“But then she changed. Played it cool. Like she agreed with me. Like it was just sex and no big deal.” I met Frankie’s eyes. “Except I know it was a big deal. For both of us. I could feel it.”
“Maybe she’s scared too,” Frankie suggested. “Maybe she’s protecting herself the same way you are.” She smiled a little. “Maybe you’re both idiots who are in over your heads.”
The thought hadn’t occurred to me. I’d been so focused on my own feelings, my own fears, that I hadn’t stopped to consider Hallie might be going through the same thing.
“Shit,” I muttered.
“Yeah. Shit.” Frankie stood up and put a hand on my shoulder. “Listen, I know you need to see the contract through. I get it. The business comes first. But Colt? Maybe Hallie was right about one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Maybe you shouldn’t sleep with her again.” She squeezed my shoulder. “If you’re already catching feelings after one night, what’s going to happen if you keep going? You’ll be in so deep you won’t be able to function when she leaves.”
She was right. I knew she was right.
Sex with Hallie had been incredible, but it had also cracked open the armor I’d kept around my heart. I’d kept it carefully locked away and now it was exposed again, vulnerable.
If I kept sleeping with her, kept letting her in, I’d be completely hers by July. And when we got divorced, it would destroy me.
“You’re right,” I said quietly.
Frankie nodded. “I know.”
“Yeah. No more sex. Keep it professional. Get through the wedding, get through the six months, and then...” I trailed off.
“And then let her go,” Frankie finished gently. “Like you’re supposed to.”
I nodded, but everything in me rebelled at the thought.
Let Hallie go? The woman who’d brought me tortellini for lunch and looked at me like I was more than just a paycheck? The woman who’d melted in my arms and said my name like a prayer? The woman who was currently under my skin in a way I couldn’t shake?
“Colt,” Frankie said, her voice worried. “You’re already in too deep, aren’t you?”
“Hell no,” I said, but I didn’t know if it was a lie or not.
Frankie pulled me into a hug, and I let her.
“We’ll figure it out,” she said into my shoulder. “Together. Like we always do.”
“What if there’s nothing to figure out? What if she leaves in July and that’s it?”
“Then you’ll survive. You survived Lauren. You’ll survive this too.”
Lauren had been different. That loss had been sudden, violent, beyond my control.
With Hallie, I’d be watching it happen in slow motion. Knowing it was coming. Unable to stop it.
And somehow, that felt worse.
Frankie pulled back and looked at me seriously. “Keep it professional from here on out. No more sleeping with her. No more blurring the lines. Just get through the wedding, do the six months, and protect your heart as much as you can.”
“Right. Professional.”
“Can you do that?”
“I’ll have to,” I said, trying to weld closed the cracks in my armor.