Chapter 19
Grayson
Icarried the empty pie plates and containers of leftover turkey dinner Brody had packed up for Willa, up the stairs and set everything in the kitchen while Harper helped her grandmother off with her coat. My eyes were pulled to the Christmas tree in the corner of the warm apartment.
It really was the perfect tree.
“Grayson.” Willa clasped my hands. “Thank you for everything. It was a lovely day.”
I pulled her in for a little hug and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you for bringing the pies, Willa. I’m not sure how we all found room, but they were absolutely delicious as usual.”
She waved her hand in dismissal. “Everything was absolutely scrumptious. I very much appreciate the invite. Now, don’t disappear on my account. There’s more of that homemade Irish cream in the fridge; you must try it.”
“I don’t think I could say no to that,” I told her.
“Good.” She gave me an over-the-top wink before turning to Harper. “It was the perfect day, dear. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Grandma. Sleep well.”
We waited until Willa disappeared into her room, the door clicking softly behind her.
Harper shook her head with a little smile. “You really want some Irish cream?”
“You know I do.” I pretended to be shocked. All I really wanted was Harper. It wasn’t a secret anymore.
Harper disappeared into the kitchen for a few minutes before returning with two glasses. The sweet scent of the cream mixed with the whiskey reached my nose as she handed me a glass.
“To Christmas.”
“To Christmas,” I echoed, my eyes lingering on her as we clinked our glasses together.
We settled on the couch, the tree lights reflecting in her hair and our glasses on the table in front of us.
She curled her legs under her and pulled her hair back from her head, using an elastic that seemed to come out of nowhere to tie it back in a thick ponytail. It was then that I saw it.
The ring.
The amethyst caught the light, making it sparkle much brighter than it was. Or maybe it was the fact that it was finally back on Harper’s hand where it belonged that made it shine?
I caught her hand in mine and held it for a moment, unsure what to say. Unsure what it meant. I bent my head and slowly pressed a kiss to her finger. “It looks good.”
She smiled a little and opened and closed her fingers, taking a moment to look at it. “It’s been a while,” she said. “I can’t believe it still fits.”
“Like you never took it off.”
“But I did.” Her smile dipped as she looked up at me. “I can’t believe you…” The words faded away, and her gaze dropped.
I knew what she was thinking about. It was the same moment I replayed in my mind so many times over the years.
The second my eighteen-year-old mouth had uttered the words that broke both of our hearts.
I hadn’t thought I was capable of it. But my love for her was strong enough to do the unthinkable.
“You know why I did it.” It wasn’t a question. I wrapped my fingers around her hand, unwilling to let her pull away again. “A part of you always knew.” Again, it wasn’t a question, but she nodded, confirming what I already knew.
She was quiet for a moment. “Not at first, of course.” Her voice was soft. “I was just so hurt after that night. I needed to get as far away from here and you as I could. I begged Grandma to let me leave early. I couldn’t face being here and seeing you…”
My heart clenched.
“For the first few weeks after I got to Paris, all I did was cry, and then I got mad,” she said. “I was so mad at you, Grayson. I couldn’t understand why you would throw us away so easily.”
It had been anything but easy, but I kept my mouth shut and let her finish.
“Once classes started and I lost myself in the lessons, the anger faded. I started feeling like myself again and then, more like myself than I ever had in my life. I went to cook and create, and at that school I discovered that part of myself.”
It hurt to hear that she’d found herself without me. But wasn’t that what I’d always wanted for her?
“It was only then that I really allowed myself to think about why you’d done it,” she continued.
“I didn’t let myself think about it too much because it still hurt.
” When she looked up at me, I could see that pain reflected in her eyes.
“But yes, part of me always knew that you’d done it for me. So I’d go.”
Maybe I should have been glad to hear her admission. Knowing that she hadn’t spent the last fifteen years hating me for what I’d done to her—to us. Instead, it made me sad.
I lifted her hand and threaded my fingers through hers. “I’m sorry,” I said after a moment. “The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.” I swallowed hard. “But I’d do it again if it meant you would have the incredible career you’ve had.”
Before she could say anything or refute what I’d just admitted, I cupped her face in both my hands, looked deep into the eyes I’d memorized for my entire life, and kissed her.
When I finally pulled back, just enough to breathe, I whispered against her lips, “Harper, I don’t think I can pretend anymore.”
Her answer was a kiss of her own, fiercer this time as she pulled me down on top of her against the cushions.
Harper
The glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling of my childhood bedroom blurred overhead as Grayson’s mouth moved over my body.
We’d been here before, in my single bed with stuffed animals on the shelf above us. Trying to be as quiet as we could while we fumbled our way through the feelings we couldn’t quite make sense of.
This was different. And somehow it was different from our night in the lodge, too. It was…more.
So. Much. More.
The knowledge of that both scared me and urged me forward.
The mattress dipped beneath his weight, his mouth hot on mine, and all at once, I needed more.
I tugged his shirt over his head, my palms skimming the hard planes of his chest, pulling him back up to me so I could once more feel his lips on mine.
I broke the kiss long enough to breathe, my forehead pressed against his. “I was so mad at you,” I confessed. “For so long. Maybe even still. It wasn’t your call to end us, Grayson.”
He stilled, his breath catching. His thumb brushed my cheek, tender even as his body trembled above mine. “I know,” he said. “I’m sorry, Harper. But I meant it when I said I’d do it again. I’d endure that a thousand times over if letting you go meant you would chase your dreams.”
A lump rose in my throat. “It did,” I said softly. “But it didn’t stop me from wanting you.”
Whatever control he had left snapped. His mouth crashed back to mine, hungry and desperate, his hands sliding under my sweater, tugging it up and off me until I was bare to him. The heat of his skin against mine made me arch into him. My need for him overwhelmed me.
“I never stopped wanting you,” Grayson breathed. His mouth closed over my nipple; a low, primal moan slipped from my throat. “Never stopped wanting this.”
His hands skimmed lower, down my body, while his mouth sucked and teased, driving me crazy. When his fingers slipped between my thighs, I cried out, quickly muffling the sound with the pillow. His fingers stroked slowly, insistently, until my hips lifted from the bed.
“God, Harper,” he groaned against my skin. “You’re so damn perfect, muffin.”
My heart caught, and I stilled at the use of the nickname he’d coined when we were kids. He was the only one I’d ever let use it. What had started as a joke had quickly morphed into an intimate pet name. Hearing it now did something to me.
“Gray.”
He was there in a flash. His mouth hovered over mine, his hand still between my legs, still slowly stroking, building the fire inside me as he waited to see what I’d say next. But the words wouldn’t come. I opened and closed my mouth, unable to say what I wanted to. What I needed to.
Instead, I reached up, wrapped my hand behind his neck, and, looking into his eyes, whispered, “I need you.”
He let out a low growl that let me know he felt the same. His mouth once more collided with mine, as he slipped a finger between my folds at the same time that his thumb found my clit. He pressed with just enough pressure for me to fall apart completely.
I clutched at his shoulders, breathless. Above me, the stars spun in wild constellations as the waves of my climax crashed through me.
And when he slid into me, slow and deep, filling me completely, I buried my face in his neck as I moaned his name, every part of me sparking to life.
We moved together. Not rushed, not frantic. But steady and sure, as if we had all the time in the world. Every thrust, every kiss, each whispered word carried the weight of all the time we’d lost, and everything we’d found again.
The fire that had always been there between us as teenagers flared back to life in an undeniable blaze, tempered only by the years we’d spent apart, and the ache of knowing what it felt like to lose each other.
And when I shuddered around him again, his name once more on my lips, I knew with terrifying certainty that this wasn’t just sex. It was love.
It always had been.
Only now, I was home.
Grayson
Harper was curled half on top of me in her tiny childhood bed, her chest pressed to my chest, her breath evening out with each passing second. Her hair had slipped from her ponytail, lying in a dark mass of tangles over her back.
My arm wrapped around her waist, holding her close as if she might slip away if I let go.
“You’re quiet,” she murmured, her voice thick with sleep.
“Just thinking about how damn lucky I am right now, muffin,” I whispered, using the pet name I’d given her in high school after she baked me a batch of lemon poppy seed muffins for my birthday.
“It’s been a long time since you’ve called me that.”
I stroked her hair slowly. “Is that okay?”
She nodded against my chest, not lifting her head. “Very okay.”
My smile took over my face as her body relaxed against mine, a soft hum of contentment slipping from her lips. She was asleep in moments, but I refused to close my eyes.
It had been the perfect Christmas, and I wasn’t ready for it to end. I would happily freeze time to keep Harper asleep in my arms forever.
The buzz on the nightstand broke the silence. I looked over to see her cell phone light up, the screen glowing bright in the dark room. I glanced down, meaning to ignore it, until I saw the name.
Captain Howard.
My chest tightened.
The preview line glared back at me:
Good news. The charter is starting early. Anchors up on New Year’s Eve. Having you aboard…
The words might as well have been a knife to my heart. I forced myself to look away as the light from her phone faded to black again. I focused on Harper instead. Her lips parted slightly, her hand still resting over my heart. She looked like she belonged there.
But the message I’d just seen echoed in my head.
She hadn’t promised me anything. We’d talked about the past, but not the future. This whole thing…us…it had always been temporary. It was for Willa. For Christmas only.
Of course she was still going to leave. Her life was out there. On boats, in exotic locations. Not in a small town in the middle of the Canadian Rockies. She was always destined for more than the small-town life I offered.
Why would I think that had changed?
The old wound cracked open, the same pain I’d felt all those years ago tearing through me again. Only this time it was worse, because I knew damn well what it felt like to let her go. To lose her.
And I didn’t have a clue how I would survive it a second time.