5. Casey
Chapter Five
CASEY
Every time I remembered that I wanted to get the whole story about Leo from Janet, she wasn’t there, or the café was busy. All the while, I scolded myself for being so curious.
Even more ridiculous was the fake engagement therapy situation I’d created out of stupid panic. Ever since I’d dragged Leo into that, I’d realized how stupid it was. I could’ve just kept on lying to my mother and pretending I was engaged. No one else needed to know. I also could’ve told her the truth. Except the truth felt way too complicated.
Before our next appointment approached, I realized I didn’t even have Leo’s phone number to confirm. He came in for coffee on the regular, but it was always busy and I was embarrassed to ask him about it. I didn’t want to seem desperate.
You’re worrying a lot about feeling desperate , my critical mind taunted me.
“Shut up,” I muttered under my breath.
The night before our appointment, I got a little reminder on my phone. As if on cue, my mother called me. While I didn’t have much trouble ignoring texts and calls from Nathaniel, I couldn’t ignore my mother. I loved her, even though there was a tangled, messy secret between us.
“Hi, Mom!” I injected as much cheer as I could into my voice.
“Hey, sugar,” she said in her light southern drawl. “Are you ready to come home yet?”
I cleared my throat. My heart thumped through several achy beats.
“I don’t think so, Mom. You know that I always wanted to come to Alaska. I love it here.”
Alaska was the last stop in my journey of flight away from my old life and the pain I left behind. This journey had initially started when I felt buried under grief after my sister died. I needed to be somewhere, anywhere, away from a place that reminded me of her every day.
About a year ago, I learned the whole truth about the path that led to her death. I didn’t know why, but after I left, my mom got it in her head that if I fell in love with Nathaniel, the son of their closest friends and neighbors, I’d come home. They missed me and she was casting about for a reason for me to come back. It didn’t help at all that Nathaniel went along with this asinine idea.
Whenever she brought him up, I would hedge. I’d never been interested in him. It went from not being interested to a burning hatred and fear. I was afraid because I recognized how evil he was. He also knew what I knew now. So, I made up a fiancé and cast my sights on Alaska. It had always been a place I wanted to visit, but it became the place for me to escape, to create enough distance.
I’d stopped in Willow Brook that night because I was tired. I wasn’t even sure I was going to stay here. Janet made it all possible.
“Are you sure?” my mom prompted.
“Mom, I love Alaska. Leo and I are really happy here.” Okay, that was only half a lie.
“Nathaniel is willing to wait for you. It would make everyone so happy for you to come home,” she pressed.
I gritted my teeth. “Mom, that’s not going to happen. I’m in love with Leo. I’m humoring you and we’re seeing a couples therapist before we plan the wedding.”
For fuck’s sake. My lies were getting out of control. It was crazy enough I made up a fiancé and dragged him into a therapy session with me, but now I was pretending like we were about to plan a wedding. Oh. My. God. I figured I would humor my mom until I found a way to tell her what really happened.
I knew my parents were hurting. It almost felt as if I were betraying them deeply by not staying there. But I couldn’t. It reminded me too much of my sister and it always would.
My mother’s sigh was quick and sharp. “We would sure love to hear a little bit more about Leo. I wish I could understand why you were being so secretive about him.”
“Maybe because you want me to fall in love with someone else,” I said dryly. At least, I could be honest about that.
“Okay, okay.” My mother sounded resigned. I knew she wasn’t going to give up her hopes. Not until she heard the whole story, but that meant blowing up her life, and I really didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted to protect her from the painful truth.
“So, tell me how you are. Should be pretty hot there by now,” I said.
I managed to steer my mother onto updating me on all the things about her daily life. Although there was a part of my heart that would always hold memories of that small coastal town, I also understood life meant accepting change. I’d grown up in my childhood home with my sister and parents on one of the barrier islands in North Carolina. Storms upon more storms were driving the cost of living there up dramatically. My parents were in the process of preparing to move inland. As it was, their home had been renovated twice after nearly being destroyed in storms. Their pending move helped me feel less guilty about the fact that I never planned to live near there again.
Nathaniel’s parents lived next door. I didn’t like thinking about what he’d done to my sister. I shied away from it over and over. Lately, the news was filled with stories about accidental overdoses. That was technically how my sister died. It was only after Callie died that I learned Nathaniel had been her dealer. I was in possession of reams of texts and more about how he knew he had gotten her hooked, and he kept increasing the ketamine and fentanyl to keep her addicted because that meant more money for him. Until it killed her. I knew she wasn’t the only one.
I had to figure out how to make sure the people who contributed to my sister’s death could actually be held accountable. After that, I would tell my parents the whole story.