9. Leo
Chapter Nine
LEO
“I want to go!” Dora announced, resting her hands on her hips and lifting her chin.
She held my gaze as I looked at her from where I stood beside the couch. She was maybe two feet away, ready to fight this one out.
If you had told me that having a daughter would change my life and that I would love her more than I could imagine loving anyone, ever, in the universe, I would’ve laughed. And yet, in the short time Dora had been with me, I couldn’t imagine life without her now, and I loved her so much it literally hurt sometimes.
“Do you now?” I asked lightly.
She pressed her lips together, a little furrow forming between her brows. Maybe her eyes were the color of mine, but she carried a lot of her mom in her. When she narrowed her eyes, she looked a lot like her mom. She also shared the same glossy dark hair.
I wasn’t sure where her feisty attitude came from, although my mom claimed I’d been a pretty opinionated kid. When I saw the glimmer of worry in Dora’s gaze, I instantly realized I couldn’t tease. Maybe I would never know everything my daughter had been through, but if she wanted to go spend the weekend with my mom and dad on a trip to Juneau, of course I was going to let her go. They were going to a local arts and crafts fair. There wasn’t even an iota of doubt I’d support her going.
“You’re going,” I said quickly. “You definitely don’t need to worry about that.”
Dora’s shoulders dropped when she let her breath out dramatically. “Oh, goody! Grammy said I had to ask you.”
The tension around my heart eased a little when Dora beamed and that glimmer of worry disappeared from her eyes. She squealed, “Yay!” before flinging herself toward me and wrapping her arms around my waist.
I squeezed her tight and let her go. It was hard to describe the emotional joy I felt whenever she hugged me. It was also fascinating to observe just how much a child lived in the moment. Seconds after that, all worry dissipated, she announced, “And, tonight I have a dinner party with Grammy.”
I bit back a chuckle. I’d told my mom I was meeting friends for dinner. I think she assumed I was having dinner with the guys on my crew because I did that once a week or so. If my mom knew I was having dinner with a woman and the whole story behind it, she would be freaking right the hell out and asking five million questions.
“Are you planning to help with dinner?” I asked.
My daughter was all business now and nodded. “I’m gonna make a sugar cake. Grammy is gonna let me do stuff in the kitchen.”
I tweaked her ponytail as I walked by. “Sounds like fun.”
Dora paused as she reached for her jacket hanging on the small row of hooks I’d put there just for her. Below the hooks were some cubbies where she kept her boots, mittens, and other winter gear. Her gaze sobered as she looked up at me. “Are you gonna be lonely tonight?”
I smiled down at her with my heart twisting sharply in my chest. “I’ll be okay, I promise. Since you have plans, I’ll call my friends and we’ll do something for dinner.”
“Okay,” she said solemnly, just as there was a light knock on the door.
My mom knew Dora loved answering the door, so she humored her by making a show of it. Dora put her hand on the doorknob, calling through, “Who is it?” in a singsong voice.
“It’s Grammy!”
Dora flung the door open, giggling. My mom lifted her, spinning her in a circle before giving her a hug and setting her back on the floor. “Are we ready to go?”
“Yes!” Dora exclaimed even though she didn’t have any shoes on yet.
My mom looked around and then out on the porch, asking, “Do you need shoes for your walk?”
Dora giggled again and hurried to put them on. Moments later, they were walking down the stairs hand in hand.
“Have you been here before?” Casey asked as she leaned back in her chair before looking around the small café in the local art gallery.
“I’ve gotten takeout from here, but I haven’t actually sat down here.”
“Same. I think it’s so cool that they rotate their menu. This month is an Indian cuisine theme, and I’m so excited! They have a buffet and everything.” She paused, her eyes twinkling. “Can we just get the buffet? I love a buffet.”
I chuckled. “Sounds good to me. Were you worried I wouldn’t want that?”
Her cheeks turned a little pink. “I didn’t know. And, I should ask now, are we splitting the check? I don’t want that to be awkward.”
“Since I asked you out to dinner, I presumed I would be paying. But I don’t really know the rules for dating these days. I haven’t gone on a dinner date in… Well, a while.”
Casey was quiet as she held my gaze. She began nibbling her bottom lip with her teeth. I didn’t think she was intending to be sexy and cute, but pretty much everything Casey did was sexy and cute, so I had to try to stay focused while lust revved its engine.
“I don’t know what the rules are either. You’re welcome to cover dinner. I guess if we go on another dinner date, I’ll get it,” she finally said.
“It doesn’t have to be even. Life isn’t really like that.”
“I know.” She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I was just offering.”
A sense of nervousness slid through me, and I rested my elbows on the table.
“Neither one of us has dated in a little while,” she pointed out.
“Seems to be the case,” I replied. “What’s your reason?”
Casey blinked, an intense pain flashing through her eyes that sent a jolt of protectiveness through me. She glanced away quickly to unroll the silverware from its napkin.
A moment later, a waiter arrived. Beyond each of us choosing water to drink, he delivered plates for the buffet. We loaded up before returning to our table to sit down. I was wondering if Casey was going to let the topic of dating drop, and I didn’t want to pressure her. I knew there was a story, if only because she needed someone to pretend to be engaged to her.
After a few bites, she glanced over. “I guess maybe you might want an explanation for why I dragged you into a therapy session as my fake fiancé.”
I cocked my head to the side. “You don’t owe me an explanation, but I’m definitely curious.”
Her lips quirked in a sad smile. “To make a complicated story simple, my parents would like me to fall in love with the son of their best friends. I was trying to be vague, but I ended up telling my mom I was engaged because the guy in question is a total asshole. I want nothing to do with him. Ever. But it’s awkward because…” She circled her hand in the air.
“Close family friend, and all that,” I offered.
She looked sheepish when she shrugged. “Pretty much. My mom somehow got this therapist’s name and wanted me to go to therapy with, well, my fiancé, just to make sure we knew it was the right thing. I saw you in the waiting room, one thing led to the next and now we’re having dinner.”
I nodded slowly as we stared at each other. It felt like the air before a storm, weighted with electricity humming.
I wanted to ask who hurt her, what lay behind the pain I saw in her eyes. My gut told me that maybe pushing her on that tonight wasn’t wise.
“What about you?” she prompted.
“The next logical question,” I said dryly. “You heard most of it in our appointment. Dora’s mom and I dated. Years ago. She broke up with me by ghosting me. Just completely fell off the radar and moved out of the area. That burned even though it let me know I wouldn’t want to stay with her anyway. I didn’t hear from her for over six years. And then, I got a call about Dora.”
Casey’s lips twisted to the side as anger flashed in her gaze. “She didn’t even tell you she was pregnant, right?”
“Nope. I’ve since heard from a mutual friend that we had back when we dated that she’d been seeing someone else behind my back. Her friend claimed she wasn’t sure who the father was. I don’t know if I ever would’ve found out about Dora if her mom hadn’t died.”
My feelings about Diane were complicated. There was the bitterness I felt after being ghosted by someone I thought I loved, followed by so much unfinished business. Now, my primary concern was Dora and making sure she was okay. I wanted her to be better than okay, and I didn’t know how to make sure that happened.
When I looked into Casey’s eyes, the empathy there almost hurt to see. “That wasn’t fair to you, or to Dora. I’m really sorry you went through that.”
I took a breath. “Same here. So, after what happened with Diane, I haven’t really dated. I haven’t been a monk, but I haven’t really trusted anyone, I guess. Being ghosted completely bites. I definitely know what it means not to trust someone.”
We ate for another minute or two before Casey asked, “How did you find out what happened?”
“When the social worker from the hospital called me. Hadn’t heard a thing until then. From what I understand from her friend, she was pregnant when she broke it off with me and I guess she thought the other guy might be the father.”
Casey pressed a palm to her chest, her eyes glistening with tears. “I am so sorry. Do you know what happened to the guy she thought was Dora’s dad?”
“According to Diane’s friend, they broke it off not long after she had Dora. He didn’t want anything to do with raising a kid.” I took a quick breath, letting it out. “I’m obviously sorry for everything Diane went through. I am really fucking glad I’m not trying to deal with Dora being attached to some other man who was a father figure to her. I wouldn’t want the emotional mess that comes with that.”
“I totally understand.” Casey nodded vigorously. “That would be tricky.”
A bitter laugh rustled in my throat. “That it would.”
The waiter came to check on us and our conversation moved away from the loaded topic of dating, or rather, lack of it. The question I couldn’t even answer inside my own brain was why I was doing this with Casey. Obviously, there was a spark. Hell, it more like a raging bonfire.
I didn’t want to dwell on that. The more I spent time with Casey, the more I liked her. I told myself we could keep it neat and tidy, not complicated.