Chapter 8
EIGHT
Alex
She looks more beautiful than the last time I saw her. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve missed her that much, or because she’s got a new glow to her. Either way, I can’t take my eyes off her despite the fact that I am obviously making her uncomfortable.
But there is still the way she looks at me, like she misses me, even if it’s a lot less than how much she hates me.
That gives me a glimmer of hope. It never really registered how much I hurt her before even though Kyle tried to tell me numerous times.
I chose to get mad at him, sometimes even threaten to kick his ass if he didn’t shut up about it.
Now, as I stare into Mona’s eyes, I wish I could go back in time and maybe let Kyle kick my ass into next week, or at least for the necessary amount of time it would take until I understood that what I was doing with Mona was not normal.
“I don’t want to have dinner with you,” she tells me, her voice barely a whisper. “And I don’t want to be your friend either.” She takes in a shuddering breath. “I don’t want to ever have anything to do with you, Alex Connors.”
I literally feel tiny cracks forming all around the shell encasing my heart. They hurt in ways I haven’t felt in a very long time.
I have two choices. I can either listen to her, stand up and walk away right now. Or, I can stay and hope that she will allow me to fight for another chance. Both options give me anxiety, just in a different way.
All women are evil, son, my father’s voice echoes in my head. There is no reason to commit to one when she’ll only rip your heart out and trample it under her expensive high heels right in front of you. And you paid for those heels.
That was the soundtrack to my childhood.
And it only got worse once he learned about my mother’s adventures subsequent to leaving us.
The fact that she had two more babies after me, and she abandoned them both was the last proof he needed to convince me that I should never trust a woman, ever.
They were all after money. The more you had, the more they chased you down.
One of the things my father encouraged me to do was to never flaunt my wealth, and always watch my back, run a background check on anyone I planned on seeing more than once, and never lavish any gifts upon them.
I lived by those rules for my entire adulthood, bouts of anger taking over every so often, especially once my friends started getting serious with their women.
Seeing them happy like that woke this fear inside of me that I will die alone.
Unfortunately, it only managed to make me lash out at Mona, and by the time I realized my mistake, it was too late.
The problem I’ve been having since has been with the fact that while I am starting to come to terms with the feelings I have for Mona, I am having an incredibly hard time getting past what I was told for my entire life.
My mother knew exactly which buttons to push to make my father’s life hell. He trusted her with his life, and she made it implode. He never forgot or forgave, and he made sure I would never be in that same situation.
I always took his advice at heart, even when it was coming in the form of a drunken rant.
I hated my mother for what she’d done to him.
I didn’t think about her because I didn’t even remember her, so her leaving me didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
I had not one memory of a life with her, and I didn’t even have a picture to remember her by.
The only proof I had that she’d even existed was her name on my birth certificate.
Don’t forget about your half siblings, the pesky voice in my head reminds me. Oh yeah, they are the other two pieces of proof that my mother ever existed.
“Sir, miss.” A waiter materializes by our table. “Can I get you two a menu to look over?”
I stare at the side of Mona’s head, ready to follow her lead. She opens her mouth, then closes it, each time causing me to tense in anticipation.
“You know what,” she lets out a long breath of air. “I think I’m hungry. So, yes, please do.”
The waiter bows before walking away, presumably to get us menus. Mona turns her head to stare at me in challenge. Not sure if she truly is hungry or not, but she’s definitely looking to rattle me now.
I try not to smile, but I don’t think I do a very good job of it because now she looks more annoyed than before.
“I came here prepared for my date to pay for my meal,” she says. “And since he can’t make it, and you invited yourself in his place, it is only fair that you paid for my dinner tonight.”
My first instinct, as always, is to inform her that there is no way in hell I would buy her dinner in such an expensive restaurant. Then, I remember that she is right, I did offer.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, baby.”
Her condescending smile falls at hearing my response.
She was expecting an argument, and now that I am not giving it to her, she doesn’t know how to react.
Her lips purse, and I am positive that she’d like nothing more than to bash me upside the head with the small purse she’s still clutching in her lap.
The waiter reappears with the menus, placing one with a flourish in front of Mona, then doing the same with me.
“I will give you a few minutes to decide,” he says before taking his leave.
Mona opens her menu with a bit of an aggressive move. She flips it back and forth a few times, an adorable small frown forming in between her eyes.
“There are no prices showing on this thing,” she hisses in my direction. In fact, it’s as if she is mad at me because of it, like I had anything to do with the printing of the menus.
“That would be customary given the place has three Michelin stars,” I explain, although, let’s be honest, the lack of pricing on the menus is nauseating.
“Well,” she huffs. “How am I going to know what the most expensive item on this thing is?”
Her question is so surprising that I let out a snort of laughter.
“Are you purposely looking for the most expensive item on the menu?”
If looks could kill, I’d be getting incinerated right about now. “You’re so smart, Alex. No wonder you own your own company.”
The smile freezes on my face. I never told her anything about my business dealings, but she obviously knows more than I’d have expected. I try not to let it bother me. I trust her, and I want her back. That is why I am here tonight, isn’t it?
Thankfully, the waiter shows up again, saving me from having to respond to her comment.
“Are you ready to order or do you need more time?”
Mona slaps a hand over her menu. “I want the most expensive steak you offer,” she tells him. “Since there are no prices on your menus, I have a hard time deciding what that would be.”
The waiter doesn’t skip a beat when he smiles and bows to her. “What sides would you like with that, miss?”
She taps a finger to her lips while she thinks on it. “The most expensive ones you have.”
“Any allergies our chef should be aware of?”
She frowns at that, like she’s not sure if she is allergic to anything.
“No allergies,” she finally says. “But about those sides, no Brussels sprouts. I don’t like them.”
“So noted.” He bows again before turning my way in expectation. “And you, sir?”
The thought of spending hundreds of dollars on food that you end up expelling only a few short hours later is giving me the sweats.
It’s not that I don’t have the money; it’s already been established that I have plenty of money.
But old habits are hard to break, and this would be the first time in my life when I am even trying to break this particular habit.
“I’ll have the Mediterranean salad.”
Mona’s eyes widen in surprise right before the corners of her lips lift in a knowing smirk. It is a bit annoying that she can read me so easily.
“Is the lemon vinaigrette suitable, sir? Or would you prefer something different?”
I take a few seconds to think, wondering if the fancy vinaigrette comes at an extra cost. I’ve never heard to pay extra for something like that, but you never know.
“House dressing is fine,” I say, a tight smile in place.
“Very well, sir.”
He is just about to take his leave, when Mona stops him. “It will all be on one bill.” She points at me. “He’s paying.”
I try not to shake my head at her in amusement, and instead watch the waiter disappearing behind a curtain, presumably to place our food orders with the chef. I can’t believe I’m having a salad. It better be damn good, because this is bullshit.
“I can’t believe you’re having a salad,” Mona snickers from next to me. It’s like she can read my mind. “Does it hurt knowing that you’re going to be paying an arm and a leg for my steak, Alex?”
I don’t know how to respond to her question. How I should explain that it’s not the fact I am paying all this money for her, that it would be like this regardless of the person. I wouldn’t do this for Kyle, and I love him like a brother.
“This is working out really well considering my date was a bust,” she continues. “I was looking forward to a nice and romantic dinner. I didn’t expect so much entertainment on the side.”
I frown at her, latching on what she just said. “Romantic dinner?”
Why would she be expecting a romantic dinner with someone she found on the Holidates app? Isn’t that supposed to be like a date for hire type of thing? Is she looking for something permanent? On the internet, of all places?
She seems taken aback by my question. “Well, it sure wasn’t a business meeting,” she snaps at me.
I can feel my nostrils flaring in anger. The thought of her with someone else is killing me inside. It only makes me wonder what she’s been up to in the months since our most recent separation. If she let someone else touch her the way I used to, I will legit have a stroke. But I’ll kill him first.
My eyes fall to the cleavage she’s showing. While tasteful, it’s definitely not for a business meeting.
“How many guys have you been with since you’ve been with me?” I growl under my breath, careful so that no one around can hear.
Mona stares at me in awe right before she bursts into laughter. Her head goes back, and she lets out a hearty laugh. A few of the patrons at the nearby tables turn their heads to look at her, and I see the looks of lust on the men’s faces. I have never felt jealousy like this before.
“The audacity,” she says through gasps of air once she stops laughing. “You are so full of yourself that you think I would not allow anyone but you to touch me, huh?”
I can’t believe this never occurred to me until now. What about all the times from before, when we kept on breaking up, then getting back together? Did she have other men during those times?
Taking a deep breath in, I force myself to calm down. This is not the place where I should lose my shit. She is doing this just to rattle my cage, or at least that’s what I have to tell myself so that I don’t go on a murder spree.
She takes a sip of water before turning her attention back to me.
“I’m sure you’ve been so very faithful to me, Alex,” she snickers. “For all I know, you were accusing me of being a gold digger while you were screwing actual gold diggers, so you were projecting with me.”
I shake my head, unable to process what she just said. “What are you saying?” And as I ask, her words finally make sense. “Are you saying that I was cheating on you?”
There is so much anger invading my system at the same time, threatening to suffocate me with its intensity.
“And when the fuck did I ever say you were a gold digger?” My voice may have gone up a notch. I realize it as I hear someone clearing their throat uncomfortably.
Mona doesn’t seem to care. She doesn’t worry about making a scene in a very expensive and posh restaurant. Quite the opposite, I think she’s enjoying all this.
“I’d say the implication was right there,” she shrugs, “when you told me that you were not my ticket to a free meal.”
I stare at her, wanting to drop my head in shame, but I don’t want to lose the eye contact. I need to remind myself that her talking to me is a good thing. It’s way more progress than I was expecting as I headed over here.
“I misjudged you.” I swallow hard. “And I apologize for it.”
Mona rolls her eyes at me. “Whatever. I don’t need your empty words. This expensive meal will be my revenge, I suppose.”
Just as she says that, the food appears out of nowhere.
The waiter places a plate in front of her with what must be the biggest steak in history.
It also looks cooked to perfection. The smell of it wafts through the air, and now I wish I’d have ordered that, too.
The sides come next, and I don’t see any Brussels sprouts in sight.
When a plate gets placed in front of me, I stare at it. It’s not that it looks bad, but it’s a salad, and you can’t eat a salad while pretending it’s a steak. I’d really rather have the steak.
“Mmm, delicious.” Mona licks her lips as she looks up at the waiter. “Absolutely perfect.”
I can’t take my eyes off her, expensive steak and lame salad totally forgotten now.
I need to figure out how long it will take her to eat her food, because that’s how long I will have to convince her to come back to me.
Hopefully by then, she’ll have forgotten about her date tonight, nor would I have to explain to her that I created a fake Holidates profile just to get her to meet with me.
I am Julian Lewis.
Ready to claim my woman by whatever means possible.
Forever.