Chapter 11
ELEVEN
Mona
It’s been two days since I saw Alex. I haven’t been able to sleep since. My focus at work has been non-existent, and I almost burst into tears a couple of times.
The fact that I haven’t heard back from Julian is not helping me either.
I got no other interesting hits from this godforsaken app.
And the ones I did get were just filled with inappropriate comments and sexual innuendos.
I’m starting to think that the picture I posted for my profile is giving out the wrong vibes.
Now, as I am sitting at the small table in my almost non-existent kitchen, I push away the sandwich I have in front of me, then pick up my phone. I open the Holidates app, wincing at the messages I see in my inbox.
“Pigs,” I mutter to myself as I continue scanning all the messages in the hopes I’ll see one from Julian Lewis.
When I get to the bottom of the list without finding his name anywhere in my inbox, anger floods all my senses.
I decide that he needs a good talking to.
Who does he think he is to leave me stranded like this?
If he found someone else for whatever party he needed me for, he should be a man and tell me so.
Meanwhile, he’s leaving me hanging, and the closer we get to the holidays, the harder it will be to find a good prospect.
I tap on the screen to start a new message in which I type furiously as I basically tell him that I have plenty of guys to choose from, and if I don’t hear back from him by morning, then I am moving on.
By the time I am finished typing all that, my hands feel clammy and cramped. I place the phone back on the table and drop my head in my hands. This is all too much, and I need someone to tell me if I am going crazy or not.
Picking the phone back up, I call my best friend.
Elizabeth went through some things a few months ago, and she stayed with me for a couple of weeks while she figured things with her man.
Once that got resolved, she went back to Austin.
But I feel like she owes me, and I am counting on her advice regardless of the fact that she tends to be a ditz, and a lucky one at that.
Take this guy she’s with for example. They had a fling in New York, after which he had to leave for Austin.
There was some drama with her father in there, where the guy, Logan, played hockey for the team Elizabeth’s father owns.
When he learned of their hidden affair, he traded Logan to Austin.
What did Elizabeth do? Left all her life here without even knowing if he still wanted her.
She showed up there, told him that she wanted him, and boom, before long, they’re now together, with ups and downs, and lots of obstacles, but he wants her enough to fight through them all.
Meanwhile, what have I gotten? A guy who’s been stringing me along for four years.
And when I finally got the courage to block him once he gave me the boot for the last time, I am now jumping through hoops to attend a party where he will be as well, and I have to show up with a hot guy on my arm so that he knows for certain that I am over him.
“Mona!” She sounds really excited to hear from me, making me roll my eyes at the ceiling.
“I’m glad you remember who I am,” I tease. “Seeing that you never call and all that.”
“I am so sorry!” She sounds loud and overly excited. “It’s been so busy here! I got a job at a gallery!”
I smile, happy to hear that she’s figuring out her life away from her father’s money, while I am sad for myself. My life is imploding.
“How’s online fake dating going? Found anyone good?” she asks.
Tears gather in my eyes, and I wipe at my cheek furiously when I feel one sliding down the side of my face.
“I was supposed to go out to dinner with this one guy. He never showed.”
The pitifulness in my tone is causing me to take pause. When have I become this whimpering fool? It’s ridiculous, and I don’t like it. The problem is that I don’t know how to snap out of it.
“That’s totally his loss.”
Elizabeth’s tone is way too soothing. I want her to feel as enraged about it as I do.
“It’s my loss, too,” I snap at her. “I still don’t have anyone for this party. I can’t stand the thought of Alex thinking that he discarded me that easily.”
“Who cares what he thinks?” She is so innocent in the way she asks, definitely not matching the vibe I’m looking for.
“I care, Em!” I drop my head back and stare at the ceiling. “I don’t know why, but I care. I want him to know that I’m not pining over him anymore. I am totally over him, I…”
She clears her voice softly. “Are you, though?”
I don’t know what she’s asking me now that she interrupted my train of thought. “Am I what?”
“You said you’re over him. Are you?”
I sigh and get ready to explain it to her like she’s two. “I did not say that I was over him. I said that I wanted him to think I was over him.”
“Ah…” A chuckle echoes over the line. “I get it now.”
I doubt that she does, and, to be honest, I am annoyed that she’s not just going along with my craziness.
“I’m sorry.” She reads my silence correctly. “I know this thing with Alex got you down. You love him, and…”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I jump up from my seat. “Who said anything about love?”
“Uh, you…”
My eyes widen in anticipation while my heart is literally jumping out of my chest. Well, not literally, but it sure feels like it. I can’t wait to hear how she’s going to explain this to me.
“You’re going through all this trouble to make Alex jealous,” Elizabeth says. “Why would you do that if you were not in love with him?”
I press a hand to my head, feeling like it is about to explode. Maybe if that happens, I don’t need to worry about any of this anymore. Unless it follows me into the afterlife. That would really suck.
“I’m doing it because I don’t want him to think that he won.”
The words don’t make sense to me even though I’m the one who said them, so I’m assuming they won’t make any sense to her either.
“What would he be winning?”
I really miss the days when it was Elizabeth who was coming to me with her relationship problems. I could set her straight and send her on her way. This really sucks.
“I think you’re looking at this the wrong way,” she continues. “Based on his behavior toward you for the past four years, he might not even care at all whether you’re there or not. And what are you going to do if you show up and Alex is there with another woman? It’ll all be a wash.”
The thought of seeing Alex with another woman is a knife to the heart.
In all these years, even though he discarded me quite a few times, I never saw him with someone else in between us getting back together.
I never even considered that he might be sleeping around before coming back to me, just like I never considered me being with another man.
“This is crazy.” My throat hurts with the effort I’m making not to cry. “I saw him tonight at the restaurant, and I…”
“Wait, when did you see him? You didn’t say!”
I take a deep breath in and let it out. Alex’s face flashes before my eyes as I relieve our encounter at the restaurant all over again.
“It was at the restaurant where I went to meet with the guy from the fake dating app.”
“Alex was there?” She lets out a breathless gasp of surprise.
“He literally walked over to my table. I prayed for the other guy to show up, Em!”
“Wow! What did he do?”
I let out a long puff of air. “He sat down and bought me dinner.”
Elizabeth busts out laughing. “No, seriously. What did he do? Unless this was a McDonald’s, then I’ll believe you.”
I smile at the giggles she lets out, like I just told her the funniest joke. It’s because I had told her before about what a cheapskate Alex was. He would not buy me dinner unless it was at a cheap place.
“Was it really McDonald’s?” she asks when I don’t say anything.
I prepare to blow her mind. “No, it was at this restaurant in Manhattan…”
“No!” I swear she just slapped her hand against a table. Either that, or she fell off her chair. “Everything is expensive out there!”
That says a lot coming from her considering she’s never hurt for money a day in her life.
“He walked over, sat down, then told me he’d buy me dinner.”
“What did you do?” Elizabeth’s voice is breathless with excitement, finally invested in my situation one hundred percent.
“I told the waiter that I wanted the most expensive steak they had on the menu.”
“Shut up!” She’s laughing so hard, she can’t speak.
“I wasn’t even hungry,” I continue. “I’d made sure to eat something at home so I don’t spend a lot on a meal out. But he gave me no choice. I also ordered dessert.”
“Oh my God!” I can picture her rolling on the floor in laughter. “This is amazing! That guy not showing up did you a favor!”
Her words stop me in my tracks, making me realize that she is right. That is the attitude I need to have about this. It’s the universe showing me that things happen for a reason, and Julian not coming to meet with me helped me get some petty revenge on Alex.
“I was so full that I let out this huge burp in the middle of the restaurant.” I might as well give her all the gory details. “I tried to make it to the bathroom, but I seriously thought I was going to pass out from how stuffed I was.”
Elizabeth laughs for so long, I have time to drink half a whole glass of water as I wait for her to calm down.
“What kind of dessert did you get? Something fancy I hope,” she says.
“Ugh!” I slam the now empty glass onto the kitchen table. “It was chocolate cake and I didn’t even get to taste it. I had to rush to the bathroom, and when I came out, Alex had the leftover food in a bag.”
“Oh, don’t let it sit for long,” Elizabeth advises. “Good stuff goes bad really fast.”
“He took it all home!” I pout like that is the worst thing ever.
“He took the chocolate cake home?” My friend can’t believe it either. “Like, he bought it for you, but then he took it home?”
“Yes, and yes.”
She gasps. “That bastard! He is worse than I thought!”
“I really hope he got major indigestion while eating it,” I huff. “Or that at least the restaurant bill gave him diarrhea.”
“Too bad there’s no way for us to find out,” she giggles.
Now that I told her the whole story, I feel even more deflated than before. I got nothing to show for that night, no actual date with the man who told me he’d be there, and no chocolate cake either. I am left with a hilarious story of me eating out of spite and then burping my feelings out.
As if she can read my thoughts, Elizabeth sighs. “I’m really sorry the date didn’t work out. There are other guys out there, I’m sure of it. You’ll meet the perfect one, and not just to make Alex jealous, but to also have a partner who makes you happy.”
I nod at the phone like she can see me, but I don’t say anything else.
The idea of being in a relationship with someone else is sickening.
I don’t want anyone to kiss me or touch me, ever.
At this point, I wouldn’t even let Alex touch me anymore.
I need a complete break from any physical activity with anyone, period.
A quick flash of memories invades my brain, reminding me how good Alex used to make me feel. I see him licking down my body, telling me how beautiful I am…
Shaking my head furiously, I make an effort to stop thinking about it, especially when I remember our encounter at the restaurant. As we were standing outside, he said that to me again.
You’ve always been beautiful…
Angry tears gather in my eyes. I don’t know why he couldn’t be my forever person. I will always hate him for that.
Suddenly, I don’t want to talk anymore. I want to be alone with my feelings. Luckily, Elizabeth saves me from me having to tell her that I want to cut our conversation short.
“Oh, Logan is home. Can I call you back?”
“Of course,” I rush to say, knowing she won’t call me back anytime soon. “Tell him I said hi and to behave, unless he wants me to kick his ass.” That’s something I always say to her, and she always finds it funny.
We hang up, and a restless feeling takes over my entire body. I stand up and start pacing despite the very small apartment I live in. I go back and forth so many times, I lose count, and I feel dizzy.
I am so into my own head that I don’t hear the knock at the door.
But when it finally registers, I stop, a hand pressed hard to my chest. I don’t get surprise visitors very often unless the neighbor’s kids two floors down decide to run around the building and knock on everyone’s doors before taking off laughing.
Marching to the door, I yank it open, ready to give them a piece of my mind. I am in no mood to play games today.
“Hi, Mona.”
I freeze, my hand still on the doorknob, staring at the tall figure darkening my doorway. My mouth goes dry and my voice is gone. I swallow a few times as I try to focus.
“Alex. What are you doing here?”
He lifts an arm up, showing me the paper bag he’s holding.
“I brought you chocolate cake.”