Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
Mona
I am so tired, I feel nauseated from it. I know I asked for more hours at work, but now that I got them, I don’t know if I can keep this pace for too long. Lack of sleep and of a life in general is killing me, one very long day at a time.
“Thank you, God,” I mumble to myself as I step out of my shoes, which I leave at the door.
I lean back and drop my head against it, then slide down to the floor where I do a perfect landing, if I say so myself.
I stretch my legs in front of me and try to enjoy this moment where there are no phones ringing or people asking me the most asinine questions.
As I stare into the abyss, my mind feels all over the place.
There are so many things I want to do in my spare time, except that I don’t have any.
I’ve been thinking more and more about moving out of the city, but this is all I know.
Where would I even go? What would I do? What if I ended up in a situation that’s worse than the one I am currently in?
“This sucks,” I whisper into the quiet room.
I feel like I’ve taken a few steps back since Alex came into my life, and maybe he is the reason why I am so hesitant about moving away from here. Or at least, he adds to my indecision.
I sigh and move around a bit, suddenly aware of the hard floor underneath me. I roll over and onto my knees, trying to get up, the need to get out of my work clothes giving me the final push for it.
“What in the world!” My right hand automatically goes to my heart when there’s a loud knock at the door. Had I still been leaning against it, I would’ve felt it vibrating against my back from how hard someone knocks.
“W-who…” I clear my throat when I realize how weak I sound. “Who is it?” I snap this time.
“It’s Alex.”
I about drop to the floor that I recently vacated. Why is he back again? My feet pad hard against the flooring when I march to the door and yank it open. I am on a war path, and this time, he is not staying.
No sooner that our eyes meet, and I feel flushed from head to toe. I can’t deal with the way my body reacts every single time this man is close to me. Damn him for having this much power over me.
“What do you want?”
There is no doubt in my tone that I don’t want him here. I realize that by having sex with him the last time, I gave the wrong impression. That is a mistake I don’t plan on repeating.
“I brought dinner.”
He brings his arm up, and that’s when I notice the bag dangling from his strong fingers. He used to touch me for hours with those fingers. He used to…
Stop it, I yell at myself, even if it’s only in my own head.
“I’m not hungry.”
Just then, my stomach decides to make the most horrifying grumbling noise. I roll my eyes upwards, shaking my head as I do so.
“I’m obviously hungry,” I concede. “But I don’t want your food.”
I feel more confident now, like I put my boundaries up, and now he has no choice but to respect them.
My heart skips a beat when he the corner of his mouth lifts to reveal the cutest, self-deprecating smile. “Technically, it’s not my food,” he says.
My forehead scrunches, and I force myself to relax, hyper aware of the lines forming on it.
“Whose food is it?”
It’s a stupid question brought on by the fact that I can’t think clearly around this man. But seriously, why would he bring me somebody else’s food?
“The chef at the restaurant where I bought it from made it. So I guess it’s technically his food. I did pay for it,” he assures me. “But it’s his, originally. Not… mine.”
The answer is as stupid as the question I posed. I guess it was a given that would happen. Without thinking, a snort of laughter escapes my mouth. I rush to slap a hand over my lips, but it’s too late. By now, Alex looks just as amused.
I roll my eyes again before stepping to the side to allow him to enter my home. Again.
Alex, as confident as always, walks directly to the kitchen area where he places the bag on the small two-seat table I have set up in there.
Without waiting for me to react in any way, he starts pulling containers out before walking over to rummage through my silverware drawer from where he pulls two steak knives.
“I sure hope we’re having steak then.” I’m only joking when I say it, but my jaw goes slack when he walks back to the table, and, with, a flourish, he takes the covers off the food containers.
I get closer because I am floored by what I see. I recognize the logo on the lids.
“Is this from the place with the chocolate cake?”
“Yes,” he shrugs. “You seemed to really enjoy their steak, so I thought we’d try it again.”
“You got two.” I say that mostly to myself, but Alex hears me and looks away self-consciously.
“I’m hungry. A salad wasn’t going to do it.”
I stare at him like he just dropped from the sky. “I can’t believe you’d spend this kind of money on food.”
I emphasize the last part only because of his past habits, and he knows it. While I was never with him for all the money he thought I was after, it would’ve been nice if we went out to a nice restaurant once in a while.
“We should dig in before it goes cold,” he suggests as he pulls a couple of plates out as well. “I’ll wash them when we’re done,” he makes sure to add when he notices me eyeballing his movements.
With a shrug and a devil may care attitude, I walk over and drop in one of the seats. Alex puts the plate in front of me, and I can’t help but be impressed by the size of the steak on it. There’s not enough room left to add any sides. He places a container with steamed vegetables in between us.
“This looks great,” I somehow manage to say. The smell of the food hits my nostrils, and my tastebuds are on full alert. My stomach tightens in a painful knot at the thought of me changing my mind about eating any of this. I couldn’t say no even if I wanted to.
I pick up the fork and knife he brought to the table and cut into the meat.
I bring it to my mouth, and I swear I am about to have an orgasm just from the taste alone.
I don’t even remember chewing before I am on to the next bite, and then the next, until I realize that I have reached the very last one.
Leaning against the chair, I drop my head back as I pat my stomach.
“That was incredible.”
I don’t remember the last time I felt this satisfied after a meal. Definitely much better than whatever I was going to scrape together for my dinner tonight.
“I hope you left room for dessert,” Alex chimes in from next to me.
My eyes snap open, and I turn my head to stare at him. “Please don’t tell me you brought more chocolate cake.”
Alex, with the adorable smirk still in place, picks up a container that he’d earlier sat on the counter. He pushes the plates away and drops it in between us.
“Just one piece,” he says. “To share.”
I am taken aback by how normal of a scene this all feels like. It’s something we never really had before, not like this. I don’t know what to make of it. It scares me.
“Why did you come back, Alex?”
The smile drops off his face. He now seems to be at a loss for words, which is another first, at least around me.
“I’ll sleep with you again, if that’s why you’re here. You didn’t have to spend all this money on food.”
A lump forms in the back of my throat. Sex is the only connection I’ve ever had with him. I guess I’m not ready to sever it. Besides, him buying me food in exchange for sex feels wrong.
“That’s fucked up,” he says. Apparently, he feels the same about our situation.
“It may be” I shrug. “But it’s not like we had a traditional relationship before. So… it fits.”
Alex continues staring at me for the longest time. I pull up my phone and realize it’s late, and I need to go to bed sooner rather than later. If I take a shower, that would cut into my awake time. I can’t afford to stretch whatever is going on with Alex much longer.
Deciding that I need to take the matters into my own hands, so to speak, I stand up from the chair and push it back. I tap on the bottom of his chair, motioning for him to turn around and face me. He follows my silent direction with a bit of apprehension marring his features.
I think by now it’s obvious what I am about to do, which is why I am surprised when he stops me as I am about to get down on my knees in between his legs.
“No.”
His tone is firm and leaves no room for discussion. I don’t fight it because Alex taking control during sex is something that I crave. He stands up, towering over me, staring me down to the point where I am willing to do anything he asks me to.
Without breaking eye contact, he turns us around until we can step away from the table. Only a handful of steps more, and I feel the small countertop that’s across from the table at my back.
There’s so much determination on Alex’s face when he places his hands on my hips, then yanks me into him. My breath hitches in expectation when I think that he is about to kiss me.
Disappointment rears its ugly head when instead, he picks me up and plops me on top of the counter. That doesn’t last long though when he immediately drops his mouth to mine, pressing our lips together.
“Alex,” I moan.
That’s all the invitation he seems to need when the tip of his tongue slides right in. His hands come up and cup my face, taking complete control of everything that I am. The kiss deepens with each stroke of his tongue, and I want more.
I become restless as I sit on the counter. He is not close enough, and I don’t have the patience to wait any longer. I bring my legs up and wrap them around his waist to pull him closer. He complies with no hesitation while he continues devouring my mouth.
“This is all I could think about since the last time I saw you,” he grumbles in between heavy kissing.
“Same,” I confess. What would the point of pretending even be?