Chapter 12
Ethan
One and a half hours later, we arrived at the hill’s top and found a spot to sit for a while. Nelly stretches her legs in front of her and she looks at me with a wide grin.
My heart doubles in speed when I look at her. The light in her eyes is enough to have me leaning closer to her. “This feels nice,” I whisper, loving the feel of the cool breeze on my skin.
From high up here, I have a good view of the city. Everything looks miniature compared to how they are in reality. The buzz of L.A.’s traffic is still very visible from here, and a thrill zaps through me, making me feel like I’m on top of the world.
“If I’m too tired to hike back down, you’ll have to give me a piggyback ride.”
“Or I’ll let the rescue crew do it again,” I tease and Nelly pokes my ribs, causing me to giggle uncontrollably
We both laugh again, and my heart warms just from listening to her vibrant sounds. We’re quiet for the next few minutes until she clears her throat.
“The last time I was up here, I told myself it’ll be the last time. I wasn’t going to let you make me do something this stupid again.” A small smile cracks her lips and she tilts her head to one side, meeting my eyes intently.
“What changed?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know … It’s easy to get carried away with you.”
My smile ends with a chuckle and I wish I can stroke her skin without losing myself and craving more. Just like in the past, Nelly makes me jittery inside. Back then, I didn’t pay much attention to it. We enjoyed each other’s company. Her brother was my best friend, and so our worlds were intertwined.
The tingles she brought alive in me weren’t meant to mean anything.
“Don’t you think Mandy will be wondering where you’ve run off to?” she asks after the moment of silence melts away, and arches a brow.
“She’s got her own date. She’ll be fine. You should be more worried about Josie. Think she’ll be mad that we ditched the party?”
“She might be, but I’ll make it up to her. She’s probably occupied with her date, anyway.”
“How did it feel to be my date? Rocked, didn't it?”
“Get over yourself.” She rolls her eyes as her shoulders quake. “I still find it hard to believe she’s your cousin. She seemed into you.”
When I arch a brow, she adds. “Trust me, I can tell when a girl’s into a guy.”
“Well, not Mandy. She’s a natural flirt, and we’ve hung out a lot in the past. Besides, I’m still not into her, and I wouldn’t be, even if she wasn’t related to me. I’m not into anyone at the moment, except you.”
The last bit of my sentence isn’t meant for her ears, but there’s no taking back the words as soon as they leave my lips.
“Yeah, right,” Nelly answers with an icy drip of sarcasm that shows her resistance. “You’re not into me,” she continues. “Why would you be? I’ve known you for how many years now? And not once have you noticed me.”
“Are you kidding?” She arches a brow, and this time I don’t resist the urge to stroke her cheek. “No red-blooded man wouldn’t notice you. You’re beautiful, Nelly. You know that.”
“Then you knew I had feelings for you?” She questions, and her words knock the air out of my lungs, leaving me with a deep gasp.
“Five years ago,” she continues. “I was going to tell you the night before your trip to New York with Tom. We’ve been flirting for weeks, and I thought that you liked me too because … it felt like it. You were with someone else that night at the restaurant, kissing, and I just …” she trails off, and the look in her eyes makes my heart sink. “I walked away.”
It would be a lie if I said I had no idea, so I press my lips together and avert my eyes from hers. Flirting with Nelly back then was spontaneous. She drew me in like no woman ever had.
Not even Julia.
A woman like Nelly deserved more than what I was willing to give at the time. More than I am still willing to give.
She deserves happy ever afters and romance with the promise of a future.
I am too broken to give her any of that.
After Julia, I made a vow to never fall in love again. I can’t let myself be that vulnerable to anyone and I can’t get hurt like that ever again.
It’s why I ignored whatever Nelly made me feel back then, and why I still need to fight how she still makes me feel.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to her in a hoarse voice. “I was hurt back then, Nelly, and I couldn’t … It was never going to work out between us.”
“I know that,” she answers with a laugh. “You have your … Desires,” she adds. “I now know that you’re not the kind of guy who can settle for one woman. The more the merrier, right?”
Her words sting, but I force on a smile. It’s easier if Nelly thinks of me as the kind of guy who can’t be faithful to relationships. That way, the walls between us stay up and the struggle will be easier.
“It’s the past, though,” Nelly says now and punches my arm playfully. “Don’t let things get weird because of what I just said. I moved on by dating a few other guys, and that’s that. I don’t have any feelings whatsoever for you anymore.”
Her smile is believable, and I lighten the mood with a chuckle of my own. “We should get out of here before the sun starts to set.”
“Yeah,” she agrees, and I get on my feet before extending a hand to assist her. Nelly ignores my hand and rises to her feet on her own.
She sways, and nearly staggers back, but I swoop my hands around her waist to keep her steady and close.
Her breath hitches when her chest presses into mine, her eyes widen, and the surrounding air tightens with a jolt of electricity that I feel all the way down to my bones.
My head pounds with a logical warning to let her go, but my hands refuse to listen. Nelly doesn’t pull away from me, and her lips stay parted in anticipation while her cheeks flush.
The deep scarlet shade there shows her passion. I want to kiss her lips and indulge in the sweetness it has to offer. The roar of my blood intrudes on the rest of my reasoning and I’m lost.
Thankfully, a gust of wind blasts against us and sends a chill right through me. It snaps me back to reality and reminds me of everything my brain tries to process.
We jerk away from each other, and she turns away, plastering both her hands on her cheeks. When she clears her throat and smooths her hands over her neck, I notice her trembling fingers.
“We should head back to the party and say goodbye,” Nelly murmurs.
“Yes, we should,” I reply, and we head down the same path that led us up to the Hollywood sign. Thirty minutes later, we're back at the reception hall.
As we approach the entrance, I notice a woman stepping out of a car parked nearby. One glimpse at the woman, and a twisting gnaw eats right through my heart.
“Julia,” I say dryly at the same time she mentions my name.
I haven’t seen her since our break-up. It took weeks to get over the initial shock of her betrayal and months to stop missing her even after she hurt me. All this time, I always wondered how I’d react when I saw her again.
Her eyes feast on mine as her full lips pull into a smile to flash her dimples at me. I was once a sucker for those blue eyes, but staring into them now makes me realize I no longer feel anything.
No hurt, no love … Julia Brene no longer means anything to me.
“I’ve wondered if I’d ever see you again,” she purrs and walks towards me. “I’ve missed you.” Her hands swing around my neck as she brings her body close to mine for a hug. I only let it last a second before I peel her hands away and step away from her.
Nelly’s staring at both of us intently, and Julia’s smile widens before she asks. “Will you introduce me to your friend?”
“My wife, actually,” I slide a hand over Nelly’s, linking our fingers. “We’re newlyweds.”
Julia’s jaw slackens. “Oh,” she gasps. “I didn’t know that.” I can’t tell if the flicker in her eyes is a disappointment, and I don’t care. Julia ceased to exist to me a long time ago.
“Nice to meet you,” Nelly extends a hand to Julia, then flashes her a proud smile. “I’m Nelly.”
“Julia,” she answers, accepting Nelly’s extended hand. “I should run along now.”
I nod with a stiff smile, but she flashes me a flirtatious look before winking. “See you around, handsome.”
Julia leaves us, and Nelly clears her throat before dislodging her hand from mine. “Nice,” she comments as she unlocks her car. “Using me to make your ex jealous?”
“That’s not it,” I answer, combing my fingers through my hair. “Julia is very important and while she was bound to find out, she will only believe it if it comes from me.”
“And why is she important?”
“Her granddad’s George Brene, co-founder of Hart Holdings. He and my grandfather are best friends and that friendship is still strong. I was engaged to marry her eight years ago, but that fell apart after she had an affair with my friend.”
Saying the words out loud leaves a lump at the base of my throat. “This isn’t how I wanted you to find out about it,” I conclude with a sigh.
“Did you want me to find out at all?”
“Nelly …”
“It doesn’t matter,” she interrupts before I can say anything else. “We don’t owe each other details about our personal lives, anyway. I should get home. I’m beat.”
She's right. We don't owe each other details about our personal lives. But why do I feel like I need her to understand?