Chapter 17
Marissa
The silence of the night wraps around me like a suffocating blanket, squeezing the air from my lungs and leaving me gasping for breath.
I toss and turn in the unfamiliar bed, the sheets feeling scratchy against my skin, the pillow lumpy beneath my head. But no matter how hard I try, sleep remains elusive, dancing just out of reach like a teasing mirage.
With a frustrated sigh, I throw back the covers and slip out of bed, my bare feet padding softly against the cold wooden floor. I move toward the living room, drawn there by some unseen force or a desperate desire to divert my attention from my unquenchable thoughts.
As I step into the dimly lit room, I'm surprised to find Bryce sitting on the couch, a faraway look in his eyes. He startles as I approach, blinking owlishly in the soft lamplight.
"What are you doing up?" He asks, his voice rough with sleep and something else I can't quite pinpoint.
"I could ask you the same thing," I reply, sinking down onto the couch beside him. "I couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind, I guess."
Bryce nods in understanding, his hands clasped tightly in his lap.
We sit in companionable silence for a moment, the only sound being the soft hum of the refrigerator and the distant hoot of an owl outside. The severity of our situation draws us closer together, despite the gulf that still lies between us.
"Can I ask you something?" I blurt out suddenly, surprising even myself with the suddenness of my question.
Bryce raises an eyebrow, his expression guarded but curious. "Shoot," he says.
"Why do you do it?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. "Why do you prefer to go through women like they're disposable instead of settling down for a real relationship?"
Bryce's eyes flicker with something akin to surprise, but he quickly schools his features into a mask of indifference. "Who says I prefer it?" he counters, his tone defensive as he passes me the bottle again.
I raise an eyebrow, unimpressed by his attempt to deflect. "Come on, Bryce. Don't play dumb. You're a movie star. It's not exactly a secret that you've had your fair share of flings."
"You shouldn't believe everything you see on the internet. Not all of it is true."
I've never stopped to think that maybe all the rumors about him were fake. Rather, I was always too busy comparing myself to the models and actresses and trying to convince myself that Bryce didn't go for plain girls like me.
Now, I want to know more.
"Then tell me. Tell me what's true and what's not. Tell me why you do the things you do."
Bryce hesitates, his gaze dropping to the floor as if he's searching for the right words. "I guess ... I guess it's just easier this way," he admits, his voice barely a whisper. "Easier to keep people at arm's length than to let them in, you know?"
I nod in understanding, the pieces of the puzzle starting to fall into place. "It's because of your childhood, isn't it?" I ask, my voice soft with sympathy.
Bryce's eyes snap up to meet mine, surprise written clear across his features. "How did you ..." There is a vulnerability in his eyes now, where before, there had only been walls.
I shake my head, cutting him off before he can finish the question. "These things could affect the kind of person you become. I get it, Bryce. I really do."
His hand trembles slightly as he reaches out to take my hand. I feel the warmth of his palm against my skin. His touch is gentle, tentative, as if he is afraid I will pull away.
"I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess. I'm sorry for everything."
I squeeze his hand in return, a silent gesture of forgiveness. I was never even angry with him in the first place. Horrified at the prospect of doing this, but never upset.
"It's okay," I say, a small smile playing at the corners of my lips. "We're all just trying to make sense of this crazy world, aren't we?"
Bryce nods, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah," he says, his voice tinged with something that sounds suspiciously like hope. "Yeah, I guess we are. Why aren't you in a relationship, though?"
I shift uncomfortably on the couch, unsure of how to respond. I know it's because I want him to wake up one morning and really see me. It's stupid, really, but I'm hopeless.
"I guess I just haven't found the right guy yet," I say finally, the words feeling inadequate and flimsy in the face of Bryce's penetrating gaze.
He nods in understanding, his expression oddly sympathetic. "Yeah, I know what you mean," he says, his voice surprisingly gentle. "It's hard to find someone who really gets you, you know?"
I nod in agreement, even though all I want to do is to scream that he's the only one my heart craves.
He may have built up a wall around himself, but there's something undeniably genuine about him, something that always lures me in.
"You know, despite what everyone else thinks, you've got a good heart," I say out of the blue. Bryce has a tendency to self-destruct, so I feel the need to reassure him.
A faint blush creeps across his cheeks. It's the most attractive sight ever. Even though he tries to hide it, I find it heartwarming.
"What makes you say that?" he asks, his voice soft but inquisitive.
"I don't know. Call it a gut feeling. There's something about you that just ... shines, you know?"
Bryce's blush deepens, his gaze dropping to his hands clasped tightly in his lap. "Thanks, I guess," he mutters. "I don't think that anyone's said anything like that to me before."
I reach out to place a comforting hand on his arm, the warmth of his skin seeping into mine. "Well, get used to it, because I'm not going to stop saying it."
Bryce looks up at me, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears and my heart clenches. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," I say, my voice choked with emotion. "Yeah, I'm here for the long haul, whether you like it or not."
Bryce offers me a shaky smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners in a way that makes my heart skip a beat. "Thanks, Marissa," he says softly, his voice filled with gratitude that takes my breath away.
I smile back at him, feeling a sense of contentment settle over me like a warm shroud. Despite the messiness of our situation and the fate of the future, I know deep down that everything is going to be okay. Even if Bryce doesn't reciprocate my feelings, for now, I’m content being close to him like this.