Chapter 28
CHARLIE
Declan’s lips are against mine, at first like a vice. His hands are on both sides of my face, urgent and firm. But in seconds, not even, the kiss relaxes. It goes from something desperate and necessary to something powerful and soft and, oh, this is necessary too.
The last words on my tongue dissolve. I can’t even remember what I was about to say. I whimper as my lips part. Declan reacts to this moan; he lets out a ragged breath before his lips connect with mine more firmly again.
His hands shift and move. One hand cradles my head, the other wraps round me as tight as he can. Without even realizing it, my own hands are on his back, holding him just as tight as he is gripping me.
His tongue finds mine and the whole world is this embrace and his mouth.
I can hear someone walk by, but it doesn’t even matter.
I was already enveloped in his scent with his blazer round me, now I am getting the full sensory experience.
The light, ticklish scratch of his stubble on my chin.
His fingertips activating every nerve in my body with just a gentle touch.
His tongue, soft and delicious. His breath fresh from cleaning up before we arrived.
The sound in his throat is somewhere between a growl and a moan; it sends my hormones racing.
My body is the first light of flame on a candle wick: initially timid and unsure, but with a spark I am alight for Declan. My body pushes against his, closer. No, even closer. I move one of my hands to touch his hair. Something I’ve longed to do for a month now.
Declan’s lips leave mine for a second, long enough for us to make eye contact. To confirm that this is real. There are other sounds in the alley that should demand my attention. They don’t. His eyes are half closed, focused entirely on me. He glances at my lips again, then back to my eyes.
Declan says something that sounds like “more,” but I can’t be sure because I think my brain has stopped working.
His mouth meets mine again and our bodies are still pressed together. I’m grateful he is holding me instead of pushing me back into the grimy alley wall.
I know he didn’t lead us out into this alley for this.
I know that. But I still can’t help but melt, letting the wildest thoughts in my head run loose.
That Declan is attracted to me. That he wants me.
That he might even break his no-dating rule for me.
Yes, I’m a grown woman, but in his arms I’m a foolish, romantic girl.
His arms and aroma surround me, blocking out the less than pleasant scent of this alleyway.
As our bodies connect, his rigid length presses against my belly.
Heat rushes to my center, desire pooling for him.
I want to remind him of our hotel, not even a block away, but my body is a magnet locked on to Declan, savoring every swipe of his tongue on mine, each motion as his hands start to roam from my neck to my lower back.
I move my hips to invite him to continue his survey, to grab my ass and lift me up so I can wrap my legs round him.
This is the most passionate kiss I’ve ever experienced – and then his lips are gone again. I tilt my head forwards, searching for them. Only the night air greets me.
I’m in the void.
I open my eyes and Declan is a foot away, two feet away. Out of reach.
“I . . . uh.” Declan stumbles for words. “The contact was coming. I didn’t want to blow our cover.” He isn’t looking me in the eye as he runs his hands through his hair.
“Oh.” So it wasn’t some mind-blowing kiss for him then?
He goes around kissing people like that and it’s business as usual?
“Right. Of course,” is all I can manage to say, while my lips and hands and arms are suddenly cold, longing for the warmth of his body and mouth again.
I find the will to snap into professional mode.
“It’s our cover. I should have expected,” I mutter while he still isn’t looking at me.
I turn my attention to the ground as well.
Perhaps it holds some fascinating details.
“No, I crossed a line. It’ll never happen again.”
I stay still and silent, unable to agree. Sure, we are coworkers, and we didn’t discuss the physical element of our cover on this mission, but inside my heart, on my lips, my neck, I’m disappointed at his vow to never kiss me again.
Never? I wasn’t imagining that he was into that kiss, right? Or is he just that good at being a spy that he can fool me so easily?
I get back to business. “Did you hear what that guy said as he passed by?”
Declan curses under his breath. “No.”
Shit is all I can think. I didn’t catch anything either. I was so off my guard because of the kiss. Did it knock Declan’s world off-kilter too? Is that why he didn’t hear anything?
“It’s my fault. I should have followed your lead,” I admit. The depth of the implications settles on me.
The evidence of Castillo’s arms deal is gone. Which means FIRE will have to directly find the munitions before they are used. This was a huge misstep.
Declan doesn’t acknowledge my words. “I think I might have recognized him, but I can’t place his face yet.” Declan stares out at the open street, a few paces to the side.
I nod, unsure what to say or do.
“Let’s go,” Declan says with a nod of his head. I follow, silently.
* * *
The whole way back to the hotel, we said nothing.
I could only surmise that Declan was fuming over my fumbles, mistakes that cost us information, a chance to expose the arms deal that Castillo made.
To prevent violence. This was a huge step back for me.
All that work I’d done trying to prove myself to Declan, Ian, and the team. I messed up, big time.
I lay awake most of the night, vacillating between self-loathing at my failure to follow Declan’s instincts and the lives that could be lost because of it. Not to mention the shattered hope of a woman who had the man of her dreams in her arms, on her lips. But now that hope is dead.
Declan didn’t speak to me when we checked out of the hotel. When we rode to the airport. We barely exchanged a few short words on the flight home.
My mistakes on this mission haunt me.
And so does that kiss. It was the sweetest promise of what could be, sandwiched by such crippling rejection.
He doesn’t date.
And if he did, it certainly wouldn’t be me – someone who blew her chance to help. Who ruined this operation.
He’ll never kiss me again.