Chapter 30 #2
Desperation claws at my chest, digging into my flesh like talons, and I’m two seconds away from grabbing my brother by the collar and demanding an answer.
“Oakley, I swear—”
“Answer me first,” he states calmly. “Are you in love with him?”
I gawk at him, frustrated as hell by how casual he’s being. But then I shake my head and finally admit to just how pathetic I am.
“Yeah, I am. Fucking still, okay?”
“Jesus Christ.”
The curse comes out under his breath, only for him to run his fingers through his perfectly styled hair.
His tongue pokes at his cheek while he searches the room, as if something or someone within these walls holds the answer for whatever unspoken question he’s asking himself, before returning to me.
“I told myself I wasn’t going to get involved with this, but I can’t just sit here and watch you two make a huge mistake. Not if his feelings weren’t one-sided.”
The tiniest speck of hope blooms in my chest as I whisper, “Oak, what are you—”
“He thinks you wanted to be with Lexi, Loge,” he cuts in, his imploring gaze rooting me in place.
“He thought you were in love with her the whole time you were dating or faking it or whatever the fuck it was. He overheard you on the phone with Bailey, saying something about not knowing what to do or who to choose. But it wasn’t fake to him, so he ended it before he could get hurt worse. ”
I blink a few times, struggling to process what he’s said, let alone the gravity of it. And when I finally do, I’m only left with more questions than answers. They all jumble in my head, forming knots I can’t seem to work my way through, especially with all the emotions clouding them.
I want to be mad at Camden for not saying something the day he overheard me and Bailey. And, boy, do I wanna be pissed at Oakley for not telling me this sooner. But I can’t, because I don’t have a leg to stand on.
And truthfully, I don’t have the time to be angry right now.
Because most of all, that tiny speck of hope has blossomed inside my chest, spreading like vines and ivy until it’s a goddamn garden. One I want to live in forever, if it’s not too good to be true.
“I’ll be back,” I tell my brother, my feet already carrying me away.
I’m out of the restaurant and down the hall in a flash, my dress shoes clicking on the tile floor as I move toward the main lobby. I don’t know if Camden is staying here or if he just drove in for the evening, but either way, I’m praying like hell I’m not too late. That he isn’t gone.
That he hasn’t already escaped, once again, without a trace.
But I come skidding to a halt when I hit the foyer as a thought comes crashing into my mind. One about escaping while in a place like this, and rather than continuing out to the valet desk, I rush past the front desk in the direction of the ballroom.
And more importantly, the terrace.
A vibration courses through my veins as I draw nearer, the same way magnets quake just before they snap together, and it’s a feeling that only intensifies when I actually spot him through the glass doors.
The sight of him staring out over the terrace ledge, the Chicago skyline glowing in the sunset as colors bounce off the lake, is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.
It has my hand shaking as I grab the handle and push open the door.
I can tell the moment he hears me as I approach, his back becoming slightly more rigid beneath the smooth lines of his suit, but he doesn’t acknowledge me. It’s not until I’ve stopped beside him, silently taking in the view, that he speaks.
“You should probably get back inside before Holden steals your best man duties out from under you.”
“I need to talk to you first.”
The statement has his attention shifting away from the water, falling to my face instead. His expression gives nothing away, remaining as impassive as carved marble when he whispers a single word.
“About?”
“My brother. He just said…” I shake my head, still struggling to find my train of thought. “Why’d you end it, Cam?”
There it is again—that flicker of longing in his gaze. But what’s even more painful than that? The way I watch him slip back into character, donning the mask of indifference once again.
“Because there was no point in continuing it. We both know that.”
Emotion clogs my throat, now seeing the lie written in the lines of his lips and jaw. And though it guts me, knowing he’s hurting, it also has the hope inside me bursting at the seams.
“You were never good at faking it,” I murmur softly.
His jaw tics, and he looks away. “Guess that makes one of us.”
Oh, baby…
I reach out instinctively, my hand landing on his forearm, but within a second, he’s pulling it out of reach. And it has my heart sinking to my stomach.
“Cam—”
“Don’t, Lo,” he says, and at first, I think it’s a warning. Until his gaze finds mine again, and gone is the mask, leaving little more than a pleading look for reprieve staring back at me. “Please, don’t make this any harder than it already is. Just do me that one favor, okay?”
I want to honor his request, seeing the anguish in his ocean eyes, and knowing I’m the reason it’s there. But I can’t. Not if I have the means to take it away.
Not if I can fix everything.
“Why didn’t you tell me you heard Bailey on the phone?”
His lips contort in a grimace, and he gives a helpless shrug. “Why should I have? The entire thing was built on a lie, and you were the only one who knew the real score.”
“It wasn’t a lie.”
“Bullshit, it wasn’t a lie. You tricked me into a fake relationship under the guise of helping me, saying you needed your parents off your back, when you were selfishly doing it to…
what? To get over Lexi? Or biding your time until she was available?
” His tone stays calm the whole time, despite wavering slightly, and he lets out a humorless laugh.
“Honestly, I figured you would’ve been glad I ended it when I did, leaving you open to pursue the person you actually wanted. ”
“Except the person I wanted was you, Cam,” I implore, searching his gaze.
“Yes, I thought I loved her, and I was terrified of her knowing. I didn’t want anyone to know, but her finding out was the worst of all.
So when I thought she was putting the pieces together, I told her we were seeing each other. ”
I finally voice the truth, and it comes out so easily, it’s nearly impossible to understand why I didn’t say it from the jump. But unlike the saying goes, my honesty doesn’t set me free. Instead, it just fucking drowns me when I see his expression growing more afflicted.
“And what? You thought I was too stupid to keep it a secret?” he asks, unable to stop his voice from cracking. “That’s why you lied?”
And though I don’t want to, I force myself to whisper a single, heartbreaking word.
“Yes.”
His jaw clenches and he shakes his head, looking out over the lake again. “Well, at least you’re being honest about it now.”
My tongue pokes at the inside of my cheek while I look up at the sky, and all the hope I’d been feeling begins to wither and die inside me.
I wish he’d give me something; some indication that Oakley was right. That I’m not alone in this, and there’s some version of tonight where we walk out of here together. But I’m starting to think maybe this is it. The end of the road.
“I didn’t think it mattered anymore. The reason this all started…” I trail off, clearing my throat. “It wasn’t something I even thought about after New York. Fuck, after the banquet, even. Because I didn’t want her. It was in the past for me.”
“But it wasn’t for me,” he replies instantly, and though I feel his gaze on me again, I don’t have the strength to meet it.
“Don’t you see that, Lo? For me, it was brand new information.
Information I was hearing secondhand, through your bedroom door, while you were on the phone with the only person who knew how you really felt.
And when he said she was your fantasy, I knew I couldn’t compete with that, so I took the out I saw. ”
My attention shifts to him, finding more anguish than I can bear in his gaze, and I shake my head.
“Lexi may have been a fantasy, but you were reality, Cam. And reality is so much fucking better. Loving you? Being loved by you? Nothing can compete with it.”
As the words fall from my lips, I can’t take the distance anymore.
I have to touch him.
And this time, he lets me. He doesn’t pull away when my hands reach up, cupping the sides of his face, the pads of my fingers scraping through the stubble along his jaw.
“But you see, the problem was, I wasn’t supposed to love you.
You embody everything I’ve spent my entire life hating, and yet, you’re everything I need.
I didn’t know what to do with that, because I didn’t understand how it was even possible.
It didn’t make sense because we don’t make sense.
But that day, when I came to your room, I was going to tell you anyway.
” I give him a sad little shrug and shake my head.
“Only, you ended it, saying there was no reason for us to keep going…so I didn’t see the point in saying it anymore. I thought I was in it alone.”
His sapphire eyes sink closed as more pain etches into his forehead, but I smooth it away with my thumb before continuing, knowing I need to get it all out before I lose my nerve.
“I should’ve told you the truth from the beginning.
I messed up. And for that, I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry for misjudging you, and I can’t even begin to apologize for the way I’ve hurt you.
But please believe me when I say that I wanted you, and only you.
Because being with you? Fuck, baby. That’s the realest thing I’ve ever known.
No matter how it started and no matter how this ends. ”