Chapter 31 #2
A sharp bite of pain hits the back of my throat, but I shove away the thoughts, the feelings, the moment. I can’t have those things in my head right now. If I allow them to invade, the emotions will come roaring back with a vengeance, and I don’t have the capacity to sort through them.
So I let my body take over instead, allowing his gravity to pull me back into orbit as I finally press my hips forward in a single, smooth thrust.
Another lust-filled gasp spills from his lips as I bottom out inside him, but I don’t stop.
I let my hips move of their own accord, each thrust fast and brutal.
Ruthless, even. He takes it, though, and from the way he’s writhing beneath me already, back arched and meeting my thrusts with his own, he’s loving every bit of it.
“Fuck, you still take my cock so well, Lo,” I pant wildly, sheathing myself in the tight heat of his body over and over. “I’ll never get enough of hearing how much you love it buried inside you.”
My pace falters for only a second, just long enough to brush my thumb over where his rim is stretched by my shaft, momentarily entranced by the sight of us joined like this.
He moans, the sound making my cock throb even more, and so I do it again, pressing harder this time before rubbing my first two fingers over his taint.
He bucks against my hand before looking back at me over his shoulder. His eyes are glassy with lust, wild with need, and overflowing with more love than I can bear to see.
“Oh my God, baby. Don’t stop. Please—”
His words cut off when I start moving faster again, the added pressure causing more ragged breaths and moans to spill free. The sounds go straight to my balls, and I revel in them as I piston my hips faster, harder. Giving every fucking ounce of myself to him, just like he asked.
“Jack yourself,” I hiss. “Wanna feel you clamping down on me, Lo.”
His weight shifts to do as I ask, and both of my hands slide up to his hips, grabbing them with a harsh grip that’s sure to leave a bruise.
We’ve had rough sex in the past, but this is on a whole different level.
It’s merciless. Carnal. It’s a fucking punishment, the way my hips slam into him again and again, but with every thrust, I lose a little more hold on my emotions.
The lid on their box starts to splinter, the lock on their cage begins to rust.
The bars on their enclosure become dented and bent the more they claw at them, desperate for escape, and they use Logan’s words as weapons against my psyche to make it happen.
“You’re the only choice.”
Thrust.
“I want every night.”
Thrust.
“You’re everything I need.”
Thrust.
“I still love you.”
All of his words are hurtled at me as I drive into him with reckless abandon, as if fucking him faster and harder will be enough to outrun their onslaught. But it’s not. I can’t escape, can’t hide, can’t do anything but succumb to every single one as they finally break free from their cage.
All the blood in my veins turns to lead, weighing me down and halting my movements without warning. My body racks with tremors as I take a shuddering breath, feeling myself coming apart at the seams while still buried inside him.
But it’s not with pleasure or ecstasy. It’s fucking pain.
Hurt, worry, fear.
Hope. Love.
Countless others I can’t even begin to name.
They consume me, overwhelming my nervous system and leaving me gasping for air as my forehead drops to the space between his shoulders.
A choked sound slips out as I try to grapple with their resurgence, each one slamming into me like a tidal wave before the next takes its place, but I can’t keep my head above the surface. Can’t swim against the current.
Can’t find a life preserver.
Because I was just fucking the man who buoys me like he was nothing, when he’s my goddamn everything.
“Baby? What’s—”
“Logan.”
His name rips from my throat on something of a plea while tears spill down my face. Still, I struggle to hold myself together. To harness some sort of control over the torment sweeping through me, hellbent on leaving chaos and calamity in its wake.
But it’s useless.
“Hey, hey. Baby, look at me. Look at me.”
I shake my head, and Logan’s palms cup my face, the heat of his skin seeping into my own as he wipes away my tears. I don’t even know when he moved, turning to face me, only that I can’t fucking look at him and see—
“What do you need?”
Another strangled sound works its way out of me at hearing those words echoed back to me.
They eviscerate the part of me that thought maybe I’d get past these feelings for him and move on, or at the very least, remove myself from them enough to enjoy feeling him again.
Touching him like he’s mine, even though he isn’t.
“Talk to me, Cam. What do you need?” he asks again, brushing his thumbs over my cheeks.
The contact with his skin grounds me, giving me the strength I need to lift my gaze, and through the blur of my tears, I find him staring at me with his brows knit together in concern.
Not pain or anger or sadness. Just worry.
And that makes me lose it even more as a single, grated word leaves my lips.
“You.”
“You have me,” he says instantly. “You have me, baby. I’m right here.”
I shake my head for what feels like a thousand times before leaning forward and claiming his mouth in a long, slow kiss.
The salt from my tears mixes between our lips, the same way it did earlier, but Logan doesn’t seem put off by it.
If anything, he just kisses me harder, deeper, as if the love flowing between us through our joined lips holds enough power to replace all the pain.
And, God, how I fucking wish it did.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper against his lips. My hands cup the sides of his face too, holding him like he’s made of glass or porcelain. “I love you. I love you, and I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Shh, baby. I love you too. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
His mouth finds mine again, as if to drive his point home, and this time, I don’t have it in me to be gentle or slow with it.
Even as tears continue cascading down my face, I kiss him deeper, sliding my fingers into his hair and locking him in place while my tongue slips between his lips to find its mate.
He lets out a soft little moan while kissing me back with the same amount of passion and need for me, and it sends my pulse into hyperdrive.
One hand leaves his head, dropping between us until I find his cock.
He’s still semi-hard as my fingers wrap around his shaft, and it only takes a couple gentle tugs for him to be fully erect again.
A little pant escapes our joined lips when I rub my thumb over the nerve beneath his crown, but his hand covers mine, halting my movements.
“We can stop—”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to stop. Not unless you do.”
Rather than answer, he kisses me again before pressing his hand to my chest hard enough for me to fall to my back.
Wordlessly, he climbs over top of me, straddling my hips before leaning down and finding my mouth again.
He kisses me fiercely while his arms bracket my head and his chest brushes against mine, using his body to completely envelop mine in the way he knows I love.
And it has my heart cracking in my chest a little more.
My hands find his waist, skimming over his skin to the globes of his ass, and kneading them in my palms. He lets out a little moan and grinds his cock against mine, sending a little bolt of lust down my spine that feels too fucking good. So good, I need more of it—of him.
He must be on the same page, because he shifts enough for me to nestle my shaft between his cheeks, rutting against him like that before lining myself up with his hole.
My hips cant upward, and my tip presses against the tight ring until it finally gives way, and I tunnel inside him with a few slow thrusts until I’m finally sheathed to the hilt.
His forehead drops to mine, and the two of us moan in unison from the delicious pressure of him wrapped tightly around me before he starts to roll his hips.
And it’s nothing like it was a few minutes before.
Gone is the rough and brutal pounding, the frenzied need and rushed desire. Now, we’re all teasing tongues and gentle caresses. Smooth thrusts and…undeniable love.
“Fuck,” he groans, his breath hot on my lips. “I missed you so much, baby. I just…fuck. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“I know, Lo,” I whisper, all gravelled and raw. “I know.”
He peppers kiss after kiss to my jaw and neck as he rocks against me, creating the most delicious friction as I slide in and out of him.
My hips get in on the action too, and I drag him farther onto my cock while he kisses me again, fucking my mouth with his tongue.
It takes long, sinful pulls of mine, twirling around it before coaxing it into a dance that our bodies have long since begun.
“I could do this forever. Fucking you, loving you.” He shakes his head when another soft moan comes out. “I never want it to end.”
The declaration sends my heart to the moon, knowing he still wants me, still fucking loves me. But as much comfort as it gives me to know he feels the same, I still don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to wrap my mind around it, and not because I don’t believe him.
It’s because I do.
I believe every damn word that’s left his mouth tonight, despite the lies that he’s told me, despite the pain he’s caused.
Despite the way I’ve fucking ached and longed for him since the day I forced myself to end things.
I can feel the truth in them with every single touch and kiss he’s given me since he found me on that terrace.
But as elated as I am, I’m still so mad at him. So fucking hurt and scared and full of emotions I don’t know what to do with now that they’ve burst free from their prison. I don’t know where to hide them anymore, how to push them down and shut them away.
So I just pour them into him with every kiss and moan and upward thrust while he rides me in slow, measured movements.
It’s not long before I’m taking back the reins, anchoring my hands on his hips and fucking up into him from beneath. With his body bent over me and his lips fused to mine, we move together in synchronization, him meeting every thrust I make with a drop of his hips.
The angle has my tip brushing over his prostate, causing his lips to part as soft pants fall from them, but I drink them down with a thirst I’ve never known before. I want to consume every part of him. Every thought, every breath, every ounce of the love he’s willing to give me.
“Come for me, Cam,” he pants while snaking his hand between us.
I can tell the moment he starts stroking himself, because his ass clenches me impossibly tighter. Enough to have me right there, hanging on the edge until I can’t possibly hold out anymore.
I give him my all—my fucking everything—even while knowing it might not be enough.
My forehead bumps and brushes against his, our pants and gasps mixing together as my climax slams into me harder than a two-hundred-pound forward in the crease, and I shatter into a thousand tiny pieces on impact.
He’s quick to follow me over the edge, jacking his length until cum coats my stomach and chest, slipping between our sweaty torsos with every thrust I make.
The way his ass grips and milks my cock as he comes draws out my own orgasm, keeping me in the blissful, weightless state of freefall until I’m wrung dry, filling him with every drop of my release.
Logan’s full weight finally drops on top of me, his hands snaking into my hair as his forehead finds mine, my cock still firmly lodged inside him. Our ragged breaths mix between our parted lips as we come down from the high, attempting to calm erratic heartbeats and heavy breathing.
But I can’t seem to catch my breath with him on top of me like this, and it’s not because he’s crushing me with his weight. It’s because the weight of this is suffocating.
The emotions, the feelings.
Because all I want to feel is hope. Certainty. Security. I want to know that loving him, that being loved by him, will be enough to overcome all the obstacles in our path.
But even now, with his body pressed to mine—with me still buried inside him, joined as one—it’s still not enough to completely calm the chaos in my mind. The fears, the doubts, the what-ifs playing out like a movie before my eyes, despite them being closed.
And it’s tearing me apart from the inside.
“What do you need?” he whispers again.
I shake my head, not able to answer him this time. If I do, I swear, I might shatter all over again, and that’s something I can’t do. So I just wrap my arms around his back, holding him tightly against me.
And even though I know I should, I don’t let go.