Chapter Sixteen Blurring Lines
Haven
T he hospital smells like antiseptic and something faintly floral. I’ve been here so many times, the walk to my mother’s room feels both familiar and foreign, as if each step brings me closer to something I’ve tried to avoid thinking about. Today is different though.
Christian is with me.
He’s walking beside me, his hand lightly resting at the small of my back. The warmth of his touch should be comforting, but it only amplifies the nervous energy humming through me. My heart is pounding, my thoughts racing with what we’re about to do. Telling my mom about our engagement should feel like a happy moment, but all I can think about is the lie behind it.
When we reach her room, I pause outside the door, taking a deep breath. Christian’s hand shifts to my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. I glance up at him, finding reassurance in his calm expression. He’s always so steady, so sure of himself, but I wonder if he’s feeling the same uncertainty I am.
“You ready?” he asks softly, his voice a low murmur that somehow cuts through the chaos in my mind.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I whisper back, trying to muster a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes.
The door to Mom’s room opens easily, and the familiar sight of my mom lying in the hospital bed greets me. She’s thinner than the last time I saw her, her skin pale and fragile-looking against the white sheets. When she sees us, a smile lights up her face, and for a moment, she looks like the mom I remember, vibrant and full of life.
“Haven, sweetheart,” she says, her voice weak but filled with warmth. “It’s good to see you. Who’s this with you?”
I walk over to her, leaning down to press a kiss to her cheek. “Hi, Mom. How are you feeling today?”
“Oh, you know me,” she says with a small chuckle. “Still kicking, despite everything.”
Mom looks from me to Chrisitan with a brow raised. “Who’s this young man?”
Christian steps forward, taking her hand in his. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Merritt. I’m Christian Tallow.”
“Tallow?” She furrows her brow for a moment in concentration. “Aren’t you Gary’s friend from college?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Mom glances at me, confusion on her face. “What’s going on here? Is this what I think it is? Does your brother know about this?”
I shrug, a small cough escapes me as I murmur, “He’s been in the oil fields… we haven’t exactly had a chance to tell him.”
“I know I should’ve waited for Garrett to get back before pursuing Haven,” Christian jumps in. “But I just couldn’t resist. I was afraid someone else would come in and scoop her up before me.”
That makes my mom smile, a soft giggle escaping her. “Oh, you’re a charmer, aren’t you?”
He grins, and I can see how easily he fits into this role. It’s so natural for him to be charming and kind. It makes what we’re about to do even harder.
I sit down on the edge of the bed, my hands clasped tightly in my lap. I can feel Christian’s gaze on me, waiting for me to take the lead. I swallow hard, trying to find the right words.
“Mom, there’s something we need to tell you,” I begin, my voice trembling slightly.
Her eyes flick between us, a curious smile playing on her lips. “What is it, honey?”
I glance at Christian, and he gives me a barely perceptible nod, encouraging me to continue. I take a deep breath and force the words out.
“Christian and me… we’re engaged.”
The room seems to hold its breath, the weight of my words hanging in the air. My mom’s eyes widen in surprise.
“Engaged?” she repeats, her voice breathless with disbelief. “How long have you two been together? You’ve never mentioned being in a relationship before.”
“It’s, uh, been kind of a secret,” I explain, hoping she can’t hear the tremble in my voice. “Since Christian is so… high profile, we’ve had to keep things low key.”
Blinking, Mom takes a moment, seeming to let that information settle. I worry that she won’t believe me, but then her lips curl into a wide smile.
“Oh, Haven, that’s wonderful! I had no idea, but I completely understand why you had to keep it a secret. I’m so happy for you!”
She reaches out, pulling me into a weak but warm embrace. I hug her back, my heart aching with the knowledge that this is what she wanted, that this is what we’re giving her, even if it’s not entirely real. I wonder if a part of her suspects something is up. She has accepted my explanation a little too easily, but maybe she just doesn’t want to think too hard about it since her time is limited, anyway. If we all just go along with this and don’t ask too many questions, we can make this work.
When she releases me, she turns to Christian, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “And you, Christian—you’ve made me so happy! You’re going to take care of my little girl.”
Christian smiles, his expression soft and sincere. “Absolutely, Mrs. Merritt. Haven means the world to me.”
I know he’s saying what needs to be said, but there’s something in his tone that makes my heart skip a beat… something that feels real in a way I wasn’t expecting.
My mom looks between us, her smile radiant. “This is all I’ve ever wanted for you, Haven. To know that you’re happy and taken care of, especially now…”
Her voice trails off, and I see the shadow of what she’s not saying—the knowledge that she won’t be around much longer.
“I am happy, Mom,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “And Christian… he’s taking good care of me.”
She nods, her eyes glassy with tears. “That’s all I need to hear, sweetheart.”
Christian leans down, kissing her cheek, and I can see how much this moment means to her. It’s bittersweet, knowing that we’re giving her what she wants, but that it’s not the whole truth. But as I look at Christian, standing there so strong and steady, I realize that maybe this won’t be such a bad arrangement.
“We’ll take it one day at a time,” Christian says, his voice gentle but firm. “We’ll make sure you’re part of everything, Mrs. Merrett. You’ll be with us every step of the way.”
My mom nods, her smile softening as she looks at us. “I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
Her words hit me hard, the weight of them settling in my chest. I force a smile, trying to hide the turmoil inside me.
The silence that follows is heavy, but it’s strangely peaceful as well. My mom’s eyes close for a moment, and I can see the exhaustion etched into every line on her face. She’s trying so hard to stay strong, to be present, even when her body is betraying her. The guilt swells in my chest, knowing that we’re only giving her half of the truth.
Christian pulls up a chair beside the bed, his movements slow and deliberate, as if he’s aware of the fragile nature of the moment. He takes my mom’s hand again, and I can see the way her fingers relax in his, like she’s found some measure of comfort in his presence.
“Gary has always spoken so highly of you, Christian,” my mom says, her voice faint but warm. “I’m glad that you’re with Haven. I’ve always wanted her to find a good man to love her and care for her.”
Christian glances at me, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “She’s very special to me too, Mrs. Merritt. I’m just grateful she’s let me be a part of her life.”
The sincerity in his voice makes my heart skip a beat. I can’t tell if he’s just that good at pretending or if there’s something more to what he’s saying. The lines between our arrangement and reality are starting to blur, and it scares me, but right now, with my mom looking at us like we’re her entire world, I push those thoughts aside.
“You’ve done more than that,” my mom says, her gaze shifting to me. “You’ve given her a future. A reason to keep going.”
I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes, but I blink them away, not wanting to fall apart in front of her. Not now.
“She’s given me just as much,” Christian replies, his voice low and steady. He looks at me, and it feels like there’s no one else in the room. “More than she knows.”
The intensity of his gaze makes my breath catch, and I have to look away, my mind spinning with emotions I can’t afford to feel right now. Not when we’re in the middle of this charade. The way he’s looking at me… it’s like he’s trying to tell me something without saying a word.
“Mom,” I say, clearing my throat and forcing myself to focus. “We wanted to tell you first. We’re planning to have a small ceremony soon, just us and a few close friends.”
Her eyes brighten at the mention of the wedding, and she squeezes my hand, her grip surprisingly strong. “That sounds perfect, sweetheart. I’m so glad you’re not waiting. Life’s too short to put off the things that matter.”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut, a stark reminder of the time we don’t have. I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“You’re right, Mom.”
Christian is still holding her other hand, his expression gentle as he watches our interaction.
“We’ll make sure it’s something special,” he promises. “Something you’ll be proud of.”
Her eyes soften as she looks at him, and I can see the gratitude there and the deep sense of relief that we’re giving her this, even if she doesn’t know the full story.
“I already am, Christian. I already am.”
The room falls into a comfortable silence after that, the three of us just sitting there, soaking in the moment. I can’t help but wonder what Christian is thinking, if he’s feeling the same mixture of guilt and relief that I am, but when I glance at him, all I see is calm reassurance. It’s like he’s made for this, like he’s the anchor I didn’t know I needed.
“We’ll come back tomorrow,” I say finally, not wanting to exhaust her. “And we can talk more about the wedding.”
Her eyes flicker with exhaustion, but she nods, a small smile on her lips. “I’d like that.”
Leaning down, I kiss her cheek softly. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, sweetheart,” she whispers. Her eyes drift to Christian, a weary but content smile on her face. “Take care of her for me, Christian.”
“Always,” he replies.
She’s asleep before we even reach the door. My heart in my throat as I try to hold back the emotions that threaten to over take me. We walk out of the room, the weight of what we’ve just done settling over us like a heavy blanket. As we step into the hallway, Christian’s hand finds mine, his fingers lacing through mine in a way that feels too natural, too easy.
“You okay?” he asks, his voice low.
I nod, even though I’m not sure if I am. “Yeah. Just… a lot to process.”
He squeezes my hand, his thumb brushing against my skin in a way that sends shivers down my spine. “We’ll get through this, Haven. One step at a time.”
I look up at him, searching his eyes for something—reassurance, maybe. “Thank you, Christian. For everything.”
His gaze softens, and he lifts our joined hands, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of mine. “You don’t have to thank me for anything.”
As we walk down the hallway, side by side, I realize that if I’m not careful, I might stop pretending this is real and start to think it actually is.
There’s something about being around him and with him… that feels so right.