Chapter Nineteen This Changes Things
Christian
I sit on the edge of the bed, staring at the closed bedroom door, my heart pounding harder than it should be. The house is quiet now—Oliver is finally asleep, and Edna left not long ago. It’s just the two of us… Haven and me. Anticipation hangs thick in the air, and I can’t seem to shake it. I keep checking the clock, wondering when Haven will come to my room, wondering if she’ll come at all.
Running a hand through my tousled hair, I rise to my feet and begin to pace the room. My legs move restlessly over the plush carpet, unable to remain still amidst the whirlwind of thoughts that have been racing through my mind since earlier. The memory of Haven shuddering beneath my touch, the way her breath hitched, and the soft moans that escaped her lips linger vividly in my mind.
This wasn’t supposed to happen—these feelings were never part of the plan. This was supposed to be a strategic arrangement, a means to an end in this custody battle. But Haven, with her laughter and warmth, has become much more than a mere facade. She's real, unexpectedly so. And that kiss—the way her lips met mine, mirroring the intensity I'd been suppressing for weeks—has blurred the lines between reality and pretense.
Glancing at the door again, I can still taste the sweetness of the wine on her lips. I want more. So , much more.
The silence stretches on, and with every passing second, the tension in my chest tightens. What if she doesn’t come? What if she’s rethinking everything, pulling back because this is all too much for her? I don’t want to push her. I don’t want her to feel like she has to do anything for the sake of this arrangement, but I also can’t shake this desire and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold back.
Letting out a long breath, I sink back onto the edge of the bed, leaning forward with my elbows braced on my knees. The sheets are rumpled beneath me, a testament to my restless pacing. I inhale deeply, trying to quell the turbulent emotions swirling inside me. If she comes, I’ll talk to her. We’ll figure this out together. If she doesn’t, I’ll respect that, but the sting of rejection will cut deeper than I’d ever care to admit.
A soft knock at the door jolts me out of my thoughts, causing my heart to leap into my chest as I continue to just sit there, staring at the door like an idiot. It takes a moment for me to process the fact that I need to answer it, but I quickly move, a smile littering my lips as I pull the door open.
Haven stands there, her eyes wide, her expression a mix of uncertainty and something else—something that matches what I’m feeling. She’s chewing on her bottom lip and her fingers are playing with the material of her pants, a clearly nervous action. Still, relief floods through me just seeing her standing there.
“Haven,” I murmur, stepping aside to let her in.
She hesitates, her gaze flicking up to meet mine, as she steps into the room. The door clicks shut behind her, and we’re alone. Again.
I don’t know what to say at first, but I don’t want to screw this up by being impulsive. Sitting on the edge of the bed again, I leave the space beside me open for her. She doesn’t sit right away. Instead, she stands there, arms crossed.
“Christian,” she says softly. “What are we doing?”
Her question cuts through the silence, and it’s the exact thing I’ve been asking myself. I run a hand over my face, before glancing up at her.
“I don’t know, Haven. I just know that… this feels like something more.”
She nods, nibbling on her lip as she absorbs what I said. "I'm not sure what this is either. But when we kissed today... it didn’t feel like we were acting. At least, not for me."
I rise and move closer to her. To my surprise, she doesn’t retreat but wraps her arms around herself more tightly, looking up at me.
"It wasn't an act for me either," I admit, my voice hoarse. "I've been trying to stick to the plan, but I can't anymore. I can't pretend I don't want you."
Her eyes meet mine, and we just stand there. Though the urge is there, I don’t reach out to her. Whatever happens next, I want her to feel like it’s her decision and I’m not putting any pressure on her either way. Slowly, she takes a step closer, and reaches out to brush her fingers against my arm, sending a jolt of electricity through me.
“I don’t want to pretend anymore either,” she whispers, and that’s all the permission I need.
With a growl, I pull her into my arms, my hands cupping her face as I kiss her—deeply, fully, without holding back. It’s a kiss that says everything we’ve been too afraid to say, everything we’ve been holding back. When she kisses me back with the same intensity, I know we’ve crossed a line we can’t come back from.
But right now, I don’t want to go back. I want this. I want her.
Scooping her up in my arms, I kiss her again as she hitches her legs over my hips. I carry her to my bed. I love how small she feels in my arms with her long legs wrapped around me. I put her down on the bed and she immediately moves to grab her t-shirt and pull it up her torso.
“Wait," I murmur, grabbing her hand to stop her. "I want to do that."
She smiles, putting her hands beside her on the bed.
Holding her gaze, I yank my own shirt over my head and then slowly push my sweats down my legs. I’m not wearing boxers, and my half-erection springs free. Haven’s eyes lock on it and darken with hunger.
Grinning, I murmur, “You’re turn,” as I reach for her, snagging her leg and yanking her to the edge of the bed. Grabbing the bottom of her shirt, I slide it up and over her head. Once I’ve tossed it to the floor, I trail my fingers along her skin before unhooking the front clasp of her bra. Her breasts spill out of their cups, two perfect handfuls. Licking my lips, I lean down and take one nipple into my mouth, licking and sucking it until it’s a hard peak, and then I move to the other, giving it the same attention until she’s gasping and writhing beneath my mouth. She arches her back, shoving more of her breast into my mouth as she tangles her fingers in my hair and holds me tight against her. It’s like she’s afraid I’ll try to get away from her before I’ve satisfied her. I would never disappoint her.
I lift my head, grinning, and grab the waistband of her yoga pants, slowly dragging them off her along with the thong she’s wearing. I kiss her thigh then her calf as I bring the pants down and throw them on the ground.
“You’re teasing me too much,” she complains, but I know she loves it. I can already see how wet she is.
“Not yet, I’m not,” I mumble, and get down on my knees, looping her legs around my shoulders and pressing my face into her pussy.
“Oh, my God!” she moans as I drag my tongue along her sensitive folds. She tastes so sweet, like honey, and I can’t get enough of her. I hold her thighs open and lick and kiss her until she’s squirming and whimpering, her fingers tangling in my hair. “Christian!”
Lifting my head, I grin up at her. “Is it good, baby?”
“You know it is,” she growls, impatient. “Stop teasing me.”
“All right, all right. I won’t tease you anymore.” I reply with a chuckle.
Lowering my head back to her pussy, I start back in, working her with my tongue and lips. It’s only a few moments before she comes, locking her thighs around my head, gasping out my name, her hands tight in my hair.
I’ve never been so turned on giving a woman an orgasm before. I don’t want to leave my partners unsatisfied, of course, and I pride myself on being able to give a woman pleasure, but giving this to Haven is different. It’s not just pride sweeping through me as she shudders and undulates her hips in wild abandon. There’s a primal satisfaction in knowing I’ve put her in this state of total surrender and release. Like I’m experiencing a privilege that I want to be mine and mine alone.
When I’ve rung the last of her orgasm out of her, I lift my head and cover her with my body. She spreads her thighs wide, panting, looking up at me. I lean down to kiss her and I groan into her mouth. I’m so hard I can barely stand it.
“Haven,” I breath. “I need to fuck you.”
She wraps her arms around my neck and gasps, “Please… I need you.”
Gritting my teeth, I grab the base of my cock and line up with her entrance. Holding her gaze, I slowly slide into her. She’s warm and wet and wonderful and I need to pause once I’m fully inside her so I can regain control of myself and not come right away.
“Oh fuck,” she whimpers.
It feels like heaven inside her. When I’m confident I can control myself, I move slowly and steadily, wanting this to last. She mewls out nonsense, clenching around me so hard, it’s like her body doesn’t want to let me go.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“Please,” she pleads, trembling, her fingers digging into my shoulders. “Faster. Harder.”
“So eager,” I tell her, grinning, but I do as she says because my body wants it too. I thrust into her hard and fast, and it’s only a few moments before she’s almost keening, raking her nails down my back.
“Christian… I’m going to… I’m going to come again…”
“Do it,” I growl. “Come on my cock.”
She cries out and her body spasms around me as her pussy squeezes me so tight, I can’t hold back any longer.
“Fuck, Haven!”
When I spill inside of her, she hums happily, kissing along the side of my face.
Afterward, the room is quiet, the only sound is our heavy breathing as it slowly returns to normal. Haven is lying next to me, her head resting on my chest, her fingers lightly tracing patterns along my skin. The weight of her against me feels perfect, like she belongs here, and I can’t shake the sense of rightness that settles over me.
I look down at her, my hand resting in her hair. Her brow is slightly furrowed, her lips parted as if she’s about to say something, but she stops herself. I don’t know how to put any of this into words either—what just happened between us wasn’t planned. It wasn’t part of the deal. Yet, it feels like it was inevitable. Like everything that’s happened between us has been leading to this.
I shift slightly, my fingers running gently down her arm, and she looks up at me, her eyes soft but full of the same uncertainty that’s been gnawing at me.
“Haven,” I murmur. “I don’t know where we go from here.”
Her lips press together, then she sighs, sitting up just enough to look me in the eye. “Neither do I.”
We fall back into silence, and I can tell she’s struggling to find the right words, just like I am. When we first started this whole arrangement, it was about convenience. It was about giving her mom peace of mind and securing a better future for Oliver. Now, I can’t pretend that’s all it is anymore. There’s something real between us, something neither of us accounted for.
“I don’t regret it,” she says suddenly, her voice soft but steady. “I don’t regret any of it.”
“Me either,” I admit, my thumb brushing along her shoulder.
She nods, her gaze dropping as if she’s searching for answers in the tangled sheets between us. “What happens now?”
I sit up slightly, propping myself on one elbow.
That’s the question, isn’t it? What happens now?
I don’t have all the answers. Hell, I don’t even have most of the answers, but I know one thing: I can’t go back to the way things were. I can’t go back to seeing Haven as just part of the plan, as someone playing a role in my life. She’s become so much more than that, and after tonight, I’m not sure I can pretend otherwise.
“We take it one step at a time,” I say. “We figure it out together.”
She smiles softly.
“Okay,” she says finally. “One step at a time. I can do that.”
I pull her closer, kissing her forehead, and she nestles back against my chest, her body fitting perfectly against mine. We fall into a comfortable silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. There’s a strange sense of peace in this moment. Like we’ve crossed a line but we’re on the same side now, no longer playing parts but figuring out what’s real between us.