Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
NAT
I had been right about one thing—we’d barely had time to catch our breath and put our clothes back on before Owen’s cries filtered out from his room. Asher had gripped my face, pulling me to him and pressing a kiss on my lips before telling me he had it and I should get some sleep.
As if I were going to be able to do that. All day, I’d been able to tell something was off with him. Initially, I’d assumed it was June’s therapy session, though from what he’d told me, that had gone well. And then there had been Wanda in the Square. Most Havenbrook residents had been welcoming and kind, but there were still those outliers who just couldn’t seem to help themselves.
And then on top of that, Cole had called to prep Asher for the hearing in a few days. Unlike the last one, I intended to be there this time. My momma had practically ordered me that she’d be taking the kids that day so I could attend, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
Owen’s cries had finally quieted, and I crept down the hallway toward his open bedroom door. I wrapped my fingers around the doorframe and peeked around the corner.
Asher sat in the rocking chair next to Owen’s crib. The baby was resting against his chest, his eyes shut as he sucked hard on a pacifier. Even in the minimal light of the bedroom, I could tell his cheeks were flushed.
We’d come upon this instance once prior—a couple weeks ago. Owen had had a fever—a low-grade one, but it might as well have been life-and-death for how we’d responded. For the care and concern Asher had shown. The same he was showing now.
For once, I didn’t want my camera to capture this. Wasn’t distracted by which settings I’d use or how I’d compose the shot. Instead, I didn’t want to look away, even for just a second. I was too enamored of the scene. How Owen looked, snuggling up against Asher’s chest. How Asher cradled him, his cheek resting against the top of his nephew’s head, his face downcast. The sound of his voice as he sang a lullaby, the soft melody soothing the baby to sleep as the two rocked.
My heart clenched even while anger overcame me. The fact that this man—this perfect man who’d done nothing but what he thought was right for these kids—might have them taken away. All because of someone with more power and more money than he had.
That was something I’d dealt with my whole life. My daddy had done nothing but flaunt his power and his status. Held it over my head and the heads of my sisters the entirety of our childhood. For better or worse, it had shaped every ounce of who we’d become. I was certain he hadn’t intended for me to say fuck it and run away, bucking all expectations as I fled.
Funny thing was, in the end, I hadn’t been able to run away from it because I’d ended up right back where I’d started. Tangled up with an influential family willing to do whatever it took to get what they wanted. Except this time, unlike when my daddy used to sweep any and all of my transgressions under the rug while hanging my friends out to dry, I was powerless.
It wasn’t long after I’d tiptoed my way back to our bedroom and slipped under the covers before Asher walked in, his face lined with exhaustion or worry or both.
“He finally asleep?” I asked as Asher shed his clothes before crawling in next to me.
“Yeah. Hopefully it sticks this time.” He wrapped an arm around me and tugged me close, and I hummed out a contented sigh. With his lips pressed to my forehead, he said, “Enjoy the private concert, did you?”
I grinned against his chest. “Just practicing my stalkin’. How do you think I’m doin’?”
“I’m tellin’ you, you gotta do something about the cement blocks, wifey.”
With a laugh, I poked him in the side, and he flinched away, laughing under his breath before pressing a kiss to my forehead.
“You feel any better, or did you just spend the whole time mindlessly reciting lyrics while your mind spun about the call with Cole?”
He blew out a heavy sigh. “Sometimes it really sucks how well you know me.”
“I hate to tell you this, but it’s only gonna get worse as time goes on.”
“That mean you plan to be by my side for a while?”
That had never been in question. Now, though, I had to contend with what, exactly, that looked like. Regardless, one way or another, I’d be by this man’s side for the rest of my life.
“Thinkin’ about it.”
He smiled against my forehead. “I called Carla tonight and told her I’m ready to go all in on songwriting.”
I gasped, bracing myself up on my elbow as I rested my hand on his bare chest. “Are you serious? You sure you’re ready to give up your dream of bein’ a big star?”
“C’mon, you know as well as I do that wasn’t ever my dream. I just felt like a fool for rejecting the chance since it fell in my lap. But this past week—writin’ that song and playin’ it at Will’s wedding… It reminded me I’m not in this business for the fans. I’m in it for the music, and I can create that anywhere as long as I have a notepad and a guitar.”
“Have you called Cole to let him know you’re signing a contract to prove income?”
“I will in the mornin’.”
“So, I guess that means you really are stayin’ here in Havenbrook.”
“If I get the kids…”
“ When .”
“When,” he agreed. “What about you? What comes after your shoot in Ireland?”
God, I hated that he was talking as if I were already gone when we were lying in the same bed, nearly naked, after he’d just been inside me. As if me leaving was a foregone conclusion.
It was, though, wasn’t it? That’d been what we’d agreed on. What I’d wanted. I’d never wanted to be tied to this town.
But I was starting to think I wouldn’t mind being tied to this man.
I cleared away the hurt in my voice, hoping he didn’t hear it. “I’m not sure. Maybe work on that coffee table book I wanna do. Summer or fall would be the perfect time for it.”
That, and I wouldn’t be so far away. The first few months would probably be really hard on Asher, June, and Owen. Even if I wasn’t in their lives daily, I could come back and visit him…them…at a moment’s notice.
“You won’t get itchy bein’ so close to Havenbrook for so long?”
It wasn’t my proximity to Havenbrook that I was worried about. It was my distance from him.
“I just thought it might be nice to be closer.”
He tightened his hold on me, squeezing me into his side and pressing a kiss on my forehead. “That’d be nice for your family. And us, if we’re all still here.”
“You will be. Those kids are gonna be givin’ you gray hairs in no time.”
He huffed out a laugh and brushed his lips against my skin. “Do you remember how nervous I was for my first show with Wade Grant? You were in Scotland, and I called you from backstage, freaking out, even though it was, like, three a.m. where you were. I woke you from a dead sleep, but you still talked me off the ledge.”
I’d missed his first big performance thanks to a scheduled shoot, but I’d been there for his third. By that time, he was a pro, but when he hadn’t been…when he’d been nervous and unsure, it was me he’d called.
“Yeah, I remember. I sat in my hotel room for hours after, wishing I’d been able to get there.”
“If I had to choose one or the other, I’m glad you’re here now ’cause I’m a hell of a lot more nervous about the outcome of this hearing than I ever was about gettin’ up on a stage in front of thousands of people.”
I shifted, bracing myself up on my elbow as I rested my hand on his bare chest. “Fortunately, I’m confident enough for the both of us.”
“Yeah?” he said, skimming his fingers up my spine. “That doesn’t surprise me. I think you probably strutted your way right out of your momma, not an ounce of self-consciousness or doubt in you.”
I loved the way he saw me. Loved the person I was in his eyes. “In that case, you should probably just believe me, then.”
“If only it were that easy. The Haywards have a team of people fightin’ for this. I’ve got Donovan and a social worker who hopefully has seen that we—” He cleared his throat. “That I love these kids enough to keep them.”
I ignored the pang in my heart when he stumbled over his words and cast me aside, leaving just him and the kids…a family of three I wouldn’t be a part of.
“Look, the Haywards are self-entitled pricks who haven’t even called to check in on their grandkids. Even though Seville is a stubborn jackass, I’d bet my lens collection on the fact that even he wouldn’t be willin’ to place those kids with someone who wouldn’t love them as much as you do. All ’cause of a grudge.”
“Your lens collection, huh? Shit, wifey, you really are confident, aren’t you?”
“Damn straight. And once he names you guardian, we… Well, you three will be able to be one happy little family.”
Asher stared up at me, his eyes flitting between mine as he studied me for long moments before he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “And you’ll finally be able to leave Havenbrook. Again.”
They were the same words I’d said to myself dozens of times before. Had, in fact, said on every trip back home since the day I’d left.
So then, why did hearing them coming from him sit like a boulder in my stomach?
He reached up and brushed my hair back, running his thumb down the side of my face, his touch so gentle. So reverent. “I know how much you’ve given up to be here for me and for them. I’m never gonna be able to repay you for that, Nattie,” he said, his voice low and hoarse.
I swallowed down the sudden lump in my throat and pasted on a bright smile, while inside, it felt a little like I was dying. “That’s what friends are for, right?”
I laid down my head on his chest, my ear directly over his heart. I had no idea why it suddenly felt as if my insides were being ripped to shreds, my heart pulverized. It wasn’t the thought of leaving Havenbrook. This town, though I’d grown to like it a hell of a lot more than I had at eighteen, was still just a town. I’d seen hundreds of them over the years. Knew I could find my place anywhere in the world.
But it wasn’t the geography I was so sad to leave. Wasn’t the Square or the townsfolk or even my family. It was the thought of leaving Asher and the kids I’d grown to love. The very idea filled me with a sense of dread, not knowing what I’d do when they were no longer a daily part of my life.
For hours, I lay there, listening to Asher’s steady breaths and the soft beat of his heart. All the while, one thought repeated like a broken record in my mind.
I hoped he asked me to stay.