Chapter 27
Ican’t bring myself to go back to the villa right away.
The night ended in disaster, but I didn’t want to waste the sunset.
Or the dress, honestly, even if it is covered in a spectacular red stain.
Reid holds my hand as we walk up and down the steep and narrow streets of Positano.
I’m still wearing Reid’s coat, which thankfully is warding off against the chill of the air as the sun dips below the horizon.
We pass couples on date nights and other tourists stopping to the side to take photos of the swirling sky as it darkens and the stars twinkle.
“Thank you,” I finally say to him. He turns to look at me with a raised eyebrow, silently questioning what I’m thankful for, but waiting for me to continue. “For being by my side back there.”
“Like I said, your battle is mine. I just . . .” He stops, runs a hand through his dark hair to push the strands out of his face.
“You don’t know why I let them walk all over me.”
“I really don’t,” he says.
“I’ve always felt left out,” I admit. “Charlie is the only boy. He’s the first born.
He has his own things going on. We got along, but we were never really close.
And I was so excited to have sisters, but Kate and Lydia are twins, and you know how twins are.
They have that super specific bond. So I’ve always just been .
. . there. So I always bent over backwards to make sure they liked me or included me or just wanted to talk to me.
Because they had each other, but I always felt like I had no one.
My dad has always been closest with Charlie.
My mom always doted on the twins. And I was just there. ”
“You’re not just there, Jane.”
“No, I know. At least I do now, but growing up it was hard to get anyone’s attention.
I always felt like an afterthought. My parents got hand-me-down clothes from the neighbor for me, but went out and bought the twins matching sets.
They forgot me at volleyball practice multiple times because they were busy chatting with other parents at the girls’ ballet practices.
When I got my license, they essentially chucked me the car keys and told me to go wherever.
Which I’m sure seems like a dream for a teenager to be able to slip in and out unnoticed and have keys to get somewhere, but I just wanted them to acknowledge me.
To miss me if I stayed out past curfew. They just never did.
And I got used to that. And I took whatever little crumbs of attention I could get from my sisters.
And even from Charlie. That’s why I suffer through these weekly brunches the twins wanted to start once we were all back in the same city again after college.
It’s why I spent stupid amounts of money on the clothes she wanted me to wear and the things she needed for the wedding.
It’s why I never tell Kate no. Because I just want her to . . .”
“See you.”
I nod in response, confident that I’ll burst into tears if I speak. Reid’s fingers squeeze tightly on my own and I feel a sense of peace at finally admitting the words. Mostly because I admitted them to someone who does actually see me. He sees me and he stays.
“I know it sounds stupid, but—”
“It’s not stupid to want your family to love you, Jane. I just want you to speak up for yourself. Because all you’ve done your entire life is say yes to her and for what? It’s time to start saying yes to yourself, and the people who matter will stay.”
“Will you? Stay, I mean.”
He stops in his tracks so fast that I don’t even realize it until his hand is yanking mine back.
I spin to look at him and he tugs my hand again, this time so that I’ll close the distance between us.
An earnestness is across his face that has me close to tears again, simply because I feel everything right now for him—relaxed and happy and loved and safe.
But I also feel terrified that someday he’ll leave and take all of those feelings with him.
“Did you just ask if I’ll stay?”
All I can do is nod, because it feels like such a pathetic question, but I need to know.
“Jane,” he says, a smile forming on his lips.
“I’m not going anywhere. I don’t think you realize just how much you mean to me.
How hard and how fast I’m falling in love with you.
I want nothing more than to shout at the top of my lungs how I feel about you, but I know it’ll embarrass you and you’ll run off, so I won’t do any of that, but know that I want to. ”
I laugh softly, my heart swelling. A gust of wind blows around us, blowing my blonde waves around my face. Reid reaches his free hand up and brushes my hair out of my face.
“You’re falling in love with me?” I ask, the emotion thick in my throat.
“Oh, I’m way past falling. I’m well and truly in love with you. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I say quietly, the only way the words will come out past the emotion.
Reid’s beaming now as he stares at me. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to my lips. I rest my fingers on the back of his neck and kiss him back with everything in me. Every emotion, every thought, every fiber of my being.
“So yes, to answer your question, I will stay. I will stay forever if you want me to. I’m not going anywhere.”
Reid and I take the long way back, only getting lost twice, until we get back to the villa.
My feet are aching by the time we walk up the front steps, so the second I step inside, I bend down and pull off my shoes, hooking them in my fingers.
Reid walks in behind me, closing the door softly as he steps in.
I look around the villa for my sister, hoping to talk to her before I go to bed so that I don’t have to the morning of her wedding. Not to fight or even to apologize, just to clear the air.
“Kate?” I call.
“In here!” she calls. I round the corner to her room to find her sitting on her bed in a white pajama set, Lydia next to her in a matching pink set. I stand in my wine-stained dress and Reid’s coat taking in the twins.
“What’s up?” Kate asks.
I stare at her for a moment in disbelief. “I thought you’d still be mad at me.”
She tilts her head to the side. “For what?”
The room feels like it’s closing in on me. I swear my eye twitches as I stare at her in disbelief. Because there’s no way that the big blowout fight back there just fizzled into absolutely nothing in the span of a couple hours.
“Are you serious? For someone else spilling wine on my dress and allegedly stealing your thunder.”
She waves a dismissive hand. “Oh, you know what? It’s fine. I’m over it now.”
I gape at her. “Kate, you just yelled at me and kicked me out of your rehearsal dinner for it.”
“When it wasn’t even Jane’s fault,” Reid chimes in.
I shoot him a grateful smile, but subtly shake my head at him. This is a battle I can handle on my own. When I turn back to face my sisters, my eyes snag on a white slip of fabric on a pearl-encrusted hanger dangling from the curtain rod of her room.
My stomach bottoms out at the straps, the neckline, the fabric.
The lace trim and train I fell in love with when I first saw it on the mannequin in the shop window.
“What’s that?” I whisper, pointing at the dress I pointed out to Kate three months ago.
The dress she said was plain and boring.
The dress that’s now hanging in her bridal suite the night before her wedding.
“What’s what?” Kate’s gaze follows my finger pointing over her shoulder to the white dress hanging in front of the window. “Oh,” she grins. “That’s right, you haven’t seen my dress yet.”
“None of us have,” I mutter, dropping my purse on the bed and walking toward it in the same trance as the day I first saw it in the shop.
Kate spins and practically skips to the dress. “Well, Lydia was with me when I bought it. And mom. Since she technically bought it. But otherwise no one’s seen it. What do you think?”
Kate pulls the hanger off the curtain rod and holds the dress up to herself. I ignore the slight jab in my chest over being left out of being there when she bought her wedding dress and focus on the fact that she’s purchased mine.
My dream wedding dress.
My baby sister is holding my dream dress.
“I . . .”
I have no right to be mad considering I’m not even planning a wedding. But isn’t this breaking some type of girl code? Or am I just asking for too much?
“I thought you hated it.”
“I don’t think I said I hated it.”
“You said the lace looked cheap and the fabric looked tacky and you’d never be caught dead in something so matronly.”
“Yeah, okay, I did say something along those lines.”
“That was nearly verbatim.”
“But I figured for my wedding day, I wanted to look more like you. A little more . . . mature. Subdued. Modest.”
“Modest,” I repeat slowly.
“Yeah. Less fun and flirty and more . . . I stay home Friday nights. Wifely. Matronly.”
I shake my head, trying to come to terms with all the insults she just lobbed at me.
“So after roasting my wardrobe, telling me you didn’t trust me to pick out my own outfits for this, sending me actual links for dresses to wear for this entire saga, you still decided that the wedding dress I’ve envisioned since I was a little girl was exactly what you were looking for?”
She shrugs. “Yeah.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. She finally lifts her eyes from the dress of my dreams and glares at me.
“What did you just say?”
“I asked what the hell is wrong with you,” I repeat. Even Lydia’s jaw drops at this. My volume must be rising because mom and dad come out of their rooms in the villa to investigate the fight.
“Jane, what is going on?” my mom asks. I don’t miss her attention immediately flying to Kate.
I point an accusing finger at my youngest sister. “Kate bought my wedding dress.”
“You’re not even engaged. You’re not even dating,” Lydia pipes in.
“You knew this was my dream dress too! And you let her buy it! Because nobody in this family ever says no to Kate. No one ever tells her that she’s wrong or making a mistake or hurting people’s feelings.
Kate is an angel. Kate can do no wrong. Kate can ask for whatever she wants and everyone bends over backwards to make it happen while everyone else is left in the dust.”
“That’s just ridiculous,” mom snaps.
“Is it?” I spin on her now. “Is it ridiculous, mom?”
Mom pinches the bridge of her nose. “Do we really need to do this tonight of all night?”
I’m sure I am being dramatic. And I’m choosing the absolute worst day and time to air all of this out, but the dress was like unlocking a floodgate of emotions I’ve bottled up for years. Letting it all flow out now felt . . . good.
No, it felt absolutely phenomenal.
Another door creaks open beside me, more footsteps coming our way.
“Is everything okay?” Charlie asks. “We heard shouting.”
“No, Charlie, everything is not okay. Kate has once again made a selfish decision that everyone supported no matter who it hurts, and I, once again, am being forced to take the brunt of it, bottle up my feelings, and spare Kate’s. As usual.”
He shifts on his feet. “Okay,” he says slowly, clearly uncomfortable by finally talking about our emotions in this family. We don’t talk about anything heavy or uncomfortable. And we certainly don’t talk about Kate being a jerk.
We just shove all of this down and smile and nod and let it fester secretly.
“Jane, can we talk in private please?” Mom’s tone is short, biting, impatient. And despite the scene I’ve caused and the uncomfortably awkward vibe around us now, I feel proud of myself for finally speaking my mind. Not nearly as proud that it’s the night before my sister’s wedding, but still.
But now all those emotions are starting to dissipate and I can feel the tears starting to well and my bravado slipping.
“Not right now, mom. I need to go.”
I’m not even four steps away from my family and Reid is already beside me. His fingers wordlessly link with mine. When he squeezes my hand, the first tear falls.
“You did great,” he whispers.
A second tear falls.
“I think I forgot my purse again,” I sputter through the emotion lodged in my throat. “But I can’t go back for it or I’ll look stupid.”
With his other hand, he wordlessly holds up my clutch.
“No you won’t.”
And just like that, the floodgates open and I’m full-on sobbing.
Because to him, it’s just a forgotten purse he grabbed so I wouldn’t have to.
But to me, it’s a sign that he thought of me.
That he was watching what was happening and knew I would need to go.
That he had the foresight to grab my things so I can leave with my head held high and not have to slink back in to grab my purse just to get into my villa room.
To him, it might be a bag, but to me it means that someone, finally, thought of me.
And that someone officially has my whole heart in the palm of his hand.