Chapter 13 #2
My hands trembled as I wiped him down. It was more intimate than the mind-blowing sex we’d just had. My touch was careful, tender in a way I hadn’t realized I was capable of. I wanted to get it right for him.
“You know, I never pictured you as the aftercare type.”
I paused, meeting his gaze. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing bad,” he assured me. “But you’ve always been pragmatic about sex. It seemed like something to check off a to-do list.”
I frowned, resuming my task. “That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it?” Harley’s tone was gentle, not accusatory. “You’ve never discussed your hookups with any real enthusiasm. It was always ‘Yeah, we had sex’ with the same tone you’d use to say, ‘Yeah, I did laundry.’”
His observation hit closer to home than I wanted to admit. “Maybe I didn’t want to kiss and tell.”
Harley snorted. “Please. We’ve been friends for three years and roommates for two. I know more about your sex life than your doctor does.”
“That’s disturbing,” I muttered, though he wasn’t wrong.
“My point is,” Harley continued, “this is different for you. You’re being sweet.”
I grabbed a fresh wipe, focusing on cleaning between his thighs to mask my expression. “Don’t get used to it.”
“Too late. I’m already planning to milk this for all it’s worth.”
I looked up, narrowing my eyes at him. “Milk what, exactly?”
“The fact that you’re tenderly wiping me down after fucking me senseless. It’s going in my journal tonight. ‘Dear Diary, all my dreams came true today when Ryker—’”
I flicked the used wipe at him, hitting him square in the chest. “Shut up.”
“Make me.”
“I just did,” I pointed out. “Pretty thoroughly, I might add.”
“Mmm, yes you did.” Harley stretched like a satisfied cat. “But I recover quickly.”
I shook my head, fighting a smile as I grabbed another wipe. “You’re insatiable.”
“Only for you, snookums.”
The absurd pet name paired with his kissy face noises made me laugh despite myself. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”
“Nope, but only because I love how it makes you smile, even when you’re trying not to.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I focused on finishing cleaning him up. The only sounds were our breathing and the soft rustle of the wipes against skin.
“You’re being very thorough,” Harley commented.
I felt oddly defensive. “I’m being considerate.”
“I wasn’t complaining. It’s nice.”
I glanced up, surprised by his sincerity. Our eyes met, and all the teasing fell away, leaving something open and honest in its place.
“This is weird, isn’t it?” I asked.
“The part where you just had sex with your male best friend, or the part where you’re now giving me a sponge bath with wet wipes?”
“Both?” I laughed, the tension easing from my shoulders. “All of it. This whole situation.”
Harley reached out, catching my wrist. “Weird doesn’t have to be bad, you know.”
I stared at the contrast of his tanned fingers against my paler complexion. “I know.”
“And for what it’s worth, this is the least weird I’ve felt in a long time.”
I looked up, surprised. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Harley’s smile was genuine, devoid of his usual teasing. “Pretending not to want you was the weird part.”
I’d been so caught up in my own confusion and journey of self-discovery that I hadn’t fully considered what this meant for Harley, who had hidden his feelings behind jokes and casual flirtation for three long years.
“I’m sorry it took me so long,” I apologized.
“Don’t be. Some things are worth the wait. You definitely were.”
I resumed cleaning. “Still, I feel stupid for not realizing it sooner.”
“To be fair, you are a little slow on the uptake sometimes,” Harley teased, his eyes dancing with mischief.
I retaliated by pressing the cold wipe against a sensitive spot, eliciting a yelp from him. “Says the guy who’s currently at my mercy.”
“Ooh, kinky.”
I chuckled, marveling at how quintessentially us it was to find humor in even the most intimate moments, pushing each other’s buttons because we knew exactly where they were.
It was comforting to know that despite everything that had changed, that fundamental aspect of our relationship remained unchanged.
Harley’s teasing pulled me from my thoughts. “Uh-oh, your brain is starting to work again.”
I hesitated, then decided that honesty was the best policy. “I’m amazed at how different this is from being with a woman. How solid and strong you are. But we’re still us.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
It was such a therapist question that I nearly burst out laughing, but the genuine curiosity in his eyes stopped me. “Good. Really good, actually.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Well, that’s a relief. It would’ve been awkward if you’d replied, ‘Deeply regretful,’ after what we just did.”
I snorted, gathering the used wipes to toss them in the trash. “You know what I mean.”
“I do,” Harley said, his voice softening. “I feel good, too. Better than good.”
I returned to the bed, sitting on the edge beside him. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He reached out, taking my hand and tugging me closer.
My heart skipped a beat as he guided me to curl up at his side, resting my head on his shoulder and draping my arm and leg over him. It felt so natural, as if we’d been cuddling forever.
For several minutes, we lay there in comfortable silence. I listened to the steady rhythm of Harley’s heartbeat beneath my ear, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest with each breath.
“Was it really okay?” I asked. “I’m obviously inexperienced with doing things with a man, but I’m not a complete virgin with sex.”
“Just a partial one,” he quipped. “It was more than okay, Ryker. It was perfect.”
Something in his tone made my throat tighten. I laid my head back on his chest, needing a moment to collect myself. “It was different than I expected.”
“Which implies you’ve thought about having sex with me before,” Harley declared triumphantly.
I ignored his gloating as I traced a circle around his nipple, watching it harden under my touch. “It wasn’t merely the physical stuff, though that was wow. It was being with you.”
Harley’s arm tightened around me. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I swallowed, mustering my courage. “I’ve had sex before, obviously, but it never felt like that. Like I was connecting with someone beyond the physical.”
“Not to sound corny, but that’s probably because you weren’t just having sex. You were making love.”
I expected to flinch at the cheesy phrase, but instead, I nodded. “Yeah, I guess I was. We were.”
Harley grew quiet, his fingers still moving in those soothing patterns across my skin.
When he spoke again, his voice had lost its usual teasing edge.
“I’ve wanted this for a long time, you know.
Not only the sex, but this. You and me. The tender moments, in addition to our usual banter and shenanigans. ”
“It’s nice,” I replied, although the word seemed inadequate to convey the enormity of the experience.
His fingers found their way into my hair again. “So what happens next?”
It was the question I’d been avoiding thinking about but could no longer ignore. “I don’t know. Everything’s different now, isn’t it?”
“Some things are,” Harley acknowledged. “But not everything has to be.”
I frowned, not understanding. “What do you mean?”
“We’re still Harley and Ryker, who love the same stupid movies and bicker over whose turn it is to do the dishes.
We’ll always know how to make each other laugh and how to drive each other bonkers.
The foundation doesn’t have to change because we’ve added something new to it.
We’re building on what’s already there.”
I nodded, feeling some of my anxiety ease. “I like the idea of building on our friendship instead of replacing it with something completely different.”
“Exactly.” Harley pressed a kiss on the top of my head. “Besides, can you imagine trying to train a new boyfriend to tolerate your quirky habit of leaving half-empty cereal bowls as modern art all over the apartment?”
I laughed, pinching his side in retaliation. “Hey, at least I don’t serenade the neighbors with show tunes in the shower at six in the morning.”
“That’s called culture, Ryker. Something you clearly lack.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, snuggle butt.”
We exchanged grins, finding comfort in our familiar banter. But beneath the playful surface, there was something else on my mind.
“I know there’s a lot I still have to learn.”
He rubbed my arm in silent comfort. “That’s okay. We can figure it out together. There’s no rush. This isn’t a race.”
I bit my lip, hesitating before continuing. “Considering the size of your dick, I probably need my head examined, but part of me is curious to try it the other way, too. With you inside me. You obviously enjoyed it.”
“You don’t have to if you’re not ready. It’s totally normal for a lot of guys to never bottom.”
“I know. But I want to experience everything with you, even if the idea makes me feel like I’m about to perform brain surgery with oven mitts on.”
He reassured me with a soft smile. “That’s normal. But I promise, if you ever decide you’re ready, I’ll take excellent care of you.”
“Will it hurt?” I asked, feeling vulnerable but trusting him enough to ask.
“It can, if it’s not done right. But it doesn’t have to. With proper preparation and going slow, it can feel amazing.” He traced the line of my jaw. “I’d never hurt you, Ryker. I’ll make sure you’re comfortable every step of the way.”
His sincerity touched me. “That’s why I want to try.”
“Well, now I’ll be thinking about that all night, thanks a lot.”
I grinned, feeling a surge of confidence at his reaction. “Good. That was the plan.”
“You’re an evil tease, you know that?” He rolled us over, pinning me to the mattress with a playful growl. “And here I thought you were so innocent.”
I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I never claimed to be innocent. Just inexperienced.”